(venting) Confessing to intrusive thoughts

[heyitskevinn]

I don't know if anyone else who's mentally ill feels this way, but I can't help thinking about putting my cat to sleep in order to spiral.
I WOULD NEVER DO IT!
However, the thought bothers me. It comes at night, through the early morning. Basically whenever I'm alone.
He is very particular, to put it lightly, I am fully aware no one will take him nor will anyone be as good as I am to him. It makes me feel guilty for being depressed with suicidal tendencies, even if I will never go through with them, I still feel bad. What would happen to him? Then the thought of putting him down starts. It's distressing to put it lightly. It's a cycle and it's gone on for about a year, but recently it's gotten worse to the point that it is now oozing into nightmares.

I'm just asking if anyone else shares this, maybe. I'm not actually going to do anything, I have no control over my obsessive; intrusive thoughts and they do not reflect me as a person. Nor does anyone elses, for that matter.

 

[denice]

Are you getting professional help? I have struggled with clinical depression at least all of my adult life, I think I was depressed as a child. My mother also struggled with mental illness and that was a time when professional help was not as good as it is now. Mental illness isn't something that can be 'cured' but it can be controlled. There are ways to make life much better.

 

[heyitskevinn]

Are you getting professional help? I have struggled with clinical depression at least all of my adult life, I think I was depressed as a child. My mother also struggled with mental illness and that was a time when professional help was not as good as it is now. Mental illness isn't something that can be 'cured' but it can be controlled. There are ways to make life much better.

No, not yet. We are very far out, and it is too expensive here. Having a cat helps though, I consider that my therapy. Gives me something to tie me down where else I'd just float off. Thank you. I am considering starting music making to help; it has in the past but I gave up on it.

 

[rubysmama]

heyitskevinn : Are you in the USA? If so, please check out National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Per the website, "The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."

If you're in a different country, use Google to find a website you can reach out to.

Hugs to you and your kitty.

 

[Elphaba09]

No, not yet. We are very far out, and it is too expensive here.

I encourage you to keep looking for accessible, affordable therapy. Here are some resources for you to consider. Some are free.
NAMI HelpLine | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness
Home | MentalHealth.gov
Talkspace | Online Therapy | Counseling Online | Marriage Counseling
https://www.betterhelp.com
Experience Calm
Meditation and Sleep Made Simple - Headspace
Find Support Groups
Home
Online Therapy & Free Counseling, Someone To Talk To | 7 Cups
eTherapyPro | Online Therapy Chat | Free Online Therapy |
CIMHS Free Online Therapy for Depression

I suffer from C-PTSD, agoraphobia, cibophobia, and clinical depression. You are not alone.

 

[heyitskevinn]

heyitskevinn : Are you in the USA? If so, please check out National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Per the website, "The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."

If you're in a different country, use Google to find a website you can reach out to.

Hugs to you and your kitty.

Hey, thanks for showing me that. Truth be told yesterday I wasn't in the best place at all. Decided to make a call and calmed down and went to bed. I will probably call again or text today. Being alone in the house leads for thoughts like this, but I don't want to beg for attention or anything

I encourage you to keep looking for accessible, affordable therapy. Here are some resources for you to consider. Some are free.
NAMI HelpLine | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness
Home | MentalHealth.gov
Talkspace | Online Therapy | Counseling Online | Marriage Counseling
https://www.betterhelp.com
Experience Calm
Meditation and Sleep Made Simple - Headspace
Find Support Groups
Home
Online Therapy & Free Counseling, Someone To Talk To | 7 Cups
eTherapyPro | Online Therapy Chat | Free Online Therapy |
CIMHS Free Online Therapy for Depression

I suffer from C-PTSD, agoraphobia, cibophobia, and clinical depression. You are not alone.

I've never heard of free therapy - thanks for showing me! I will definitely look through these. I have no idea why these feelings got amplified yesterday - nothing is happening - so I will bookmark a few lines and those therapy services in case this happens again.. Also.. Never heard of those disorders but upon looking, I'm so sorry.Sending goodvibes to you !

 

[Mia6]

You are never alone here!! A lot of us have clinical depression and it is worse
with COVID19 in our midst. Your kittie loves you! We have members from all
over the world so there is always someone to talk with.

Love,
Mia xxxx

 

[heyitskevinn]

You are never alone here!! A lot of us have clinical depression and it is worse
with COVID19 in our midst. Your kittie loves you! We have members from all
over the world so there is always someone to talk with.

Love,
Mia xxxx

View attachment 339500

Thank you, mia6. You guys are very nice

 

[Roxabelle]

Hello, fellow survivor of sever depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts here! You know you will never hurt yourself or your cat. The dark thoughts that creep into your brain like a fog are not you - it’s the depression talking, and you will overcome it. If you ever need to talk to anyone my inbox is always open (we already have cats in common, right?) and I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’ve only been on this site 2 weeks and already I can tell there’s a sense of genuine community here x

 

[MonaLyssa33]

I know exactly how you are feeling. I have OCD and experience what is considered "Pure O" which basically means obsessive intrusive thoughts. It used to be really bad and the thoughts were always very upsetting. It took awhile for me to get it under control. I've gotten to the point where I can recognize when I'm having an intrusive thought and either acknowledge it's there or let it play out and try not to have a reaction to it. The reaction is what makes it worse for me. I've really had to learn that the thoughts are just thoughts. They don't have anything to do with being a good or a bad person.

When my OCD was at its worst was in 2006-07. I actually went to a psychic during that time (not because of the OCD, just for fun) and the first thing the psychic said to me was that I'm a good person.

 

[Mia6]

You guys are very nice

Awww..
How are you doing? A bit better I hope. The links listed by members can help and every
county in US has free mental health available and meds will be paid for if required.

Love,
Mia

 

[JamesCalifornia]

~ It's true that we are all "nuts" here - even if some refuse to admit it. Some call us "unusual" - others think we are "special". Our cats know that we are really one of them in human form .
You are in the right place ...

 

[Mia6]

~ It's true that we are all "nuts" here - even if some refuse to admit it. Some call us "unusual" - others think we are "special". Our cats know that we are really one of them in human form .
You are in the right place ...

So true, love!!

 

[Roxabelle]

 

[Mia6]

View attachment 339757

hee, hee

 

[Mia6]

I'm happy you started this thread, heyitskevinn , I have those pesky intrusive thoughts as well.
My shrink calls them catastrophic thoughts, .because I am worrying about what may happen; notice
the first three letters, hee, hee! I made up my own way of coping with them.I envision a huge,
red, traffic STOP sign!!! A lot of times it works. Another thing that helps is guided imagery.
I place my mind walking on the beach in Ft. Lauderdale Florida, where I lived for four years.
I'm, in my white bandeau thong bikini, many years ago, ha!! and walk down the beach, go for
a swim, shower off the ocean water, then walk over to the snack stand and have a tuna fish
sammie and a large papaya juice. Hope this helps!!

 

[Roxabelle]

A method I discovered works for me is to give my intrusive thoughts a name, and it really helps to name them after someone/something you don’t like very much, since you already associate that with negativity!

I worked at a job I loved but couldn’t stand the MD, so I decided to name my intrusive thoughts after her. I even replay my thoughts sometimes in her nagging, screeching voice! Anyway, if I find one of these thoughts pop into my head I just say “aw, shut up, Michelle!”

It really works, both from being able to put a block on those thoughts and change the subject, and to remind myself that those thoughts aren’t ‘me’ thinking them, they are the voice of an intruder, and that intruder needs to be told where to go.

it takes practice and some days it’s easier than others, but it honestly helps me so much.

 

[heyitskevinn]

Roxabelle You're right, there is a real sense of community here. Thank you as well, forgot to hit send yesterday lol.

MonaLyssa33 I've actually never heard of such disorder, thank you for bringing it up to me, I researched it a bit this morning and I'm fascinated... I check a lot of boxes with it, very interesting stuff

Mia6 Not at all, however, I do love my cat so that's keeping me trucking over here... Even if he peed on the floor today!



thank you all for the tips, sorry for the lame reply, I'm pretty dead-brained today

 

[Ilovekats]