Laurie, I can't believe I just missed this thread until now...boy, have I been behind!!! What an amazing read, and I'll pray for you and Gary, and send extra prayers that Naomi can persevere.
This story touched me so deeply, as I too have been touched by the disease of addiction...my husband is a drug addict and alcoholic. Of course, it was a well-kept secret for a long time...he had been using meth, cocaine, snorting Ritalin, and smoking crack. The only thing I had to base my suspicions on was our bank account...I could not place where our money was going. And it was going at an amazing rate, particularly as his addiction progressed. I'll never forget the first time he came clean with me about his...it was the shock of the century. I never saw him "high" (although I did, and didn't know it), his health was declining, our money was DISAPPEARING in a cloud of smoke (literally), and he would vanish for hours at a time...and I just couldn't understand what the hell was going on. When he finally told me, he had already hid several months worth of unpaid bills, and we lived without electricity for 2 weeks...at which point, I moved in with my sister in-law. When the lights came back on, I told my husband that he had two options...he could either move out, and figure out the financial and emotional devastation on his own, or check himself into treatment. I also told him that if he chose to move out, and continued on the path of self-destruction, I would have him committed. Well, he decided to check into treatment...and we also attended weekly family therapy groups, NA meetings, and I'm in Al-Anon, which has been a lifesaver.
I love my husband dearly. And it's okay to love someone with this disease. My husband has been struggling with addiction all of his life, and I was blind to his relapse...but that's because love tends to do that to people. I also understand that he will be an addict for life, even if he is not using a chemical. I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it. All I can do is love myself first, and then love him. We have a good life together, and we're still struggling to fix our financial situation...but we take it one day at a time. We have just chosen to put our lives into our Higher Power's hands, as we are truly powerless of this disease...and we trust that He will guide us in the right direction.
Laurie & Gary, you have made such a difference in Naomi's life, whether or not she is still using. The truth is, is that she'll always have the disease of addiction (even if she's "clean"), and that the only thing she can do is believe in a power greater than herself to save her from the disease. You love her for all of the wonderful things that she is, with or without the addiction...bless you for that. It isn't just any person that can love and stick with an addict, especially one living with other co-morbid mental illnesses. There is a special place in Heaven for people like you...and sometimes, the best we can do for someone in Naomi's position is to keep our hearts open to them, and pray that one day she'll put her fate in her Higher Power's hands, which sounds like you have done, again and again. All the grunt-work is Naomi's, and you seem to realize that too.
I am so touched by all of the gifts you have given Naomi...and you have made such a difference for her, even if she continuously relapses for the rest of her life. You are the element in her life that has been missing, and she may or may not realize it, but it's the truth. She may never truly be able to process or embrace this truth. But, it's the truth, nevertheless.
Chin up. Support her, love her, keep doing what you've always done. You are an amazing couple to love her so unselfishly, and as completely as you have.
This story touched me so deeply, as I too have been touched by the disease of addiction...my husband is a drug addict and alcoholic. Of course, it was a well-kept secret for a long time...he had been using meth, cocaine, snorting Ritalin, and smoking crack. The only thing I had to base my suspicions on was our bank account...I could not place where our money was going. And it was going at an amazing rate, particularly as his addiction progressed. I'll never forget the first time he came clean with me about his...it was the shock of the century. I never saw him "high" (although I did, and didn't know it), his health was declining, our money was DISAPPEARING in a cloud of smoke (literally), and he would vanish for hours at a time...and I just couldn't understand what the hell was going on. When he finally told me, he had already hid several months worth of unpaid bills, and we lived without electricity for 2 weeks...at which point, I moved in with my sister in-law. When the lights came back on, I told my husband that he had two options...he could either move out, and figure out the financial and emotional devastation on his own, or check himself into treatment. I also told him that if he chose to move out, and continued on the path of self-destruction, I would have him committed. Well, he decided to check into treatment...and we also attended weekly family therapy groups, NA meetings, and I'm in Al-Anon, which has been a lifesaver.
I love my husband dearly. And it's okay to love someone with this disease. My husband has been struggling with addiction all of his life, and I was blind to his relapse...but that's because love tends to do that to people. I also understand that he will be an addict for life, even if he is not using a chemical. I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it. All I can do is love myself first, and then love him. We have a good life together, and we're still struggling to fix our financial situation...but we take it one day at a time. We have just chosen to put our lives into our Higher Power's hands, as we are truly powerless of this disease...and we trust that He will guide us in the right direction.
Laurie & Gary, you have made such a difference in Naomi's life, whether or not she is still using. The truth is, is that she'll always have the disease of addiction (even if she's "clean"), and that the only thing she can do is believe in a power greater than herself to save her from the disease. You love her for all of the wonderful things that she is, with or without the addiction...bless you for that. It isn't just any person that can love and stick with an addict, especially one living with other co-morbid mental illnesses. There is a special place in Heaven for people like you...and sometimes, the best we can do for someone in Naomi's position is to keep our hearts open to them, and pray that one day she'll put her fate in her Higher Power's hands, which sounds like you have done, again and again. All the grunt-work is Naomi's, and you seem to realize that too.
I am so touched by all of the gifts you have given Naomi...and you have made such a difference for her, even if she continuously relapses for the rest of her life. You are the element in her life that has been missing, and she may or may not realize it, but it's the truth. She may never truly be able to process or embrace this truth. But, it's the truth, nevertheless.
Chin up. Support her, love her, keep doing what you've always done. You are an amazing couple to love her so unselfishly, and as completely as you have.
