How to break up with a boyfriend?

[bonnie1965]

I just now found this thread and read through it. Big hugs to you and PHX

 

[brittany]

It takes awhile to get over a breakup. Even if you KNOW in your heart of hearts that this is not the right relationship, it's still incredibly hard. Congratulations in making the right decision for you life, and not just staying in a bad relationship because its easier than breaking up. I'll keep my fingers crossed that things go smoothly. I don't know if you have any friends who need roomates or not, but a few of my friends have found roomates on craigslist. I think its a bit easier because it starts out as a business relationship. Its not like a friend who you want to "loan" rent for one month, then they get lazy. Of course you have to be super careful about who the person is!

Good luck and stay strong!! I was in an awful relationship and even knowing how bad of a guy he was, I cried for probably 3 months over it. You invest so much of yourself in one person, and its really hard to just let them go.

It really seems like you know that you're making the right decision. Just remember that when he sends you sappy text messages. Or better yet! Look at your bank account! That will help you remember for sure! LOL Deadbeat guys suck

 

[danimarie]

I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this, as it is very personal to me.
When I was 19 I fell in love for the first time, HARD. It's quite possibly the only time in my life I've ever felt TRUE love. I was miserable, but truly ,madly and deeply loved this person.

I was his puppet, and it took me a long time after the break-up to realize that. He was not good to me. Everyone saw it and stuck by me, but I didn't until it was too late.
We broke up for good when I was 21-22 (we kept going back and forth, I was so deeply in love and looked past everything he did, including cheating on me several times with my BEST FRIEND) and I wrote this. Some people thought it was bitter, but if anything, it was cleansing for my soul.


So here I share:

My ex, you have taught me so much and for this I thank you.


I thank you my ex for opening my eyes.

I thank you for every nasty word and insult you ever uttered to me because it made me start to better value kind words.

I thank you for making me feel my weakest because now I know the power of my own strength.

I thank you for making me take my friends for granted because now as I look back I realize that the people who picked me up each and every time you kicked me down are worth more than you EVERRRRR were or will be.

I thank you for making me cry endless rivers of tears because eventually I came to see that the one tear of happiness that dripped down my face the moment I came to all of these realizations dried the rest.

I thank you for making me feel absolutely worthless because now I see that the people who are truly worth something won’t ever make you feel this way.

I thank you for teaching me that NOTHING is worth hurting someone I love , especially you.

I thank you for showing me what true love is, not in the way you loved me, because I’ve realized you never did... but in the eyes of every single person who DOES love me.

I thank you for each and every lie you ever told me, because it made me see that by believing you when you were telling me what you knew I wanted to hear, I was only lying to myself.

I thank you for every fight we ever had and how horrible you made me feel because now I’ve come to appreciate each and every relationship in my life that puts a smile on my face.

I thank you for making me realize that I should never have to work for someone’s love, and this taught me the definition and power of unconditional love.

I thank you for NOT loving me because now I’ve come to realize all of the love that IS in my life and I cringe at the thought of ever making myself feel as if I had nothing if I didn’t have yours.

But most of all, I thank you for each and every sleepless night I had to lie awake questioning whether or not I should live...because once the counting ended for the reasons I shouldn’t and I began to count the reasons I should, I ended up losing count.

So I thank you my ex for making me miserable because without knowing that I would have never realized what happiness is.

 

[lunasmom]

There is never a set date on how long you're suppose to take to get over someone. From personal experience, you "get over them" a lot quicker when YOU do the leaving then if they break up with you. You could be ready to meet someone next week, next Spring, in 2 years.

Breakups do suck. Personally I think the only reason why he wants you back now is because he's scared about whats going to happen with the bills as well as what's going to happen to him. Sounds like you were his crutch in the relationship (just from what you post here now and before).

The best advice that I can offer you is to find your girlfriends and go out and have tons of fun! You're still young so despite it being a 4 year relationship you'll bounce back quicker.

 

[mybabyphx]

Originally Posted by DaniMarie

I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this, as it is very personal to me.
When I was 19 I fell in love for the first time, HARD. It's quite possibly the only time in my life I've ever felt TRUE love. I was miserable, but truly ,madly and deeply loved this person.

I was his puppet, and it took me a long time after the break-up to realize that. He was not good to me. Everyone saw it and stuck by me, but I didn't until it was too late.
We broke up for good when I was 21-22 (we kept going back and forth, I was so deeply in love and looked past everything he did, including cheating on me several times with my BEST FRIEND) and I wrote this. Some people thought it was bitter, but if anything, it was cleansing for my soul.


So here I share:

Thank you for sharing that. It really does make sense.... *hugs*

 

[mybabyphx]

Originally Posted by lunasmom

There is never a set date on how long you're suppose to take to get over someone. From personal experience, you "get over them" a lot quicker when YOU do the leaving then if they break up with you. You could be ready to meet someone next week, next Spring, in 2 years.

Breakups do suck. Personally I think the only reason why he wants you back now is because he's scared about whats going to happen with the bills as well as what's going to happen to him. Sounds like you were his crutch in the relationship (just from what you post here now and before).

The best advice that I can offer you is to find your girlfriends and go out and have tons of fun! You're still young so despite it being a 4 year relationship you'll bounce back quicker.

Yeah, it's really hard... i think the part that makes it even harder is that I feel really really bad about leaving him with all the bills. i am still giving him money on the 1st for some of the bills- cuz I know he can't do it on his own. But this is the last month I'm helping him. My dad said he'd even borrow me some money if needed.

I love parents that are always supportive of you no matter what.

 

[natalie_ca]

You shouldn't feel badly about leaving him with the bills. He sure didn't feel bad when you were paying everything for all 3 of you.

I don't mean to be blunt, but the fact is that he survived life just fine before you and he will again. And so will you.

However, on the other hand you didn't give any notice that you were moving out, so it is nice of you to help with this next month's expenses, but you should only be paying 1/3 of them, not all of them.

They should also put the utilities in their own names starting right now! Otherwise they could rack up huge bills and you are stuck with them because they are in your name, and it won't matter a lick to the companies you owe money to if you say you had moved out and it was your ex boy friend and his friend that ran up the bill.

 

[pipersjo]

It takes time to get over a relationship, no matter what your feeling are like at the end of it. Not only were you his crutch to lean on, in a way, he was yours. You get so comfortable with someone, that when you break up with them, you're out of your comfort zone. I know that I repeated what others said, but sometimes it's good to hear (or read) again.

 

[mybabyphx]

Yes, I am still helping pay the bills right now... I figured I was going to give myself a little bit of time to think it over, and make sure this is what I really wanted to do. When I went to get PHX and bring him to my dads, that pretty much told myself (and my bf) that it's over for sure- there was no changing my mind. It's still soooo sooo hard for me though.

I try not to cry, and try to stay strong because I know this is good for me. But, we were together for almost 4 years! I have been with him since I was a senior in High School! I never had any other serious relationships, escept for him! As soon as I graduated from HS, we moved in together...so this is all I know! Only time will tell...

If anyone has any good advice on how to get over a break up.. that would be good!

 

[white cat lover]

Time is the only advice I can offer! You will make it on your own, I know you can. And we're here for you.

 

[pookie-poo]

Get involved. Volunteer at an animal shelter, local theater group, help senior citizens. Take a class at a local junior college or craft class. Try out a new hobby like quilting or painting, or take up exercise like weight training or bicycling or even walking. Focus on experimenting with things that interest you. The worst thing you can do is stay home and think about the relationship. You need to find other things to stimulate and occupy your mind!

 

[lunasmom]

Originally Posted by mybabyphx

Yeah, it's really hard... i think the part that makes it even harder is that I feel really really bad about leaving him with all the bills. i am still giving him money on the 1st for some of the bills- cuz I know he can't do it on his own. But this is the last month I'm helping him. My dad said he'd even borrow me some money if needed.

I love parents that are always supportive of you no matter what.

dads rock like that. Hate to say it, but the last thing they want to see is their daughter being the sugar-momma for some guy

My advice for making that start in getting over things is just to:

1)Cry for the first week or two. You're perfectly allowed to have random fits. It's all a part of the heeling process. If you don't, you're just bottling things up and that's not good for future relationships (trust me

)
If you need that third week, do so, but only the presence of your most trusted friends.

2)Reconnect with people you've lost touch with. since you moved back to someplace you're from, look up people from high school, get together with them and have lunch. Placing new people in your life will help distance yourself from the old.

3) Join a volunteer site. I.e. shelters, community walks and fundraisers, the Jaycees etc. Again it goes along with the new people thing and doing something good for someone or something else helps you feel good about you.

 

[mybabyphx]

Originally Posted by lunasmom

Reconnect with people you've lost touch with. since you moved back to someplace you're from, look up people from high school, get together with them and have lunch. Placing new people in your life will help distance yourself from the old.

I have only been living in AZ for like a year and a half. I grew up in Iowa. So I don't know very many people here.

 

[mybabyphx]

He keeps begging me to come back, when does he just realize I'm not coming back?

 

[roxie225]

It's going to be really hard for both of you for a while. I think by you just standing your ground and keep telling him what you have been that in time he will see that it was what was best for both of you.

If he really loves you he will want to do what is best for you. Who knows, if you guys were meant to be maybe in a few years you will find your way back together. Stranger things have happened.

 

[catgirl2548m]

Originally Posted by mybabyphx

He keeps begging me to come back, when does he just realize I'm not coming back?

mines still doing the same thing. it must take em a while 2 get it thru their thick heads.

 

[cococat]

Wow, I just skimmed this thread and have to say way to go! I can imagine that was so hard that was for you after being with him for years, basically your whole dating life, way to stand up for yourself. I am glad your dad is there for you, and we are here for you too. I wish you the best. I am sorry it is so hard, I will send you some vibes.

Originally Posted by mybabyphx

He keeps begging me to come back, when does he just realize I'm not coming back?

How much contact does he have with you? Is this in person, over the phone in messages, text messages, IMing, e-mails, or what? I would break off all contact if you can at all for awhile, while things aren't so emotionally raw, heated, and charged. It will be easier on you I would think.

 

[lunasmom]

Originally Posted by mybabyphx

I have only been living in AZ for like a year and a half. I grew up in Iowa. So I don't know very many people here.

oops.

Originally Posted by mybabyphx

He keeps begging me to come back, when does he just realize I'm not coming back?

Some get the point eventually, others don't. A friend of mine still has a guy that calls her....and they broke up 3 years ago!!!

 

[mybabyphx]

Well, he just found out his grandma died. She was a sweet lady, I loved her so much. His family was like my family, and my family his- know what I mean? Well, he's taking all of this really hard. Very bad timing. He asked if I could come over and talk to him, give him some company. So I'm going over there tonight to talk. We aren't getting back together. But I still love him, and he at least deserves a friend to talk to. If my grandma died, right after my SO broke up with me... i'd want someone to talk to.

 

[karl]

Express your condolences over the recent passing of his grandmother. Then throw more rocks at him. Hope this helps.