How I get him to help me out?!!

[katiemae1277]

For Susie and Tanya, if you guys LIKE to clean and are picky about the way things are done, then you doing everything is probably the way to go

My own mother is like that, but I think in Brandi's case, as well as my own, we both hate to do these household chores as much as the guy, but just because we're the women does that mean we should have to do it? IMO, no, not at all. That's the vibe I used to get from ex, that cleaning etc was "womens' work" and it was beneath him

I really don't think Brandi is asking that much, run the vacuum, start dinner, maybe throw a load of wash in? doesn't seem to be all that hard

Most of you all have described realtionships where the guy has had his chores and does them faithfully and shows some appreciation for what you do as well, and that's really all most women want

 

[phenomsmom]

Originally Posted by katiemae1277

For Susie and Tanya, if you guys LIKE to clean and are picky about the way things are done, then you doing everything is probably the way to go

My own mother is like that, but I think in Brandi's case, as well as my own, we both hate to do these household chores as much as the guy, but just because we're the women does that mean we should have to do it? IMO, no, not at all. That's the vibe I used to get from ex, that cleaning etc was "womens' work" and it was beneath him

I really don't think Brandi is asking that much, run the vacuum, start dinner, maybe throw a load of wash in? doesn't seem to be all that hard

Most of you all have described realtionships where the guy has had his chores and does them faithfully and shows some appreciation for what you do as well, and that's really all most women want

You hit the nail on the head with what I want.

 

[squirtle]

Originally Posted by katiemae1277

For Susie and Tanya, if you guys LIKE to clean and are picky about the way things are done, then you doing everything is probably the way to go

My own mother is like that, but I think in Brandi's case, as well as my own, we both hate to do these household chores as much as the guy, but just because we're the women does that mean we should have to do it? IMO, no, not at all. That's the vibe I used to get from ex, that cleaning etc was "womens' work" and it was beneath him

I really don't think Brandi is asking that much, run the vacuum, start dinner, maybe throw a load of wash in? doesn't seem to be all that hard

Most of you all have described realtionships where the guy has had his chores and does them faithfully and shows some appreciation for what you do as well, and that's really all most women want

I am not saying that Brandi is asking too much... but is it worth ending a four year relationship over? If neither of them budge then that's what happens. Another thing comes to mind after reading that they have been together for four years, is if this has always been an issue or is there an underlying reason as to why it has come to a head right now....

 

[kittylover4ever]

Originally Posted by squirtle

I am not saying that Brandi is asking too much... but is it worth ending a four year relationship over? If neither of them budge then that's what happens. Another thing comes to mind after reading that they have been together for four years, is if this has always been an issue or is there an underlying reason as to why it has come to a head right now....

Gotta say I agree........all I want is for Brandi to be happy and not let something like housework break up an otherwise wonderful 4 year relationship..........

 

[phenomsmom]

Originally Posted by squirtle

I am not saying that Brandi is asking too much... but is it worth ending a four year relationship over? If neither of them budge then that's what happens. Another thing comes to mind after reading that they have been together for four years, is if this has always been an issue or is there an underlying reason as to why it has come to a head right now....

We have been together for 4 years but have only lived together 1.

 

[katiemae1277]

Originally Posted by squirtle

I am not saying that Brandi is asking too much... but is it worth ending a four year relationship over? If neither of them budge then that's what happens. Another thing comes to mind after reading that they have been together for four years, is if this has always been an issue or is there an underlying reason as to why it has come to a head right now....

Originally Posted by kittylover4ever

Gotta say I agree........all I want is for Brandi to be happy and not let something like housework break up an otherwise wonderful 4 year relationship..........

Well, all I'll say to this is that I was with my ex for over 6 years, and after 6 years of me being the one to always compromise and back down and give up what I wanted, yes it was worth ending it, when your guy cannot even take the little bit of time out of his day to make you happy by doing things that you need/want him to do, it does become a bigger problem. Most of the time its not about him not doing the chores persay, its about him not being willing to compromise or make a sacrifice that we ourselves make everyday

it's about being taken for granted

 

[kittylover4ever]

Originally Posted by katiemae1277

Well, all I'll say to this is that I was with my ex for over 6 years, and after 6 years of me being the one to always compromise and back down and give up what I wanted, yes it was worth ending it, when your guy cannot even take the little bit of time out of his day to make you happy by doing things that you need/want him to do, it does become a bigger problem. Most of the time its not about him not doing the chores persay, its about him not being willing to compromise or make a sacrifice that we ourselves make everyday

it's about being taken for granted

Katie, the man that doesn't appreciate what he has in you just isn't worth it. You deserve the world my friend.........and I'm glad you didn't settle. If/when true love finds you, you deserve the very best......

 

[gingersmom]

Sounds like Katie and I have tons in common, LOL - it doesn't mean we don't want things to work out for Phenomsmom, I just think we're a little more cynical about it, having BEEN taken for granted and gotten fed up with it.

Like I said before, I really hope he wakes up, because it is important for BOTH people in the relationship to feel appreciated. There HAS to be a balance of power, even if it's 60-40 one day, 70-30 on another, 25-75 on yet another.

I'm sending out some vibes that he chooses to step up and be more active in helping around the house.

We only want you to be happy.

 

[phenomsmom]

Thanks for all the input and advice everyone. Its really helpful o see more than my point of view in this situation. Lee says he is going to help out and I truly hope he does. But if he doesn't then i am ready to move out. Maybe not end the relationship but let him live on his own until he realizes what it takes to run a home and then give it another try.

 

[neetanddave]

Just remember: the only person that you can change is yourself. And that is difficult too.