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- #141
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For my Kitten
- Thread starter kittens mom
- Start Date
Beautiful girl! [emoji]10084[/emoji]️
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- #143
I wonder if the veterinarian that caused all this grief has ever in her life felt this way about any animal. I truly wish I could package this grief up in a pill and force it down her throat. I would truly like her to have to deal with the daily roller coaster of sadness, heartbreak and anger we go through on a daily basis. I want her guts to hurt, her chest to ache and feel the helpless position she put us in through the substandard negligent care she heaped on a little cat she took an oath to do no harm.
Instead she seems to have merrily went on her way with out so much as a thought to this aside from how to NOT take any responsibility for her actions. No care over the trail of destruction left behind because of her mistakes.
Sorry. I hate that word. It's become a get out of jail free card for the jerks of the world. I really think if she said that now I'd have a hard time not spitting in her face. She's open for business daily. I hope she's found this thread. All of my threads. If she read this would it keep her up at night. Or is her biggest concern that I'll out her right here. Not going to put this site in that kind of predicament.
I can out you daily by just talking to people who live in this little town. Your homegrown small town vet act is a sham. You killed our little Kitten. And what we are going to do is purse every legal avenue to make you pay and make sure everyone knows what happened. We can prove 100% you overdosed her and caused her loss of vision. Your actions caused us immeasurable heartache. We're gong to do our best to steal what you hold in such high regard, Your reputation.
Instead she seems to have merrily went on her way with out so much as a thought to this aside from how to NOT take any responsibility for her actions. No care over the trail of destruction left behind because of her mistakes.
Sorry. I hate that word. It's become a get out of jail free card for the jerks of the world. I really think if she said that now I'd have a hard time not spitting in her face. She's open for business daily. I hope she's found this thread. All of my threads. If she read this would it keep her up at night. Or is her biggest concern that I'll out her right here. Not going to put this site in that kind of predicament.
I can out you daily by just talking to people who live in this little town. Your homegrown small town vet act is a sham. You killed our little Kitten. And what we are going to do is purse every legal avenue to make you pay and make sure everyone knows what happened. We can prove 100% you overdosed her and caused her loss of vision. Your actions caused us immeasurable heartache. We're gong to do our best to steal what you hold in such high regard, Your reputation.
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- #144
Mook sat for a long time today staring into the little hallway where we keep our coats and boots. It was one of Kittens favorite haunts. I made a box and blanket up for her long ago. Every now and then Mook would go in and use her paw to feel around and just look through everything. Go sit back down and watch. She repeated this several times and then went and sat in a box. Just sat there for a long time. I actually felt like my chest was going to collapse and break in half.
Mook would often go and find Kitten there they'd touch noses and then Mook would be off and Kitten annoyed that her top secret lair had been infiltrated.
Of all the hurts and emotions through this whole mess watching our other cat navigate this is the worst of all.
I got her to play with me for about a half hour. She's back at a favorite place now planning the death of an unsuspecting bird at the window. I don't know how they process this kind of change when another resident cat simply vanishes. It's just sad beyond feelings or tears to watch this.
Mook would often go and find Kitten there they'd touch noses and then Mook would be off and Kitten annoyed that her top secret lair had been infiltrated.
Of all the hurts and emotions through this whole mess watching our other cat navigate this is the worst of all.
I got her to play with me for about a half hour. She's back at a favorite place now planning the death of an unsuspecting bird at the window. I don't know how they process this kind of change when another resident cat simply vanishes. It's just sad beyond feelings or tears to watch this.
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- #145
It seems the attraction in the hallway was Kittens I can do anything I want this is MY RUG rolled up and pushed into the back of the coatrack. It's in a holding pattern. I can't take it out to the shed. Haul it to storage or bring myself to put it out in the bin. So there it will stay. I didn't vacuum it , just rolled it up and put duct tape around it. I suppose it smells like Kitten. Letting the smell dissipate over time seem one of the more natural ways to let an animal accept one of it's companions is gone.
Mercy has an appointment first week of the new year. I think we'll take Mook in and get her a real check up. Mostly for our own peace of mind. I miss her so much.
We've done nothing for the holidays. I don't feel like pretending and decorations while fun for the kitties are also change and stress. Add to that many of the decorations were bought for Kitten as toys. That box is in storage and it's staying there taped up. No sense going down that road. I find her little toys everywhere. She stuffed things under things. You can't move a rug or piece of furniture without finding her handiwork.
I just had a delightful hair tie shooting party with Mook. She was totally into it and when Mercy tried to take over she got served and sent to the cat tree. Mook just put the baby back on the tree and is now walking around all puffy and proud. There is some odd form of tag going on. For what ever reason it's been a bad three days for Mook. I had a panic attack the other night and was ready to rush her to the ER. You just live in fear after you lose one.
So I wrote this during the day , yesterday evening. Adding on this morning it's a better day. Mook is getting daddy love and Mercy is curled up next to my arm. Things are not right with the world but some of the moments are pretty OK.
Mercy has an appointment first week of the new year. I think we'll take Mook in and get her a real check up. Mostly for our own peace of mind. I miss her so much.
We've done nothing for the holidays. I don't feel like pretending and decorations while fun for the kitties are also change and stress. Add to that many of the decorations were bought for Kitten as toys. That box is in storage and it's staying there taped up. No sense going down that road. I find her little toys everywhere. She stuffed things under things. You can't move a rug or piece of furniture without finding her handiwork.
I just had a delightful hair tie shooting party with Mook. She was totally into it and when Mercy tried to take over she got served and sent to the cat tree. Mook just put the baby back on the tree and is now walking around all puffy and proud. There is some odd form of tag going on. For what ever reason it's been a bad three days for Mook. I had a panic attack the other night and was ready to rush her to the ER. You just live in fear after you lose one.
So I wrote this during the day , yesterday evening. Adding on this morning it's a better day. Mook is getting daddy love and Mercy is curled up next to my arm. Things are not right with the world but some of the moments are pretty OK.
Sometimes, some of the moments being sort-of ok is the best you can hope for. Praying that those moments grow and become longer, more frequent and more joyous, for you, Daddy-bear and Mooks. Mercy, from what you say, is doing fine, little innocent that she is.
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- #147
Without sending in the guys with white suits and nets I truly believe that Mercy was a gift sent directly to us from Kitten. I cannot explain the need to go see this one little cat. The instant bonding or the fact I would have decked someone and ran with her if she wasn't available. I'm not like that. Even more standoffish when I'm so upset and heartbroken. She is so like Kitten in so many ways and does all these weird little things and yet she is Mercy too. Very much so. I often look in those big eyes and ask her who she is and where she came from. I do know we find great joy in watching her emerge as an individual.
Today I was mad at the husband because he seems to be moving on easier than I am. I can't decide if I hate him for not suffering her loss enough or if I'm jealous he's finding a better way to cope. And of course I know it's totally unfair to think like that because I know the impact this had on him. So I've kept my lip buttoned. It's still a pretty raw subject. No sense turning on each other.
The anger is such a natural and human thing. And you have the insight to keep silent about it. One of those, "this, to, shall pass" moments (for a regenerate old Pagan, I seem to quote a lot of scripture, but wisdom is wisdom, no?).
Sometimes I want to kick those "seven stages of grief" folks. They aren't wrong, but they did fail to adequately express the fact that those stages don't always come one after the other, or in any particular order, or that enduring one of them does not automatically mean that you are coming to the end of it. In real life, real grief comes and goes by its own rules, different in each and every one of us...sometimes different in each of us day to day, even hour to hour or moment to moment. We had to have Kimberly Anne put to sleep when I was 22, and just yesterday I found myself with tears in my eyes, whimpering,"I want my Kimmie." After 40 years, it doesn't happen often at all anymore, 99.9% of the memories bring joy and sweetness, but sometimes...sometimes...
Thinking of you so much in this season that should bring joy, but for you is so painful. Thinking of you often.
Sometimes I want to kick those "seven stages of grief" folks. They aren't wrong, but they did fail to adequately express the fact that those stages don't always come one after the other, or in any particular order, or that enduring one of them does not automatically mean that you are coming to the end of it. In real life, real grief comes and goes by its own rules, different in each and every one of us...sometimes different in each of us day to day, even hour to hour or moment to moment. We had to have Kimberly Anne put to sleep when I was 22, and just yesterday I found myself with tears in my eyes, whimpering,"I want my Kimmie." After 40 years, it doesn't happen often at all anymore, 99.9% of the memories bring joy and sweetness, but sometimes...sometimes...
Thinking of you so much in this season that should bring joy, but for you is so painful. Thinking of you often.
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- #149
It is amazing how fresh the grief can feel sometimes. 10 years later and I still have moments when it feels like yesterday I lost her. I know what you mean. And quite honestly there are days when I have all seven steps at the same time. They're like keys on a piano. You can run your fingers back and forth quickly or push them all down at once for that total sound of discord. Menopause didn't have this effect on me.
It's a very strange music that grief makes, sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet, sometimes all discord, sometimes strangely beautiful harmonies that make you weep.
I have to go now, soon as I check one more post, but I'll look for your posts tomorrow.
I have to go now, soon as I check one more post, but I'll look for your posts tomorrow.
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- #151
For a little life stolen. Mommy loves you.
Beautiful Kitten. [emoji]10084[/emoji]️
{{{hugs}}}
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- #154
You know it's more than the loss . It's the circumstances around it. All of this is just so senseless.
I try to imagine how I would feel if my Tiger got killed via veterinary malpractice and I shudder and feel horrified just thinking about it.
I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this.
I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this.
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- #156
Getting her for the actual death is going to be a crap shoot. We were not laying groundwork for a civil case while getting her treatment. And I did not pay for an autopsy. The though to someone cutting around on her body after she had been euthanized would have ended with me , a bottle of pills and a wine chaser. Everyone has their upper limit on the amount of emotional pain they can endure. It doesn't take much to connect the dots of a cat who was given more than twice the amount of an antibiotic and a shot that we have yet to find out what it was, the concentration, manufacturer or where she purchased it from.
Since this vet had did a physical exam and told us during the URI visit that she couldn't feel anything out of place ( longer story to it ) and the vets at the VCA felt that stopping the drug was sufficient we planned on extending her January visit to include a full workup. She became symptomatic the last two weeks of November. It may have been longer. I had moments in the weeks before where It seemed she might be losing more of her vision. Since vets don't overdose cats on this drug there isn't any real data to pull. We know she went from a healthy cat despite the URI to one with vision loss and a box of ashes in just under three months.
The VCA cleared her for the URI the day we went in for the overdose. She was never given antibiotics again until the following week when it showed her corneas were badly scratched from the virus. Another fail for that craphole of a vet.
We do have her 100% on the overdose and a host of violations. We're probably going to do better to sue her for the overdose and stick to absolutes and file a new claim with the SVB for her death. We have three separate vet reports confirming that the overdose was the most likely cause of the blindness. We don't have to hire a lawyer , pay an expert witness to prove that. There is a word in the law for something that is so obvious that it stands on it's own merit. Sorry to ramble on. My head is full today.
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- #157
It's just been a crapper of a day. I know that she's not coming back and accepting her death has been a real issue for me. As yet no river of tears has yielded a gilded cat carrier on my doorstep saying sorry. Our mistake. Here's your Kitten. Isn't that what we all want. A freaking do over ?
I've been working on the amended complaint to the SVB. I gave the Clinic and the vet till Jan 10 to respond. I'm just working on the theory that I'm not going to hear back or another form letter from the lawyer saying she did no wrong and not to contact her. Well if she didn't like me before she's really going to hate me after I get done this time. I just want to get this over and done with. It would be so easy to just chuck it all in the trashcan. And then I see that little wooden box and those paw prints and its like a bolt of pain slicing through my gut. No one talks about it. Grief causes actual physical pain. It hurts.
I found a folder of Kitten shorts. Ones I wrote and illustrated during our first year. Oh my gosh I remember her first vet seen them and just laughed. We were so enthralled with everything she did. It was a good few minutes. It also reminds me why I push on with making this vet accountable.
I've been working on the amended complaint to the SVB. I gave the Clinic and the vet till Jan 10 to respond. I'm just working on the theory that I'm not going to hear back or another form letter from the lawyer saying she did no wrong and not to contact her. Well if she didn't like me before she's really going to hate me after I get done this time. I just want to get this over and done with. It would be so easy to just chuck it all in the trashcan. And then I see that little wooden box and those paw prints and its like a bolt of pain slicing through my gut. No one talks about it. Grief causes actual physical pain. It hurts.
I found a folder of Kitten shorts. Ones I wrote and illustrated during our first year. Oh my gosh I remember her first vet seen them and just laughed. We were so enthralled with everything she did. It was a good few minutes. It also reminds me why I push on with making this vet accountable.
{{hugs}} The physical pain is pretty awful. I completely understand what you mean. I can't even imagine having to go through what you are though.
It's great finding old things like that. Like when I found a file of pictures I'd taken back in 2012, a whole bunch with Lucky. It's when the lady down the street brought them fresh catnip from her garden, and they were just all rolling around with glee.
It's great finding old things like that. Like when I found a file of pictures I'd taken back in 2012, a whole bunch with Lucky. It's when the lady down the street brought them fresh catnip from her garden, and they were just all rolling around with glee.
Hug, Sweetie. Just Hug. Not much else to say. Just...hug.
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- #160
While Kitten preferred my computer chair as her nightly domain many were the times I would be woken up by a soft purr and the most gentle of treading on my side. Eyes dilated she would gently tread and I would reach down and rub her head and then her fluffy little body that would eventually roll over for full belly rugs. Often falling asleep for a while before returning to her throne.
I am thankful for those last few moments when no one was trying to fix you. You were just Kitten again if only for a few minutes. They way you lit up when they carried you into the room and paddled your little short legs trying to get to mommy and daddy faster. I hope that as the drugs went in your body that you had no sense that your were dying. I hope you can forgive us for allowing the only choice to make sure you left the world before your suffering was great. I hope you can forgive us for taking your life. I am sorry I stole the little spot on your head. The little spot I kissed each time I walked by you in life. I am sorry daddy took some from your fluffy tail. Your pride and joy and your talking stick. I wanted to hold your little body forever. I wanted to lay down and die next to you. I am sorry for my poor judgment that cost you your eyes. And so proud of the way you found ways to enjoy life despite it. I am sorry I broke my promise to always take care and protect you. Mommy loves you.
I am thankful for those last few moments when no one was trying to fix you. You were just Kitten again if only for a few minutes. They way you lit up when they carried you into the room and paddled your little short legs trying to get to mommy and daddy faster. I hope that as the drugs went in your body that you had no sense that your were dying. I hope you can forgive us for allowing the only choice to make sure you left the world before your suffering was great. I hope you can forgive us for taking your life. I am sorry I stole the little spot on your head. The little spot I kissed each time I walked by you in life. I am sorry daddy took some from your fluffy tail. Your pride and joy and your talking stick. I wanted to hold your little body forever. I wanted to lay down and die next to you. I am sorry for my poor judgment that cost you your eyes. And so proud of the way you found ways to enjoy life despite it. I am sorry I broke my promise to always take care and protect you. Mommy loves you.
