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Am I that horrible of a person? - Page 2

post #31 of 57
Sara seems like she has a chip on her shoulder. Maybe she's been told all her life that she can't do anything right--who knows? If I were you, I'd just keep telling her what you NEED to so that you can say you told her if she your boss asks why she's not doing something, and let her think whatever she wants to. I'd probably say something like, "I'm sorry you misunderstood me. I'm not commanding you to do anything; I just want to make sure you know what you should do so you don't get reprimanded by [boss]. I want both our work experiences to be as pleasant as possible."

People misunderstand me all the time, and I've found the best way to deal with them is to apologize and assure them that I have nothing but good intentions.
post #32 of 57
Amy don't let her get to you sweetie!. Weve got an office manager who sounds a tiny bit like her and she has everyone walking on eggshells at times, but i've told her to her face many times to knock the chip off her shoulder when she speaks to me because i'm not like the others!
post #33 of 57
Amy, I just saw this and the thread you referenced to today. I'm curious how she reacted when she realized she forgot to transfer the phones. Once, during the first year of my current job, I forgot to transfer the phones to our answering service. When I realized it I was totally mortified. I was apologizing all over the place. I was paranoid that it would happen again and stuck sticky notes all over the place as reminders. My boss even said that he couldn't make me feel as bad as I already made myself feel.

You are handling this great - as the competent professional we all know and love.
post #34 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by krazy kat2
What a *itch! Her, not you. I would rcommend just letting her fall on her butt on her own. Since you have been there awhile, I bet your sup knows that you perform your job in a professional, concientious manner, and any mistakes will obviously be made on her end. Good idea printing out the emails, just in case she tries to change things around on you. The comment about believing in letting the supervisors handle problems from the start leads me to believe she has had plenty of experience with problems in the workplace. It really stinks that you have to put up with her nastiness, but she is going to have enough rope to hang herself eventually.
Yep! Just give her time..with that snotty attitude, she'll eventually be her own downfall, so hang in there! Great job telling her off, too! Too bad you couldn't record it..
It takes some nerve to be the new person & act like that! She'll get worse as a false sense of security sets in, people will see who the better person is. And it won't be her.
post #35 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by OllyExtra05
Honestly, some people are just irrational and can't work in a group setting because they're so defensive--she sounds like that kind of person!

Take the emails, forward them to your boss, not to rat on her but just to say "whad the heck do I do now?". Your boss needs to know that she's making your job this difficult. I mean, is this how she treats her clients, too?

Sounds to me like she needs a major attitude adjustment, or she should find another job!
I think it was a good idea to forward the emails to LaVerne so she can see what a nasty attitude this woman has. She isn't a team player and, like OllyExtra05 asks, is this how she treats her clients too? With the power trip she's on I don't like the idea of her working with clients who are feeling very vulnerable and hurt. That kind of person can only make everything worse for them. They need someone who has a genuinely caring heart-- someone like you, Amy.
post #36 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
Amy don't let her get to you sweetie!. Weve got an office manager who sounds a tiny bit like her and she has everyone walking on eggshells at times, but i've told her to her face many times to knock the chip off her shoulder when she speaks to me because i'm not like the others!
post #37 of 57
Good job, Amy!! I don't know if I would have handled things so well under that kind of pressure. You did everything just right, and framed your message to your supervisor very well.

The only other thing I'd do is to start a file, and begin documenting your interactions with Sara. Print out all e-mails from her, and start documenting every conversation you have with her with handwritten notes (not typed ones). I hope you never need to use them, but she's made it crystal clear that she's quite anxious to go over your head. The day may come when you need to defend yourself and nothing works for that like good, hard data.
post #38 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by consumercity
I think it was a good idea to forward the emails to LaVerne so she can see what a nasty attitude this woman has. She isn't a team player and, like OllyExtra05 asks, is this how she treats her clients too? With the power trip she's on I don't like the idea of her working with clients who are feeling very vulnerable and hurt. That kind of person can only make everything worse for them. They need someone who has a genuinely caring heart-- someone like you, Amy.

I also have concerns about how she is treating clients. But don't try to find out for yourself, just mention it to LaVerne at some point. And when she gets back to the office, let her know about the phone situation and giving your cell phone # out to prevent a client being abandoned when they need you most. Otherwise I can see the new lady saying you were trying to sabotage her. (NOT!)

I have a current problem co-worker, and I have found it helpful to remind myself that she is nasty. That may sound stupid to people who are wiser about reading people than I am, but I tend to take people at face value, so when she acts nice, I think she's nice. Then she blindsides me by acting nasty to me or another co-worker. Now I just remind myself that the acting nice is an act, so I am not as surprised or hurt when her nasty side shows. Luckily, her supervisor and mine are aware of the issue, and see things clearly.

Stop taking her nastiness personally. You are a good and kind person.
post #39 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tari
Good job, Amy!! I don't know if I would have handled things so well under that kind of pressure. You did everything just right, and framed your message to your supervisor very well.

The only other thing I'd do is to start a file, and begin documenting your interactions with Sara. Print out all e-mails from her, and start documenting every conversation you have with her with handwritten notes (not typed ones). I hope you never need to use them, but she's made it crystal clear that she's quite anxious to go over your head. The day may come when you need to defend yourself and nothing works for that like good, hard data.
Great idea!
post #40 of 57
I totally agree that you did the right things Amy. You are not a horrible person, the mere fact that this has upset you proves that you're more caring than Sara could ever be.

Sara obviously has no idea what teamwork is, and you must keep your boss informed of all these things so that she doesn't think you're over reacting when Sara finally pushes things too far.

I know it must be hard, but hang in there. She will shoot herself in the foot eventually, just remain professional in the meantime then you're the one that will come out of it smelling of roses
post #41 of 57
Youre not horrible amy!
I think its because you both got off the wrong foot and maybe there is some misunderstanding between you two!
post #42 of 57
Amy, you are in NO WAY a horrible person You are wonderful, girl!!

I thought you said Sara was 20 years older than you??? She's acting like she's still in high school. Also, she's "all about the drama". That's an awful dramatic, drawn out email to address something as simple as you initially sent I took a few social work classes in college and her behavior is NOT the type of problem resolution social workers are taught--as you well know. Good for you for standing up for yourself!!! It's a shame that you HAD to, though. No one should have a hostile work environment. You really do not deserve to be treated the way she is treating you. She really COULD learn a few things from you, whether she believes that or not.
post #43 of 57
Thread Starter 
I apologize for not getting back to this thread sooner; my week was so busy and blah, blah, blah.

Thank you all SO MUCH for your sweet and thoughtful words . That just means the world to me!

Tari, I followed your advice and have started a Sara file. My supervisor came to me yesterday after reading the email I forwarded to her. She agreed with me that Sara was very unprofessional and her remarks were way out of bounds. She said she was going to have a talk with her. This morning, Sara came in my office to talk to me about something and her tone could not have been nicer. Guess LaVerne really scared her .

So things are now tolerable, I guess, though I still really can't stand her. The one bright spot: One of our advocates has applied for a job in VA and, from the sound of it, Sara is interested in transferring there should the other advocate get the job. Please keep your fingers crossed!!
post #44 of 57
Thats good news Amy!

She should remember that she should speak to people in the manner that she would want to be spoken to!.

Encourage and support her for that job as well!
post #45 of 57
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
Encourage and support her for that job as well!
Hehe, diabolical minds think alike!
post #46 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by ugaimes
Hehe, diabolical minds think alike!
........
post #47 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by ugaimes
Hehe, diabolical minds think alike!
Also known as being two faced but in this case it's for a good reason!
post #48 of 57
I am glad things are getting better for you.
post #49 of 57
Pass her on to someone else but in my experience someone else comes along to replace the bad person!!
post #50 of 57
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GailC
Pass her on to someone else but in my experience someone else comes along to replace the bad person!!
Well, this is how I see it....my last coworker was the most awesome person in the world. Seriously, I even call her "mom." She's the greatest.

Then she was replaced by this evildoer.

So, if we go by that track record....maybe her replacement could be somewhere in-between? I'd be satisfied with that!
post #51 of 57
Maybe you will get a lady like Ms. Sashacat used to work with
post #52 of 57
Well, I cant see how her replacement could be any WORSE than she is, though you just never know! Since you work so closely together, would it be possible for you to be part of the decision making process--if, of course, this evil Sara character transfers?
post #53 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
Encourage and support her for that job as well!



post #54 of 57
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by OllyExtra05
Since you work so closely together, would it be possible for you to be part of the decision making process--if, of course, this evil Sara character transfers?
Well, I tried that last time. I have a good friend from the shelter I used to work with who applied for the job. The lady who was leaving the position, as well as our supervisor, put in a VERY good word for her with the contractor on my behalf. The dumb company didn't even INTERVIEW her, even though she is extremely experienced and could've started immediately (I was the only advocate here for almost 2 months while we waited for Sara to move from KY) . So....doubtful
post #55 of 57
Sometimes you need to give a person enough rope to hang themselves!!!!!!!!!! I think this would be best in your case!
post #56 of 57
i'm not sure this will help... but i have a similar problem with another teacher here at school, in that she tends to overreact to anything i say to her that might possibly be misconstrued. the funny thing is, i rarely speak to her at all, because i don't like her. but she feels the need to make comments to/about me all the time. i think she just is one of those people who need to push others around to feel important, & i'm unpushable.
i totally get the crying thing, because that's my reaction for every emotion - anger, sadness, extreme frustration - & it's very hard to deal with. especially because people like Sara (& my sister, & this teacher) seem to have an ability to be very calm & erudite when they are angry - they can speak easily & with great impact, while i'm crying & looking like a child & a fool.
although it's too late for this, i feel the best reponse to her email would've been to simply write, "That's fine, it was just a reminder." then, say to yourself, "bite me". i find it much easier to repond coolly in print when i'm angry!
post #57 of 57
Good God Amy, I am just reading this now...What a flippin' psycho!!!
Do not even get upset about her! I know it's extremely hard because you work together and well you are a normal, caring human being...but that girl is just flat out MEAN. Don't even pay her no mind, offer her any more help and don't even talk to her unless you need to...just keep it completely business. People like that have a chip on their shoulder and just need to be left alone. Don'tcha wish we could take all the mean people in the world and lock them in one room?! UGH. ::censor::censor::censor::

Next time, just email her this file back...

hahahahaha!
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