Bridal Shower; No Registry, Wants Money

[theyremine]

Yes, it is common now and has been for awhile. When my godchild got married about 8 years ago she already owned her own condo and had a good job. Her gift registry included Sears and Home Depot for tools and such as well as "extras" for the honeymoon. I opted to buy an "extra", a candlelight dinner for two on a deserted beach. I was happy with my choice.

 

[nansiludie]

Its certainly something I would not do. To me it does seem a bit rude to ask for money for honeymoon trip. I think you should give what you want to if you even decide to. Wedding showers shouldn't all be about what they are going to get, same as birthday parties aren't all about presents.

 

[Willowy]

I guess i don't see the difference between a product, a gift card, and money . I suppose that's the way they're seeing it too---why stand on ceremony when it's all the same in the end?

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

I do agree it’s tacky, and feel so pressured all the time with showers and parties and invites with “Give me” attached. My grandmother was well versed in etiquette (the poor Love would shudder at my forgetting so much of her efforts on me I’m sure) and I know she would find today’s “gifting culture” very distasteful. I also find invites to a shower, without a wedding invite extremely tacky, showers are for giving gifts, not celebrating together. I actually had a bride last summer invite me casually through an email explaining a seat was vacated and they were happy to include me. I accepted, but a short time later was asked by the bride “Can you do my makeup?” I was put off, I’m disabled and my appointments are coveted and few because I just can’t manage to take them as I would like, it was also last minute and I felt pressured. I told her I would think about it, and reminded her of my dangerous health issues, and her answer was- “So you’ll do the whole bridal party?” I was downright shocked by that, and not happy, declined any service, but decided to attend the wedding. I was given the cold shoulder by the bridesmaids and their mothers (but not the bride, a truly lovely girl whom I just think was clueless and stressed and didn’t understand she was asking for 1,200 of service). However, I thoroughly enjoyed myself, the bridesmaids looked just awful, and like “Cinderella’s step sisters”, their makeup matched their attitude, really, really awful. I’ve learned that attending anything is a time for showering my love, time and gifts, things I freely enjoy giving to those I can, and politely decline if I feel odd or pressured. All these parties have become very “first world problems”, and although the wedding is important, the showers really aren’t.

 

[Kat0121]

I guess i don't see the difference between a product, a gift card, and money . I suppose that's the way they're seeing it too---why stand on ceremony when it's all the same in the end?

I agree. I don't see the difference either. I guess I am at the opposite end. IMO the honeymoon is WAY more important than the wedding which is normally done for everyone BUT the bride and groom.It is done to please parents and other relatives. Having to invite people you don't or barely know because if you don't this person or that person will be offended and really, no matter what you do, someone will be offended. It is inevitable. It's such nonsense. The honeymoon is where the couple really starts their marriage. Just them and no meddling, annoying relatives arguing about seating arrangements because we all know that his aunt Margie and her cousin Gretchen cannot be seated in the same zip code. I would MUCH rather give a couple money to use on their honeymoon then buy them a blender or a boring set of towels. They can use the money for a quiet dinner for 2 or a bottle of champagne.. whatever. They would be using it to celebrate the beginning of what will hopefully be a long, happy life together.

 

[Livak]

I agree with Artiemom, with couples living together, having a registry is becoming more uncommon as people have set up home already.
In Ireland it would be normal to give cash as a wedding present if you were going to the ‘full day’ (ceremony, reception, dinner, afters) as ideally you should be covering the cost of your dinner (€50+), and more depending on how close you are to the couple.

I’m weirded out that people would be expecting a present or cash for a bridal shower, would they also expect the same on the wedding day?

 

[Kat0121]

I agree with Artiemom, with couples living together, having a registry is becoming more uncommon as people have set up home already.
In Ireland it would be normal to give cash as a wedding present if you were going to the ‘full day’ (ceremony, reception, dinner, afters) as ideally you should be covering the cost of your dinner (€50+), and more depending on how close you are to the couple.

I’m weirded out that people would be expecting a present or cash for a bridal shower, would they also expect the same on the wedding day?

I have never been to a wedding where anything other than money was given as a gift.

 

[kitty chew]

I'm from Australia. Not sure if we have bridal showers here as I have never heard of one. It's just wrong. And a money dance? I thought you gave gifts at engagement parties only! Maybe I' m showing my age here also, I'm 38.

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

I'm from Australia. Not sure if we have bridal showers here as I have never heard of one. It's just wrong. And a money dance? I thought you gave gifts at engagement parties only! Maybe I' m showing my age here also, I'm 38.

I’m 39, and I find both practices tacky. I mean really, have we bought into this “keeping up with the Millenial Jones’” thing so that Brides are demanding showers, weddings with three dress changes and a paid honeymoon and fully stocked new home from their guests? Not to mention as a bridesmaid you are expected to buy a dress costing several hundred dollars, shoes, hair, makeup flights, hotels, time off and expected to help plan these party’s- AND to pay for bachelorette party’s? (A whole different conversation of tacky) It’s become a stressful, needless mess, instead of a beautiful, meaningful union of two people starting their lives together. As a makeup artist I am a good part counselor and spend a great deal of time helping brides get what they really want- not what mom, 12 bridesmaids, opinionated relatives and commercials and magazines insist. They are so often just overwhelmed and flustered, and I am always cried on and thanked for helping them put their foot down, and so many confess in my chair they wish they didn’t have to go through two years of appointments and stress. I know I have a unique view, and it’s a beautiful thing to witness a lovely family event and be honored to help. I am still a romantic after years in diamonds and jewelry, and then bridal artistry, I just wish they felt they could all say “I just want a beautiful simple, natural ceremony with those I love, and run off somewhere with only a pair of flip flops and sunscreen”, when that’s what they really want. Brides and weddings and giving gifts and loving families support is a stunning thing to see, just all on its own!

 

[artiemom]

This Bride-to-be is Planning her own Wedding Shower...

As her sister, planned her own Baby Shower!

I find both things just a 'gimme, gimme, gimme"...a party to ask for money and/or gifts.... No one should 'plan' their own shower, either baby or wedding.. I mean plan, as in: I get the place, plan the decor, plan the food, etc....

 

[Willowy]

Brides are demanding showers, weddings with three dress changes and a paid honeymoon and fully stocked new home from their guests

I'm sure you see more than I do, since you work with wedding parties. But the brides I've known personally only do all that because their mother/his mother insisted on it :/. They all wanted to just sign a paper and throw a party, but Mom lays on the ol' guilt trip. . .

Of course, if you can't stand up to Mom you're probably not ready to be married , but, yeah, IMO that's a big part of it.

 

[kitty chew]

I got married in a registry office, got my dress from an op shop, and made my jewellery. I'd rather put money into making our home and garden nice, rather than use it all on the wedding day. But that's just me. Everyones different. What FlawlessImperfection said is true. It's not all about the dress, makeup, and venue etc, it's about joining two people in love, with their family and friends.