What a weird phone call...

[mirinae]

I intend to take my husband's last name, although I had always thought I'd keep my maiden name (my sister and I are the last of our family to have our last name). I don't know what changed my mind; I know my boyfriend would like me to take his last name when we (finally) get married, but he doesn't feel like he has any right to expect it of me. It's my choice. I like his last name, though, and I like the idea of joining with his family. Besides that, his family has a lot of history in the town he's from, and there are streets and parks named after them, so it would be neat to drive past "Such-and-Such Park" and know that I shared a connection with the founders of my partner's hometown.

I plan on continuing to use my maiden name for my writing, however. It would be less confusing for my meagre fan base (assuming I even have a fan base ...

), and it provides me and my family with a measure of anonymity, in the event that anything I write turns me into a household name. My name has a nice alliterative ring to it, too, and that just sounds cool.

 

[luckygirl]

I am happy that you can do what ever pleases you. I, personally, took my hubby's last name. Although, it is long, and difficult to pronounce, I am kind of a romantic at heart, and I guess old fashioned.... I've always had the day dreams of being "Mrs. D-So&So".... even though I do love my maiden name.... also, it was important to my hubby... I thought about keeping my maiden name (my father is the only boy & had all girls, so the "family" name would die with him), and my hubby would be ok with it, but he wanted everyone to know that I was his wife.... not in a property/controlling way, in a "proud to be married to this wonderful person" way. In our neighborhood, hubby's last name is well-known, it is an old-school Italian last name, with lots of stories and history to it. And even now, if I go in to pick up my pictures and say my last name, someone will hear and say "D-So&So? Are you related to Tom D-So&So?" I'm always afraid to say yes (my hubby was a mischievious little devil when he was younger)....

However, being a child of divorced and re-married parents, it was always a pain in the butt at school. My mom had her 2nd husband's last name, and would sign our papers Sherry Something, while my name was Heather Help. Papers were misplaced cause they would file under S instead of H, and the school would not know who the permission slip was signed for etc. One time they wouldn't let her take us out of school early cause her ID said Sherry Something, and we were all Help's kids. Plus the embarassment of having to explain at 9 yrs old why your mom's name was different than yours was never fun. This is why my sister (who had a child out of wed-lock) gave her son, her last name (also my fathers last name which only makes him beam with joy everytime he hears it!). It also makes life easier with Dr's appts for kids too, and for insurance purposes for the child to have the same last name as the primary caregiver when parents are un-married. And so I imagine, that if I did NOT want to take my hubby's last name, and I was the one taking care of school/drs appts/etc I would probably want my children to have my name, even if it is my maiden name.... although, I don't know how the father of the children would feel about it, I guess the children could take their fathers name when they were out of school, or at an age where they could choose.

I do know someone who hated, hated, hated their maiden name (Failor) because of being picked on as a child, and hated, hated, hated, their husbands last name (Urin, pronounced errrrrin, but everyone says urine), so she took both names and made 1. She took the Lor from Failor, and the rin from Urin, and made Lorrin.... and that is her last name, even though her husbands is still Urin.

So, I am thankful for the right to choose.... because while I love having my hubby's last name, I love that my nephew does not have his father's last name, and that my sister was able to make that decision!

 

[jlutgendorf]

I have to agree with the kids having the last name of their primary caregiver.

My mom's a special ed teacher, and for about 10 years she worked at a school in a lower income area, where many of her kids parents weren't married or weren't together. She would usually have 2 to 3 kids from the same family, all with different lastnames, and none of them the mothers. However, since dad(s) weren't in the picture, she said the kids had a really hard time understanding why they didn't have the same name as mom and that it could be really upsetting at times.

As for myself, my fiancé and I are making up a new name. Mine is crazy long, and he doesn't have a good relationship with his father's side of the family. Still haven't come up with a set one yet, but I really just love the two of us coming up with a name together.

I also don't know why women who hyphenate, don't ask their husbands to do the same. And I don't see why the kids couldn't have the hyphenated last name. I guess I just like the idea of the family having a family name. However they decide to come up with one is up to them!


~Julia

 

[beccory]

I used to dream about getting a new last name. Mine is ten letters long, and, while it's actually pronounced phoenetically, people see all the letters and their brains shut down. They don't even TRY to sound it out. Still, whenever I get a new professor or teacher, when they call roll, they get to me and say "Rebecca Sssssss... sssaaaa..." and I sigh and raise my hand.
However, the BF's last name is short, and kind of boring, and he hates it. He adores mine and wants to take it when we marry. I, however, would like to make up something completely new (not combining our names or anything, just something new that we both like). This way it would be a symbol of our joined life together, but wouldn't be sexist in either direction, and we could both shed our bad last names for once and all. We aren't having kids so they don't come into the picture.
My sister took her husband's last name, and kept ours as a sort of "second middle name", making her full name really long and cumbersome. I couldn't handle having that.

 

[krazycatlover]

maybe she was just curious and she was to afraid to ask you before. Maybe it is just weird for her since she grew up in a time where people just didn't do that.

 

[ollyextra05]

I hyphenated my last name but really just go by my DH's last name. The two names combined won't fit on a credit card--esp. with my long first name. I wanted to keep my maiden name as there are no males in my generation and the name will die out unless I keep it going. But, it really only exists on legal documents. We'll probably use my maiden name as a middle name for the kids but, frankly, we haven't gotten that far yet! One step at a time!

 

[rockcat]

Originally Posted by lookingglass

My MIL just called me, and asked why I didn't take DH last name. Mind you we've been married for four years, and this "issue" has never come up before. Now, she seems rather put out by it, and didn't want to let the conversation go.
I simply told her that I didn't care for his last name, so I kept my own. It wasn't a strong feminist statement, I just happened to like my last name more than I liked his. Does anyone else have an opinion on this matter.

That IS a strange call after 4 years. I can understand her curiosity, but I don't understand why she is put out about it...after 4 years.

Originally Posted by HopeHacker

...to me, the idea of taking HIS name, seems like you suddenly become HIS property. I don't like that idea of being OWNED, even if it's symbolically.

Wow, to me its not about being owned at all. I asked my DH if he would mind sharing his name with me. After all, we are sharing our lives.

Originally Posted by Satai

An early suffragette said something along the lines of 'I'd rather have the name of the husband I picked than the father I didn't' - that struck a cord with me.

Nothing against my Dad, but that makes a lot of sense.

 

[godiva]

I got married 2.5 years ago, and I didn't take my husband's last name either, for lots of reasons (personally I don't see a good reason to change one's last name unless both parties do it, but I did it mainly because I'm the last of my "lineage" in my family). My MIL gives me crap about it too, so don't feel bad. I can't do anything right according to her.

 

[erinandseamus]

Considering I can't stand my husband's family, I'm not about to change my name to his. Plus, I like my name, it was my name for 29 years before I married and I adore my father. I asked my hubby to take my name, but he said he didn't want to deal with the army paperwork that would entail. I certainly don't get bent out of shape when people call me Mrs. Hubby's-lastname. In fact, I introduce myself that way sometimes.

I did run into a little bit of trouble when entering Germany from Ireland with the border crossing people, but only for a little bit.