A letter for Xena.
It is 1:50am and I am in an emotional hurricane. See, I am faced with a painful decision that is leaving me breathless. You are to be put to sleep in just 8 hours. A huge part of me wants you to die naturally instead of me being the one to end your life. The other part of me doesn't want you to suffer, because I love you so much. I am truly torn. So I am writing this letter to you so you know just how loved you are and why i made the decision that I have made. Xena I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. You were this dirty little cat living in the parking lot of the apartment complex, scared and alone. I kind of knew what that was like. I immediately wanted to help you from the first moment i saw you and i did. I fed you every day and looked for you every day. And in return you made me your person. And what a reward that was. Because I was your ONLY person. You looked for ME. You cried for ME. You trusted ME. And you liked only ME. The road for us was rocky at first. Remember how I had you living outside? I hooked up a place for you to live on my patio because i had to keep you a secret. I remember when I looked out the door one day and saw you there. I was overjoyed because the apartment complex management wanted to get rid of you because the neighbors though you were a nuisance. That was my fault though. Since I always fed you in the parking lot that was where you wanted to be. Remember how you would cry outside my door ? I would come out and feed you with Frankies food. Frankie would get so upset and run to the window to watch me. He also always let me know when you were outside.He would get in the window and make these noises that alerted me. And I always came to you. Because my heart wouldn't have it any other way. Because I was your person. And you were my cat. Then when you had problems with your pregnancy I saved your life. I was so fearful that you would die and I remember when the vet sent me a text late at night I was so relieved that you survived the surgery. But I was sad that you lost your 5 kittens. After that thought you came indoors to live me Frankie and Charles. And ever since that day you have been an important part of our life. I was your person. And you were my cat. I know you think that Charles doesn't like you. He not only likes you but he loves you just as I do. He just didn't like the idea of you at first. I want you to know that Xena. I want you know that Charles has been a great comfort to me these past few days. That you aren't just loved by me, but also Charles. You always acted mean towards him but he never took it personally. We know that is just how you are.
I want you to know Xena that over the years you have brought me endless joy. And in this moment your loss of life is one of my greatest sorrows.I know that there will never be another you.I will do my best not to mourn for you a long time. But I will mourn you. I will also celebrate your life and hold dear our wonderful memories. I needed to let you know these things Xena. I needed to let you know that I have always loved you. And I did my best to keep my promise. Always remember my promise Xena. That with me you will never be hungry, lonely or homeless. That you would be loved and taken care of. And that you would always be your person, and you will always be my cat. In that promise I made to you, I know I never said I would end your life. But I need to end your suffering because I promised to take care of you. And this is the final way I can say I love you. Because your suffering is killing me. Seeing you so weak and not eating and breathing so heavily lets me know it is time. I don't want you to suffer. So Xena this isn't good bye for us. It is just a pause until I see you later. Wait for me. I'll be there eventually. And I will look forward to you greeting me like only you can do. Because I am your person. And you are my cat.
This is the link to Xenas beginnings with us Hi my name is Xena
Xena has lost her fight to breast cancer. She had two mammary tumor removals. And a round of Chemo. The tumor just kept coming back. Always the same spot. Please spay your females. The sooner they are spayed the better their chances of not getting these mammary tumors which for my baby Xena is now resulting in her premature death. She is about 11 years old.
It is 1:50am and I am in an emotional hurricane. See, I am faced with a painful decision that is leaving me breathless. You are to be put to sleep in just 8 hours. A huge part of me wants you to die naturally instead of me being the one to end your life. The other part of me doesn't want you to suffer, because I love you so much. I am truly torn. So I am writing this letter to you so you know just how loved you are and why i made the decision that I have made. Xena I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. You were this dirty little cat living in the parking lot of the apartment complex, scared and alone. I kind of knew what that was like. I immediately wanted to help you from the first moment i saw you and i did. I fed you every day and looked for you every day. And in return you made me your person. And what a reward that was. Because I was your ONLY person. You looked for ME. You cried for ME. You trusted ME. And you liked only ME. The road for us was rocky at first. Remember how I had you living outside? I hooked up a place for you to live on my patio because i had to keep you a secret. I remember when I looked out the door one day and saw you there. I was overjoyed because the apartment complex management wanted to get rid of you because the neighbors though you were a nuisance. That was my fault though. Since I always fed you in the parking lot that was where you wanted to be. Remember how you would cry outside my door ? I would come out and feed you with Frankies food. Frankie would get so upset and run to the window to watch me. He also always let me know when you were outside.He would get in the window and make these noises that alerted me. And I always came to you. Because my heart wouldn't have it any other way. Because I was your person. And you were my cat. Then when you had problems with your pregnancy I saved your life. I was so fearful that you would die and I remember when the vet sent me a text late at night I was so relieved that you survived the surgery. But I was sad that you lost your 5 kittens. After that thought you came indoors to live me Frankie and Charles. And ever since that day you have been an important part of our life. I was your person. And you were my cat. I know you think that Charles doesn't like you. He not only likes you but he loves you just as I do. He just didn't like the idea of you at first. I want you to know that Xena. I want you know that Charles has been a great comfort to me these past few days. That you aren't just loved by me, but also Charles. You always acted mean towards him but he never took it personally. We know that is just how you are.
I want you to know Xena that over the years you have brought me endless joy. And in this moment your loss of life is one of my greatest sorrows.I know that there will never be another you.I will do my best not to mourn for you a long time. But I will mourn you. I will also celebrate your life and hold dear our wonderful memories. I needed to let you know these things Xena. I needed to let you know that I have always loved you. And I did my best to keep my promise. Always remember my promise Xena. That with me you will never be hungry, lonely or homeless. That you would be loved and taken care of. And that you would always be your person, and you will always be my cat. In that promise I made to you, I know I never said I would end your life. But I need to end your suffering because I promised to take care of you. And this is the final way I can say I love you. Because your suffering is killing me. Seeing you so weak and not eating and breathing so heavily lets me know it is time. I don't want you to suffer. So Xena this isn't good bye for us. It is just a pause until I see you later. Wait for me. I'll be there eventually. And I will look forward to you greeting me like only you can do. Because I am your person. And you are my cat.
This is the link to Xenas beginnings with us Hi my name is Xena
Xena has lost her fight to breast cancer. She had two mammary tumor removals. And a round of Chemo. The tumor just kept coming back. Always the same spot. Please spay your females. The sooner they are spayed the better their chances of not getting these mammary tumors which for my baby Xena is now resulting in her premature death. She is about 11 years old.