In Over My Head

[mtgal]

I'll share with you what I've often said to other people with dog issues [I work with problem dogs]: you have to take care of yourself first, last and always. If a pet is causing you stress and you cannot see your way to a workable solution, you need to reexamine the benefit of having that pet. It sounds as if your life is stressful and all you want is a quiet home where you can relax after a trying day. A very reasonable and healthy desire. I'm blessed to work from home and to have support nearby. When Momma Kitty became crazed, I was able to put her somewhere away from where I was trying to relax. She was happy and I was able to rest. It also helped that I had other cats and the dogs. At the time, my other cat would "correct" MK by slapping her with his paw. It was never mean or hurtful, but she did get the message. When she became too much - I carried her over to the barn and let her run around - which pleased her and gave me a break. But I recognize you don't have these options. Ideally, you would have an older more settled cat who would want to simply curl up in your lap and enjoy being near you. (Believe it or not, this is what MK is now, but she is also almost 13) Don't allow this to become yet another thing to feel bad about and/or to stress over. There is nothing wrong about admitting you have been poorly matched to the cat. At her age, she is very adoptable and would fit in well in a household where she might either have another cat companion or someone who doesn't have all your demands on her time and energy. She also sounds like a good "mouser" candidate. Around here, we always have a group of cats who probably wouldn't be happy as indoor cats, but who would do well as barn cats. They have to be placed with people who promise to provide them with food and care, but who also need a good mouser in their barn. High energy, playful cats are often great candidates for this role. Whatever your decision, I wish you peace and much less stress in your life. 

 

[abbybaby]

 

[Sarthur2]

It sounds like you need a much older cat who is "retired" and is content with a much lower activity level.

Your cat looks very young, and probably sleeps all day while you are at work. When you come in, she's incredibly excited to see you and wants to play, while you want to relax and do what you need to do.

You're probably right that she would be better off in a household with someone who is home more and perhaps with other people in the household to help entertain her.

She's in her energetic "prime" right now and it may continue for quite awhile, though I do agree that bonding takes much longer than two weeks.

I'm curious to know how she responds over the weekend when you may be home more.

I hope the cat tree you've ordered helps, and I think it's wonderful that you will be taking her to your vet for a full checkup in two weeks.

 

[abbybaby]

It sounds like you need a much older cat who is "retired" and is content with a much lower activity level.

Your cat looks very young, and probably sleeps all day while you are at work. When you come in, she's incredibly excited to see you and wants to play, while you want to relax and do what you need to do.

You're probably right that she would be better off in a household with someone who is home more and perhaps with other people in the household to help entertain her.

She's in her energetic "prime" right now and it may continue for quite awhile, though I do agree that bonding takes much longer than two weeks.

I'm curious to know how she responds over the weekend when you may be home more.

I hope the cat tree you've ordered helps, and I think it's wonderful that you will be taking her to your vet for a full checkup in two weeks.

Weekends haven't been much different, although during the afternoon when she is tired out (because I do play with her) she has been more inclined to curl up and sleep next to me afterward. During the week when she is tired from playing, she stays on the floor and watches me or follows me around crying like she wants something else - but I have yet to figure out what that is. I just spent an hour on the sofa and she was laying on her paper bag (proving to be a favorite toy) the whole time, in spite of having the whole sofa available to her. Yet as soon as I moved away from the sofa (but was still nearby) she started crying, jumping up on things and generally vying for my attention, which I try to give her, but petting her talking to her etc. isn't what she wants.  She is actually getting a bit better about not attacking my hands, but when she really gets wound up, she kind of loses control and reverts back I know she can learn, I'm just not sure she can adapt. The cat I had before was five (so not "retired") when I got her, was very playful and often prone to the "crazies" but not to the extent that she was literally bouncing off walls and furniture. I never felt that my place was too small for her, as I do with Abby. I agree that she looks young and this is the biggest issue, besides the fact that she hasn't been taught "manners" as a friend of mine put it, and I'm not experienced enough to teach her. I notice that when she sleeps, she is really out - I can talk to her and even stroke her and she doesn't wake up. Bailey, on the other hand, would wake up in those circumstances. So that is, I would guess, another indication that Abby is quite young. 

It is hard. When she is sweet and seems content I think "maybe this could work" but when she starts trying to chew on my computer adapter (a new development that happened this evening) I don't think it will. My bottle of bitter apple has been seeing a lot of use. I agree that she probably sleeps for the most part while I am away and is less prone to doing such things, although I do find things knocked over or out of place when I get home. I wasn't expecting to have to "kitten proof" my home since I didn't think I was getting a kitten. It still boils down to my thinking she isn't happy - this place isn't big enough for her and she doesn't have enough going on during the day to keep her content. That's the conclusion I keep coming to.

 

[grizzlysapien]

I don't want to "p-o-o-p" on the conversation.. 

 But what do you mean when you say "cat condo"? I looked it up and I couldn't find anything particular..

First @MTGAL  mentioned it and now you, @AbbyBaby  .. Is it a cat tree? A cat "house"? ... 

  Any pics that might help me understand what you're talking about?

 

[LTS3]

A "cat tree", to me, is something taller and more tree-like:

Armarkat-Premium-Cat-Condo-Pet-Furniture-P12375605

• LTS3
• Aug 12, 2015

There are cat trees that do look like actual trees or a tree house:

hidden_hollow.jpg

• LTS3
• Aug 12, 2015

e2fc9095c75f64e1_catreessilk.jpg

• LTS3
• Aug 12, 2015

 

[mtgal]

 

[LTS3]

I would call that a playpen than a condo but that's just me

It's interesting that when peple hear a phrase (like cat condo), they get certain image in their head and ot everyone is thinking the same.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

I would call that a playpen than a condo but that's just me It's interesting that when peple hear a phrase (like cat condo), they get certain image in their head and ot everyone is thinking the same.

I agree! I thought that was just a cage!:doh3:

 

[grizzlysapien]

Thanks @MTGAL!

What you show in the picture is usually referred to as a "crate" here in Greece.. That's why I couldn't make out what all of you meant! LOL

Yeah, these things do miracles but I don't own one right now.. I should get one though..

 

[lisahe]

Both your cats are beautiful, AbbyBaby! I hope your cat tree/condo helps Abby find new ways to play and expend her energy. I didn't realize how important "vertical space" was until we brought home our new cats: our house is big enough for two cats to run up and down hallways and stairs, but the cats were desperate to climb.

Your story reminds me a lot of when we adopted our two cats in December 2013, right after we had to have our very old cat put to sleep. Edwina and Ireland were ten months old when we brought them home: they were scrawny and underfed, came from a (minor) hoarding situation, and had been spayed a few days before. The shelter thought they were shy cats. They were not and are not shy cats! I think they just weren't used to attention and people. We have no idea what they might have been through but they were definitely very skittish in the beginning. They both still get meow at us when we sneeze.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit the young cats were a bit of a shock to us after calm, elderly, ailing Brooksie: Edwina and Ireland jumped on counters and tables, got into trash, needed to be fed constantly, and ran around during the night. Both went through spells of jumping on backs. (Eek!) They played and ran constantly. We'd forgotten what kittens and adolescent cats were like because we were used to an arthritic, sweet senior cat we'd known for years. We also adopted Brooksie when she was five, so she was still active but definitely not a kitten. In any case, Edwina and Ireland didn't like to be held, never jumped into our laps, didn't even like to be patted much, and were generally not very socialized at all. They nipped, too, particularly Ireland. (They still occasionally nip.) And they also still occasionally love to try to chew cords, though it's helped a lot to buy and make some special chewing toys. (Socks with catnip are great for kicking and biting.) Like Abby, they also love paper bags (I think it's the rustling); a lot of their behavior sounds like Abby's.

Over the last year and eight months, they've gradually calmed down, settled into routines, and become very, very affectionate cats. They're still kittenish and they still have lapses in manners (there are paw prints on the counter most mornings) but they've both become wonderful lap cats -- always on their own terms -- and Edwina even sleeps by my feet most nights. They're wonderful companions. I work at home so can say for certain that they now sleep for much of the day.

I guess there are two things I want to say: the first is that young cats do gradually calm down after being adopted. The second is that it took some times to get used to our new cats as Edwina and Ireland and accept them and some of their behaviors as they were/are, even as we worked on socializing the cats. From the first day, I was glad to give them a home and take care of them -- we adopted the cats just two days after having Brooksie put to sleep because I couldn't stand not having a catless house -- and I took to them right away, too, because I could tell they were nice cats, but it wasn't until a couple months later that we all started to feel truly comfortable with each other. I guess there's a third thing I want to say, too: I know that process isn't for everybody but hope it works for you and Abby. She sounds like she'll be a wonderful cat once she's settled in and you can always ask for help and ideas on the Cat Site!

Good luck!

 

[abbybaby]

What I was referring to I usually call a cat tree. I started using cat condo because others were using that description and I thought it was the more typical term. What I am getting isn't a cage, it looks a lot more like the second photo in LTS3's post. A few different levels to climb to, a little house and carpet and sisel to scratch. Oh and a couple of dangly toys as well.

 

[abbybaby]

Your story reminds me a lot of when we adopted our two cats in December 2013...

Good luck!

It seems that many have found themselves in this situation. I think part of my problem is that I set out to deliberately not be in this situation and that adds to the frustration. I knew at the outset that a kitten wouldn't work out for me, just as I know my circumstances aren't suited to having a dog. If I had wanted/planned for this, I would be okay with the degree of disruption. That's the reason for the title of this thread. I was expecting a period of adjustment, that we would need to get to know each other etc. I certainly didn't expect to immediately bond and everything be hunky dory, but this has been overwhelming. If I could just shake the feeling that she's not happy it would be a bit easier. Hopefully she will like her new furniture.

 

[picklespepper]

e2fc9095c75f64e1_catreessilk.jpg

• LTS3
• Aug 12, 2015

My goodness, those are gorgeous!  But how much on earth do they cost???  lol  Our pet store wants $60 for a double-level condo with no other attachments. 

 

[mtgal]

 
I would call that a playpen than a condo but that's just me

It's interesting that when peple hear a phrase (like cat condo), they get certain image in their head and ot everyone is thinking the same.

I know! We call them condos around here, but we use crate for a dog's cage - go figure. I never heard condo used for what we call cat trees or scratching posts, yet obviously, others use the condo term. No wonder we get confused!

 

[mtgal]

 
It seems that many have found themselves in this situation. I think part of my problem is that I set out to deliberately not be in this situation and that adds to the frustration. I knew at the outset that a kitten wouldn't work out for me, just as I know my circumstances aren't suited to having a dog. If I had wanted/planned for this, I would be okay with the degree of disruption. That's the reason for the title of this thread. I was expecting a period of adjustment, that we would need to get to know each other etc. I certainly didn't expect to immediately bond and everything be hunky dory, but this has been overwhelming. If I could just shake the feeling that she's not happy it would be a bit easier. Hopefully she will like her new furniture.

As a newcomer to this forum, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I have to say I think you need to carefully consider what is in your best interest. Last year I experienced some health problems that left me with very low energy and a high frustration level. An acquaintance who knows I sometimes take in problem dogs for rehabilitation, asked me to take a young Shepherd mix. Against my better judgement I took the dog. I've had German Shepherds for years and love the breed, but they tend to be high energy dogs, especially when young. This dog was less than a year old and had no manners at all. He wasn't nasty, just without social skills or manners. Because he wasn't trained and was somewhat unpredictable, I couldn't allow the kids in our therapy program to work with him. But he did spend much of his day in the dog yard (almost an acre of space) playing with other dogs and I tried to get him walked for an hour daily. In the evening, despite exercise, he was wild. Nothing nasty, no biting or aggression, just unbounded energy. He was fine in his crate, but it's unfair to keep a dog in a crate while other dogs are playing and, he was too young ot be kept so confined. After almost two months, I finally admitted he was just too much for me at the time. It wasn't just unfair to me, it was unfair to the dog. I was losing my patience and letting him know and that is really bad for dogs. Finally, I called another friend who works with difficult dogs and asked her to take the dog and do an evaluation. She concluded he was a great dog, but needed more time and energy then I could offer at the time. She agreed to take him, give him the rehab he needed and find him a good home. I was surprised at how much relief her commitment gave me! It wasn't until the dog was removed that I realized how tense I had become and how it was making me sicker. The dog did wonderful with my friend and found his forever home this past spring. Today, he is a happy, well mannered dog with a loving family that is very active. Giving him up was hard, but it ended being the best thing for him and for me. 

Young cats are easier to place than older ones. This little one may need an environment where she is given more structure than you can provide or perhaps with someone who has the time and energy to give her more exercise. Whatever, if she is making you tense and taxing your patience, neither you nor she will benefit. You're not saying you aren't a good person or a responsible pet owner, you are recognizing your limits and honoring them. As you said, you knew what you wanted and needed, but somehow ended with something different. Admitting this was a mistake doesn't make you a failure, it may mean you are smarter than many. 

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

Well said.

And sometimes hearing all ends of the spectrum from others helps one to decide a personal decision in a more calm, reassured way.

 

[lisahe]

 
It seems that many have found themselves in this situation. I think part of my problem is that I set out to deliberately not be in this situation and that adds to the frustration. I knew at the outset that a kitten wouldn't work out for me, just as I know my circumstances aren't suited to having a dog. If I had wanted/planned for this, I would be okay with the degree of disruption. That's the reason for the title of this thread. I was expecting a period of adjustment, that we would need to get to know each other etc. I certainly didn't expect to immediately bond and everything be hunky dory, but this has been overwhelming. If I could just shake the feeling that she's not happy it would be a bit easier. Hopefully she will like her new furniture.

I hope she likes the new furniture, too! And I completely understand what you're saying about feeling overwhelmed and wondering if Abby is happy. I wondered that about our cats, too, so was glad when Edwina started chest bumping my legs!

 

[abbybaby]

She seems more interested in the dangling mouse than anything else.

11828655_10207668590132271_1428847342726850249_n[1

• abbybaby
• Aug 12, 2015

 

[abbybaby]

 
As a newcomer to this forum, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I have to say I think you need to carefully consider what is in your best interest....Young cats are easier to place than older ones. This little one may need an environment where she is given more structure than you can provide or perhaps with someone who has the time and energy to give her more exercise. Whatever, if she is making you tense and taxing your patience, neither you nor she will benefit. You're not saying you aren't a good person or a responsible pet owner, you are recognizing your limits and honoring them. As you said, you knew what you wanted and needed, but somehow ended with something different. Admitting this was a mistake doesn't make you a failure, it may mean you are smarter than many. 

Thank you for sharing your insights and experience. It is true, and it hasn't helped that there is a lot of stress at my workplace right now. But the situation there is not permanent and I'm hoping once it has passed, things will be easier. That's what makes the delay in seeing my vet actually work out - it gives me a target time to aim for before making a decision and who knows...by then it might be better. If it isn't, the ultimate decision will be to make sure she is better off and it could very well be that she will be - without me.  So we will see.