We've taken on a new cat - Tigger

[felton]

I was relapsed upon the bed when master Tigger approached. Hi Tiggie.

"I'm way behind on work"

and with the grace of a falling bag of concrete Tigger collapsed/fell sideways.
He lifted his head and used the right front leg of a plush stuffed ladybug (you may see them on the bed if you go to the picture forum [or at least a URL where most of the photographs are] We named the two Annie (bigger of the two) and the other Bernadette. Several of the masters like to give them back massages or use them as a work site. Charlie so likes Annie that he starts drooling when he gives a long back massage. Tigger just like to use them as a head rest.

"Ah.. that feels good ... (as he rubs his head back and forth on the leg of Bernadette)

in the meantime, his little accupuncture needles (starting with 10 and than progressing to 20) are perferating my right leg. Oh thank you so much for the puncture tests master.

"What's your problem slave? Don't you like the occasional massage?"

No, it's fine. I appreciate your efforts but I don't want to lose a pint of blood. It would be too messy for DW to clean up while I'm attending to the massage sites.

"You have no concept of the finer things that a master can provided, do you?"

No my master. I don't. Do you want water?

"Ah.. now that you mention it I am thirsty."

Distracted, master Tigger gets water and than returns to work on the bed.

 

[felton]

Spoo.... (for those of you who do not know what spoo means just read it backwards)

Charlie the three legged cat, often known as Charlie Cat, was paying alot of attention when I uncovered Sunshine the cockatiel. I folded both blankets and placed them on the spare birdcage (this provides a resting place ....err... a workplace for our masters. They can kick back and catch some rays and work. It also provides a stepping place for going up to the kitty TV station.
In any case, Charlie was stretching, rolling over and getting comfortable.

spoo

Charlie fell to the floor.

Oh Charlie that was a wonderful demonstration of agility. Would you do it again?

Charlie walks over and ...

"Pick me up slave. I want attention."

Baby burp position assumed but he's using my left arm as a sit upon. I must ratch/skritch with my right.

13.4 pounds of Charlie does place a strain upon the arm somewhat akin to going to the gym and exercising with dumbbells. My shirt is now covered with hundreds of Charlie hair. Charlie hair in my mouth. Charlie is now purring loudly (he has the loudest purr machine of all our masters BTW) DW tells me my shirt will have to be washed if he drools. Most of the time the baby burp does not result in drool. Massage Annie or Bernadette for 15 seconds and the faucet is on full.

"Ok... I'm done. Put me down slave."

"Oh... and a snack might be in order"

I hear and obey. I get a small piece of noodle we had last night and Charlie snarfs it down. He looks at the offered almond but choses not to.

"Why are you trying to feed me that. I don't eat those liike Shadow Ram and Laptop. Tigger Might eat them but I won't.

welll maybe I'll deighn to try one. Nice crunch. Taste is ok nothing to write home about. Ok... I can eat it.

a picky cat going through the "I mean't to do the floor trick.

:" I'm too tired to show you slaves tricks. I'm going to work

Tigger is basking in the bedroom.

Charlie heads to the bed and finds Tigger, SHadow Ram hard at work.

"I can work with these masters:="

and he promptlhy assumes a library lion mode. Eyes fold over and roll up.

Charlie working

Shadow Ram working

Tigger working

I'm about to go to bed since I have nightshift tonight.

Who will snore the loudest?

 

[felton]

I was awakened this afternoon by my masters. Tigger and the other two mouse-ka-teers decided to play follow the leader. Tigger must have come up the normal route (floor to top of CPAP machine to nightstand to bed) because he walked over my chest almost waking me up.

uh.... what? (groggy response I'm not awake)

Shadow Ram followed. (a flick of his tail hit my face)

Charlie jumped up and landed on and off me. Front legs on my chest. Back leg on bed. (ooofff he's a heavy cat)

Oh... it must be time to get up. (looking at clock)

Yep.... gotta go make money to support my masters in the fashion that they have become accustomed to.

"HEY SLAVE! Get UP" (multiply by three)

Yes masters. I hear and obey.

 

[felton]

I got home from work this morning and Tigger came running out of the bedroom (we leave the door wedged open with a door stop so he can enter/leave when he wishes without waking us up - also because we have a swamp cooler and we want the bedrrom cool in the summer) and stopped in front of the master watering station. He just looked up at me as if to say:

"Well? Slave you must pay attention to me."

I picked him up and put him on the sink. I also turned on the water.

"Who said I was thirsty?"

His head was dry and that's always a good sign that he wants water (we slaves have learned that the hard way as he has kidney disease)

"I say again. Who said I was thirsty?"

Tigger ignored the water. He continued looking at me. I asked him what he wanted. Tigger ignored me.

"When will you slaves learn that I am a master and what I want is what I want when I want it. I'm going to keep you guessing and confused."

I watched Tigger "saunter" out of the master watering station and ignore me thereafter. I went into the bedroom and I see Tigger sitting on DW. Just like Bast or Sekhmet statues from ancient Egypt. Tigger just stares at me.

Tigger continues to stare at me whilst I get ready for bed. DW giggles and tells me goodnight. DW also tells Tigger goodnight.

"Goodnight slaves. Get plenty of rest so as to serve me better."

 

[felton]

Tigger was VERY attentive and lovey dovey with DW and I'm having difficulty figuring out why. All DW was doing was eating some kipper snacks on wasa bread. I suppose it was the wasa bread. Than again, maybe not.

"I love you slave. (maybe I can distract you and I can get some of those kipper snacks) I want to give you ALOT of attention."

Envision head bonks, cheek rubs and sniffing

"Why are you not giving me any of that food?"

"I have not eaten. I am starving to the point of collapse."

"Please give me some."

"hrrmmmmppppppppffff what a untrained slave you've turned out to be."

 

[felton]

I was standing in the kitchen when I heard the distinctive "thump" that indicates to slaves that either Shadow Ram or Tigger have quenched thier thirst at the master watering station. DW stated loudly "He's done"

Undeknownst to me, Tigger was in the living room gearing up.

ZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM

Almost as fast as a speeding bullet, Tigger is running through the junction of hall, kitchen, front door foyer and short hall (eye wood have said short haul if Tigger had been sauntering but all the slaves hear are unfamilar [a magician without a friend?] with my pen chant [I should be Gregorian ?] with pun ishmnet sew there four I shall 'ot knot eschew obfuscation) {sea note 1} headed down the hall. We hear Tigger enter the master watering station. Faster than it takes the driver behind you to honk at yore hesitation to depart from your stopping place while the red light shines, Tigger "thumps" to the floor. DW and I ask each other "Did he drink?" and we observe a flash of marmalade through the junction point that seams to soldifiy on top the couch while Tigger decides that the fabric atop the sewing station will be his next resting place.

[envision another streak of orange but tis redundant again de javu] (will I be hurt bye readers of the "Tigger Chronicles"?)

but faster decision making is beyond my ken (who is ken and why is.....ah... I don't think) as Tigger decides to shift into "The Mighty Straw Hunter" mode. Flaky Tigger has transformed into a holder of a straw that is announcing to one and all that he has stalked, captured and is now displaying the ill usive (what is usive and why is it sick?) straw. He has also enjoined "Mr. Quiver Tail" to join him. (I don't remember mentioning his friend Mr. Quiver Tail where his entire tail will vibrate back and forth but it is part of his personality; thus endearing all who are his slaves)

A short trip into the punishing mourning zone has ended. Yew may now regain control of your cents while yew scents what little since my sense has bid a fondue my reality is parked out front.


note 1: C sharp
note 2: Sea note one but DW has cursed at me again and said she is going to hurt me.

 

[felton]

A warning about the previous timeline of "The Tigger Chronicles"

"The author takes no responsibility but does admit his ayes glazed over during the previous mentioned moment that appears before noon."

All references should be considered within and without regard to the puns intended and tendered. It started with the following:

INSECTIVORA

"See," cries the chorus of admiring preachers,
"How Providence provides for all His creatures!"
"His care," the gnat said, "even the insects follows:
For us He has provided wrens and swallows."

AMBROSE BIERCE

and ended here.

 

[felton]

I was down on my knees, using pipe wrench and parts to fix the toilet when Tigger came in.

"What are you doing slave? I will supervise the process, in any case."

Oh thank you master. I really need help and expert opinions.

(I am now bent over the toilet, with my masters head right beside mine.)

You really should stand back 'coz it's going to get wet.
Water will be coming soon. My master was totally absorbed in the situation. He chose not to leave and thus I had no choice.

I turned on the water. I did have a towel around the fitting but it turns out I did not tighten the top fitting sufficiently. There was some water in the pan that I set down also.

Tigger was startled and thus decided that he not wish to get wet. A snap decision as which direction to go had to be made. Tigger chose poorly.

My master went in the direction that contained the pan and he had to demonstrate his ability to walk on water.

My master was not happy.

"SLAVE! Why did you turn on the water and force me to go this direction and thus wind up with WET FEET! You're in serious need of additional training."

and thus he stalked off.

A short time later, when I had cleaned up the floor and put everything away, Tigger came in.

Tigger wharfed up his lunch.

(I think he did this so as to teach me a lesson, but I showed the proper amount of concern for his well being and thus mollified his mood)

and I cleaned up the mess.

 

[felton]

I am about to go to bed, as I have the night shift when Tigger tells one and all that he is ....

"FEED ME!"

DW is on the step stool putting items on the top shelf. I hear her say that Tigger should tell me.

"Hey Slave man. I'm hungry so feed me."

Yes master I hear and obey.

"I want fresh food!"

(I had just put fresh food in the bowl)

Looking at me with some askance, Tigger once again tell one and all that he is hungry. Shadow Ram comes in and heads directly for the new food. DW is now down on floor level and shoos the Fluffball (nickname for Shadow Ram) away.

"I'M HUNGRY! I'M STARVING"

as an aside to me I get the knowledge that Tigger has eaten less than 10 minutes ago.

"I'm waiting slaves."

Yes master we hear and obey. Whereupon DW takes the food bowl, dumps the old food and replaces it. I am handed the food and place it in front of my master.

"I don't want the food from you. You give old food."

DW picks it up and replaces it on the floor.

Tigger sniffs....

and sniffs...

and sniffs...

and finally eats. We receive a look that tells us we have been found wanting in the service to our ruler. A shake of the head and Tigger continues to eat.

I am now keeping Shadow Ram at bay..... and DW is keeping the marmalade away.

Tigger leaves one kibble in the bottom (a starter seed methinks) and saunters away and turns left down the hall. I quickly head to the watering station and let Tigger drink.

I'm off to bed

 

[felton]

When I went to bed, after the night shift, Tigger was working at the bottom of the bed. I seemed to have disturbed him somewhat when I was getting ready.

"Why did you disturb my work? You know I don't like to be disturbed! I have to spend more time in training the dolt of a slave. s i g h...."

When I woke up 7 hours later.....

Tigger appeared as if he had not moved. (although it is unlikely that he worked for so long without taking a potty or lunch break) but I, once again, distrub his working enviroment.

Tigger stared at me.

and stared

and stared

and stared

of which he finally gave up in disgust and walked out. I'm sorry Tigger. I can not walk like a cat. I just don't have that kind of ability, regardless of what you may wish and I'm too old to be schooled. The "Can't teach an old dog new tricks" idiom is false but I'm too stupid. I'm just your slave.

 

[felton]

DW and I went to a ecoworld show today (lots of recycle, solar power, green type equipment) and found a booth that had lots of organic catnip and pet friendly stuff. We bought a 24 inch long tube full of fresh organic catnip.

[remove trip home and time required]

We first give it to Tigger.

"What is this?" sniff sniff sniff sniff

"What is this thing? It's nothing to me." and he walks off shaking one foot at it.

Tigger seems to be one of the 15% of masters who are not affected by catnip.

Oh well....

Shadow Ram comes up and he dives into the new tube.

sniff sniff...

"Meow Oemw Woem" (unintelligent directions are now coming from Shadow - he's toast. This is your cat on drugs) Laying on the floor kicking the tube rolling...

Charlie runs up and pushes Shadow out of the way. Charlie is much bigger and is a middle linebacker of cats. Shadow is also toasted.

Charlie is now on drugs. He gets angry at Shadow and swipes a paw at him so Shadow runs away. (he winds up under the bed very much afraid)

We let Charlie roll on the floor and we take the tube away. We close the door and put the tube at the top of the stairs for Laptop or Sterling.

[insert 45 minutes]

DW looks at the tube and it's covered with cat drool. Oh my we're talking a major hit of fresh catnip. Zowie Laptop is drunk beyond belief.

We put the tube away. Out of reach of masters since we don't wish to become a dealer and hook our masters on drugs.

M o d e r a t i o n..... is a good thing.

 

[felton]

"HEY SLAVE! LET ME IN THE BEDROOM!"

yes master. I hear and obey.

"I now want out. I've changed my mind."

Yes master. I hear and obey.

"I now want in. I've changed my mind."

Yes master. I hear and obey. I do wish to take a shower so that I am clean. The more that you delay that will mean that much longer before I'm available to get you food and water.

"hrrrmmpppffffffffff Well if you must."

[insert the process described above]

DW is bringing the sheets that need to be folded. That sets off alarms of all masters who are upstairs.

"Oh Looky here. It's play time! We want to help. Thank you thank you for letting us play and help."

Tigger is upon the bed batting at the sheets and diving into the little tunnels.
Charlie is trying to jump into the sheet that is in process of being folded. (He almost makes it. He gets his head and one leg in.....than it's spoo I meant to do that)

Shadow Ram is holding down the sheets on the bed, batting at the moving lump under the sheet that he's holding down.

"Oh oh oh oh break time is over. We must go back to work!"

Thereupon all three masters settle in at their respective places to work. (Charlie is atop Annie the stuffed ladybug- Shadow Ram at the bottom right of the bed - Tigger at the top right of the bed (it's also the seat thief position if he's not working)

zzzzzzzzzzz they all slee..... work in progress.

 

[felton]

"Pick me up"

"Pet me pet me"

"ahhhh.... that's a good slave."

"Here let me test my accupuncture methods upon you."

8 little needles now attempt to alleviate the constane pain that I have in my shoulder. Oh master that's not helping sorry.

"Ok let me try again in different places."

"Hold still! I'm trying to find the right spot."

"Stop complaining. I'm not a expert at human physiology. I do keep my needles sharp though."

Thank you Tigger. I appreciate you efforts but your purring does not drown out my screams.

DW comes in the kitchen and Tigger promptly wants to be held by his primary slave.

DW: Oh thank you master. I needed some needle work done also.

I escape to check my wounds. (not really I just had to make sure no master was wanting the water station turned on)

 

[felton]

"Pick me up slave. I wish attention (he doesn't know that I secretly wish to get a higher vantage point in the kitchen so that I may pounce)"

Yes master I hear and obey.

"Pet me slave."

Yes master. Than my master decides to walk up to stand on my shoulder. DW is at the kitchen counter and observes Tigger.

"Hi Tigger. You can't get to the top the of refridgerator so don't try."

"Meowwllll I just want your attention."

"Yeah... just like you don't want some of this breakfast I'm making."

"Drat. My primary slave is not as dumb as my secondary. Get me closer to the counter old fool."

Yes master. Tigger procedes to walk down the arm and sit on the counter.

DW: "You can't be on the coutner when I'm making breakfast. Trix are for kids" Whereupon DW places Tigger on the floor. Tigger goes to his food bowl and shakes a paw at it.

"IT'S NOT FRESH"

I perform a change out ceremony. I show Tigger the bowl is empty. I show him that I'm getting a fresh handful of food. I show Tigger that I'm placing it in the bowl.

"I don't want that food silly slave."

DW goes thorugh the process and master Tigger deigns to eat. Turning his back on me but allow his primary slave to observe.

"Just I wanted to do right now Tigger. I wanted to watch you eat. I have my own food and DW procedes to go to her breakfast."

Tigger stops eating. (my is he in a different mood today)

DW turn to watch and Tigger starts eatting again.

I am ignored so I head off to the bedroom so as to get ready for the night shift. Gotta get my sleep.

 

[felton]

Tigger seemed to get himself into a difficult situation.

"What do you mean difficult slave? I'm doing this on purpose."

Tigger was on the window sill of the office/computer room. The printer and monitor for the computer is on the credenza, right beside the window. Tigger had walked down the narrow opening between the printer and window so he could survey his domain (looking for intruder cat or squizzles I guess)

Yes master. I understand.

"Why did you put that obstruction in my path?"

I had put my baseball hat on the desk between the books and the printer. That path from the window out to the center of the room was his exit path.

"WHY?"

Tigger starts to back up. It's somewhat like a 18wheeler backing up I guess. Tigger does not appear to like the procedure.

"Slave. You and I are going to have a long talk on what you can and cannot put down in front of me when I am doing a survey. Stupid slave"

Yes master. We'll go get some water and food when you get out.

"Oh... food and water. I like that idea. "

"Let us commence"

Thus I deflect his ire (but he remembers. Let me assure you of that.

Tigger backs out and we start down the hall.

[insert the Oh I want food first/Oh I want water first routine]

"hehheheh I'm paying you back slave"

Thank you Tigger. I have to get ready for work.

"Work? Did you mention work? Sounds like a good idea."

and Tigger saunters off his work place on the bed. I go to sleep.

zzzzzzz

 

[felton]

I'm a typical slave and I forgot to mention one of Tigger tribulations:

Charlie Cat was curled up in the master watering station (keeping cool I think) and water was running in a slight stream. Charlie was ignoring the water.

Tigger: "HEY! I'm thirsy Charlie!"

Charlie: "and this affects me how LITTLE cat?" (oh this may get Tigger upset)

Tigger: "Hey slave. Make him move! NOW!"

Sorry Tigger. I try not to aggravate all my masters.

Tigger: "I see a long talk in your future. More training also. Dirty training."

and he walks off.... leaving me with Charlie, who looks quite content.

 

[felton]

Originally Posted by felton

I was standing in the kitchen when I heard the distinctive "thump" that indicates to slaves that either Shadow Ram or Tigger have quenched thier thirst at the master watering station. DW stated loudly "He's done"

Undeknownst to me, Tigger was in the living room gearing up.

ZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM

Almost as fast as a speeding bullet, Tigger is running through the junction of hall, kitchen, front door foyer and short hall (eye wood have said short haul if Tigger had been sauntering but all the slaves hear are unfamilar [a magician without a friend?] with my pen chant [I should be Gregorian ?] with pun ishmnet sew there four I shall 'ot knot eschew obfuscation) {sea note 1} headed down the hall. We hear Tigger enter the master watering station. Faster than it takes the driver behind you to honk at yore hesitation to depart from your stopping place while the red light shines, Tigger "thumps" to the floor. DW and I ask each other "Did he drink?" and we observe a flash of marmalade through the junction point that seams to soldifiy on top the couch while Tigger decides that the fabric atop the sewing station will be his next resting place.

[envision another streak of orange but tis redundant again de javu] (will I be hurt bye readers of the "Tigger Chronicles"?)

but faster decision making is beyond my ken (who is ken and why is.....ah... I don't think) as Tigger decides to shift into "The Mighty Straw Hunter" mode. Flaky Tigger has transformed into a holder of a straw that is announcing to one and all that he has stalked, captured and is now displaying the ill usive (what is usive and why is it sick?) straw. He has also enjoined "Mr. Quiver Tail" to join him. (I don't remember mentioning his friend Mr. Quiver Tail where his entire tail will vibrate back and forth but it is part of his personality; thus endearing all who are his slaves)

A short trip into the punishing mourning zone has ended. Yew may now regain control of your cents while yew scents what little since my sense has bid a fondue my reality is parked out front.


note 1: C sharp
note 2: Sea note one but DW has cursed at me again and said she is going to hurt me.

My DW called me horrid four having posted this bomb. Eye don't know why. Looks perfectly good two me.

 

[felton]

DW and I were in the process of making tunafish sandwitchs when son opened door to basement. ZOOOOOM Shadow and Charlie appear. Tigger (who had been working in the bedroom) comes running around the corner. DW and I are in the middle.

[avoidance measures are in effect by our running masters, else it would have been ugly]

I'm accosted by Tigger. Dw is being mauled by Shadow. Charlie is behind use batting to get attention.

Ow.... please retract your little needles. I don't wish to go and have a blood transfusion. ow..

"HEY SLAVE! I want TUNAFISH" (insert any masters name you choose here as all of them are demanding undivided attention..... and tuna BTW)

DW takes a small amount and gives it (that really should be [has her hand taken off at the elbow] and demands for more) to Shadow.

"HEY I'm ALPHA. I should get firsties"

Yes master. Don't tell me. Tell DW

DW remarks [you should show some better manners Shadow or I'll not give you more]

I ask if I should listen to Tigger and give him some. DW remarks that I should be careful as she doesn't want me in the hospital again (three days in the hospital many days ago when Tigger chomped me)

I take some and start to hold it out. It is gone in about 23.2 nanoseconds. A very short period of time later...

"GIVE ME MORE slave. MORE"

Yes master. I get another small chunk... at paying careful attention to Tigger I give it to him. OHW.... Charle has batted me.

Yes master. I hear and obey. Charlie is much nicer. I only run the risk of losing a finger.

"Thank you slave."

"HEY Why did you give him some. I'm not done."

Tigger you've had two pieces. Let the others have some. DW is done with Shadow and starts with Charlie.

"Ah... I have her foolded into thinking I didn't get any from the other slave."

whereupon DW turns back to the tuna and bread. Ignoring all demands.

So sorry masters. DW has ended our tasting session.

and all masters watch with rapt attention.... and follow us to the table to look with hopes that I'll relent and give them more. They know that DW will no longer let them taste her food. (They think I'm a pushover)..... and DW and son agree with them.

but I ignore all


(but save some for Laptop and Sterling)

"HEY

 

[felton]

My MIL is curious why people have stopped commenting on the "Tigger Chronicles" so I said I'd post the question. DW and I have told her that people are reading about our master, but she wants reassurance I suppose.

 

[felton]

The only thing of note happened is that Shadow and Tigger are hard working. Tigger took the seat thief position and Shadow assumed the bottom of the bed position. They took those today when I went to bed to prepare for the night shift. They were still there when I got up for work.

Hard working masters they are.