What a weird phone call...

[joanne511]

I think people should do whatever they prefer. I know women who didn't change their name; hyphenated their names; the DH took the wife's name; the couple made up a new last name; etc. I work in administration in the biotech industry and it's very common for female scientists not to change their names. Same with a lot of other professions (doctors, laywers, writers, etc). We also have a lot of foreign employees and culturally a lot people don't change their names either. So don't worry, you're in good company with your decision.

Personally, I struggled a bit with changing my name. My DH's name is easier to say and spell than my name, but I liked my name. And I preferred the sound of it over my new name. It was a hassle to have to change it legally but I'm comfortable with my decision. Fortunately my DH and in-laws would have supported me either way, so it truly was my call, without outside interference.

 

[satai]

Originally Posted by sarahp

Wow Satai, quite the post!!!

Thank you.

 

[bella713]

I took my maiden name as my middle name when I got married. But I know sometimes you just don't like the guys name I knew a girl that was going to marry a guy and his last name was OUTHOUSE I would not have taken his name either

 

[sarahp]

Originally Posted by emrldsky

Just to let you know, when addressing wedding invitations, it's "proper ettiquette" to use "Mr. and Mrs. Man'sfirname Lastname" on the envelope. Not saying that it shouldn't bother you, but most people are just trying to follow rules of ettiquette.

I got a letter from the car insurance company the other week addressed to "Mrs Andrew P"!!!! My nan does it, but that's how it was done in her time, so I just sigh and feel pleased that she wrote me a letter

 

[lokismum]

I took my husband's name but kept my maiden name as my middle name when we married. Then when we divorced, I reverted to my maiden name. I have kept it even after I remarried again - too much hassle to change again, and I live in a very French area so it's a normal thing.

 

[urbantigers]

Originally Posted by Satai

I like double barrelled names for couples, but I always wonder what happens when the kids marry: what do Susie Smith-Jones and John Doe-Bloggs call themselves on marriage, or call their kids?

Exactly what I was going to say!

The double barrelled thing is fine first time round, but doesn't work too well for future generations. I suppose they could be Jones-Bloggs (or Smith Doe).

I think either is fine. I would be tempted to keep my name for simplicity so that I wouldn't have to change documents etc, although I don't like my surname and no-one can spell it so maybe it would be best to change it! I do, however, have a few friends who have kept their name initially but eventually got fed up of having a different surname to their kids (who took their patner's name), esp as the kids' school tended to refer to them as Mrs <kids surname> anyway, so ended up taking their husband's name.

 

[lookingglass]

We've decided that if we ever do have children he/she would take his last name. As for the boys, Scratch Fury Destroyer of Worlds, and 8-Bit Wolfgang both have their purrpaâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s last name on the vet folder. We thought that hyphenation would be a bit much.

 

[lokismum]

The kitties both have my last name, although they refer to my husband as Dada and Papa!

 

[ashleynicole]

I am pretty sure that I will take BFs last name when we marry. I like his last name, and as someone else said, it would just feel right to me as bringing us together as a new family. But I do feel a little bad, because there is just me and my sis, no boys to carry on the family name. And my dads brother had all girls as well, and his sister took her husbands name, meaning my dad's family name will stop at this generation.

Plus, the hypenation stuff just gets too confusing for me! And for those who each keep their own name, I would have trouble choosing which name the children would have. I guess most would say it would make sense for them to take the dad's, but the mother should be recognized as well. Which name did you have Allie? Just so many things to think about!!

 

[muttigreemom]

Originally Posted by Satai

An early suffragette said something along the lines of 'I'd rather have the name of the husband I picked than the father I didn't' - that struck a cord with me.

This sums up my feelings on it exactly.

I've been looking to ditch my last name for as long as I can remember. Not that I was in any mad rush to get married or anything... I was just going to change it legally on my own at 18. The only reason I never did was I could never decide on anything better. But being that I've only seen my father two times in the past twenty years and both of those were for no more than 5 minutes, along with having pretty much zero contact with that side of the family for 3/4 of my life... why would I want to keep a name associated with that?

Along with that, the only people I am close to in my family have other names as well. My mother went back to her maiden name.. my sister was married and took her husband's name.. and my uncle has the same name as my mother... so for now, I am the only one with it. Doesn't really make sense.

So like the above.. I'd rather have the name of the husband I choose instead of the father I didn't choose and, for that matter, don't even know.

I also have a friend who married and "sort-of" took her husband's last name. For certain things she uses her last name. For others she uses his last name. And for still others, she uses hers-his. Half the time I don't know what to call her, but if it works for her, hey... rock on

But as for the generalized feminist statement or whether or not you like his last name or whatever the case may be... who cares? This isn't 1945. I say do what your heart/mind tells you to do and tell your MIL to keep her nose out of it

 

[lionessrampant]

Originally Posted by AshleyNicole

Which name did you have Allie? Just so many things to think about!!

I have my dad's last name. My mom hates her last name and "would not bestow it upon anyone" although she kept it as a tribute to her parents. Good thing she didn't have any brothers!

I like that quote about the husband you choose versus the father you didn't, but truthfully, if I could have had a choice in dads, I would have picked mine. My parents are incredibly people and I just feel that doing something similar to what my mother did fits best. Maybe I'll hyphenate if we decide to have kids. Who knows.

 

[beckiboo]

Originally Posted by Satai

I like double barrelled names for couples, but I always wonder what happens when the kids marry: what do Susie Smith-Jones and John Doe-Bloggs call themselves on marriage, or call their kids?

I would like a system where say you were girl mothersname-fathersname or boy fathersname-mothersname, until marriage when you each took your same-sex parent's name and then hypenated that.

So on marriage, Susie Smith-Jones and John Doe-Bloggs would become Susie Smith-Doe and John Doe-Smith (name samesexparentname-spousename); their children would be daughter Smith-Doe and son Doe-Smith.

But I don't see that happening

Oh, boy...it sure would be hard to keep track of the last names! And it seems that so many people who hyphenate aren't Smith-Jones....they are Thomason-Lapendsky, or Abilvie-Endenauer! The people I know who hyphenate give the kids the Dad's last name...so what kind of a feminist statement is that?!?

My aunt gave her dd her maiden name as the dd's middle name. Or you could give it as a first name, if it fits. Or keep your name for business, and his name for personal stuff. I work with several docs who did that.

I think it is fine for people to make their own decision about this...but it is harder to remember two last names.

 

[annabelle33]

I would like to keep my last name.. After all, it's written on my degree, and I have influential people in my family that I like to be associated with.. However, I don't like the name itself.. I think it's too ethnic and out of this town may have negative connotations. so I would probably take the guy's last name unless it was worse.

My bf's sister is getting married and asked her husband to be to take their family name because his family is an embarrassment!! LOL. He didn't agree to take the name though. But his family is out there, like WAY out there.

 

[lionessrampant]

Or you could be like Judy Chicago and just pick an entirely new last name for yourself....

Actually, according to my dad who gets to socialize with a lot of trendy young people, that's the trend. For couples to take on a whole new last name. That's kind of cool, but I personally want the association with my family.

Becky, I actually like the idea of hyphenating the kids' last names! You'll find a lot of that amongst the feminist intelligentsia.

 

[beckiboo]

Originally Posted by lionessrampant

Or you could be like Judy Chicago and just pick an entirely new last name for yourself....

Actually, according to my dad who gets to socialize with a lot of trendy young people, that's the trend. For couples to take on a whole new last name. That's kind of cool, but I personally want the association with my family.

Becky, I actually like the idea of hyphenating the kids' last names! You'll find a lot of that amongst the feminist intelligentsia.

I would think that if the Mom hyphenates her name, the kids would have that hypenated name...but then when they marry they have to decide again what name to chose. I guess I've never met a member of the feminist intelligentsia, since I haven't seen that done! LOL!

And I really don't like the idea of making up a new name...but hey, it isn't up to me to tell the rest of the world how to do things.

 

[lionessrampant]

Originally Posted by Beckiboo

I guess I've never met a member of the feminist intelligentsia, since I haven't seen that done! LOL!

They're elusive

You can see them in their natural habitat down at U of C if you're really interested!

 

[yosemite]

I may be out to lunch here (it happens at my age), but I believe if the parents are married, the children take the last name of the father. If unmarried the children take the last name of the mother and in order to take the father's name must be legally adopted by the father. So, in essence if a couple are married and their name is Smith-Jones (with Jones being Dad's name), the children would be Jones' - if the parents are unmarried, the childrens' last name would be Smith until Dad legally adopted them and then they would use the last name Jones.

 

[satai]

Originally Posted by Yosemite

I may be out to lunch here (it happens at my age), but I believe if the parents are married, the children take the last name of the father. If unmarried the children take the last name of the mother and in order to take the father's name must be legally adopted by the father. So, in essence if a couple are married and their name is Smith-Jones (with Jones being Dad's name), the children would be Jones' - if the parents are unmarried, the childrens' last name would be Smith until Dad legally adopted them and then they would use the last name Jones.

According to my younger sister B, who is studying law (and practicing from time to time) in the US you can call your kids wantever you like - mom's last name, dad's, something else entirely (we had this converstation when our youngest sister M had her baby).

 

[icklemiss21]

I know at least here, and in the UK you can give the child either name if you not married. My sister gave her son her fiance's name, my other sister is keeping her name and so will use it for her daughter when she arrives later this year. And as long as the father is named on the birth cert, he is a legal guardian, married or not

 

[emrldsky]

Originally Posted by marie-p

That's why I will never understand the need to have rules of etiquette. If I was married and someone addressed me as Mrs. "My husband's first and last name", I would find that sexist and rude. So really, I don't understand how it could be "good etiquette".

Then again, there's not much about etiquette that has ever made much sense to me.
If someone sent me an invitation like that, I'd probably reply that yes, I'll be there... but can I also bring Mr "Marie P."

I completely agree about the etiquette thing, mostly because I'm tired of having to try and remember things. I just want to address the wedding invitations with Avenue written Ave. and how I refer to the person. Trying to think if someone is Miss, Ms. or Mrs. is REALLY frustrating as I know a lot of women hate the Ms., a lot hate the Mrs. assumption and many others are only Miss if they have never been married, but I can never remember if they have been or not! *pulls hair out* Maybe once I'm done with the wedding invitations, I'll find my sanity.... lol