For my Kitten

[crazy4strays]

Thanks. We're healing and moving forward, but it's taken a long time. (She passed away on 11/6/14, so we just passed the one year mark not too long ago)

Above all, give yourself time to grieve your valued family member and stay away from anyone who tries to minimize it or tell you that you shouldn't be upset.

People who don't value their cats don't "get" it. But we at TCS understand. ((hugs))

 

[kittens mom]

Angel isn't doing well    Hey. anyone who hasn't seen this. Any bargaining chips you have with the universe please cash them in and lets see this story have the best happiest ending possible.

 

[kittens mom]

Kitten was a horizontal rug scratcher. We addressed that early on by buying the cheap 3x5 rugs at the local dollar store misting it with cat nip spray and keeping her favorite toys on it. The rug was always by my desk. There was a running joke that when she got excited or wanted to stretch she would run over and wreak havoc on that rug. You could hear the though bubble IT'S MY RUG AND I CAN DO ANTYING I WANT TO IT. Mook never played on or used it. She's a cardboard scratcher kind of gal. I rolled it up today. Taped it up and I guess just haul it to the storage unit. I should probably put it out with the trash tonight. It's easy to box up the little things. Pack then snug I a box. Out of sight but always within reach. That rug is a lot like grief. You just aren't sure what to do with it sometimes. It's too big to keep. But you can't let it go either. This hasn't been the best of days. I don't know why. It just is. It wasn't putting the rug away. I'm just filled with an overwhelming sense of sadness today. I want my little girl back.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

It will for a while.  When we had to have Kimberly (the four-legged barking sister I grew up with) to sleep after 14 years of her constant compansionship, I was a basket case for months.  It would ease off, then come back like a storm out of the southwest (here they call them Nor'Easters, and they are fierce) when I wasn't looking.  As horrible as it seems, I think I had an easier time when my parents passed.  Maybe because each of them were so ready, and so understood why.  But Kimberly...she loved her vet, and was always excited to visit him, and then...

I'm sorry.  I'm weeping now, for you, for Kitten, for me, for Kimberly...for all those here who have lost the little creature they so loved.  I'm no good to anyone just this minute.  I'll talk with you again when I'm a bit more balanced.

 

[donutte]

A little over a month after the fact, and car rides are still the worst. The waves seem to be getting smaller over time, and further apart. I think if we try to compare today to yesterday, it seems like getting nowhere. But if I compare it to the day of, day after, week after... I've gotten better.

You'll get better. We both will. We'll even get to a point where it's "good" again. I heard myself giving the obligatory "I'm good," in response to "how are you?" when getting a bagel this morning at Panera. I even sounded like I meant it this time. To myself yet.

 

[kittens mom]

 
It will for a while.  When we had to have Kimberly (the four-legged barking sister I grew up with) to sleep after 14 years of her constant compansionship, I was a basket case for months.  It would ease off, then come back like a storm out of the southwest (here they call them Nor'Easters, and they are fierce) when I wasn't looking.  As horrible as it seems, I think I had an easier time when my parents passed.  Maybe because each of them were so ready, and so understood why.  But Kimberly...she loved her vet, and was always excited to visit him, and then...

I'm sorry.  I'm weeping now, for you, for Kitten, for me, for Kimberly...for all those here who have lost the little creature they so loved.  I'm no good to anyone just this minute.  I'll talk with you again when I'm a bit more balanced.

Many years ago I got caught outside in a haboob. My shoulder got clipped with a tire feeder flying through the air and it picked up a horse shelter and threw it 20 feet. I was picking dirt out of my ears for a week. For what seemed eternity I couldn't see an inch in front of my face. Somehow the horses in the shelter beat feet and got out with minor injury. I was sore and sick for a week. I feel much the same now. That there is a storm I'm stuck in. Only this time I can catch glimpses of the horizon and clear sky. Only to have it snatched away and realize it is my own tears.

I do not mean to upset you. Like most of my threads it's more of a blog where I purge. I just do it in public. And it's for everyone who has been told it's only a cat, dog, horse, rat whatever and had their grief dismissed and kept all of these same feelings bottled up.

 

[kittens mom]

 
A little over a month after the fact, and car rides are still the worst. The waves seem to be getting smaller over time, and further apart. I think if we try to compare today to yesterday, it seems like getting nowhere. But if I compare it to the day of, day after, week after... I've gotten better.

You'll get better. We both will. We'll even get to a point where it's "good" again. I heard myself giving the obligatory "I'm good," in response to "how are you?" when getting a bagel this morning at Panera. I even sounded like I meant it this time. To myself yet.

Most of the time it's pretty good. It's that wave of uncontrollable grief that just comes out of nowhere. Today just sucked. Start fresh tomorrow. Try again and I guess not beat ourselves up when we fail.

 

[riley1]

 
I'm not really a rainbow bridge kind of girl. I used a physic after Nikki died and really she fed me back the same information she claimed she needed to know in order to contact the right spirit. She is BTW extremely well known. I don't know what exists after this. I do know she is no longer suffering in pain and confusion. Tomorrow I will have her physical remains reduced to ash that I can safely keep near me forever. I have over 11 years of memories to thumb through. So she will never really be gone. I would like to think that her spirit lives on. I would like to think that spirit gets to live again. It would be a shameful waste for the essence that made our pets so special to be lost. I can only control and sometimes barely that what happens in my life. I respected my horses as individual beings and in like I respected Kitten and respect Mook as the individual beings they are.

When my mare died I had someone tell me it was God's will and that he would never give me more than I could bear. It' wasn't pretty. Really so God tied my horses gut in a knot and ruptured it so she would be in unending agony for hours waiting for a vet to arrive to stick a needle in her neck and I had to watch as she locked yes on me from about 15 feet away as she felt the drug go in and jerked out of the vets grip and tried to make it to me but fell dead on her head half way there. What I hope for Kitten and your Lucky is that they have retuned and what made the special connected or will connect with someone who will cherish them just as much as we did. Almost everyone I know that has pets and cares deeply for them has encountered at least one that you just connect with on a spiritual level. .

I am so sorry for your loss.  Rest assured that they are on the other side waiting for us.  I have talked with my Rizzo (d1-19-15) many times this year using an Animal Communicator.  I wanted to know for sure so I asked him what I had been doing the day before.  The detail was so impressive & accurate I no longer have any doubts.  I have a horse as well.  Turned 30 this year but not in the best of health. 

 

[kittens mom]

 
I am so sorry for your loss.  Rest assured that they are on the other side waiting for us.  I have talked with my Rizzo (d1-19-15) many times this year using an Animal Communicator.  I wanted to know for sure so I asked him what I had been doing the day before.  The detail was so impressive & accurate I no longer have any doubts.  I have a horse as well.  Turned 30 this year but not in the best of health. 

After this post I went back and reread the communication given to me. It is so pathetically childish and includes not one detail that connects to her life or manner of death. This was an extremely well known, still is animal communicator for both living and deceased animals. In fact 10 years later even after blocking their emails I still get newsletters. Perhaps her real talent is in bridging the gap between the blocked mail into my mailbox. That doesn't mean I discount all communicators or don't believe Kitten has survived in some form. Although I find it hard to picture a cat wanting to be anything else but a cat. Most are likely charlatans cashing in on the grief and needs of desperate pet owners. Although if skilled enough they may provide a service worthy of their fee.

I have to think that Kitten had a hand in bringing Little Mercy to us. A little mini her that moved in like she owned the place and frequently seems to emulate some of Kittens odder behaviors and personality traits. ( No she is not Kitten by any stretch of the deranged grief stricken brain ). People need to be quite careful who they let feed information into their brains during these times. A slick shiny website or business card are easily obtained. So are the 5 star reviews.

It is so far out of my pattern of behavior to not only get another pet of any type after a loss like this one but to bring one home 3 days after watching my pets remains be swept out of the oven and ground to powdered ashes to bring home one that looks like her. But here she is. And instead of being a bitter reminder of what we lost she is a constant joy.

I am deeply sorry for every loss I read about here. And neck hugs under the mane where the horse smells the sweetest to your horse.

 

[kittens mom]

Last night was the first night I didn't take Kittens old soft fluffy blanket and put it over the computer chair. Tucking the ends in between the back and the arms so it would for a bit of a hammock for her. Like putting away her scratchy rug it's part of the process of letting go. The physical release leads to letting your mind let go of things that no longer make sense. Although it made perfect sense just a week ago. Today I am not undone.

 

[laura h]

So sorry for your loss. It hurts to lose a pet, our fur-baby. Sending hugs to you

Kitten

 

[margd]

Last night was the first night I didn't take Kittens old soft fluffy blanket and put it over the computer chair. Tucking the ends in between the back and the arms so it would for a bit of a hammock for her. Like putting away her scratchy rug it's part of the process of letting go. The physical release leads to letting your mind let go of things that no longer make sense. Although it made perfect sense just a week ago. Today I am not undone.

My dear old boy Milo used to knock everything off the nightstand but the lamp. If I put my water up there - swipe. Down it came. My brush. My book? Thud and thud again. As a result, I took to piling everything on the floor beside my bed while my nightstand remained pristine. After he succumbed to cancer, it was months before I could bring myself to put anything on the nightstand. Putting it on there meant he was really gone.

All of this is to say, I totally get it about the rug!

 

[kittens mom]

My dear old boy Milo used to knock everything off the nightstand but the lamp. If I put my water up there - swipe. Down it came. My brush. My book? Thud and thud again. As a result, I took to piling everything on the floor beside my bed while my nightstand remained pristine. After he succumbed to cancer, it was months before I could bring myself to put anything on the nightstand. Putting it on there meant he was really gone.

All of this is to say, I totally get it about the rug!

Funny all the little rituals we have. And most of them shaped by the individual pet. Part of our daily routine we can't seem to fill. I'm so sorry for your loss as well.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Please be assured that  you didn't upset me.  It is an old, old grief, but one that catches me unawares at the oddest moments, even now.  It can take as little as waking during a storm, and suddenly thinking, "Kimmie is scared."  Purge all you need to, if it helps in any way.  I did just a wee bit myself.  I'm going to be a total basket case when it is finally time to say goodbye to Hekitty, and will probably be right here, purging myself.

 

[kittens mom]

 
Please be assured that  you didn't upset me.  It is an old, old grief, but one that catches me unawares at the oddest moments, even now.  It can take as little as waking during a storm, and suddenly thinking, "Kimmie is scared."  Purge all you need to, if it helps in any way.  I did just a wee bit myself.  I'm going to be a total basket case when it is finally time to say goodbye to Hekitty, and will probably be right here, purging myself.

And I hope it is years and years. And that I'm still around to let your weep on my shoulder. It's awful when you realize the best thing that can happen is all our pets pass before we do. Worse than losing them would be leaving them behind. We have included our pets in estate planning but that's no guarantee. There was one poor soul at the shelter the day I adopted Little Mercy. 8-9 beautiful torite that wanted to come out and have me hold her so bad. She was taken to the shelter after her elderly owner died. We have a rule that the resident animals be considered first before bringing another pet in. Mook would have had a heart attack. I really hope the next time I'm able to start taking in a few of the senior cats that need a place to roost for a few years. And hopefully that will be many many years from now. The trouble of living with cats is you can't picture ever living without them.

 

[zed xyzed]

@Kitten’s Mom  I also made sure that if I pass before Midnight that he will be looked after. If I didn’t,   I know that on my death bed I would be worrying about  what would happen to him. I can’t even imagine the poor boy being locked up in some small cage, terrified. He is at least 16 years old, and I doubt anyone would adopt him from a shelter. And if they did would they treat him as well as he deserves to be treated. About 6 months ago I had a very close call in my vehicle. On the way home I had a panic attack, not because I was a few mere seconds from death, but because I was worried  about what would happen to my sweet boy if I wasn’t around. I made it a mission to find someone to look after him. His new guardian needed to have no animals, needed to be kind, trust worthy, and dependable. I was able to find a colleague that fit the bill. At the same time I made sure that  Midi would come with a sizable trust fund, one that would ensure that he had the best food, the best medical care money could buy and ensure that his potential future guardian would able to hire a cleaning service every week for the rest of his life (her biggest fear was a messy, furry house)  

BTW I found this site because of your Baytril thread, Midi was very ill and the vet wanted to put him on it. Being the obsessive compulsive person I am, I needed to research it and know everything there was to know about it. Thank you for posting it, I am certain you have helped many cat owners make more informed decisions. I was heartbroken when Kitten passed, she was a special little soul.     

 

[kittens mom]

 
@Kitten’s Mom  I also made sure that if I pass before Midnight that he will be looked after. If I didn’t,   I know that on my death bed I would be worrying about  what would happen to him. I can’t even imagine the poor boy being locked up in some small cage, terrified. He is at least 16 years old, and I doubt anyone would adopt him from a shelter. And if they did would they treat him as well as he deserves to be treated. About 6 months ago I had a very close call in my vehicle. On the way home I had a panic attack, not because I was a few mere seconds from death, but because I was worried  about what would happen to my sweet boy if I wasn’t around. I made it a mission to find someone to look after him. His new guardian needed to have no animals, needed to be kind, trust worthy, and dependable. I was able to find a colleague that fit the bill. At the same time I made sure that  Midi would come with a sizable trust fund, one that would ensure that he had the best food, the best medical care money could buy and ensure that his potential future guardian would able to hire a cleaning service every week for the rest of his life (her biggest fear was a messy, furry house)  

BTW I found this site because of your Baytril thread, Midi was very ill and the vet wanted to put him on it. Being the obsessive compulsive person I am, I needed to research it and know everything there was to know about it. Thank you for posting it, I am certain you have helped many cat owners make more informed decisions. I was heartbroken when Kitten passed, she was a special little soul.     

Aside from needing to really vent part of the reason for sharing was to make cat owners aware. It is not a bad drug. There are many cats alive because of it. The fact that the side effects are so well established for such a long period of time makes overdoes rare unless an owner decides to medicate their own pets or not follow instructions. The dosage for cats is so well established it's hard to find any current information. We have sadly learned after the fact that Baytril and it's generic counterparts are not even the common standard of care for an URI. It is not an off label use but we have talked to many vets, vet techs and this is certainly not the drug of choice. This vet violated the VCPR on just about every level. ( Veterinary/Client/Patient/Relationship) . I'm getting a real education. We honestly believe that something in the shot she gave Kitten and the overdose may have triggered some type of response in her body. Went from a healthy playful cat to a box of ashes in just under 3 months. Cause and effect. We have requested to either withdraw the original complaint or amend the one that is active. Oddly neither of our cats had ever had an URI before taking them there a few months before for their vaccinations. We're going to throw everything out there and see what sticks.

She killed our baby.

I hope your Midi is doing well. I don't want anyone to refuse to use a drug that can help their cat. Just the correct dose and when it should be used. Which seems to be every veterinarian in the universe but the one I made the mistake of using.

 

[kittens mom]

BTW the above rant is what we have to live with everyday. Plus the guilt and shame that we took her there and then brought her home and poisoned our pet one dose at a time. One of the most ironic aspects of this is that as Kitten got older we thought it would be wise to have a vet where she was an established patient closer to home. It just made sense. I had no idea that we'd chosen her executioner. Nothing lowers your esteem and self worth to realize you put your Fluffy Noodle in a box and hauled to hell. Robbed her of the years she had left. I have no idea why I didn't google that drug. Probably because I was tired. More likely because I bought into her air of loving cats. Things in her office that showed aspects of her life. We thought we'd found a good place for general needs. She is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Because no caring vet could do what she did and then claim that the dose she gave our cat was within the normal range for a cat her size and weight. Who knows the dose she injected. And to be honest. I would question any records she produces at this point. If not for the caring honest veterinarian team at the VCA I don't know if I could even take my pets when the needed for the mindless fear of losing another unnecessary. We used to have a drunk horse vet practice out here. Oddly he never botched up.

Being admitted to the profession of veterinary medicine, I solemnly swear to use my scientific knowledge and skills for the benefit of society through the protection of animal health and welfare, the prevention and relief of animal suffering, the conservation of animal resources, the promotion of public health, and the advancement of medical knowledge.

I will practice my profession conscientiously, with dignity, and in keeping with the principles of veterinary medical ethics.

I accept as a lifelong obligation the continual improvement of my professional knowledge and competence. 

 

[Mamanyt1953]

 
And I hope it is years and years. And that I'm still around to let your weep on my shoulder. It's awful when you realize the best thing that can happen is all our pets pass before we do. Worse than losing them would be leaving them behind. We have included our pets in estate planning but that's no guarantee. There was one poor soul at the shelter the day I adopted Little Mercy. 8-9 beautiful torite that wanted to come out and have me hold her so bad. She was taken to the shelter after her elderly owner died. We have a rule that the resident animals be considered first before bringing another pet in. Mook would have had a heart attack. I really hope the next time I'm able to start taking in a few of the senior cats that need a place to roost for a few years. And hopefully that will be many many years from now. The trouble of living with cats is you can't picture ever living without them.

I have a wonderful landlady who will take Hekitty should I pass before she does, and an amount is earmarked for her upkeep from my insurance policy.  It's the best I can do.  Patti has given me her home address and phone number to go in my files so that if she is no longer working here at the complex, she can be reached. 

It broke my heart to hear of the poor little girl you had to leave behind, but I so understand why you had to.  I couldn't take another cat in at this point, even if I were allowed to do so. Hekitty does not approve of other cats, although dogs make no impact on her at all.  Someday, when the time comes, and I've caught my breath again, I shall offer a home to an older cat, even knowing that I might have to give my heart only to say goodbye again.    I know I can do it.  My poor, lovely, loving ratties taught me that.  They have such short little lives, and they taught me so much about loving even knowing the heartbreak to come.  Doesn't make that heartbreak one bit less, though. 

 

[kittens mom]

Today was tolerable with only mild quick passing cloud bursts.