I really need some support right now.

[nebula11]

Originally Posted by valanhb

Katherine, this is going to sound so harsh, but...

You really need to totally distance yourself from Brendan for the time being. When you're talking to mutual friends, if they bring him up you have to tell them that you can't talk about that right now. It's a good plan to tell Eric not to tell you anything about what Brendan's doing, because it will set you back every time. Even if he is sulking over you, that will just feed into the Denial phase of the grief process. And really, you have to move on from Brendan. Either he will mature or he won't. Either he will see what a wonderful woman that you really or, or he won't. But none of that is in your control.

For your own mental well being, you have to concentrate on what you DO have control of - YOU! Concentrate on what you need to do to move forward. Think of things that YOU want, things that YOU want to try, that YOU enjoy doing. Then do those things, buy those things you want!!

You're really doing great! And that you realized that you can't keep hearing what Brendan is doing is a giant step forward.

That was really great advice Heidi..............

And shes totally right.............

Also Katherine when you feel it getting too much for you......do something to let all that negative feelings and such out...When i would break up with someone...or when i got "Dumped" I used to make a quote book...........I would find the most beautifully sad quotes in songs and put them in a note book......As wierd as it sounds...it totally helped me....and it was a constructive way of dealing with my feelings......just an idea........

 

[katspixiedust]

Thanks a lot you guys.

Heidi, I absolutely agree with your advice. It hurts me to admit but I have seen what knowing where he is (or where he isn't) has done to me, it brings me right back down. All I can do is trust in the fact that none of this had to do with me or the way I am in his eyes, and just accept that he's in a very selfish phase right now and doesn't want to have to worry about consequences. There's no way he could do that with me an so there's no way we can be together right now. Of course I'm trying to be strong and I'm admitting all of these things to myself, but there's always that part that's pleading for us to end up back together in the end. I know only time can tell that one though, and I've really learned that timing can be a real pain in the you know what.

I'm definitely trying to start making plans to do what I want. Eric, Tiff, Derek (another mutual friend, seems like so many of my friends are) and I were planning last night to take a trip to the Canaveral National Seashore (since I miss the beach so much living in Orlando, and this seashore is beautiful and pretty close) hopefully on Friday to spend some time at the beach and go canoeing. That really had me excited, now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't rain and our plans work out!

I appreciate everything you all have to tell me, even those things that may sound harsh. More than anything though I appreciate your care and concern for me, it's really touched me.

 

[rosiemac]

I've got to jump on that bandwagon as well i'm afraid Katherine. Luckily for me my ex went back down south so i didn't have the chance of bumping into him

I know you probably feel like your world has ended, but trust me when i say to take one day at a time with this and i promise you it will get better

 

[gailc]

Just catching up on they post and to say Hi!!!
Just take one day at a time, enjoy your friends and Waffle.
Remember you cannot change the past but you can change the future!!

 

[katspixiedust]

This is the second morning I've woken up without crying. I feel like crying at the moment, but since I have class today and have to teach as well I'm really trying to keep it under control. Also, I slept later today than I have since this happened which is a very good thing because I was starting to feel like I was living in a haze from the minimal amount of sleep I was getting.

I just keep wondering when he's going to contact me. I haven't spoken to him since Friday evening, and I know I told you all that I'm not going to contact him first because when he talks to me and it's not on his terms he's just completely cold. It's just painful to wonder about that. We haven't talked for over 4 days and I know he isn't even talking to his roommate about how he's feeling so it's just so strange.

Last night I was talking to his best friend (who is also my roommate's recent ex and a good friend of mine) on the computer and was telling him how frustrating it is to have no idea what he's going through right now and the friend proceeded to tell me about a snippet of the short conversation they had at the very same time I was talking to him. Apparently Brendan said something about just being really out of it lately and the friend asked him why. Brendan's response was basically saying that he's just dealing with stuff. Now, I'm not checking his away messages, I've told his friends to not talk about where he is or what he's doing with me or anything, but I have to say that knowing that he's at least having a hard time with it as well gave me some sense of relief. Unfortunately no amount of coping on his part is ever going to change the fact that this has happened, and that's the part that's so hard. I'm trying to accept that he may never be in my life again, but when he was not only a boyfriend but a best friend that feels terrifying. I think I'm doing a really good job coping though, at least the best that could be expected from me.

Yesterday I went shopping with my roomie and best friend and bought a ton of new clothes. I was in a pretty good mood until the end of the shopping trip when it suddenly struck me that I won't get to go home and tell him all about my new stuff and have him be excited. He doesn't even want to see me right now, and I know one of the reasons for that is because he knows he'd be attracted to me if he saw me, but thinking of these things just really brought me back down. I haven't made it through a day yet without crying, but my days have been improving, if only by a little.

I just feel like I'm walking around with this constant anxiety in my chest. It feels like it's just pushing down on my heart and in my stomach. I hate that the only way to get through these feelings and come out on the other side is to just let myself feel the full force of them. I wish there was another way.

 

[ugaimes]

First off, I am glad that things are graaaaaaaaaaaadually improving for you. It'll take a while longer yet, but you'll get there....You all may (OK, you all WILL) laugh at this, but there is a song my mom and I have always listened to when things got rough. It's by (yes) Michael Bolton and it's called "When I'm Back On My Feet Again." It's actually extremely inspirational.

The fact that you share so many mutual friends definitely makes things tougher. However, your friendships and that inner strength we all know you have will pull you through this

.

 

[rockcat]

Katherine, I think that Ryan should fly from his draftyoldhouse to Florida just to take you out!

If not, he's going to lose out, because I'm sure you are on the top of the list at school of hot chicks to date!

Your'e hurt and angry, but you WILL get better and you WILL be happy again. You are Katherine. You are still in my prayers.

 

[turtlecat]

I really don't have anything that I can add, but just hang in there, it will get a little bit better, and then a little bit more... and then it'll be ..okay.. not great, but okay.
Eventually, whether you eventualy get back together or NOT, you will be okay from all this. May I at least ask that you promise not to get back with him until you have worked through all the feelings that you have now, because if you get back together without resolving this, you will only hurt eachother.

 

[coolcat]

...

....

 

[katspixiedust]

Originally Posted by turtlecat

I really don't have anything that I can add, but just hang in there, it will get a little bit better, and then a little bit more... and then it'll be ..okay.. not great, but okay.
Eventually, whether you eventualy get back together or NOT, you will be okay from all this. May I at least ask that you promise not to get back with him until you have worked through all the feelings that you have now, because if you get back together without resolving this, you will only hurt eachother.

I definitely promise not to get back together with him for a long while. That part really hurts, because of course there's that part of me that's just dying to be back with him...but there's no way I can put myself in a situation to be hurt again like this. He definitely needs to grow from this and do some maturing before I could take him back. It really does kill to have to admit that to myself, but I know it's what I have to do!

 

[katspixiedust]

Originally Posted by Rockcat

Katherine, I think that Ryan should fly from his draftyoldhouse to Florida just to take you out!

If not, he's going to lose out, because I'm sure you are on the top of the list at school of hot chicks to date!

Your'e hurt and angry, but you WILL get better and you WILL be happy again. You are Katherine. You are still in my prayers.

Renee you made me smile, thanks for that. Also thank you for keeping me in your prayers, that's very comforting.

 

[katspixiedust]

Originally Posted by ugaimes

First off, I am glad that things are graaaaaaaaaaaadually improving for you. It'll take a while longer yet, but you'll get there....You all may (OK, you all WILL) laugh at this, but there is a song my mom and I have always listened to when things got rough. It's by (yes) Michael Bolton and it's called "When I'm Back On My Feet Again." It's actually extremely inspirational.

The fact that you share so many mutual friends definitely makes things tougher. However, your friendships and that inner strength we all know you have will pull you through this

.

Amy you've been soooo wonderful through all of this, I can't even thank you enough, and I'm so sorry that you're in a tough spot right now as well. We can lean on each other for support though and that's definitely a nice thing.

 

[miss mew]

You are being so strong throughout this ordeal!!, way to go girl!!, I know it's tough but just hang in there.

 

[tari]

Katherine, I'm glad you're starting to make some progress. Don't expect too much from yourself too soon, though. It's going to take a while, and that's OK. Keep hanging in there, and we'll keep you in our thoughts.

 

[mferr84]

Yo Sexy Lady!!! Just wanted to give you a big

for today!
I am glad that things are gradually improving for you!

I am still sending prayers and good vibes to you!

 

[cheeseface]

There's not much I can say, but hang in there Katherine. Whatever happens in the long run, I doubt anyone close to you would think that you couldn't get through this without becoming stronger, wiser and even happier some day. Between the tough times, try to live your life as best as you can.

 

[monarda]

My boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up about 6 months ago. We had planned to get married on September 25 then he told me that he wanted to join the military and we couldn't get married. I know what heartbreak feels like, if you need to talk, let me know ... I'd be glad to.

 

[katspixiedust]

I've been doing all right for the most part today, but just over the last hour or so I've started to feel really sick about it again. I want to call him so badly, but I know I'm not going to hear anything that will make me feel any better. We haven't talked since last Friday, and I'm just missing him so much right now and wondering why he keeps trying to run from what he's done. He doesn't want to think about any consequences right now. It just kills me to not know when the next time I talk to him will be. I miss just having simple conversations with him, but who knows if we'll ever be able to have those again. I have no idea when I'll talk to him or when I'll ever see him. I have a bunch of his stuff that I need to give to him but haven't got a clue when. I feel like I've been doing such a good job lately but this evening all I can feel is how incredibly much I miss him. I wish I knew that he was missing me too.

I also know this rain we've been having for the last two weeks isn't helping either. I wish that we could just pick out the course of our lives and have it be exactly the way we want it to be.

 

[katspixiedust]

Originally Posted by Monarda

My boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up about 6 months ago. We had planned to get married on September 25 then he told me that he wanted to join the military and we couldn't get married. I know what heartbreak feels like, if you need to talk, let me know ... I'd be glad to.

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's nice to know that so many people really understand the hurt that I'm going through. Right now I just feel like I'm living someone elses unwanted life. So much of me wishes there was a way to turn back time and somehow prevent this from happening. He really meant so much to me.

 

[mferr84]

Hey Katherine! I am sure he is missing you too. I dont see how anyone could be together as long as you guys were and just stop caring about the other person overnight. I know it is easier said than done, but dont sit around waiting on him to call, cuz every hour that goes by that he doesnt, it is just going to make you that much more sadder. Instead, keep your schedule full, and concentrate on what you have to do next. That way when he does call, you will be pleasantly surprised. I know others have already said this, but what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. I know it is easier to sit around, and wonder and think about what has happened and what is going to happen. But it really isnt good for you. Dont stay at home, stay out, stay busy, try new things, go new places, whatever you can. Just know I am wishing you the best in all of this.

You are strong and you are going to get through this just fine. Everything will work out okay.