Lost yet another friend

Thanks to my horrible trust issues and this frustrating bipolar disorder I have turned yet another person I care about into an enemy. I received an e-mail from my only true friend left in the city today who stated that she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because of a number of reasons, but the main one being that I am too draining. I have such a difficult time with relationships, period. Plus I have to go back to work soon. I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle it. I feel sick to my stomach.

Sorry for this... I just really needed to vent. A lot of people don't understand the agonizing hell that is bipolar disorder, and despite being on 4 separate bipolar meds, I just don't feel like I'm completely well. Not to mention I've been having disassociating a LOT lately, likely due to the stress of returning to work. If any of you could send a few healing vibes my way, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for listening.

Vibes and prayers from me, and head-butts and snuggling from the boys! You've always got friends at TCS

Lots of good vibes coming your way from me & Harley

You know you've always got a friend on TCS!

I hope you get thru everything okay, we're always here for you!

Originally Posted by vespacat

Thanks to my horrible trust issues and this frustrating bipolar disorder I have turned yet another person I care about into an enemy. I received an e-mail from my only true friend left in the city today who stated that she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because of a number of reasons, but the main one being that I am too draining.

I have such a difficult time with relationships, period. Plus I have to go back to work soon. I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle it. I feel sick to my stomach.

Sorry for this... I just really needed to vent. A lot of people don't understand the agonizing hell that is bipolar disorder, and despite being on 4 separate bipolar meds, I just don't feel like I'm completely well. Not to mention I've been having disassociating a LOT lately, likely due to the stress of returning to work. If any of you could send a few healing vibes my way, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for listening.

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When I was 3 I was diagnosed Bi-Polar, I don't have many friends either, but I'll tell you this much, all the medications I've been on, made me worse than what I am w/o them. So I stopped, I started getting suicidle visions, really scary ones, and while I was driving too, i'd flip out over the smallest thing.

Now I still struggle with it, but i keep myself really really busy, also, exercising helps me, at my job, there is no down time, and by the time i get home i'm so exhausted I just chill, smoke my cigs, and go to bed. In the spare time I do have at home, I design web sites, graphics, take pictures of my cats, and now I come on TCS, I just have to do something to keep me destracted. I don't get attached to people anymore, except my husband, and I don't know what I'll do if we ever split, I use him as my backbone, and even though he doesn't really understand me, he tries, and that's important.

If you EVER need someone to talk to, vent on, or whatever it may be, feel free to shoot me an email [email protected]

Thanks everyone for the hugs. I can almost feel them over cyberspace.

I lost my dad to this disease. He suicided in 1989, and his brother also died by suicide in 1986. I attempted when I was 12. In my case, this is a partly genetic disorder than I have been cursed with.

But I really am TRYING to get well. I plan on starting with a bit of volunteering again next month, in order to prep myself with my return to work. And I joined a gym to keep myself busy for the next little while.

Originally Posted by vespacat

Thanks to my horrible trust issues and this frustrating bipolar disorder I have turned yet another person I care about into an enemy. I received an e-mail from my only true friend left in the city today who stated that she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because of a number of reasons, but the main one being that I am too draining.

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I would like to give her a piece of my mind! Too draining indeed! How rude! May the fleas of a thousand camels infest her bed!

Well, if you feel that you are true friends, then you should send her a note or e-mail apologizing for being too intense or too needy (if you were). Let her know you are working on being a better friend than you have been in the past, and you look forward to hearing from her when she is ready.

Maybe therapy or a group situation would be helpful? The medications help to a certain extent, but sometimes going the extra inch of working on the issues you want to change can help a lot. Especially at a very stressful time, like starting a new job! OK, I'll close my big mouth now. Best of luck to you at this challenging time.

Sending you hugs as well. I've fought depression since I was 7 years old, and was told last year I may actually be atypical bipolar. I can empathize with you, I have had "friends" turn on me for similar reasons.

Know that you have friends on TCS who care. :hug:

Also, I'd like to say that from knowing you here at TCS, I think you are a very fine friend! I always enjoy reading your posts, and find you to be a very thoughtful and kind person.

Thanks again, everyone. It mean a lot to have your support.

Becky, my "friend" was pretty final with her words. We have been through a lot together, and have been close friends for over 6 years. She is angry because I believe her boyfriend (who I introduced her to 2 years ago) doesn't want to commit and I told her the truth, which she didn't want to hear. I was shocked that she decided to end our friendship over a disagreement like that. I was rude and blunt about it, I admit, but she didn't even let on like she was angry. I just received an e-mail saying she didn't want to be my friend any longer. We have had past falling outs, but I thought she had forgiven and forgotten. I was obviously wrong in assuming that.

Originally Posted by Beckiboo

Also, I'd like to say that from knowing you here at TCS, I think you are a very fine friend! I always enjoy reading your posts, and find you to be a very thoughtful and kind person.

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Jenn, she is so very right about you my dear. You know how it has affected me through the loss of my mother in my own life. We do understand.

I do think that the gym is an excellent idea. Make sure you really sweat it out - no, really, the endorphones are documented to lift your spirits and mood.

Thanks Becky and Eddie. That's very kind of you to say. Both of your opinions mean a lot to me. I just feel like I've let my friend down so badly. It frustrates me when I get in a mood I feel I can't control.

Originally Posted by vespacat

Thanks Becky and Eddie. That's very kind of you to say.

Both of your opinions mean a lot to me. I just feel like I've let my friend down so badly. It frustrates me when I get in a mood I feel I can't control.

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I really don't want you to think YOU let your friend down. Look at how self-aware you are. Perhaps she doesn't possess your insight to be able to perceive this angle. It's the condition that tends to zig-zag with people's emotions, and don't let that be on your shoulders. If a person with MS was hard to handle, you wouldn't blame them, would you, so in my heart I don't feel people should blame you - or worse - you are taking the brunt of the responsibility on your own shoulders. That's too much, Jenn. Too much.

Originally Posted by sashacat421

I really don't want you to think YOU let your friend down. Look at how self-aware you are. Perhaps she doesn't possess your insight to be able to perceive this angle. It's the condition that tends to zig-zag with people's emotions, and don't let that be on your shoulders. If a person with MS was hard to handle, you wouldn't blame them, would you, so in my heart I don't feel people should blame you - or worse - you are taking the brunt of the responsibility on your own shoulders. That's too much, Jenn. Too much.

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Thanks Eddie, I know you understand and I appreciate it.

Well, at least I have Mik sticking close to me tonight. He's been purring near me all evening. I don't know what I'd do without my babies. And I also have a half bag of chocolate chips keeping me company.

Chocolate and cats, two of the best refuges from sadness that I know!

Originally Posted by Mom of 10 Cats

Chocolate and cats, two of the best refuges from sadness that I know!

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Yep, I could never live without either.

Jenn i always say when people are like that with you then they havent been true friends. In other words they've shown their true colours so your well rid

Friends are supposed to be there through the good and bad times, and you can't help being the way you are, and it's not like your sitting there doing nothing to make it right!.

Chin up chick!

I understand how you feel, hon. It's like a life sentence sometimes, isn't it? Well, you have plenty of friends here

How terrible for you...I am sending you lots of healing calming vibes.

Oh hun, I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better!

Sending you hugs - you'll get through this and make new friends soon enough.