Worried about pregnant neighbor

[starryeyedtiger]

I'm glad to hear someone is tidying up the apartment. Did they ever put mitts on the little ones hands? I wonder if the new mom knows how to trim the infants nails when the time is right? I'm glad to hear you got to go to wal-mart and pick up a few things for her and the new baby. Also, maybe you could get her a magnent to put on her refridgerator with her pediatricians number and the number for poison control ...you know, just incase there is an emergency and she is paniced and can't find the numbers she needs? I'm glad to hear your mil rescued the kitties! Now they will have a clean litter pan and a clean home

/ You are such a great neighbor! She is lucky to have you there helping. Keep us posted!

 

[lilleah]

It is time for me to update this.
She has scince had her baby. It's a boy. She has moved into her parents house, and back out again into some lady's house they met at a pawn store, and at this current time, they again live right where they used to. Right behind me. For a week.
She had a healthy baby. He's adorable of course. A total mixure of them both. They are now engaged. But are not happy, and may not go through with the marriage.
She does not have a bond with the baby. She has said she doesn't even want the baby. She will not play with him. She DOES do the nessesarry things, like feed and change him. I feel horrible about it. I hear him scream alot, and I always just want to go over there, and give her a break, and take the baby for a while.
But she's just not like that. She wouldn't like that. But I will sometime. Because I just feel like it's gotta happen. I have seen the baby a few times. one time I seen him, he was bleeding through some nasty white stuff on his neck. Like she hadnt cleaned his neck scince he was born. I told her mother that it's gotta be cleaned and she agreed. She cleaned it soon after. It was chaffed. Badly.
Every day I think about these people. The father loves the baby. ( thank you jesus) He works third shift, and sleeps most of the day, but makes a very good effort for the child. I know most, if not all, of this from her mother. She's real worried about it. She's got BAD post-partum depression. And it doesnt seem to be going away. She's been on the pills and what not, but hasnt been able to bond with baby. That's sad. I spent the first 6 months of my daughters life on the floor with her. And SHE says she has not yet. He's 3, almost 4 months.
I will be moving to Florida in June. I plan on giving her some advice, as well as watching/hearing what's going on. I have an aunt who is very into child development, and the well being of a baby, its her job. I as well plan on asking her for advice about this.
As much as I try and deny worrying about this little family, I worry about it every day. I don't know why. There's just something strange inside of me, that wants to help so entirely badly.
Her mother has helped ALOT. She paid for the deposit on the apartment, and the 1st months rent. And had bought her furniture, as well as other household appliances.
Just had to update those that had actually worried about this situation. It is still a mild problem.
Oh yeah...She has gotten rid of the cats. My Mother in law took them for while. And scince then, gave them to a NO KILL humane society. I bet they were adopted. They were so small and totally adorable. Really.
Anyways-I know everyone will read this, including people who arent registered to this site, including my DH, he likes to see what I'm doing now and then, and to ALL OF YOU-
I worry about this girl, and the baby. I hope that I can help them. Before I leave for Florida. There is alot that needs to be done. And if not...Then let it be how it's gotta be. At least her mom cares. She knows what's up, and she shall be enough neutral help for the time. But I will see what I can do. Because I worry. And I hate that I worry so much about it, but I just do.

Wow. Seriously. I talk to much. It's ok though. It's on TCS, and you all know that.
~Leah~

 

[ilovesiamese]

Leah,

thank you for an update!

you are such a caring person and thank you for looking out for this innocent child! I really hope the mom can get well from her post-partum depression. Both her and her boyfriend sound like they need some counselling to help with their situation. Getting married isn't the best idea if you aren't happy with the situation! Anyways, you've been such an angel to this family and to this little boy I'm sure! I don't blame you for worrying, actually I thank God that you do! We need more people out there in the world that look out for other people!

Oh I had a question, does anyone from child protective services ever come to check up on them or like a social worker???

 

[sharky]

Is there a way to get the girl a social worker to help her ??

 

[maddensmom]

I'm so glad that you updated this, I was actually thinking about this baby the other night before bed. I'm sorry to hear that the woman can't seem to bond with her baby. Has she been seeing a therapist along with taking the medications? Perhaps social services could get her hooked up with one. You are a wonderful person for being so concerned, I know how it hurts though. Its hard when you get so wrapped up in something that you can't control.

 

[lsulover]

Originally Posted by lilleah

It is time for me to update this.
She has scince had her baby. It's a boy. She has moved into her parents house, and back out again into some lady's house they met at a pawn store, and at this current time, they again live right where they used to. Right behind me. For a week.
She had a healthy baby. He's adorable of course. A total mixure of them both. They are now engaged. But are not happy, and may not go through with the marriage.
She does not have a bond with the baby. She has said she doesn't even want the baby. She will not play with him. She DOES do the nessesarry things, like feed and change him. I feel horrible about it. I hear him scream alot, and I always just want to go over there, and give her a break, and take the baby for a while.
But she's just not like that. She wouldn't like that. But I will sometime. Because I just feel like it's gotta happen. I have seen the baby a few times. one time I seen him, he was bleeding through some nasty white stuff on his neck. Like she hadnt cleaned his neck scince he was born. I told her mother that it's gotta be cleaned and she agreed. She cleaned it soon after. It was chaffed. Badly.
Every day I think about these people. The father loves the baby. ( thank you jesus) He works third shift, and sleeps most of the day, but makes a very good effort for the child. I know most, if not all, of this from her mother. She's real worried about it. She's got BAD post-partum depression. And it doesnt seem to be going away. She's been on the pills and what not, but hasnt been able to bond with baby. That's sad. I spent the first 6 months of my daughters life on the floor with her. And SHE says she has not yet. He's 3, almost 4 months.
I will be moving to Florida in June. I plan on giving her some advice, as well as watching/hearing what's going on. I have an aunt who is very into child development, and the well being of a baby, its her job. I as well plan on asking her for advice about this.
As much as I try and deny worrying about this little family, I worry about it every day. I don't know why. There's just something strange inside of me, that wants to help so entirely badly.
Her mother has helped ALOT. She paid for the deposit on the apartment, and the 1st months rent. And had bought her furniture, as well as other household appliances.
Just had to update those that had actually worried about this situation. It is still a mild problem.
Oh yeah...She has gotten rid of the cats. My Mother in law took them for while. And scince then, gave them to a NO KILL humane society. I bet they were adopted. They were so small and totally adorable. Really.
Anyways-I know everyone will read this, including people who arent registered to this site, including my DH, he likes to see what I'm doing now and then, and to ALL OF YOU-
I worry about this girl, and the baby. I hope that I can help them. Before I leave for Florida. There is alot that needs to be done. And if not...Then let it be how it's gotta be. At least her mom cares. She knows what's up, and she shall be enough neutral help for the time. But I will see what I can do. Because I worry. And I hate that I worry so much about it, but I just do.

Wow. Seriously. I talk to much. It's ok though. It's on TCS, and you all know that.
~Leah~

If the baby was born in July, it would be older than 3 or 4 months, I am sorry that the mother has not bonded with this new precious little baby, I do hope that every thing works out.

 

[natalie_ca]

It sounds to me like she has some kind of mental illness like depression. The pregnancy was probably unplanned and it's a big thing to happen to someone so young. Her future doesnt look at all bright.

If I were you I would make a discrete call to Child and Family Services and let the know about the situation so that they can monitor it. While it's none of your business what the 2 of them do for themselves or each other, that baby doesn't a choice or a voice and someone needs to stand up and speak for her/him.

Child and Family Services will investigate, educate and maybe even remove the child from the environment is found to be detramental to the child. And if that is the case, removing the child from a dangerous situation means saving it's life.

That child doesn't sound like it's getting any love and love and affection is the key to a happy and healthy baby, child and adult. She's grooming a sociopath by the way you describe her actions towards him.

If she doesn't want the child then she should give it up for adoption so that someone else can love that poor infant. He deserves far better than what he's getting.

Please, call Child and Family Services and let them know what the situation is and all that was said to you so that they can do something?

 

[oscarsmommy]

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

It sounds to me like she has some kind of mental illness like depression. The pregnancy was probably unplanned and it's a big thing to happen to someone so young. Her future doesnt look at all bright.

If I were you I would make a discrete call to Child and Family Services and let the know about the situation so that they can monitor it. While it's none of your business what the 2 of them do for themselves or each other, that baby doesn't a choice or a voice and someone needs to stand up and speak for her/him.

Child and Family Services will investigate, educate and maybe even remove the child from the environment is found to be detramental to the child. And if that is the case, removing the child from a dangerous situation means saving it's life.

That child doesn't sound like it's getting any love and love and affection is the key to a happy and healthy baby, child and adult. She's grooming a sociopath by the way you describe her actions towards him.

If she doesn't want the child then she should give it up for adoption so that someone else can love that poor infant. He deserves far better than what he's getting.

Please, call Child and Family Services and let them know what the situation is and all that was said to you so that they can do something?

I totally agree. You have done so much for this little baby already and it shouldn't be your worry(even though I would be doing the same thing)You should definately call Child Services and let them know what has been going on.

 

[arcadian girl]

You need to call child services. I can't imagine growing up in that kind of environment. Kids KNOW when theyre not wanted. I mean - she didn't even clean his neck, to the point that it was bleeding? That's abuse. I'm not trying to be short with you, I just feel like it needs to be said straight out. She needs social services called on her. When you're gone, there will be no one to make sure the child is even getting the bare minimum ( and a child needs so much more than just diapers changed and being fed ). It's good that the father cares... and I understand he works hard, but surely at some point he picked up his child and saw it was bleeding from the neck from chafing? This situation frustrates me, because I feel for the baby. And I'm not even really a baby person, but I mean it doesn't take a baby person to know that this is a horrible way for a child to grow up. Please, call social services before you leave for Florida. Keep on them until they do something. Being taken away is NOT the worst that could happen to this child. HOpefully they will work with the family, especially the father since you say he cares. But yeah.. please call social services, for the baby.

 

[lunasmom]

Yes, Social services will help her through her post-partum depression (and any other mental illness she may have, if any). They have programs set up to help people through this.

As much as it may seem that you want to help them, you're only human and a neighbor. Social services do have programs set up that will help the mother. Even if there is no bond right now, at least she can get the help that will help her relate to the child.

I wish you luck. You're a good person.

 

[dusty's mom]

This mother should be encouraged to get Norplant. Otherwise she is just going to get pregnant again and again.

I hope she can find her way to be a good mother to her son.

 

[wookie130]

I remember this thread from a long time ago...and did bite my tongue at the time, as I think what you're doing was kind, and generous...and still is, of course.

I work with neglected children every day, and children from dire poverty, and children who are not loved...I'm a special ed. teacher, teaching in a special school setting for students with moderate to profound disabilities. A vast percentage of our student population is living in poverty, and has experienced neglect, abuse, and have gone without.

I feel that this situation deserves and REQUIRES special attention, and that this baby deserves a hope in hell of having some semblance of a life...with attention, a clean home, his basic needs cared for, and plenty of love and stimulation. This is no less than any child deserves, and it is fairly apparent that this mother is unable to provide the above. Fast forward to when this child is 4, 5, 6 years old. And verbal (hopefully). And playing outside. Will she supervise him? Will she teach him to look both ways before crossing the street? Will he be left to his own outside for hours unsupervised? How will she handle situations that require discipline? WILL she discipline and set limits? Will she be able to model for the child what responsibility and autonomy looks like, by keeping her home livable and clean, and providing adequate food in the home, and making ends meet somehow? Is she able to provide the child with a stable and consistent home base, rather than uprooting him all of the time, and moving from place to place?

I really and truly believe that Child Protective Services need to be involved, or the Department of Human Services. Make the call anonymously, and request that she not know who made the referral. I cannot tell you how many times I've had to make this kind of call...as a teacher, I am legally and ethically obligated to do so as a mandatory reporter.

This mother needs some assistance in her parenting skills, or if the situation is assessed and determined by the CPS that the child is a "Child In Need of Assistance", and that he needs to be ajudicated (temporarily or permanently removed from the home setting), there is no better time to do this than when the child is an infant. Much harder and traumatic on an older child with more long-term memory, who is more closely bonded to the parents.

Someone needs to give this baby a chance...whether that means addressing the mother's issues, and giving her some life skills, or removing the child either temporarily or permanently from the mother's care...he has the right to grow and thrive as other children who are loved and well-cared for.

I implore you to make that call. The situation is really out of your control, and it's time to bring in someone who can provide some stability, hygiene, love, and consistency into the child's life.