Not Fitting In

[zissou'smom]

Having battled the ptsd for so many years, basically my whole life, I can truly say that it does get better. Who knows what other DSM- charascteristics I fit into. For awhile they tried to tell me I was schizophrenic. Which I am not. After awhile even if you don't address the causes (which I would certainly recomend for anyone) you still learn to deal with the symptoms. I was suicidal a couple of times in my life, not for the past 4 or 5 years at least, and now I realize that there isn't any point to that either, no matter how terrible you feel, because later on something in your life makes you look back and be glad it didn't work. I know that famous quote, if it won't matter five years from now, it doesn't matter (think it's a book by Toni Morrison). That and I look up at the sky and think about how absolutely insignificant I am and the earth in general is to the working of the universe... some might say that's depressing but to me it always feels like a big weight is lifted off my shoulders. The two books that helped me the absolute most were The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold and The Hanged Man by Francesca Lia Block. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but oh my I cried for hours after I finished each of those, in a good way.

If we're on a favorite quote kick, although the ones already shared are better and more apt than mine, mine is:
"He fears the lancet of my art as I fear that of his. The cold steelpen." (Ulysses, James Joyce). Well, that and the entire movie of Great Expectations.

 

[butterflydream]

I actually read "The Lovely Bones" while I was deployed. Very good book. I struggle with so many things and I'm young yet. Needless to say. For some reason I have a difficult time overcoming things. Not sure why. I need to cry some days but can't because I'm afriad, I was raised to believe that crying was bad. So it's hard for me to express how I'm feeling sometimes out of fear of punishment, actually I'm constantly fearful that I will be punished despite reassurances that I will not be by DH.

Hopefully I can overcome my struggles. Part of the reason I won't have more children though, is because after our son was born, I went into a deep post partum depression but also, because of the situation involving my daughter with my ex, I became confused as to the time and place and situation I was in currently.

I actually thought my son was my daughter and my DH was my ex. It's hard to truly explain it unless you know the whole story to my past.

That's just one of many triggers from the PTSD. I'm okay now that my son is 2.5 and my daughter (bless her heart) is 6.5. They keep me grounded. They do as does my DH. I thank God for all of them, cause without them....well who really knows.

 

[zissou'smom]

Well, I'm only 21, so five years younger than you. I wasn't saying you'll grow out of it, I hope that wasn't what you thought I meant.

You can overcome your struggles. We all can. We have no choice in what has happened to us but we have a choice in whether we win or it does. And I think we win.

Occasionaly I totally forget absolutely everything. What state I'm in, what my name is, who other people are, everything. That is scary, and I can easily understand the sort of situation where you confuse people for other people.

I sometimes feel like I'll be punished for talking about my feelings... in some ways in my case that's actually true. I'm glad it isn't for you.

 

[butterflydream]

No I'm blessed that I found my DH (you speak with a grand amount of maturity, more than likely it speaks of your past). I know that at times I feel ancient. Totally and completely. And other times I feel so young, small and niave.

 

[Anne]

Just wanted to chime in and add that forum dynamics are like that. Someone mentioned that it can be hard at times to figure out how the other person feels behind the text. It's true, and smilies do help, but only to a certain extent. It's always advisable to keep in mind that as real as online interactions feel, this is different from your real life. I have had times when I felt I didn't fit in on an online board, and sometimes I just moved on, no hard feelings. This is not to reflect on anyone in this thread btw! From what I'm seeing in this wonderful group hug, I think there are no misfits here

, but just a general observation about online forums, sort of a reminder to keep things in perspective in a way.

 

[rosiemac]

I've been at TCS for over 3 years now and to get known well by other members wasn't done overnight.

I for want of a better word, put myself about on the site

ie visit other forums, especially fur pages, because at the end of the day that's what were all here for our cats, and theres nothing i like better than to see our members " Oooooh'ing and awwww'ing " over everyones babies, and that IMO helps you all get to know each other, because lets face it we all love to hear people saying good things about our babies

So my advice is to those feeling left out, mingle

 

[fwan]

You know, when i feel left out, I use my toilet humour!

I know alot of people on the site think its gross, but I know that they truly laugh behind the PC!

*looks at Susan*

I have seen many people come and go through this site, and sometimes when the close ones leave then I feel sad, but as soon as I get to know the new ones i'm happy again!

 

[rosiemac]

Originally Posted by fwan

You know, when i feel left out, I use my toilet humour!

I know alot of people on the site think its gross, but I know that they truly laugh behind the PC!

*looks at Susan*

Yes you know how make me laugh Fran

 

[pombina]

Sometimes I'm busy (like just now) and I just don't have enough hours in the day to do everything. I pop on from time to time and read posts but I don't have any time to reply, and I really want to but once I start posting it's hard to stop and eats up so much of my time. Then I start to feel really out of the loop, but as soon as I set aside some time and get caught up I feel at home again.
I can understand why people may feel left out but it's never anybody's intention to make somebody feel like that. This is a very friendly site and I love it, and at the minute I really really miss the general chat!

 

[trouts mom]

Every single member is so different from the next, but we all have one common interest here: *kittahs*. Even if our opinions or senses of humour vary, we still have something in common. Some of the members have been here forever so naturally they are going to know eachother more than they know us newbies, but as you stick around, you get to know everyone and make great friends. It is a great support system, and even if you've been here one day or for 4 years....every member is here for eachother.

Don't ever feel you don't fit in. The only people who don't fit in here are people that don't like cats or have their cats best interest in mind.

 

[AbbysMom]

As of right now, TCS has 2,313 active members. I am willing to bet you can find a few kindred spirits out of that group.

I think every member feels like they don't fit in when they first join. I know I did. It's no different than trying to fit in with a new group of people in real life. You can't expect an instant connection. What you can do is reach out to others.

Have you seen a post that you really admired or felt the person was in a similar situation as you? Send them a PM and let them know. They may appreciate knowing others feel the same as them. If your PM isn't well-received, don't feel like a misfit, move on. You have to remember that many people have busy lives, and that comes first. Just like in real life, you are never going to "click" with everyone.

As others have said, broaden your scope and check out other sections of the site. Many members have bonded over a sick rescued kitty, or over the loss of a beloved pet.

 

[jenny82]

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

The only people who don't fit in here are people that don't like cats or have their cats best interest in mind.

Well said

 

[luckygirl]

I really hope you'll try to not feel that way... I sorta feel as if I know you, cause I have read so much of your history, and your past... and all the struggles and triumphs you have had to endure. I look forward to your posts, and notice that you always try to help make someone feel better about themselves or their situation. I must have missed whatever happened in IMO, I haven't had much time lately to visit in there. Either way, try not to take it too personally. Try to remember that everyone has their own opinions, and we are all entitled to it. Even if it's different than yours or mine, I try to appreciate and understand someone elses point of view. What makes you different is what makes you beautiful!

I have felt that I am taken the wrong way occasionally... I am a joker, so I always say something funny and maybe inappropriate... like I wanted to beat my husband in the head with a frying pan! And then someone will reply, spousal abuse is wrong. I'm like duh! I was kidding! But you can't see that when you type... and I assume people will know that I am kidding. But not everyone has my sparkling sense of humor (insert sarcasm here)!

Also, on a side note: every once in awhile when I start to get down and depressed about my marriage, either I need more QT or affection cause hubby works too much, my SIL reminds me of how much we have been through... she says "hunny, if you & Tom can survive living with the inlaws, you can survive anything! Most marriages wouldn't survive that, I know mine wouldn't!" (I can totally relate to your current situation, only my IL's are evil!) and she's right... it may not always be perfect, but it's always "us"! Hope you feel better!

 

[butterflydream]

I think like I said alot of it has to do with my own personal issues. Not to mention the stress from the past month and also the weather being cruddy.

And not being able to sleep well.

Thank you all for all your wonderful supportive comments and suggestions, I didn't realize how many people actually looked for my posts.

 

[satai]

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

Thank you all for all your wonderful supportive comments and suggestions, I didn't realize how many people actually looked for my posts.

If nothing else came out of this thread (though for me personally, I think it did), than it was a good thread, a useful thread.

It can be hard to tell people that we know we don't really know that we care.

 

[flisssweetpea]

I hope all our newer friends and those who are returning after a spell doing other things feel welcome and valued. This is a lovely site and full of wonderful people.

But....just like dropping into a room (ok, make that an enormous room

) full of people who know each other already, it takes a while to get to know people.

Just like everyone here, when I first joined it seemed that everyone on the site knew each other and I was butting in on conversations between friends. Of course it wasn't like that at all, but it can kinda feel that way.

Before long I felt well and truly a part of TCS and now.....well, I have made friends on here who are the closest friends I have. There are loads of other people that I know some well, some not quite so well, but I feel close to them all.

It takes a little time, but it's well worth allowing a bit of time.

If I go through times that are stressful, I try to spend some time concentrating each day on the good things in my life and, just like somebody else said, remembering that these difficult times will pass. When they do I will still be surrounded by the people and kitties that I love. The rest of it really doesn't matter

Wishing you days to come that are full of sunshine and that the days only get better from here

 

[flisssweetpea]

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

I'm not sure what a pram is (a bassinet??).

My son is 2.5 and he still needs to be in a crib cause he won't stay in bed otherwise. Tonight he's been a pain. Let's see, he's moved his crib three times (that's why we took the wheels off) and he removed his clothing as well...and was standing there stark naked.

Oh what a night huh?

I crib with wheels - hmmmm I can imagine that would be quite a challenge with an active toddler - he'll be scooting off all over the house

. Good thing you took the wheels off.

My little one never wanted to keep clothing on when they were little - they did outside the house which was a relief. They do get better - 2.5 is such a challenging age for parents. Even so, now my little one is nearly 20, I still look back on those times with real fondness and laugh at the things I found challenging back then.

This is a pram

- I guess it's a difference between UK and US terms.

 

[butterflydream]

I am going to be absent from TCS for a while, for one thing my son dropped my computer and busted it so my FIL has to fix it plus I have to work on some of my personal issues and can't 'hide' in the computer like I have been lately. If you haven't noticed anyways I've been spending a great deal of time here trying to escape from my personal life and personal demons, now it is time for me to deal with them.

Perhaps my computer breaking was a way of God telling me that.

I'm using my MILs computer to type this, where as before I was using my laptop. So no messangers either.

Just cause of this thread being titled the way it is, I didn't want anyone to think I up and left.

 

[flisssweetpea]

Good luck sorting it all out

. I really really hope that everything begins to feel a little calmer around you.

We all look forward to seeing you when you feel ready to come back

 

[fwan]

I hope you feel better soon