Sometimes something just pushes our last button. Life events change perspective or bring it into focus. I wish you the best and hope you find a solution soon.I think it's a messed up coincidence that a lot of the stuff that has happened, happened in the months since Lucky died. If it was just me that felt this way, I would have to have a long talk with myself about things - but it's not just me. I've had dissatisfaction in the industry in general for awhile now, not by fault of the company or even the industry, but rather the craziness that the industry has to abide by. Yes, changes is constant, but in some cases, I flat-out disagree with a lot of the changes. Then there's the ones closer to home that directly impact me.
There's also the part about WHY I started working for my company. I saw good things for the future. I've stayed with it through some really crappy times and some really good times. But the direction it's going in is not one that goes well with my morals. I get that EVERY business is in it for the money (hospitals, etc included), when the money becomes more important, I have personal issues with that. Most of our goals nowadays revolve around the concept of reducing cost basically. That has been impacting my day-to-day work in ways I'm very unhappy with, and spending ridiculously enormous amounts of time on. If I wanted to deal with the cost of things, and estimating and re-estimating to the point of exhaustion, I'd be in finance. I HATE finance. I feel like MY job has become less about testing, and more about identifying ways to lower costs. When my time is spent more on that, than what I was hired for, I have a bit of a problem.
I literally spent half my day investigating why there was a big difference between my estimate on a project, and the one done by someone else back in February. This really falls under the category of "above my pay grade". I can't explain why the other person had such a small estimate, and he can only explain what he remembers. And for some reason, the burden of proof has fallen on me. Straw, meet camel's back.
I'm at the point where my answer to pretty much everything is along the lines of "I don't care". THAT is when I know things have gotten bad. I've been beaten into the ground with all this stuff, and I give up. They don't like my estimate? Make it smaller then, and deal with the consequences later. I don't care anymore.