Please Help, Need Advice/consolation...

[bossinova]

I live in an apartment, so the only place they go outside is on our balcony (we live on the top floor). I didn't want them to go outside while living at a complex like this, plus it was an agreement when I adopted them that they would stay indoors. So his run-ins with pathogens is slightly limited. The only other cat he comes in contact with is his sister, Stinky, and she's perfectly fine. I don't know about the ticks......unless they're hiding out on our deck, I don't see if that could happend....Thank you, though. At this point, pretty much everything is a possibility!
We're leaving in about 10 mins for the new vet's office....Please think of Tank, and maybe say a small prayer for him.....
Thank you.
Very distressed and saddened Mom,
Jen

 

[rapunzel47]

Oh, poor sweet Tank! I feel your pain, Jen, and know it well. Reminds me of our Gryphon. That did not have a happy ending, but perhaps you'll get answers that were not available to us five years ago. You'll have been to the vet by now I suppose. How I hope you've received some hope. Please keep us posted. Lotsa prayers going your way.

 

[bossinova]

Well, I'm back from the vet. Unfortunately, Tank is not, and never will be coming home again. The vet came in, read his records from the other facility that I had taken him to twice, looked over his blood work, and poked around on his belly for a bit. He said that because the antibiotics hadn't helped a bit and his belly was so distended, he thought it was one of two things. He suggested that it might be a bowel perforation, or FIP. The minute he said that, I knew in my heart it was FIP. I had been suspicious ever since reading info provided to me from people on this site. So he did an aspiration, and sure enough it was straw colored. He looked at it under the scope, and that confirmed his suspicions. We talked for a while, and I let him know that I had read up a bit on it and was aware that there really isn't anything that we could do for Tank. Plus the vet said that it had begun to affect him neurologically. That's why he was walking like he was, and starting to fall over. He said we could keep him alive for a while, but it would be painful for him and he would probably start having seizures and general neurological degeneration. I knew we had to put him down.

It is only right. He doesn't deserve to suffer. Tank seemed to know. He hopped into his little carrier, and just layed there peacefully, letting me pet him and love on him for the last time. The vet gave me a few minutes alone with him, and I told him how much I loved him, that all his discomfort would end soon and he would be happy and feel better again. Then the vet and his assistant came in, gave me a little folder with some grievance stuff in it, and we laid him down on the towel on the counter. I pet him, told him I loved him and goodbye. He had trouble finding a vein because most seemed to be collapsed (perhaps due to dehydration?), but he did, and he injected the sleeping serum into him. OH this was so hard for me! He just laid his little head down gently, the vet checked for a pulse, and said "and that's all there is to it".

I pet him a few more times, and left. That carrier was so light! My Stinky cat looked for him when I got home....Nope, no more Tanker, baby. This grief is outrageous! It hurts so bad, I can't stop crying. At least I still have Stinky cat, right? He reassured me that although it is a virus, and Tank was shedding pretty actively, that doesn't mean Stinky will get sick. I will be keeping a veeeery close eye on that Little Mow for the rest of her life!
I miss him so much already........What do I do now? How do I begin to let him go? I know that it was the right thing, I'm not feeling guilty. I'm just feeling saddened by the loss of him. He was such a beautiful good boy! Always so playful, so affectionate with us and his sister. Loved treats and a good game of chase.
Please understand that this is my first time having to do this. I had one cat as a child that lived 14 years and died of natural causes. I've never had to make this decision, and I've never lost a pet so young. He was so young!
Thank you all so very much for your thoughts, prayers, suggestions, and knowledgable advice. I really, really, really appreciate all of that. Thank you and God bless you all.

Jenn

 

[jeeperscat]

RIP Tank, I'm so sorry that you had to say goodbye to Tank. I have only just read this thread and was hoping against hope that Tank would be okay.

You have ended his suffering and in doing so showed him (and us) how much you love him. The obvious feeling that I read in your last post is a tribute to him, he is safe and well over the Rainbow Bridge.

Please give Stinky a hug from me and Jeepers.

 

[davidjmedlock]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how it feels. Although, the last time I saw my little Piper, I thought that I might get to see him healthy again, so I didn't truly get to say goodbye. I cried a lot, too. I know how you feel, though. It's so difficult to let go, as well. It's been almost a week and I'm still having a very hard time with it. I want to cry every time I go home.

I am so sorry for little Tank and for your loss.

 

[cs_hopper]

God, I am sooooooooooo sorry! I know how awful and sad you feel. I'm glad Tank was so lucky to have you for his mommy, perhaps down the road you can give another homeless little kitty and place to call home.

The sadness will take some months to lesson, it did for me. Today I took my kitty, only 6 months old, to the vet and he is running extensive blood work on him which i will get back tomorrow. Although he isn't dreadfully sick like Tank was, he's been running a fever now for 3 weeks, and sleeps most of the time. I'm scared to death that he may have FIP as well. We lost our cat of 18 1/2 years last August, so I know the pain of losing a fur face, they're like your children. Have a glass of wine tonight and know that Tank is not suffering anymore. Also, you did everything you could, even though you couldn't afford it, you were wonderful.

 

[rapunzel47]

Oh, dear! Jenn, I'm so sorry to hear you had to say goodbye to your wee boy. It's tough, tough, tough. But you did the right thing for him, he's at peace, and not in pain anymore. Such love you gave him. He was a lucky little fellow. Give his sister scritches for me, she'll be wondering where he is. And hugs for you. Time will mend your broken heart, but meanwhile be gentle with yourself.

 

[dawnofsierra]

Oh, Jenn, I'm so sorry for the horrible pain you're feeling.

You loved Tank so much you were prepared to go to great lengths so that he could be well. That must have been such a difficult decision for you.

He knows how much you love him and he loves you in return. Now your sweet Tank is in perfect health over the Bridge watching over you and Stinky.

Thank you for sharing your feelings.

 

[purrfectcatlove]

Oh noooooo

I am so sorry of your loss

May Tank RIP

 

[kumbulu]

Oh Jenn, I am so sorry for your loss. You have a very special angel now.

 

[bossinova]

Thank you all for your kind words. This is so awful. I can't remember ever experiencing pain like this. I cried myself to sleep last night. I woke of thinking of him, missing him. My heart hurts so bad! There's an empty spot there, and I don't know what to do about that. I keep seeing his little face as it was laid gently down on the table after the vet made his injection. His eyes were still half open, just gazing off into space. I miss him so much already! I just cry and cry and cry, praying this pain will be mended soon, praying for strength to get through this. And I know I did the right thing for him. I can only imagine what people go through when they have doubts, or when something tragic suddenly happens. I think he was ready to go, also. He didn't make a peep in the car ride to the vet's office, which is completely unheard of. He just laid there, letting me love on him in the office after the decision had been made (which is also unusual of late; he would let me pet him for a little while, then get up and move away. Maybe because he was in pain?). This just hurts so much more than I would ever had imagined. I came home from the vet's yesterday, after putting my baby down due to a nasty virus, and had to study viruses (I'm a college student studying for nursing school). That was pretty tough. I thought of him the whole time, but I'm sure I would have regardless of what I was studying, or watching, or eating, or dreaming. Because I have thought of him nonstop since I left that office. I can't believe this, it feels like a dream still. Goodness, I miss him so much. I know it's only been a day, not even 24 hours, and I can't possibley expect to feel any better than yesterday. Time heals, right? Just as long as he knows how much I love him, that I did everything I could, and he made it safely to heaven, maybe then I can rest easier. Although I think all of that is already true.
Thank you all again for your thoughts. It really means a whole lot to me to get this much support.
Total mess of a person,
Jenn

 

[fostermom28]

hang in there Jenn....it will get better.

Unfortunatly, I've had to make the "decision" a few times and it is ALWAYS extremly hard. One thing I do that helps me heal is I go out and buy a plant (usually a rose bush) and plant it in my garden in memory of my kitty. I usually pick one that seems to represent the cat that I've had to say goodbye to.

Keep your head up and remember....it's okay to cry.

Thinking of you,

Karen

 

[sashacat421]

Jenn, you did the BEST and most humane decision. His spirit will watch over you. Karen is so right about planting a living thing, no matter how small if no room, to honor the departed. Plese tell yourseld and know in your bones that he is with you in spirit and it will take TIME TIME TIME. I was a total mess of a person after having the country vet to our house to put down Freddie who never even saw his 8th month ans the best kitten ever, and I STILL am a mess of a person. You have your own kitty clock, take your time and it hurts like crap..... even when you think you have your bearings back, the grief will hit at the most unimagined times.

 

[bossinova]

Some of you may have read the thread I posted under Health about Tank (titled need help/consolation, I think). Anyway, he was only 15 months old, and I had to put him to rest yesterday due to FIP. He is survived by his sister, littermate, and bestfriend Stinky, who fortunately is still completely healthy, although terribly depressed. This is terribly tragic for me, and I'm sorry, but I can't tell the whole story yet, it just hurts to badly. My heart is breaking and rebreaking in ways I never thought possible. I do intend on sharing his story, I just cannot right now. I wanted to post to let everyone here know that I, too, am all to aware of what pain these passings bring. Even if you know it was the right thing to euthanise, that it was the most humane thing to do, it still hurts like nothing else. Please know that my thoughts are with you all. I miss my baby dearly and can't seem to stop crying. If you'd like, you can read the story under the initial thread...it hasn't been moved here yet, and I don't know how to do so myself, or if I even can.

Take care everyone,

Jenn

 

[hissy]

I merged your thread to keep the story together and put the whole thing in Crossing the Bridge.

I am sorry for your pain...there is a candle in my window lighting the little one's way-

 

[kiwideus]

Oh I am so sorry. Tank is in my thoughts as are you and he is now at peace at the Rainbow Bridge

 

[squirtle]

Jen- I am so sorry. This was the first time I have read this post and I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet Tank. My thoughts and prayers are with you

RIP sweet Tank

 

[marge]

Blessings to you and to Stinky. I am so sorry.

 

[tulip2454]

You are in my thoughts at this sad time
Alexis

 

[gailc]

I been there way too many times I sympathize with your loss-remember the happy times!!