When the moment comes...

[creekart]

Thank you for your wisdom and consolation.  I have been crying for days over the loss of my beloved Marie.  Your words are extremely comforting to me at this time. 

 

[bluesmom]

Thank you.  I'm in so much pain right now, six days after I put her to sleep and I still can't pull myself together.

 

[ruthm]

Dear Gareth, I am late writing this but I have to say that I found this forum researching my Tiger's illness  and by some weird chance, happened to catch sight of your post. This was back in February of this year. My beautiful girl Tiger endured diabetes, CKD,Pancreatitis, Hyper and Hypothyroid and had the start of IBD, or so the ultrassound said. I thought I found answers to our prayers, from February to May, she got better. But it was not to be. The end of June, her diabetic numbers dropped dramatically, but she lost her appetite and despite not eating, she did not lose weight.  Xrays showed her abdomen was filling with fluids, she hid that pain from me so well; and there were no treatments or options anymore. My vet said it was most likely pancreatic cancer, it happened so quickly.  Before I brought her to the ER vet to let her go, she gave me the most amazing 2 hour purring and cuddling session, but then she could not hide her pain anymore. I guess that was my sign that it was time, July 12th.  After coming back home, I thought I might die too, I couldn't breath and nothing mattered anymore.... But I remembered reading your wonderful post, so I made a copy of it and kept it close to me at all times along with all the hundreds of pictures and videos of my precious girl. I think this is what helped get me through what was the most horrible time of my life. Yeah, I still have many breakdowns where I cry inconsolably, but with the loss of my other two kitties, my greiving period lasted almost 8 years. I can actually function this time, well sort of... So I had to come here and thank you, I don't know if you still read these posts but I want to thank  you from the bottom of my heart, truer words were never spoken.  I will gladly endure this pain again because you helped me to realize that I had almost 16 years of her love and devotion and "that look", I would not change a thing.  Thanks so much for helping me and countless others to see the light.

You will all be in my heart and my prayers,

Ruth and the spirit of my beautiful Tiger

 

[gordonsmom]

I lost Gordon almost 2 years ago and I still come back to re-read this post from Gareth for comfort.  I was brought back to it today as my son's cat was just diagnosed with a blood clot due to cardiomyopathy, and I am trying to help him come to terms with the fact that he might have to let her go.  He is 28, she is 5 and she is his constant companion as he lives alone in a small apartment while he attends law school.  Although I share the pain of every person who posts here about losing a cat, I am also consoled in that I know we all have done what we feel is best for them, and we take the suffering ourselves.  This is true love.  May all their spirits continue to comfort us now as they did in life.

 

[my2cats67]

It has been a year since I lost my Smokey and i still miss her terribly

 

[gareth]

eva.jpg

• gareth
• Aug 18, 2015

Been three years since Eva died, and I think about her every day. She was irreplacable. I love my new cats to bits, but part of my heart died with Eva. The only consolation is that when I think about her, sometimes I remember just how crazy she was and it makes me smile, rather than be sad. That take time.

 

[kmd]

Willie Morris wrote, and the words also appear in the movie, of "My Dog Skip", "and I thought of him everyday..."

So sorry about Eva... Willie also wrote, "sure we had dogs when I was a kid... but none like 'ol Skip..." We had dogs and cats when I was kid, but my favorite dog,  Confuscius was full of personality and it was especially hard when she died.

When my 17 year old cat Georgie died in May... one of the things that hurt down deep was the thought that we had such a special friendship, that I would probably never have that close of a bond with another during my lifetime. I agree Gareth, I LOVE our two cats now, and but sometimes there is just that special one.

It was interesting for me that what seemed to give me grief the first 5 to 6 weeks - the thought that I would not ever have quite that strong of a bond again - slowly turned into a positive for me - that indeed our relationship was special and she would always be known as my best friend...

(and with that, I felt somewhat better and then turned my attention to loving and making sure the two great cats we have now are having the time of their lives...)

 

[turtlesmom]

Gareth, so beautiful! I might be facing that soon, unless it happens naturally before the decision has to be made. My sweet, sweet 16-year-old cat, Turtle, was diagnosed with pancreatits the beginning of this year, her kidney function is starting to go downhill (according to blood work), and just this past Friday was diagnosed with unclassified cardiomyopathy (include plural effusion and pulmonary edema), and third-degree AV heart block. We caught it earlier than both the vet and cardiologist said most people do, so she had only a small amount of fluid. But there is just so much wrong with her that I know, even with the meds helping right now, it may not be long. With the pancreatitis, even on prednisolone and B12 injections, the only thing she can eat and keep down is tuna, baby food, and cooked chicken. And I'm sure the sodium in the tuna isn't good for her heart condition, but what do you do.

As poseyberg said, I know that not seeing her around the house will about kill me. I work from home and she's always there. You know one day it will come, but somehow that really doesn't make it any easier.

 

[patty c]

Thank you for this posting. It has brought me so much comfort in this last week. I lost my precious Lexa last week and I'm struggling with the grief and the guilt.

 

[samburgy]

Just put my little girl Lady to rest on Wednesday. We fought megacolon together for seven years, and she went downhill fast in the span of two weeks.

It was the hardest, yet most necessary, decision I have made in my life.

Thank you for your words. They helped a lot.

 

[donutte]

Just faced this myself yesterday. I think I may have been a day later than it should have been... poor Lucky could barely walk due to the buildup of toxins due to renal failure. I've helped many pets cross and I can say it is indeed both one of the biggest acts of love as well as the hardest thing in the world to do. 

I also know "the look". My beautiful boy knew how to use it well. I just turn to mush every time I see it, even in pictures.

 

[zed xyzed]

 
A note for those who have lost a cat, or are worrying about when that moment comes.

When we decide to share our lives with a cat, we are making a decision to break our own hearts. That's not melodrama. At some point, that bundle of fur will get under your skin. It doesn't matter how big and tough you are. I've seen British Army Special Forces soldiers cradling their beloved cats with tears in their eyes, hoping against hope that something will put off that fateful moment when they must part. I've seen busy mothers of five children who rule their household with an iron fist reduced to bawling children because they miss their cat. At some point, that cat will work its magic. Its eyes will connect with yours. Its head will rub against yours. Its heart will connect with yours. At that point, you secretly swear your devotion to the animal. It comes under your protection, and you will sacrifice anything to keep it safe. In return, the cat will share that look with you. The one that says "I love you too". That's a special gift, and unless you have been loved by a cat, it is a meaningless one. But if you HAVE been loved by a cat, then you know the value of that gift. It means that the cat will give you a lifetime of love. They will literally spend their entire life in your company. You will feed them, protect them, keep them warm and safe. And they will give you their entire life.

Their entire life. That's their commitment. And what is yours? Easy, you commit to the knowledge that at some point in the future you will be given a terrible decision to make. That decision will be the last you make for your cat. That decision will result in a transference of pain and suffering. You will take away all the pain and suffering of your cat, and you will begin a process of pain and suffering yourself. That's the price for the look. When they look in your eyes with love, that terrible decision is the price. It's a moment that all cat owners dread, but a moment that comes to us all.

So should we feel bad when our cat passes on? Of course we should. We are losing someone we loved, and someone that loved us. The grief will be terrible, but it will be transient. It WILL pass. You will then be left with memories. Some of these memories will bring you tears. Some of these memories will make you laugh. But the pain and the suffering will fade.

So when the moment comes, you have to find a strength within yourself. You're about to do something incredible. You're about to give a display of love and devotion rarely equalled. You will be given a decision about whether to allow your pet to suffer and thus save your own pain, or whether to remove all pain and suffering from the cat, and take it on yourself. If the time is right, you will know, and you will make the right decision. And then you should be so proud of yourself. In the midst of your own grief, and suffering, you should take such strength from the knowledge that when the moment came, you decided to choose your cat's welfare in favour of your own. What greater love can any pet owner display?

So for those that think they have to make that decision soon, take strength. Know that your moment has come. The moment where you wrap up all the love and devotion you have for your cat into one incredible moment and do what's right. For those on the other side of that decision, then well done. I'm proud of you, and your cat would be proud of you, too. Your cat is forever pain-free. You are in pain, but I promise it will pass. Don't worry, some of us know how bad that pain is. You are not alone, and we know how much it hurts. It's terrible, but it will pass. Then you will have the memories, which you should treasure.

I like to think one day I will be re-united with my pets. There will be no crashing together as we run towards each other as in the rainbow bridge poem. There will be no kisses. We will simply give each other that look. The look that says "I love you, and now I know how much you love me"

This is most likely one of the most beautifully written posts I have ever read. Thank you  

 

[gordonsmom]

And now, looking again for comfort in Gareth's words from years ago.  Our beloved Shotsie was just diagnosed with cancer, so we know we need to start preparing for that "Good Bye" moment.  Where I will get the strength to do this again is beyond me.

 

[donutte]

 
And now, looking again for comfort in Gareth's words from years ago.  Our beloved Shotsie was just diagnosed with cancer, so we know we need to start preparing for that "Good Bye" moment.  Where I will get the strength to do this again is beyond me.

I feel that way now, in battling kidney disease with Sara while still grieving the loss of Lucky, who died from the same thing. I'm not ready to put the battle gear on, but here I am, in battle gear. Somehow.

I don't think the strength to do this kind of thing is something we can call upon. Though it would be nice if we could. I think it's something bred out of necessity and is just there when we least expect it. And when it's no longer needed, it just vanishes. That's when we grieve.

If there is anything I learned with Lucky, it is to savor my time with my babies and think less about that final moment. The strength will be there, I will not need to call out for it consciously or prepare. There's no such thing as preparing enough anyway. The most we can prepare is when we take them on as pets, knowing in all likelihood they will precede us. 16 years went by SO fast it was like I barely noticed it. And that we didn't wait until we absolutely had to put him to rest because he was suffering so badly. Lucky was the first cat we ever got to make an appt to do such a thing, rather than it being an emergency. It sucks so bad either way, but it was on our terms and we got to have (knowingly) one last night together. I'm glad we decided to do it when we did. 

 

[sidneykitty]

Thank you. That was beautiful and so true. 

 

[hollysnow]

Thank-you everyone for taking the time to post here. I took my sweet baby to her final vet visit on 1.26.16.

When faced with a life of more treatments, meds and trips to the vet we decided that one last vet trip was all she had to do.

She was my constant companion for 16.5 yrs and nothing was going to change her future health.

I wish I could have had home health care for her, but she wouldn't have liked that any better.

This was one of the most painful experiences , however my grief is better than to see her be sick everyday.

I'm glad to hear our pain of loss will soften, as will the worry that I did this too quickly. I'm 100% sure it would not have been any easier to wait.

 

[gordonsmom]

So sorry, hollysnow.  We know your loss.  On Dec 30th, we took Shotsie for his last visit and said goodbye as the cancer was ravaging his poor body so quickly. I still worry that I did it too quickly but my compassionate vet told me better a day too early than a minute too late.  You gave your baby all the love and care you

could and you gave the sweetest gift of letting her go despite your own pain. 

 

[hollysnow]

 
So sorry, hollysnow.  We know your loss.  On Dec 30th, we took Shotsie for his last visit and said goodbye as the cancer was ravaging his poor body so quickly. I still worry that I did it too quickly but my compassionate vet told me better a day too early than a minute too late.  You gave your baby all the love and care you

could and you gave the sweetest gift of letting her go despite your own pain. 

Thank-you GordonsMom, this thread has really done a lot to move me into the 100% knowledge that the timing was perfect even though yes, I miss her little self so much. she was perfect fit for our family and there was always lots of mutual love.

I'm so glad you listened to your inner guidance to help Shotsie cross over. I imagine Shotsie, and my girl Chito are frisky and frolicking as we speak.

I used to sing to Chito, and now I believe she is singing to me

.

The hardest part for me was indeed the worry about the timing, and now since I found this thread I have found some great relief.

 

[zed xyzed]

This thread is truly a blessing. I am sorry you lost Chito.   

 

 

[hollysnow]

 
This thread is truly a blessing. I am sorry you lost Chito.   

 

Thank you