Jake- Gone but never forgotten

russian blue · Oct 2, 2007

You know many of us share the pain and know the feeling of losing such an important part of our lives. I'm so sorry Tammie.

Originally Posted by AlleyGirl

Now, I get through most days ok, and there are things here and there that set me off and I cry like a baby and it feels like just yesterday that it happened.

Don't try to hurry your grief..... Just let things happen in their own time and do whatever you need to do to get through this difficult time.

I could have written those same words. It's been 9 months since losing Nakita and there are days that it feels like I just lost her. Then, there are those other days that you are thankful for all the other parts of your life and that it was a gift to have such a soul grace it. You cherish those moments. And then, you go on and try to balance everything and remember that life really is beautiful and precious and you pick yourself up and keep moving forward.

Originally Posted by mzjazz2u

I've found over the long weekend that it's better if I go to work. It distracts me a bit. Thanks for sharing and supporting me!

Right after Nakita passed away I started a new job. That's one of the things that helped me put things in perspective and keep me involved. A new routine and getting out of the house really helped. Distractions are the best way to keep you in tune to the larger world.

Originally Posted by mzjazz2u

Yes, I wish he could have been with me at least another 10 years! He was only 6!

Oh, how I know that feeling!

Nakita was only 4 and way too young to be taken. But I hold strong to the fact that she was in my life for a reason, to teach me things that no other could. You know what I'm talking about and really focus on these life moments Tammie and your heart will be better for it.

Originally Posted by mzjazz2u

ONe of the hard parts is that I made the decission to have Jake pts. I feel responsible and often second guess my decission. I hope Jake has forgiven me.

I can't imagine one person not feeling the same. It's the worst feeling to have to play God. To this day I'll often still run through the 'what if's'. If I took Nakita to the doctor sooner, if she was part of the tainted food scare, if I gave her one more day maybe, just MAYBE we would still have her in our lives. It never ends. Jake has forgiven you, just like Nakita has forgiven me. BUT, the one you have to forgive, is yourself. We are our own worst enemies - we never forget and we replay emotional events over and over. It's human nature and it is a part of the grief process.

Be gentle with yourself Tammie....as was told to me by many here when Nakita passed and now I'm passing this on to you.

mzjazz2u · Oct 3, 2007

Originally Posted by Russian Blue

You know many of us share the pain and know the feeling of losing such an important part of our lives. I'm so sorry Tammie.

I could have written those same words. It's been 9 months since losing Nakita and there are days that it feels like I just lost her. Then, there are those other days that you are thankful for all the other parts of your life and that it was a gift to have such a soul grace it. You cherish those moments. And then, you go on and try to balance everything and remember that life really is beautiful and precious and you pick yourself up and keep moving forward.

Right after Nakita passed away I started a new job. That's one of the things that helped me put things in perspective and keep me involved. A new routine and getting out of the house really helped. Distractions are the best way to keep you in tune to the larger world.

Oh, how I know that feeling!

Nakita was only 4 and way too young to be taken. But I hold strong to the fact that she was in my life for a reason, to teach me things that no other could. You know what I'm talking about and really focus on these life moments Tammie and your heart will be better for it.

I can't imagine one person not feeling the same. It's the worst feeling to have to play God. To this day I'll often still run through the 'what if's'. If I took Nakita to the doctor sooner, if she was part of the tainted food scare, if I gave her one more day maybe, just MAYBE we would still have her in our lives. It never ends. Jake has forgiven you, just like Nakita has forgiven me. BUT, the one you have to forgive, is yourself. We are our own worst enemies - we never forget and we replay emotional events over and over. It's human nature and it is a part of the grief process.

Be gentle with yourself Tammie....as was told to me by many here when Nakita passed and now I'm passing this on to you.

Thank you so much for all your wise words. And for sharing your feelings so freely. It really does help to have people who understand and who have been there.

It was 2 weeks ago today. Hard to believe. The days and nights are long and filled with pretty much survival only.

catcaregiver · Oct 3, 2007

Originally Posted by mzjazz2u

I had a dream about him last night. Actually I just woke up from it. I thought it was real at first because it was just like normal for us. I dreamed he was curled up sleeping next to me on his pillow (It's still on my bed). And I dreamed the alarm went off and I was trying to crawl over him so I didn't disturb him. He looked so sweet and peaceful. Then my alarm really went off.

Go figure! Anyway, I was mad at myself for waking up. I wanted to pet him and kiss his sweet cheeks.

Some may think I'm bizarre but I think maybe our departed cats come visit us in our dreams sometimes. I used to have very vivid dreams about one of my cats. Like you, I hated waking up because I wanted more time with him. I haven't dreamed about him in a while, perhaps because he knows I am doing ok.

mzjazz2u · Oct 5, 2007

The last couple of days had been tolerable. Then when I got out of work today, I opened the trunk to get something and there was the cat carrier with a piece of tape the vet's office had put on it with "Jake" hand written on it. So I've been thinking about him a lot this afternoon and really missing him.

rosiemac · Oct 5, 2007

Everythings still so raw Tammie

mzjazz2u · Oct 5, 2007

Originally Posted by Rosiemac

Everythings still so raw Tammie

I know.

At least some of the times I can think about him and just smile. It's a bit of a double edged sword.

rapunzel47 · Oct 5, 2007

Tammie

duchess15 · Oct 5, 2007

It will take time and I know how you feel about second guessing. I can't help but wonder if Duchess might have lived longer if I'd only paid more attention, but there were so many other factors involved that I don't know if it was my fault of not. I was giving her subcutaneous fluids and the fluid they gave me was different than what I was giving her, but I didn't catch it until it was too late.
It's been 2 years since she passed and I didn't realize how much I missed her until someone did a RB siggy of her for me.

mzjazz2u · Oct 6, 2007

Originally Posted by Duchess15

It will take time and I know how you feel about second guessing. I can't help but wonder if Duchess might have lived longer if I'd only paid more attention, but there were so many other factors involved that I don't know if it was my fault of not. I was giving her subcutaneous fluids and the fluid they gave me was different than what I was giving her, but I didn't catch it until it was too late.
It's been 2 years since she passed and I didn't realize how much I missed her until someone did a RB siggy of her for me.

Thanks. You've been so supportive and I know you understand. Duchess is beautiful!

mzjazz2u · Oct 8, 2007

It's almost 3 weeks since my Jakey went. I still miss him so badly. Even though I adopted a new boy, Jake will always be my special boy and my best friend and sould mate. I love you Buddy Boy! SOOOOOOOOO Much! My eyes are tearing up just thinking about you.

sashacat421 · Oct 9, 2007

I am so so so very sorry. I feel for you so deeply. Jake was very valiant, that I do know! It was his time to go and he'll be looking down on you, that's for sure. You don't have to be good at poetry, your tribute was just fine poetry to me.

I can cry in a minute over Sasha, my boy of 14, who was so stoic and wanted to hang on until I wouldn't let him anymore.

I can have the happiest day in the world and my happiness can vanish in a minute. It's just healing time, time that will heal the initial loss but your memories will make you smile as the years go by.

Peace and light to you.
Namaste,
Elizabeth

rosiemac · Oct 10, 2007

Awww Tammie

No one will ever replace Jake. They broke the mould when he was born

mzjazz2u · Oct 10, 2007

Originally Posted by Rosiemac

Awww Tammie

No one will ever replace Jake. They broke the mould when he was born

They sure did! Anyone who loves cat's is lucky to have even just one like Jake in a life time! Sweet little buddy boy.

duchess15 · Oct 10, 2007

Originally Posted by mzjazz2u

They sure did! Anyone who loves cat's is lucky to have even just one like Jake in a life time! Sweet little buddy boy.

There is always one that will stand out above all others. That's how I feel about Duchess. She didn't even belong to me, but to my mom and she does not want another. She does have 3 other persians to keep her busy. I blew up some nice pictures I took of duchess before she passed. She has it framed above her bed.

booktigger · Oct 10, 2007

I am sorry things are still so hard for you, it will get easier in time, but I think he was with you for a reason. I am glad you can smile at his memories at times though, that is a good thing. We are all here for you.

mzjazz2u · Oct 14, 2007

Originally Posted by booktigger

I am sorry things are still so hard for you, it will get easier in time, but I think he was with you for a reason. I am glad you can smile at his memories at times though, that is a good thing. We are all here for you.

Thank you for that.

Jakey, today I'm missing you SO much. It's Sunday and our day to lay around and watch movies and relax. I miss your calm, sweet spirit. I miss seeing you wag your tail like a puppy. I hope you are happy and well, over the rainbow bridge. And thank you for Maxx. I know you were part of that!

booktigger · Oct 14, 2007

I am sure he is safe at the bridge now, and will be waiting for you. I wish I could say more to help with the hurt.

brokenheart · Oct 14, 2007

Oh boy, the second guessing. I think it's natural and maybe also good for us to talk about it here, because it's like a poison that has to be talked about to get it out.

I go over and over my decisions now and wonder if I made the wrong ones. They drew some bone marrow from him on one of his last days, before he had actively started dying, when they still thought (and I still hoped) they could save him. Now I wish I hadn't let them do that and feel guilty about it.

But what are we to do? We don't know the outcome till the outcome happens, as someone said to me.

With all your love for him, I believe you did the right thing at the absolutely right time for him. It's a terrible and heartbreaking responsibility we have at the end for these guys.

duchess15 · Oct 14, 2007

When we decide to add a new member to our family, there are so many memories that are made, they make us laugh and cry, but like us, they get older and it breaks our hearts when we have to make that hard decision of letting them go.

Sometimes, you will never find another one as you had, that is what makes them so special, but all cats are unique in their own way, and can help you heal in ways you never thought.

ldg · Oct 19, 2007

Oh Tammie, I've had so little time for TCS and been so wrapped up in my own issues that I didn't see this until now! I cried out "Oh NO!" when I saw the headline, and Gary asked what happened. I was reading the thread and crying. He was relieved there was nothing wrong with me, but he extends his sympathies and his best to you.

I don't even know what to say. I just feel pain and sadness - and I know it's NOTHING compared to what you're experiencing. I'm just so sorry. I know in my head that Jake's in a happy place now, whole and with no illness or pain. But my heart is breaking for your loss. I know Jake will do what he can to let you know how much he loved you, and I'm sure your heart will feel it - it'll just hurt for a long, long time.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))

Laurie

Jake- Gone but never forgotten

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