In Over My Head

[abbybaby]

I recently adopted a cat from a rescue organization and it is not going well. I live in a one bedroom apartment and work all day. This situation was ideal for the cat I had before. She was five when I got her and had come from a household with two other cats and two dogs. She bonded with the lady of the house but not the husband and was only given up when the lady became pregnant, as they were worried about her reaction to the baby (she beat up on the dogs apparently). So I think it was a relief to her to come live with me as an "only cat". After seven years however, she had health issues that could not be overcome and I had to say goodbye.

I'm still grieving, but after six weeks of my apartment feeling lonely, I decided to open my home to another cat. I went through a rescue organization because I thought they tried to match up situations, so they knew about the one bed room apartment/working full time thing. I asked about a cat on line and was invited to the second hand store they run as she was in the cat room they have there. I went and spent an hour with her. She seemed sweet and placid and I agreed to adopt her.

Unfortunately, using 20/20 hindsight, I should not have done this. Abby is estimated to be two years old, though after a couple of days I began to doubt that. She had kittens when she was found and her first foster home had her and the kittens, but when I contacted the agency, she had just been moved to another home as the kittens were old enough to be on their own. This was on a Wednesday - she was spayed on the Friday and I met her on the Sunday. I now wonder if her "placid" demeanour was due to her still recovering from that procedure. I made the mistake of relying on the organization to match the personality of the cat to the situation, but I realize now that she wasn't in her new foster home long enough for them to know what her personality was really like.

Abby is in fact extremely energetic and has not been properly socialized. She wants to play with me by biting and clawing, and gets frustrated when I remove my hand and substitute an actual toy for it. She will bite, claw and rabbit kick that toy for a few minutes, then stop and cry. I play with her using a laser pointed and wand toys (she loves the bird one) and yet after 45 minutes or even an hour, when she is so tired she flops onto her side, she still cries when I stop. It doesn't take long for her to recharge and want to play again. But I have to do things in the evening when I get home, like make dinner, do dishes etc. I can't play with her for hour upon hour. And it seems that my place isn't big enough for her - she was winging her way around the apartment so wildly last night that when she launched herself through the air to land on her cat tree, she overshot the target and smashed into the window.

I'm trying to be very consistent in teaching her not to jump up onto the table, but after almost two weeks, she continues to do so. Although once in a while she will get down when I say "down" most times I still have to pick her up and put her on the floor, and she has taken to grabbing at the chairs when I do this, and attempting to claw me. She is starting to claw at my furniture, in spite of the scratching posts (which she also uses) and while right now her claws are too short to do damage, if I can't clip them, I'm not sure what I am going to do.

On top of all this, she is turning out not to be a lap cat. I don't think it is because I am constantly telling her no, removing her from where she's not allowed etc. as she seems quite happy to accept petting and is not afraid of me. I just don't think that it is her thing. Which is fine, but it does make bonding with her difficult. I can't let her sleep with me, she bites at my fingers, spins and twists around on top of me etc.

I've been told by some people that this is normal behaviour and she will settle down. But it has been nearly two weeks and I see no improvement - in fact, it seems to be getting worse. I am concerned that my inexperience is contributing to this. It sounds strange since I had a cat for seven years, but she wasn't like this. I would like to believe that, but I fear that my place is too small to contain her energy and/or that she needs more companionship than I can give her. Getting a second cat is out of the question due to the size of my place and also because I was told by the lady who fostered her with the kittens that she didn't get along with the other cat in the household. I am struggling enough as it is, I can't imagine what I would do if I introduced another cat and they didn't get along.

I just don't know if I should stick it out or return her to the rescue organization so they can find her a better situation. I do like her, but I want what is best for her. I am still emotionally wounded from the ordeal of my other cat's illness which was very stressful and I am not sure I am equal to coping with the stress of this situation, which doesn't seem to be improving. I can tell there is a good cat in there, but I am not sure I am capable of bringing it out of her.

Should I give her up?

 

[margd]

This is a difficult situation and I think you are doing all the right things. She really might calm down with time - 2 weeks is not really a long time. Especially when it comes to bonding - I've had my cats for 6 months and we are still going through the bonding process. One of them is only now sitting on my lap. The other just wants to sit beside me and I suspect may never be a lap cat.

My real input has to do with getting a second cat. I live in a very small apartment with two cats with no trouble. The other thing is that if your girl was not properly introduced in her foster home, that might explain why she didn't get along with the other cat there. She might actually do fine if you adopted another cat and went through a proper introduction. However, it sounds like you might not be up for this since you are still recovering from the stress of losing your previous cat. It does seem like a second cat might help otherwise.

You're in a tough spot. No one ever wants to return a cat. I hope you are able to get some good ideas here of things to try so things will work out. Best of luck to you!

 

[grizzlysapien]

It seems to me that this poor thing has never had anyone to really devote to her.. She's just found a person who is willing to play with her and continues to want more and more.. complaining when the game has to end.. Based on that, I feel like a 2nd cat as a companion could be a nice try.. 

If I were you, I'd go to the shelter asking them to introduce me to a trainer or behaviourist they may be working with, to give me some tips. This usually comes with no charge.. Also, I would propose them to let me choose a cat to temporarily keep in my home, just to see if he/she gets along with the one they gave me.. 

The one problem I personally find, is where will you find the space to spend the introduction period, in an 1 bedroom appartment? Is it convenient enough for you to do so? 

I believe that this is a transition period for both you and the kitty.. A kitty coming to a new home, new space, new smells, different atmosphere etc... is something the kitty needs time to adjust to.. and in the process, the kitty kinda "tests your limits".. It's your job to act like "you're not insterested" when she exceeds those limits..

I'll agree with @Margd  when she says that 2 weeks are not such a long time. It seems too long to you, cause she seems like a handfull, releasing all that energy.. 

Also, a cat that has been abandoned, God knows how many times, is very likely to suffer from separation anxiety. You said you work long hours, so she's left alone during the whole time.. In conlusion, she doesn't only build up energy while you're gone, but also anxiety that you've abandoned her too..

Walk in her paws, sorta speak 

 she needs a companion and the feeling that she is safe and sound. I'd give a try to getting a 2nd kitty.. Maybe you can take her with you at the shelter and see with which cat she might get along more easily.. This will help you determine your choice better and the introduction period will not last too long..

I hope I have helped just a bit. 

 

 

[abbybaby]

Thanks. She didn't come from a shelter but an organization of volunteers who foster rescued cats in their own homes. And considering how I wound up with a very energetic cat that doesn't seem to be suited to my situation, I'm not sure I trust the process enough to consider a second cat although if I had the space and the knowledge to do the introducing, I would give it some thought.

Two weeks isn't a long time, but I guess after seven years of a cat that suited me so well and after three months of watching her get thinner, weaker and experiencing bouts of pain, then six weeks of feeling lost and empty without her presence, this has been very overwhelming. I didn't expect Abby to be another Bailey, I doubt I will have another cat like her or a relationship like the one we had, but I didn't expect to have to deal with all this either. As I said, since these organizations try to prevent re-homing, I thought they would be a bit more careful when it came to making a match. Other people I know who have used this organization have been quite happy with their outcomes, but I do know that at this time (according to their Facebook page) they are a bit over run with kittens and cats, with no foster homes currently available. So I'm not assigning fault, I understand that they are overwhelmed, but it doesn't change the situation.

Things were slightly better today. She crawled into my lap this evening and had a nice snooze, then I played laser tag with her for a bit, and right now she is amusing herself by getting into the bag of toys and pulling them all out. I didn't realize I had so many cat toys, but after I lost Bailey I did a major clean of the apartment and found lots of them behind the fridge, underneath all kinds of furniture etc. Abby does seem to be capable of amusing herself, she takes a couple of toys and proceeded to "hide" them under a piece of furniture, then fishes them out from underneath, then pushes them under again.

Anyway, I have a new cat tree on order that has a few different levels, scratching posts etc. Hopefully that will help. I have an appointment with my vet in a couple of weeks (he is on holidays right now) to have an introductory, baseline check up. I will try and stick it out until then. I've read that sometimes there is an "explosion" of bad behaviour before they give up on the behaviour you are discouraging so perhaps that's why it seems to be getting worse. We will see.

I have a friend who is telling me that after all I've been through, I shouldn't have to be going through this stress and that the organization should be able to find her a more suitable home, and find me a cat that is more suitable for my lifestyle. Her reasoning is that a pet is supposed to enrich your life, not stress you out. It makes a lot of sense, and I agree with her - but I also agree that two weeks isn't a long time. Still I am a bit worried that if she actually is two years old, that her personality may be set and I might be knocking myself out over this, and frustrating the both of us for nothing. And on a day like today, when I have a migraine (haven't had one for a bit but I am somewhat prone to them) that is a thought I almost can't bear.

Appreciate the advice though - it is always good to go to people who understand.

 

[shadowsrescue]

Have you taken her to a vet for a full check up?  The vet should be able to give you an estimate of her age and also access for other illnesses as well as vaccines.  I know she was just recently spayed, but I would want to have my new kitty checked out by my vet not just the clinic the rescue group used.

Two weeks is definitely not long enough.  Just think where this sweet soul came from.  Do you know anything about her past?  I bet she has been through a lot.  It will be very sad and very hard for her to get readopted if you return her. 

Have you tried a feliway diffusers or Composure calming treats or liquid?  I would definitely be sure to have a feliway diffuser and the Composure might help too.  I would guess that some of her boundless energy is due to her being in a new place and you not being home all day. 

At this point I would not suggest another cat.  You could get yourself into a huge mess if you don't find the right cat.  Yes it might help her to have someone during the day and someone to play with, but not all cats likes being with other cats.  There is usually quite an adjustment period.  I would allow her to settle down and learn to live with you and also allow her to bound with you.  Then decide if another cat would be helpful.

When you are rescuing from a rescue group, the cats are often strays that have been living on the streets for who knows how long.  Do you know anything about her life before?  All cats deserve a chance as well as a loving home.  It times time and effort for a kitty to adjust to its new surroundings.  She needs to bond with you and you with her.  Allow this develop.  Also realize that she is a different cat than the one you just lost.  It is natural to compare the two, but realize she will never be the cat you lost.  She has her own personality. 

I hope you will give her a chance.  Not all cats are lap kitties and docile.  She may be one some day, but she may not.  One of my boys refuses to sit on our laps, yet he will snuggle up next to us in a chair or couch. 

Try winning her over with extra yummy treats while you work on socializing her.  Try plain cooked chicken, tuna or even Gerber stage 2 chicken/turkey baby food.  It's in a small glass jar with a blue label.  The ingredients are turkey/chicken and water only, no added spices.  Cats love it.  You can use this while you teach her. 

Also do you leave a tv or radio on for her during the day while you are gone?  This might help her too.

 

[abbybaby]

Going to the vet is definitely on the agenda, in fact, making the appointment was one of the first things I did when I got her. Yearly checkups are a must and I want to establish a baseline for her. However, at this time my vet is on holidays so  the appointment isn’t until the 22nd. I am very interested in his opinion regarding her age, although I note that the “record” the organization gave me that set out her treatment (for fleas and deworming) does have “May 2013” as the estimated date. Whether that vet just goes by what the organization tells him/her or not, I have no idea.

The rescue group doesn’t seem to know much about her background. I was told that she was found with five kittens, but they don’t think they were all hers. One lady told me there was a second cat found with her, but her foster “mom” never mentioned that, only that she didn’t get along with her resident cat. Other than that, I know nothing. She doesn’t seem to be afraid of people, however, so I prefer to think she wasn’t mistreated – not that abandonment is much better.

I don’t expect her to be like Bailey. It isn’t so much that I am comparing them, as I know there will never be another cat like Bailey - it is more a case of my not being used to this intensity of behavior, because Bailey was very mild mannered and well behaved – well, mostly. She did have her quirks of course, but I could correct them and/or adjust to them. She might hiss to show her displeasure, but quickly got over it and never swiped at me with her claws. Also, she never seemed unhappy. She always greeted me at the door when I got home and flopped over to show me her belly, but then was content to go and do her own thing, although she was always willing to jump into my lap and knead on me, head butt me etc. before snuggling down. She was quite playful, but was just as willing to bat her toys around on her own as she was to play with me. Abby plays and plays until she flops over panting, but as soon as I stop dangling the toy, even after an hour, and even though I am still in the room with her, she cries in the most pitiful way. I talk to her and stroke her, but it doesn’t seem to be what she wants. There has been some marginal improvement however. She came and curled up in my lap last evening (first time she’s done that in a week) and this morning when I picked her up, which she usually lets me do for a few seconds, instead of struggling to get away, she snuggled in.  And perhaps about 25% of the time now when I tell her to get down off the table she does…eventually. This might feel more like a victory if it was more often, or better still if she stopped needing to be told, but baby steps.

I think the hardest thing I am having to deal with is the perception that she is unhappy and the feeling that she would be happier with more space and a person who was around more (like a retired person or a stay at home mom (or dad). I had been told by the organization that there were other people interested in her, so I think they could find her a home. The other concern I have is that it won’t get any better. That may be because I am tired and stressed and the improvement seems to be so miniscule. That’s one of the reasons I went with this organization in the first place, as I thought they would match me up with a kitty that would be suited to my place and situation. I knew there would be an adjustment period, but going through what I am, to the degree that I am is what I wanted to avoid. It is also why I would never have considered a kitten, cute as they are, even though there are plenty of them out there that need homes too. But right now I feel like I might as well have just gone to the SPCA and picked any random cat.

Anyway, I will be getting a better cat tree for her in a couple of days (it is on order) and hope that because it will be bigger and heavier, she will be less inclined to bonking herself into the window when she leaps onto it. That in itself would help improve my frayed nerves. I had a Feliway diffuser for Bailey a few years back when she was over-grooming (which turned out to be due to food allergies, not anxiety) but have misplaced it, which is a pity as they are not cheap, but I will go to the pet supply store to see if I can pick up a new one. I’m still recovering financially from trying to treat Bailey’s conditions and I’ve been buying new toys, the new cat tree etc. for Abby, so things are a bit tight, but since it might help – oh well.

I do want to stick this out and make it work, but it is hard because things are quite stressful at work right now and I sort of need to be able to relax when I get home, which currently is not possible. (Is there a Feliway diffuser for humans? I mean besides wine? 

). Sometimes things are easier when you set little goals, so right now my two goals are – see what happens with the new tree and see what happens after the vet visit. I will not make a decision until those things happen.

Oh and I will try leaving the radio on too. Thanks.

 

[grizzlysapien]

I apologise for delaying in my reply - I'm going through a rough patch myself with my cat, so I needed to get my head in place first.

Trust me, I know what you're going through.. And your friend is right. A pet should enrich our lives, rather than stress us out.. If you feel this is all too overwhelming for you, it's understandable to feel that there might be a more suitable home for her out there, somewhere.. Especially if you've had bad times that are pretty "raw" at this time.. 6 weeks since Bailey passed away, is a very short time to overcome this ordeal..

If I may.. All animals demonstrate their full personality on 3 years old.. Until then, we can witness them go through many changes.. Believe me! This is a hard case you have in your hands, because we are talking about a cat that seems to have been abandoned several times.. or has always been a stray? Something like that.

I say, hang in there until you take her to the vet and ask them to enlighten you with some solutions to handle this.. 

@ShadowsRescue  's idea isn't so bad, even if it is a bit opposite to what I suggested (about a 2nd cat). He/She is right, cause you need to give yourself a chance to bond with Abby, before or if you end up getting a 2nd cat. 

No cat, no animal in general, no person is going to be the same as the one we had in our lives before. Every entry is original 

One thing I'm thinking.. Apart from a new environment that might "trigger" Abby to be more "active" than you're used to.. She might be sensing your loss.. You know, animals and kids are like sponges.. They sense things. They just don't have a way to communicate them to you.. I'm not saying Abby is sensing Bailey's soul or anything! 

 We'll leave that for the Ghost Hunters! LOL But I believe she can feel your pain? Your frustration? 

I know my cat does.. 

 

 

[abbybaby]

Thanks. I am going to try and wait until she can be seen by my vet - maybe there is something else going on. I also bought some "calming spray" because the pet store was out of calming treats. So far there has been no effect (she is going somewhat berserk inside the paper bag I gave her to play with right now) but I figure it can't hurt.

In the meantime, to borrow a phrase that is applied to a different species, I will try to exude "calm assertive energy". It can't help that she is making me tense. And in retrospect, even though I felt I was ready, perhaps it was too soon after losing Bailey. But I didn't seek to replace her, that isn't possible, it was more a case of my home feeling empty and knowing there are other animals out there that need homes, and I had a home available. I didn't think waiting longer would have made much of a difference. I will always miss Bailey, just as I miss lovely little Cindy, the dog we had when I was a teenager, etc. But perhaps I am still too sad and my emotions are still a bit too raw. Still, I made the decision, so I need to try and make it work.

 

[grizzlysapien]

"Calm Assertive Energy"!! 

 I think Ceasar says it for dogs? Do I remember correctly? Good one!

Yes, "calm assertive energy" can totally help when we are having discipline issues.. But you need to know, there's a fine line between that and "going overboard".. I mean that the energy you might use, might get out of hand and Abby mistakes it for aggression on your behalf. You don't want that. Just try and show her, that the only way is your way and it is "what needs to be done around here". Without raising your voice, or do any sudden moves.. Just calm, coldblooded bada** 

 do your thing and walk away. 

Also, when I said it wasn't long after Bailey's death, I didn't mean it was too soon, or you did it to replace her etc.. I apologise if I gave you that impression. I just meant that, The whole thing with Bailey, is somewhat still "in the air".. And so, it's understandable that you may be more sensitive, or get easily disappointed if Abby does things that frustrate you and maybe that's why you may be feeling already tired of the situation in 2 weeks' time and thinking to give her back. I swear that's all I meant. Believe me, I know what you're talking about your home being empty.. I totally get it. Since you needed someone to fill that emptiness in your home and your heart, you did the best thing getting Abby. 

 

 

[abbybaby]

No worries, sorry if I sounded defensive. I have a friend who introduced us on FaceBook to her new cat three days after saying goodbye to her first cat and another friend who needed two years to pass before she could bear to have another one, so I know there is no "right' time that is standard, it varies for each person. But I am second guessing myself. I thought I was ready, but now I'm not sure which is unfortunate. Still if I had taken a calmer cat into my home, I think things would be different. There still would be adjustments, boundaries to establish, habits to learn about each other etc. but it wouldn't be quite so intense. I wouldn't say Abby disappoints me, but she does concern me because if she won't calm down then I don't think she will ever be happy here. It would be tough to live each day with pent up energy you can't expend. I really hope the new tree helps. We had a lovely couple of hours on the sofa tonight where she laid down beside me and was soon sprawled up against me. Then she was lying on her back with her legs spread out, sound asleep. I note that when she sleeps, she is really out - with Bailey, the lightest touch would wake her up, but I guess considering the amount of energy Abby expends, it should be no surprise that her sleep is a lot deeper. Anyway, although that was lovely, she went into Tasmanian devil mode afterward, although at least this time she didn't smash herself into the window. I suppose that is an improvement.  Sigh.

 

[grizzlysapien]

No, you didn't sound defensive - you just went to a lot of trouble explaining why you got Abby and I got concerned that maybe you thought I was judging you. Anyway - glad we cleared this up 

It is only normal to 2nd guess yourself. Believe me, you would do it, even if you had waited longer. Of course things would be easier on both of you if Abby was "calmer" and more "laid back" as a cat. You took her in, when you felt you were ready. And in my book it usually means "ready", no matter what. 

Don't be surprised about the Tasmanian Devil mode (you put it very well! LOL) because most animals tend to be like that after a good sleep. They seem so peaceful and "angelic" while they just charge their batteries! haha! They do their "show", let energy out and then they calm down. That's were the cat tree will be of significant use. She will try to "explore" it and "conquer" it. She will make it "hers". She'll feel like there is something of her own that she will be able to use. Similar "tools" will help also down the road.. Try not to encourage "rough play" with her.. She's already active.. We don't need her to copy that and apply it more.. Encourage her in a more "gentle play" and treat-train her along the way.. 

When she gets off limits, try to stop playing and act indifferent.. Let her approach you - don't make the 1st step into engaging a 2nd round to play. 

I am telling you this because I do that now with Grizzly, who has had a really bad "burst outs" the last few days and it works. I am in the phase of re-training him..

I don't know which calming spray you purchased. I think you'd better do some further research and try to purchase one that has the most positive reviews and more importantly written by people that have had similar experience as yours. I have never used sprays or diffusers (they are not very widely known or used in Greece), but I will give them a try, as I recently found out they are indeed sold here too! LOL I had no idea before! 

The truth is that I've heard that diffusers do a good job in most cases.. sprays are mostly used for brief occasions, from what I've read.. Like spraying in the carrier for the vet visit, or a trip etc.. Diffusers work around the clock, offering a more "stable" effect. I believe sprays "wear off" after a while? Not sure.. 

Until you do your research, why don't you try and spray on anything Abby seems to be more interested? Just to get the hang of it, in a way.. E.g. if she likes the cat tree, spray the cat tree.. She will simultaneously do something she likes and in a way "subconciously trained" to be calm. (this is just a thought)

Do you have any pictures of Abby? I would like to see Bailey too, if that's OK with you. If it's not, I'll totally respect that 

 

 

[abbybaby]

I got the spray to give it a try - I think the diffuser would be better, but it is a lot more expensive and I've spent a lot between Bailey's illness and setting Abby up. I had a diffuser before but have misplaced it. I got it for Bailey when she was over grooming. My vet and I thought it might have been due to anxiety (there were some issues with my mom and I had to leave town a few times to deal with matters - very disruptive) but it turned out to be food allergies instead, so I never noticed any difference with the diffuser, but I note that they have them set up in all the examination rooms in the clinic I go to and the animal hospital, so the animal health professionals seem to think they work. It is hard to get pictures of Abby as she rarely holds still and Bailey would usually look away at the last moment, or squint or whatever, but here are a few, starting with Abby.

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• abbybaby
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• abbybaby
• Aug 9, 2015

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• abbybaby
• Aug 11, 2015

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• abbybaby
• Aug 11, 2015

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[grizzlysapien]

WOW! They both look gorgeous! 

Abby does look quite young though.. If she turns out to be more than 2 years old, I'll be surprised!

 

[abbybaby]

Yes, it will be interesting to see what my vet has to say. I guess Bailey had lost so much weight that Abby didn't seem that small to me when I met her - it wasn't until she was in my place and I saw her sitting in places where Bailey used to sit that I realized just how little she is.

 

[grizzlysapien]

I really love her white "socks" 

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

Thanks. I am going to try and wait until she can be seen by my vet - maybe there is something else going on. I also bought some "calming spray" because the pet store was out of calming treats. So far there has been no effect (she is going somewhat berserk inside the paper bag I gave her to play with right now) but I figure it can't hurt.

In the meantime, to borrow a phrase that is applied to a different species, I will try to exude "calm assertive energy". It can't help that she is making me tense. And in retrospect, even though I felt I was ready, perhaps it was too soon after losing Bailey. But I didn't seek to replace her, that isn't possible, it was more a case of my home feeling empty and knowing there are other animals out there that need homes, and I had a home available. I didn't think waiting longer would have made much of a difference. I will always miss Bailey, just as I miss lovely little Cindy, the dog we had when I was a teenager, etc. But perhaps I am still too sad and my emotions are still a bit too raw. Still, I made the decision, so I need to try and make it work.

I totally understand where you are coming from, and respect that you wonder if it might have been too soon. I too recently lost a dear cat (well, a year ago), and it took me ten months to grieve, then to get a new one.

Part of the adjustment is going from a calmer, adult cat, to a wild rambunctious kitten - and the stress that causes when you are used to a different "style of living" so to speak! It may take time, but also - keep paying close attention to yourself, give yourself time to grieve over Bailey as you move forward (I don't know if you use a journal, but it might help to write "Bailey Memories" down so that you have them to read and cherish), and try to have patience with the new little one. It could be that you were given a breed or mixed breed that has a lot of inherent energy in the first place, so this will take some adjustment. Do you have some friends that can visit in person, to help play with the kitten & help vent the kitten's energy? In any case, remember, you need to nurture yourself along the way, make room for your own "time outs" so that you can diffuse your stress... it will help make emotional and energetic room in yourself for the new kitty, if you discover that the way forward involves keeping the kitty in your life.

 

[abbybaby]

Thanks. This is clearly the place to come for support. Thing is, I didn't want a rambunctious kitten because I didn't think I could handle it. There must have been some lack of communication (maybe because there was more than one foster home involved, more that one volunteer I was corresponding with) because this organization actually has a good reputation, so they shouldn't have provided me with a cat that is pretty much exactly what I didn't want to have. Oh well. As I said above, I will wait until the cat tree and the vet visit - then decide.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

Yes, that guesstimate age of "2 years" would make one think that a lot of the kitten behavior would have ironed itself out by now. I am hearing you completely that you feel there was some miscommunication in the matching of you & your lifestyle with a calmer, more independent kitten/cat. Thing is, I really know a bit of where you are coming from, as my last cat had pancreatitis as well, and so I know how physically, emotionally, and financially draining it is to try to help a beloved cat through that kind of illness. Your posts are written very well, and definitely explain where you are coming from, and all that you are going through with the new kitten/cat. If it is at least 2 years old, it almost looks/sounds like it has some of the genes of one of the "higher maintenance" type of breeds, like Savannahs, Abbyssinian, Siamese, etc. They take a lot of effort, and if you already have a lot on your plate, or work full-time, or anything, it may not have been the best match. If the rescue shelter had any screening process, this would help with the matching. But sometimes it is just hard to know how a cat will be, if the foster humans have not spent a lot of time with the cat/kitten.

You will know in your heart what your choice will be; it is your decision, and it will be the best decision for both you and for this cat which you obviously do care a lot about. You know yourself best. Good luck with your decision, and trust in it!

 

[mtgal]

Hi - I just read through the thread because I have been in your shoes several times. My good friend is an animal control officer and I somehow end up with a lot of her problem placements. (Sucker me!) I have a 12 yo cat that came as a short-term rescue placement. We were told she was an adult cat. But as soon as we saw her, we knew she was still very young. In the shelter she was calm and low-energy. When she arrived, I thought she might be sick or depressed because she was so quiet. But as time passed, she became very energetic. When I got her vetted we discovered (1) she was only around 6-7 months old and (2) she was pregnant. Up until that time I didn't even know a young cat like her could become pregnant. Anyway, her pregnancy was too far along to safely abort so we allowed her to deliver. Sadly, all but one tiny kitten delivered dead. We had to bottle feed the one kitten because the mother cat had no milk. After seeing the kitten into a great home, I was left with momma kitty. I had her spayed and suddenly she was crazed in the house! I should step aside for a moment and explain my setup: I live on a small farm where we host a program for at-risk kids and also for kids with disabilities. I have two dogs of my own and often foster other dogs. At the time I had one other cat, a male. I work from home and there is usually someone around the house during the day. Momma-Kitty was a terror! She stole toys and food from the dogs, pushed them from their beds, climbed the shelves, clawed everything but the many scratchposts in the house, jumped on people from the top of the refrigerator and other high places and generally was a royal pain. I decided to allow her the run of the horse barn during the day so she might get some of the energy expanded. She loved this and loved being the center of attention for the kids. She also fell in love with one of the horses and often slept in his stall. But despite getting plenty of exercise, she remained a terror in the house. 

Although we have semi-feral cats living in our main barn in the winter, the house cats don't go loose outside because we have many coyote and fox nearby. We also live on a busy road and have seen too many cats killed. Momma-Kitty decided she was the official door guard and would attack anyone new as they tried to come into the house. My dogs are trained to sit away from the door until called over and I thought perhaps I could teach MC this behavior. HA! Anyway, very long story short - it took MC almost a full year to settle down. To exert some control, I borrowed a large cat condo and placed it in the bedroom. At night MC went into the condo and this seemed to quiet her down. She would sleep all night without making noise. I put a comfy bed in the condo along with a few toys and, of-course, her box. I think she learned to equate going into the condo with settling down. I made a routine for her going to bed at night: we turned off the lights, went upstairs, I gave all the cats their bedtime treat, put MK into her "bedroom" with her treats and then turned off the lights. Getting the treats seemed to help reinforce the idea that going into the condo wasn't punishment. When she got wild during the day, I called her upstairs, tossed a few treats into her condo and left her for a bit. She never cried and would settle down almost immediately. 

I don't know if any of this would work for you, but it may be worth trying. If you don't have access to a cat condo (cage with different level resting boards) you might try fixing up an extra room or even a bathroom. The secret is not to associate being put into the space as punishment. If your kitty likes treats, I'd use these. I would also continue giving her as much exercise as possible during the day - including some mental stimulation. 

 

[abbybaby]

 
 I don't know if any of this would work for you, but it may be worth trying. If you don't have access to a cat condo (cage with different level resting boards) you might try fixing up an extra room or even a bathroom. The secret is not to associate being put into the space as punishment. If your kitty likes treats, I'd use these. I would also continue giving her as much exercise as possible during the day - including some mental stimulation. 

Wow, that's quite a lot on your plate. I have a kitty condo on order - it is supposed to be in tomorrow and I am really hoping it helps. I am in a one bedroom apartment and since trying to have her sleep with me didn't work (she was nipping at my fingers around 4:00 a.m. and when I tried it again the other day, she went a bit berserk on top of the bed with me in it) using the bedroom won't work either. I am at work during the day and most of my friends who live nearby work similar hours to me (9-5) so exercising her during the day is just not do-able. This is one of the main reasons I didn't want a kitten - I know my circumstances aren't suitable but are better for an independent adult cat. I don't want to sound like I am blaming the organization - I should have asked more questions and said no when I didn't get answers. So I am culpable.

I do try to wear her out when I get home, but some days I'm a bit worn out myself, especially these days as there are a lot of changes taking place where I work, making a stressful job even more so. But after an hour or so (which is more time that I have to spare some evenings) she may seem tired, but she recharges and now that I guess she is feeling more confident in the environment, goes into Tasmanian devil mode, romping around and around, leaping over things, flinging herself at other things. She pounced on top of the back of one of my dining room chairs, rocking it but fortunately it didn't tip over - it is a heavy chair and could hurt her if it did. She pounced on the cat tree I have now and overshot the target, smacking herself into the window. Then she discovered if she leaps off the cat tree onto the paper bag I gave her to play with, for some reason this seems to be great fun. I didn't realize a seven pound animal could thunk quite so loudly.

So I don't know how this is going to play out. A co-worker of mine told me it took about two years for their cat to settle down - and she has a house. Sigh.