Is there still hope left or should I just give up?

[duchess15]

Sometimes it's hard to be brave. I knew that one day I would have to deal with losing someone, but never this young.


My mom always believed that we should live life to the fullest. I was always such a worry wart, and I think that after this, I will be a completely different person.

I was always closer to my mom than my dad. Over the years as you grow older relationships have a way of changing, and I was just growing close to her again.

Even though I'm not as close to my dad, we do argue a lot, I would no more wish this fate upon him.

All the cats, especially both of mine, know something is wrong. My dad said Lexi was wailing about 6-7 times and running around looking for someone. She eventually was in my bed and my other cat Tedi came running and layed right next to her.

The funeral home will be able to put the obituary in the town that she grew up in which is Aschaffenburg.

I'm trying to get used to the fact that she probably will never be coming home. I just hope that I can talk to her one last time.

 

[bella713]

I am so sorry you are going through all of this, God bless all of you

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by Duchess15

I'm trying to get used to the fact that she probably will never be coming home. I just hope that I can talk to her one last time.

ok, i can add that to my , too.
if she doesn't improve, it'll be a long time before you're used to it. just like with any loss, time will make it easier to think of her w/o tears, but the pain will always be there.

when i posted earlier about my brother, i got teary - & he's been gone almost 21 years.

 

[duchess15]

It just makes me sad to think of all the things I wanted her to do with me and I probably won't get to now. I have always trusted her judgement and opinion.

All of you have been so kind, supportive, and wonderful. I have not taken offense to any posts and am touched to have so many people care.

 

[sarahp]

You seem like such a loving, sweet person and you obviously care so much about your mum. It's no wonder there's been a constant stream of people visiting and trying to support you.

I'm sorry things are looking so grim.

 

[duchess15]

We will hopefully be able to talk to the doctors tomorrow sometime. However, seeing how much pain she was in tonight and how much we had to give her to just ease it pretty much made me decide that the time was close.

We have talked about letting her go on Easter Sunday. She just isn't getting better and most likely will not. We asked her if she was ok, and she shook her head no.

We will ask her if she wants us to let her go so that she can rest in peace and if she responds yes, then I will know that she just can't.


I will miss her so much. I am going to try and get as many pictures together tonight for the funeral home. I also need to take Tedi back to the vet to make sure his kidneys aren't going out, but he may have to wait until next week.

At least if she has to go, I hope that it is in peace and pain free. They will give her morphine for that.

My mother always said that she would not be here forever, she was right, but how she is going and how soon just doesn't seem fair.

I think one of the last best memories I had of being with her was going to a hummingbird festival and spending the whole day looking for things to send my secret santa. At least she was able to celebrate my birthday one last time in better health.

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by Duchess15

I think one of the last best memories I had of being with her was going to a hummingbird festival and spending the whole day looking for things to send my secret santa. At least she was able to celebrate my birthday one last time in better health.

what a treasured memory to keep, regardless of when she leaves you

 

[jcat]

No, it isn't fair that she should leave in this way, and so early, but life isn't fair. You won't forget, and she'll never really be gone, because years and years from now a smell, sight or sound will trigger wonderful memories of her when you least expect it, and she'll visit you in your dreams.

 

[duchess15]

The doctor said that they have done all they could for her. Her kidneys get worse as each day goes by. She will not get better.

We have decided to get hospice involved and they will also be giving her morphine. We are going to have her moved to another room tomorrow and just hope that she goes fast so she does not need to suffer anymore.

Sometimes I understand that this is real, but sometimes it just doesn't feel real either.

 

[fwan]

I truly wish i could take your pain away

I have sent you a pm

 

[pat]

I am so very sorry.

 

[jcat]

Originally Posted by Duchess15

Sometimes I understand that this is real, but sometimes it just doesn't feel real either.

I think that's how most of us react emotionally in such a situation, and it often takes days, weeks, or months for reality to set in. From your posts, I think you're dealing rather well, and putting your mom's interests before your own needs, and I applaud you for that.

 

[ldg]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom and your dad. I'm just so sorry. It isn't fair. We're a lot of big shoulders here for you. But your an amazing daughter, and your mom would be so proud.

Laurie

 

[calico2222]

Oh honey, there's nothing I can say to make you feel better. But I am so sorry.

And, you're right...it doesn't feel real when this happens. I know with me, it felt like I was in a movie, and I had to act a certain way, and feel a certain way...I didn't feel it was happening to me. I think your mind distances itself from everything in a way. I guess it's a form of self-preservation...if you honestly let yourself think about it and feel it, you can't function.

As harsh as it sounds, I hope she passes quickly so she doesn't suffer. And, believe me, you WILL be ok. You are SO strong (you've already proven that), even if you don't realize it. Just spend as much time with her as you can, and tell her everything in your heart. She will hear you, even if she can't respond.

My heart goes out to you. If you need to talk, vent, yell, scream, whatever...PM me.

 

[mzjazz2u]

Oh my, this is breaking my heart. I'm just so sorry this is happening to your family.

 

[sibohan2005]

Oh Sabrina...

I can't even imagine the emotions that your experiancing. I am sending all my prayers to you and your family. I hope the morphine can help her and ease some of the pain.

I hope that her suffering eases quickly and you can give her a hug and allow yourself some peace.

 

[duchess15]

I just came back from my mom's friends house. I am going to stay the night at the hospital. I want to be there on her last night and I know if I don't, I will regret it.

It just doesn't seem fair. She should have been able to grow old. I'll try to update as I can.

 

[carolpetunia]

Yes, that's the right thing to do. Even you see no sign of it, your mom will know you're there.

Many prayers for her, and all of you.

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by calico2222

Oh honey, there's nothing I can say to make you feel better. But I am so sorry.

And, you're right...it doesn't feel real when this happens. I know with me, it felt like I was in a movie, and I had to act a certain way, and feel a certain way...I didn't feel it was happening to me. I think your mind distances itself from everything in a way. I guess it's a form of self-preservation...if you honestly let yourself think about it and feel it, you can't function.

As harsh as it sounds, I hope she passes quickly so she doesn't suffer. And, believe me, you WILL be ok. You are SO strong (you've already proven that), even if you don't realize it. Just spend as much time with her as you can, and tell her everything in your heart. She will hear you, even if she can't respond.

denial, the first stage of grief.

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

Yes, that's the right thing to do. Even you see no sign of it, your mom will know you're there.

Many prayers for her, and all of you.

she'll know!

 

[duchess15]

They have pulled all the tubes out and she is on morphine. It is only a matter of time. I am home to change and then go to her work to pick up some of her things.