Tammie, there's nothing to forgive. And nobody knows that better than Jake. You did one of the hardest things we are ever called upon to do, taking another's suffering on, so that he can be at peace. Please don't beat yourself. That's the last thing that sweet Jake would want. He wants you to be at peace, too.Originally Posted by mzjazz2u
Yesterday was 1 week since Jake has been gone. I cried all night and went to work with sleepy, swollen eyes. ONe of the hard parts is that I made the decission to have Jake pts. I feel responsible and often second guess my decission. I hope Jake has forgiven me.
Tammie, I went through the same thing, when I had my beloved Snoopy PTS, a year and a half ago. In fact there are times, even today, that I feel so guilty that I accepted the Vet's words, and didn't take him to dozens of other vets, until I found one, who would tell me that they could work a miracle and save his life. Then I remember his last few months, and how I wouldn't allow myself to face the fact that he was fading away from me. I wouldn't let myself SEE how much weight he'd lost until he was skin and bones. I told myself he was OK, because he was eating. I told myself he was having a good quality of life, because he seemed happy, and alert. I didn't allow myself to see the fact that he was so sick that he'd stopped grooming himself, and how dirty and greasy his fur was and how I had to brush out the mats on a short haired cat. I didn't even allow myself to let it sink in that he was as sick as he was, when I picked him up, and he felt no heavier than a feather on my lap. I just wouldn't FACE it. I only started to face it, when he stopped eating, and when he was clearly in pain, because everything in his body shut down. That last day I took him to the vet I still held hope, even though it was clear his soul had already left his body, and there was no light left in his eyes. There was nothing of Snoopy left in that poor emaciated body. However, I KNEW when the Vet saw him that it was it. In fact I KNEW the night before, because the voice of God talked to me, and told me to let him go, that it was his time. And I thank God each and every day, for getting me through it, because I didn't want to live my life without Snoopy. He was everything to me. My best friend, my child, my world. Snoopy was a gift from God, and he lived a long healthy happy life because God always had his hand on him.Originally Posted by mzjazz2u
Yesterday was 1 week since Jake has been gone. I cried all night and went to work with sleepy, swollen eyes. ONe of the hard parts is that I made the decission to have Jake pts. I feel responsible and often second guess my decission. I hope Jake has forgiven me.
I sure hope you're right and that he is glad I didn't let him suffer anymore. He was in a lot of pain the last 2 days. I just miss holding him and playing with him so much right now.Originally Posted by Rosiemac
Tammie i'm a firm believer that there is a bridge that Jake and the rest of the babies cross when they have to leave us, and when your time comes Jake will be waiting at the other end to give you the biggest headbutt and love to say thank you for not letting him suffer
I guess I really know I did everything I could. Sometimes people thought I was crazy for going so far for a cat. Of course, they just didn't understand.Originally Posted by Rosiemac
I havent been where you are now, and i pray that it won't be for years to come, but i always put myself in peoples situation, so in a way i can see where your coming from by wondering if you did the right thing, but we all know you tried everything, and we all know that you wanted Jake to have a quality of life, and so did you, so you made sure your little boy had that
Hope, you have pretty much described my feelings and thoughts to a T! Right down to the last time going to the Vet and feeling there was still hope. And I DID have to realize that the selfless thing to do was to let him go. Because up until that moment, I really didn't want to let go. I wanted to make him live because I was afraid of the pain it would cause if he didn't. In a way, I feel letting him go released him from pain and suffering and I took it on for him.
Yes! Jake was a fighter. He fought hard to the end and I think toward that end, he was doing it just for me. I would hold him in my lap, close my eyes and just start praying that God would let him live. And I think God did let him live longer then he planned. But maybe it was to teach me a very difficult lesson.... that God's plan wasn't always going to be my plan and that it was selfish for me to want him to live in the condition he was in. My big, beautiful lion was wilting away before my eyes.Originally Posted by laureen227
i'm so sorry to have missed this - the firewall at work has started blocking TCS.Jake was a fighter, wasn't he? such a handsome little mini-lion - braver than any big lion, that's for sure!i'm glad you were able to be with him at the end... he went to the bridge assured of your love for him.
Thank you for these words. Right now I'm getting all my strength from everyone here and I'm so grateful for that!
That's how I feel. I took Hallie's death pretty hard but it wasn't anything like this has been. I think about Jake so often and always see reminders of him around. I'm sure it will get somewhat easier eventually.
I had a dream about him last night. Actually I just woke up from it. I thought it was real at first because it was just like normal for us. I dreamed he was curled up sleeping next to me on his pillow (It's still on my bed). And I dreamed the alarm went off and I was trying to crawl over him so I didn't disturb him. He looked so sweet and peaceful. Then my alarm really went off.Originally Posted by Rosiemac
Theres going to be so many reminders of Jake for you Tammiebut in a way that's a good thing, because it's showing that he's still alive in your heart and always will be, because i always say when you stop thinking of them altogether, that's when they've died.
Yeah, sometimes I just hug his pillow or just lay my arm across it. Glad I can tell people here and express myself because others may think I'm nuts!Originally Posted by Rosiemac
Awwww i bet you have plenty more of those dreams as well, but enjoy them!I would leave his pillow there as well because that'll give you some comfort
Yup, that's for sure!Originally Posted by Rosiemac
No your not because we'd all be the same in your position
Ain't that the truth!!Originally Posted by Rosiemac
No your not because we'd all be the same in your position
Thats for sure, because I was the same when I was in your positionOriginally Posted by Rosiemac
No your not because we'd all be the same in your position
