Tolly was the Joy of My life for 12 years, 2 months and 18 days

otto

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The last time I will post this story.

Thursday, September 16, 1999

It was a dark and stormy night. Pouring rain. I was working in a house with three small children and a dog. We were in the kitchen and I was performing "dinner theater" for the entertainment of the children (I work with special needs children) dancing and singing, to distract them from the violent storm raging outside. Suddenly I heard this loud wailing meow, and the dog went crazy barking and jumping at the door.

I went outside and stood on the stoop but didn't see anything. I went back inside, and as soon as I shut the door, again heard this loud plaintive meow, and of course the dog went berserk again. This time I shut the dog in the bathroom (on the other side of the house) and stepped outside, off the porch. I stood in the pouring rain and called "kitty kitty kitty" as loud as I could. I really couldn't see a thing, it was a miserable night.

Suddenly I felt something climbing up me, and there was this tiny kitten clinging to me, just under my chin. I didn't take the time to look him over, I couldn't bring him in that house, nor could I leave the children for long, so I put him in my car, arranging the car blanket on the floor of the back seat, hoping the kitten would use it as a warm snuggly nest to sleep in and be warm until I left for home.

When I finally got in my car to go home, I found the little baby curled up in the driver's seat (my seat). He had used the blanket nest as his litter box, leaving me a little "present". (and is still just as fastidious) I lifted him off the seat and placed him on my lap, and he rode home, still curled up, like that.

When I got him home I discovered that he was just a tiny scrap of red fur. I got him to the vet the next day, and the vet felt he was about 5 weeks old, he had pneumonia, chlamydia eye infection, ear mites, mal-nourished and so on. He weighed only one pound. It was touch and go for a few days, but he rallied and responded to my loving care.

Ootay (rb5/09) and Bibbs(rb3/05) who were 8 at the time, took him under their wings and loved him.

His full name is Tolly Sweet Pea. He is just the sweetest cat I have ever met. He has a wonderful sense of humor and sense of fun, always playing Jokes and inventing Games. He is also known as Nurse Tolly, as he comforts and nurses anyone sick (human or feline) and fusses over any cat who comes home smelling like vet. He loves other cats. All other cats.

Tolly is 12 years old, has a seizure disorder, herpes eyes and liver damage. He also gets these hairball sicknesses that have become more frequent as he's gotten older. He has a painful dental disease called resorptive lesions (FORL) and has had to have most of his teeth extracted from a number of dental surgeries. He takes phenobarbital twice a day, denosyl once a day and l-lysine once a day. Hairball medicine every other day. There were times I thought I would lose him but with the help of Cornell University Companion Animals Hospital, and my dear caring vet, he is still with me and thriving.***

Happy Gotcha Day my beautiful Tolly boy, my Sweetest Sweet Pea, the Joy of my Life. I love you!


****Tolly's little body gave up on him on November 29, 2011. He had an aggressive cancer that he managed to hide from me as long as he could. From his first sign of trouble, to the day he left me, was only 19 days. I did everything I could for him but when he asked to be set free I could only honor my promise to him to not ever let him suffer, and let him go. He is with his beloved Bibbs and his beloved Ootay now. When they each left him he grieved terribly, and I am happy for them that they are all together.

Bibbs :angel: Tolly :angel: Ootay :angel:
 
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otto

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That last morning, as I lay on the floor with him and told him over and over how much I loved him and reassured him again and again that I would be okay, he purred and purred, not his usual purr with lilts and trills and crescendos, but a calm steady comfort purr. As I held him in my arms at the vet he continued this comforting purr, right up until the very moment he fell asleep from the sedative. The injection was only a final step, he had said his good bye, comforting me to the very end. That was just so like him, to worry about me so much and try to comfort me.

Before we left I made sure Mazy, Jennie and Queen Eva said Good Bye. Jennie doesn't seem big on partings, but Mazy knew she was saying good bye and I think Queen Eva did too, even though this is her first loss.

Three weeks since Tolly's little body left us. His spirit is close, but I miss my physical boy so much. I just can't believe it, sometimes. How can he not be here? How can I get up and go about my day, and even laugh and take pleasure in things, when my Tolly isn't here? And yet, I do. He would hate for me to wallow in misery. But it hurts awfully bad sometimes.

Tolly is still near much of the time. I had a bad moment missing him yesterday afternoon as I was driving to work and he was suddenly there, rubbing his face against mine. I thanked him and felt better and he left. That's our new routine.

Oh oh I miss him so much! Oh my Sweet Pea, my Tolly boy, I miss you so much.

I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to share this story, but now I find myself needing to tell it.

Tolly's final moments:

I sent him on to the Bridge with his Pink Fur Mouse between his paws, wrapped in my pajama shirt.

I did not choose private cremation. I was so torn. Neither Bibbs nor Ootay had a private cremation. The place my vet uses for communal cremations buries the ashes of communal cremations in a pet cemetery in Pennsylvania. Which means both Bibbs and Ootay's ashes went there.

As I agonized over the form that morning I looked deep into Tolly's eyes and asked him if he would rather his ashes be with Bibbs's and Ootay's, or if he wanted me to have them (though I didn't really want them). When I asked did he want me to have them, he looked away from me. When I said Okay then I will choose to send your little body the same way as Bibbs and Ootay, he purred louder, so I knew I made the right decision. Tolly was always so good at communicating with me.

He was so so grateful to be let go. He purred deeply while the vet gave him the sedative shot, and he continued to purr until the moment the sedative took effect. I held him and stroked him and stroked him. Kissed him and kissed him. When I was ready, the vet and tech came in to give the final shot, and he slipped away peacefully.

I stayed with him a long time. When I felt ready to leave I suddenly had this irrational fear that he wasn't really gone, only in a very deep sleep and would wake up and find himself in some horrifying situation. I went wandering down a back hallway until I found a tech and asked her to send my vet to me. After a few minutes my vet came and I told her my fear. She listened to his chest with her stethoscope, in several places, and took a full minute at each spot, respecting my need to know, for absolutely sure.

Then I was able to let her gather him up and carry him away.

When I came home I let each of the girls smell my hands thoroughly, because I held and stroked Tolly for a long time after he was gone, so I knew his changed state would be on my hands, and they would be able to smell his death.

Mazy sniffed each finger very deeply and then pressed her head firmly into my hands, the same way she would give Tolly a head bump. Queen Eva and Jennie also both sniffed deep, and then each licked my fingers.

I miss him so much.
 
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otto

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Typical of Tolly, it was only the last night, that he didn't play at all. Even after I knew he was sick, he was still playing his favorite games. When the fluid build up made him so big he was unable to move well, even then he found a way to play, he would sit on the Tower shelf in front of the window and watch his Nocturnal Mouse eating the bird seed on the windowsill, even pouncing at it sometimes.

[VIDEO][/VIDEO]



Tolly was such a bright cheerful presence. I never heard him hiss or growl at anyone, ever. And with all the trips to vets and specialists over the years, he was always such a Brave Boy.
 
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ldg

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Oh Gail! :bawling: :bawling: :bawling: First of all, that picture of Tolly snuggled into your cheek is one amazing picture. :heart3: Of course, Tolly :rbheart: was one amazing kitty. I think it's absolutely beautiful that he's still so close, and able to comfort you, especially when you're missing him most. :heart3: It's just so like him. :heart3:

As heart breaking as it is to read this BEAUTIFUL tribute... at the same time, my heart is filled to bursting just reading (again) about your amazing relationship.

I've lost my words. I'll probably be back to write more. I'm too teared up.....

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

:rbheart: Tolly :rbheart:
 

jcat

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You've written a wonderful tribute to Tolly, who'll surely live on forever in your heart. It's so obvious that he was a very special kitty. :rbheart:
 

rosiemac

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Oh my goodness, i've got tears streaming down here 


I've read some really heart felt tributes on this site,  but this one has went above and beyond.  I know l certainly feel as if i've known Tolly after this now 


Have fun at the Bridge baby boy, your definitely going to be missed
 

Ms. Freya

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I'm so sorry. Tolly was obviously a very special boy and you've really given him a lovely tribute.


R.I.P darling Tolly.
 

carolina

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Oh Gail, here I am, tears running so fast down my face.... Can't think straight.... :bawling:
I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby :rbheart: Tolly :rbheart:
We know how dearly you loved him, and Goodness do I know how hard it is to be here writing this tribute :rbheart: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
You are such an amazing mommy, and :rbheart: Tolly :rbheart: knew exactly where to go on that rainy, miserable night :heart3: In you, he found his safe haven :heart3::hugs:
Please accept our deepest condolences, from all of us.... many hugs, and a headbump from each one of the kitties too :hugs: :rub:
Run free beautiful :rbheart: Tolly :rbheart:
 

Winchester

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My heart goes out to you at this time. Saying good-bye to a cherished baby is never easy, but it's something we all have to do. And you did it with the same love that you have when you take care of your fur babies. I'm so sorry about your Tolly, but know that he will live forever in your heart and soul.
 

feralvr

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Gail :hugs: I still think of you and send prayers your way hoping you are doing a little better after losing :rbheart: Tolly. That tribute to Tolly was incredibly beautiful and made me cry all over again. You love him so and he loved you soooooooo :heart3: The picture of Tolly rubbing your cheek is just very precious. He certainly was your special boy and he still is - in your heat and your soul - forever..... he will always be with you, sweetie..... :hugs::hugs:

Play peacefully on that bridge sweet, dear :rbheart: Tolly :rbheart:
 
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otto

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Oh Gail! :bawling: :bawling: :bawling: First of all, that picture of Tolly snuggled into your cheek is one amazing picture. :heart3: Of course, Tolly :rbheart: was one amazing kitty. I think it's absolutely beautiful that he's still so close, and able to comfort you, especially when you're missing him most. :heart3: It's just so like him. :heart3:
As heart breaking as it is to read this BEAUTIFUL tribute... at the same time, my heart is filled to bursting just reading (again) about your amazing relationship.
I've lost my words. I'll probably be back to write more. I'm too teared up.....
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
:rbheart: Tolly :rbheart:
Thank you Laurie. You were a true friend and great support throughout. I don't know what I would have done without you.

Oh no, I am SO incredibly sorry to read this! Rest in peace precious Tolly... You were loved so much! :rbheart: :bawling:
Thank you Kailie.

Oh my goodness, i've got tears streaming down here  :bawling:

I've read some really heart felt tributes on this site,  but this one has went above and beyond.  I know l certainly feel as if i've known Tolly after this now  :heart3:

Have fun at the Bridge baby boy, your definitely going to be missed :rbheart:
Thank you for your kind words.

I'm so sorry. Tolly was obviously a very special boy and you've really given him a lovely tribute. :heart3: :bawling:
R.I.P darling Tolly.:rbheart:

Thank you so much.
 
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otto

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Oh Gail, here I am, tears running so fast down my face.... Can't think straight.... :bawling:
I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby :rbheart: Tolly :rbheart:
We know how dearly you loved him, and Goodness do I know how hard it is to be here writing this tribute :rbheart: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
You are such an amazing mommy, and :rbheart: Tolly :rbheart: knew exactly where to go on that rainy, miserable night :heart3: In you, he found his safe haven :heart3::hugs:
Please accept our deepest condolences, from all of us.... many hugs, and a headbump from each one of the kitties too :hugs: :rub:
Run free beautiful :rbheart: Tolly :rbheart:
Thank you Carolina. It was your bravery over posting about Gracie that allowed me to have the courage to do it too. I wasn't sure....I ever would be able to. But Tolly deserves a tribute, and I was inspired by your courage.
 
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otto

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That's all I can write now.

I will answer all of you who were kind enough to post, but can't do it all at once. It's ...too hard to dwell on it for too long. :grphug:
 
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ldg

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:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I think it's beautiful that you want to reply to everyone individually. :heart3: But I am SURE I speak for everyone when I say I hope you know you don't NEED to. :heart3: I am also sure that no one will feel slighted if you want to, but need to wait. :heart3: :heart3: :heart3:

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
 

gailc

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I am sorry to read of the passing of Tolly.  I think most of us have experienced the loss of our soul kitties.  Right now your emotions are quite intense I know I've been there.  What helped a bit for me is while your memory is fresh is to write down what you loved and what you will miss about Tolly.  I did this when I lost my soul cat and I taped this to the back of a photo of her that I have framed. Though its been several years I can look back at what I wrote and feel better.

Play happy with all your and our kitty pals at the Rainbow Bridge.................
 
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otto

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I'm so sorry Otto. :hugs:
Play happily over the Rainbow Bridge, Tolly :angel:
Thank you. I'm sure he IS happy. Tolly always loved other cats. Now, not only is he with his beloved Bibbs and his beloved Ootay, but all my other Bridge Angels too, Squeaky, Sissy and Baby. Just as I wrote that I got a vision of two Red Boys sharing head bumps. Baby was my Red Boy before Tolly. They never knew eachother, but I guess they do now! :angel:



I'm so sorry to read this about beautiful Tolly:rbheart:
Thank you for the pretty e-card.

My heart goes out to you at this time. Saying good-bye to a cherished baby is never easy, but it's something we all have to do. And you did it with the same love that you have when you take care of your fur babies. I'm so sorry about your Tolly, but know that he will live forever in your heart and soul. :hugs:
Thank you. It was hard, but oh how happy he was to go. I had trouble grieving, right at first, because of that. He was so so happy, knowing he was going to be with Bibbs and Ootay, it felt selfish to miss him and yearn for him. I managed to get past that feeling, and am grieving properly now, I know it's an important process to go through.

Your tribute has left me speechless. :hugs: I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Tolly, you loved him very very much. RIP Tolly. :rbheart:
Thank you so much! These notes really mean a lot to me. I'm glad I got up the courage to post.
 
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