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I am so sorry to hear this.
How do they carry themselves? Tall, confident, tail up? Each of them? Or does one seem less confident?
Does he want to get at her to play only? If they can eat near each other without being aggressive it suggests they can get along. The fact he does eat with her near is a sign he is distracted by food to some degree.
When he reaches through the gate does it seem more play rather than aggressive? Is she more defensive or does she seem more offensive and aggressive to where she might hurt him? Can you tell if her claws are out if she swats at him? Have you ever seen fur pulled out?
Does he or she ever have negative body language when he or she is near (or about ready to go after the other one)? Things like hair up, ears back or low, dilated eyes?
How does she react? Other than hissing? Does she run away? Or does she stay her ground?
How do they act after he tries to "get to her"? Does she avoid the area? Hide? How long does it take for them to act like they normally do?
If he got to her what do you think would happen?
I know it is hard and frustrating. It sounds to me like there are a lot of positives. They can eat together, they use each others litter boxes, they enjoy being in each other's territory, and they have never really had a fight. That tells me that it is highly likely they will get along.
He is still a kitten, plenty of energy. My sense is he wants to play with her, she is still cautious or isn't interested in being bothered. Do you think she would really hurt him? Really fight with him?
The stakes at this point are very high.
Is there any way you can take and post a video of their interactions? If we feel confident enough that they could be together without fighting and hurting each other then we may need to consider getting them together and seeing how they interact (being ready with a pillow to disrupt a real fight).
If you do decide to take him to a shelter please try to find a true no kill shelter/rescue as most shelter cats end up being euthanized.
I know it is frustrating but I hope we can give it one last try. It usually looks a lot worse than it usually is but it is tough to know as I am not there in the situation. Please let me know if I can help in any way.
How do they carry themselves? Tall, confident, tail up? Each of them? Or does one seem less confident?
Does he want to get at her to play only? If they can eat near each other without being aggressive it suggests they can get along. The fact he does eat with her near is a sign he is distracted by food to some degree.
When he reaches through the gate does it seem more play rather than aggressive? Is she more defensive or does she seem more offensive and aggressive to where she might hurt him? Can you tell if her claws are out if she swats at him? Have you ever seen fur pulled out?
Does he or she ever have negative body language when he or she is near (or about ready to go after the other one)? Things like hair up, ears back or low, dilated eyes?
How does she react? Other than hissing? Does she run away? Or does she stay her ground?
How do they act after he tries to "get to her"? Does she avoid the area? Hide? How long does it take for them to act like they normally do?
If he got to her what do you think would happen?
I know it is hard and frustrating. It sounds to me like there are a lot of positives. They can eat together, they use each others litter boxes, they enjoy being in each other's territory, and they have never really had a fight. That tells me that it is highly likely they will get along.
He is still a kitten, plenty of energy. My sense is he wants to play with her, she is still cautious or isn't interested in being bothered. Do you think she would really hurt him? Really fight with him?
The stakes at this point are very high.
Is there any way you can take and post a video of their interactions? If we feel confident enough that they could be together without fighting and hurting each other then we may need to consider getting them together and seeing how they interact (being ready with a pillow to disrupt a real fight).
If you do decide to take him to a shelter please try to find a true no kill shelter/rescue as most shelter cats end up being euthanized.
I know it is frustrating but I hope we can give it one last try. It usually looks a lot worse than it usually is but it is tough to know as I am not there in the situation. Please let me know if I can help in any way.
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