My 17 year old himalayan died yesterday. She didn't quite make it to the litter box and had an accident on the carpet - VERY unlike her. I suspected she had a bladder infection. After the vet tech checked her temperature, Veronica had a seizure. I was alone in the examining room with her and though the whole thing lasted no more than 5 seconds, it felt like 10 minutes. I ran into the hall and screamed for the doctor. She picked Veronica up and checked her heart and told me she was gone. I just couldn't believe it had actually happened. I was SO unprepared. Her checkup 2 months ago was fine - she was fine that morning. We had our usual morning love fest, she ate her breakfast, she rubbed all over my husband, covering him with long hairs. And then she was gone. I walk around the house in a daze. I can't do anything, I can't think. I'm spending hours online trying to find just the right urn. I ache inside - really physically ache. We left her and her younger brother Ozzie last week for a few days to celebrate Thanksgiving. I can't stop thinking that I could have had that time with her - that I shouldn't have left her. I keep picturing her having that awful seizure. Most of all, I keep expecting her to be there. My sister has 4 children, I have none and am too ill to actually have any. I don't think she understands how a cat can become like a child to you. I made up songs about her to sing to her, I carried her around with me, brushed her, slept with her for 17 years. When will this stop hurting so badly? Thanks for listening, L