Tumour near windpipe - terminal

[Furrywurrypurry]

Yeah, pretty much it is.

 

[iPappy]

That’s what keeps me going. Knowing that it will get better.
Caring for one terminally sick animal was hard, losing him broke me, doing it a second time so soon after, not sure I have the words to describe it. For you to lose 3 so quickly I can’t imagine. I hope that you are able to recover from the trauma.
People ask me or offer the the thought that it’s better to have time to say goodbye and it’s a yes and no answer for me, parts of me are so grateful for having ‘more’ time, for telling them all of the things, for letting them eat all of the foods, for giving all of the cuddles. The other part hates watching them ever so slowly fade away into shadow. And it culminates in you deciding when they die. It’s awful anyway which way it happens.

You make an excellent point. I've lost some to slow, debilitating sicknesses where I know for months that the end is coming. It gives me time to prepare, but it also gives me time to sit and brood about what is to come. I've also lost them suddenly, and there's no time for preparation (shock), but there's also no time for grieving them before they've gone. If she's still eating all the foods and loving all the cuddles, take it day by day and give her all the love you can.
When I lost a very loved cat back in 2010, a customer of mine (who likes cats, but is allergic so is not a "cat person") surprised me with a beautiful little statue of an angel holding a cat. It's still displayed on my dresser. She didn't have to do that, but knowing she wasn't a cat person but understood my pain means so much to me.
During Tags last months, people I expected would be there for me (including people I considered close friends) were so bland about his grave diagnosis. They didn't seem to care. I couldn't believe it. I almost felt betrayed. Yet, people I never expected to care much at all gave us so much support. And that includes this forum. It made me think of Fred Rogers saying to always look for the helpers when scary things are happening, and there they'll be.

 

[Furrywurrypurry]

I have found the same thing. Kindness and thoughtfulness has come from places I haven’t expected it to. And it hasn’t been readily given from places that I would expect it from. A friend I’ve been there for through thick and thin hasn’t reached out once to ask how I am, but at the same time has reached out to unload her baggage on me. Another person who I considered less close messaged me to simply say I’m keeping you in my thoughts, and it meant the world. It makes you reevaluate people for sure. My family have been awesome but then I grew up in a house surrounded by animals and so my parents and sisters have the same affinity with animals that I do, they just aren’t cat people to the level that I am. And this forum has been a god send. I’ve always been a writer when it comes to my thoughts, diaries, journals etc. and being able to not only ask for help and advice but just to put my thoughts into words helps in a way to get them out of my head.

 

[iPappy]

I have found the same thing. Kindness and thoughtfulness has come from places I haven’t expected it to. And it hasn’t been readily given from places that I would expect it from. A friend I’ve been there for through thick and thin hasn’t reached out once to ask how I am, but at the same time has reached out to unload her baggage on me. Another person who I considered less close messaged me to simply say I’m keeping you in my thoughts, and it meant the world. It makes you reevaluate people for sure. My family have been awesome but then I grew up in a house surrounded by animals and so my parents and sisters have the same affinity with animals that I do, they just aren’t cat people to the level that I am. And this forum has been a god send. I’ve always been a writer when it comes to my thoughts, diaries, journals etc. and being able to not only ask for help and advice but just to put my thoughts into words helps in a way to get them out of my head.

I had similar experiences with friends. One person I'd been through a lot with who also has pets of their own, I messaged the bad news about Tag to and their response was so vague and "blah". They didn't seem to care at all. NGL, it bugged me a lot. A day or so later, I found myself unable to not break down in front of a few of my customers that I've known since I was a kid, and they were so sweet to me. They offered me so much support. I am so happy that you have family who understands at least somewhat.
I joined this site with some questions about a catio and I mentioned that Tag had cancer, and the support I got here through Tag's problems were awesome. Writing is very therapeutic and helped me a lot as well. If I had no real updates for his health journal, I'd write down something cute he did or how bright his eyes looked, etc.

 

[Furrywurrypurry]

I think you find out who people are in times of crisis I had a similar experience when I was diagnosed with a back condition. I think there are also those people that are just uncomfortable with ‘bad news’ or don’t know how to handle other peoples emotions. But whoever you are in life and whatever your situation, empathy should be something that you should be able to offer to anyone. I guess that’s another conversation entirely though.
Precious is doing wonderfully. Literally would not know there’s a problem. Me on the other hand cried in a diy store car park yesterday I can laugh at myself now but that’s the thing with it all, it just hits out of nowhere, but today I’m different entirely, positive, appreciative. Just watching my 3 favourites (Gollum, precious, my husband) sleeping on the sofa together.
And noting down the positives I think is a wonderful that I’m going to do

 

[Furballsmom]

Just watching my 3 favourites (Gollum, precious, my husband) sleeping on the sofa together.

and of course photos

 

[Furrywurrypurry]

and of course photos

There are always photos!!!

to save the risk of my husband lynching my for posting him on the internet I will blur him out

 

[Furrywurrypurry]

believe it or not I have no social media at all, no Facebook, no Instagram, no Snapchat, no tik tok nothing, never have, husband has some, but this is honestly my first foray into online forums.
I use the internet for a lot of things including work, just not socially. I should’ve known that the only thing that could make me throw all of that out of the window is cats

 

[Furballsmom]

I should’ve known that the only thing that could make me throw all of that out of the window is cats

See? There you are

 

[Mighty Orange]

believe it or not I have no social media at all, no Facebook, no Instagram, no Snapchat, no tik tok nothing, never have, husband has some, but this is honestly my first foray into online forums.
I use the internet for a lot of things including work, just not socially. I should’ve known that the only thing that could make me throw all of that out of the window is cats

You and me both, not worth posting on all that junk. Maybe I'm showing my age.

 

[iPappy]

I think you find out who people are in times of crisis I had a similar experience when I was diagnosed with a back condition. I think there are also those people that are just uncomfortable with ‘bad news’ or don’t know how to handle other peoples emotions. But whoever you are in life and whatever your situation, empathy should be something that you should be able to offer to anyone. I guess that’s another conversation entirely though.
Precious is doing wonderfully. Literally would not know there’s a problem. Me on the other hand cried in a diy store car park yesterday I can laugh at myself now but that’s the thing with it all, it just hits out of nowhere, but today I’m different entirely, positive, appreciative. Just watching my 3 favourites (Gollum, precious, my husband) sleeping on the sofa together.
And noting down the positives I think is a wonderful that I’m going to do

I am so glad she's doing so well. It's such an emotional roller coaster when you know something is not good, but they're doing so well on the outside that you'd never know had you not gotten the news.
I so remember going to the grocery store the first time after Tag was diagnosed. I was going along the aisles, with that "feeling" in the pit of my stomach, and ordering myself not to cry. I know the cashiers (small town) and I had the one cashier that day who always asks about how my pets are doing. I had already told myself that if she asked, I would (this time) say "Oh, they're great!" to prevent the waterworks. Somehow I got through that.
Then, coming home, I got detoured and was going down these tiny one lane back roads and got stuck behind a tractor. The farmer chugged along at 2 mph and was nice enough to pull over immediately so I could pass and gave me a friendly wave as he did. That friendly wave hit me in a weird, wonderful way. I sped home. When I got home, Tag proceeded to take it upon himself to quietly reach into a bag and walk away with 4 sticks of butter that were wrapped in a cardboard box. I obviously took it away, but that box had tooth marks, so I broke the box down flat, dated it, and made a note on what he had done. Today, it's still in his little health journal. Noting those positives carried me through a lot of rough times.
Another thing I've done is made a random memories list, whenever I suddenly remember something cute any of them have done (not just Tag, but any pets I've had that have passed), I just jot it down, and they are ALL positive.

 

[iPappy]

believe it or not I have no social media at all, no Facebook, no Instagram, no Snapchat, no tik tok nothing, never have, husband has some, but this is honestly my first foray into online forums.
I use the internet for a lot of things including work, just not socially. I should’ve known that the only thing that could make me throw all of that out of the window is cats

No Facebook here either, and no Instagram, no Snapchat, I'm still not 100% sure what tik tok or twitter even really are. I've read a lot of articles that say social media is very toxic, but it doesn't seem to be the case on this site.

 

[Furrywurrypurry]

You and me both, not worth posting on all that junk. Maybe I'm showing my age.

I like to think of it an intelligence thing as opposed to an age thing

 

[Furrywurrypurry]

I am so glad she's doing so well. It's such an emotional roller coaster when you know something is not good, but they're doing so well on the outside that you'd never know had you not gotten the news.
I so remember going to the grocery store the first time after Tag was diagnosed. I was going along the aisles, with that "feeling" in the pit of my stomach, and ordering myself not to cry. I know the cashiers (small town) and I had the one cashier that day who always asks about how my pets are doing. I had already told myself that if she asked, I would (this time) say "Oh, they're great!" to prevent the waterworks. Somehow I got through that.
Then, coming home, I got detoured and was going down these tiny one lane back roads and got stuck behind a tractor. The farmer chugged along at 2 mph and was nice enough to pull over immediately so I could pass and gave me a friendly wave as he did. That friendly wave hit me in a weird, wonderful way. I sped home. When I got home, Tag proceeded to take it upon himself to quietly reach into a bag and walk away with 4 sticks of butter that were wrapped in a cardboard box. I obviously took it away, but that box had tooth marks, so I broke the box down flat, dated it, and made a note on what he had done. Today, it's still in his little health journal. Noting those positives carried me through a lot of rough times.
Another thing I've done is made a random memories list, whenever I suddenly remember something cute any of them have done (not just Tag, but any pets I've had that have passed), I just jot it down, and they are ALL positive.

I think these are wonderful ideas. I love that you kept that cardboard and no doubt so many other beautiful reminders. I kept as many keepsakes and reminders as I could from my boy and will do the same with precious. My husband said I should stop looking through all the photos of smeagol in my phone in the immediate days after he passed because it made me cry. But those tears were happy tears, I was so so so glad that I’d taken so many pictures of him.

 

[Furrywurrypurry]

No Facebook here either, and no Instagram, no Snapchat, I'm still not 100% sure what tik tok or twitter even really are. I've read a lot of articles that say social media is very toxic, but it doesn't seem to be the case on this site.

Precisely it’s the toxicity and the stories I’ve heard that keep me well away. It seems positive spaces on the internet are few and far between. This place is a rare gem!

 

[Furballsmom]

This place is a rare gem!

Thank you I'll pass along your thoughts to the site owner, she'll be pleased to hear

 

[iPappy]

I think these are wonderful ideas. I love that you kept that cardboard and no doubt so many other beautiful reminders. I kept as many keepsakes and reminders as I could from my boy and will do the same with precious. My husband said I should stop looking through all the photos of smeagol in my phone in the immediate days after he passed because it made me cry. But those tears were happy tears, I was so so so glad that I’d taken so many pictures of him.

I am glad you have those keepsakes and reminders, and photos too. My photo account is ridiculous. I don't think there's one human face in there, it's ALL cats and dogs!
Tag started really going down hill in August of last year. I was taking a ton of photos and videos of him for the vet (focusing mostly on his problems/problem areas), and when he passed I *almost* went through and deleted them but as hard as it is to see them, I am glad I didn't. I didn't want time to place an idyllic image of an old, but healthy dog in my mind because that isn't what happened with him, and it would have made me re-second guess. I can go back and view the progression and see that as hard as it was, I couldn't let him go on with how bad he got. I love looking back further at pictures of him when he was still healthy and happy.

 

[Furrywurrypurry]

Haha same I have photos numbering the 1000s of the kitties.
That’s a great point tbh, I think you could quite easily erase the bad days from memory. I have lots of pictures of smeagol from his last weeks also, health and behaviour wise there was no obvious decline until his last day or so, his abdomen was very swollen by then but outwardly he was still able to do pretty much all of the things he always had, but when I look at the pictures it’s clearer now just how sick he was in those last weeks, his it’s only really his eyes that tell that story though.
My husband captured a beautiful if bitter sweet picture on smeagols last day with us he was lay on our bed on his favourite blanket and I reached for him and he put his head into my hand and looked at me with a face that said ‘mamma, I’m done’. The picture is of smeagol and I just looking into each others eyes. I wasn’t even aware he had taken the picture until he showed me afterwards. But it’s incredibly special to me.

I think it also helps to see just what a wonderful and happy life that they had, to remind us in times of guilt and regret, that we gave them everything we possibly could. I don’t have any regrets with smeagol besides the obvious one of him not being here. And I hope when precious time comes that I am able to feel the same way. Grieving and mourning for them is one thing but I hope I can feel that I did the right thing at the right time.

 

[Furrywurrypurry]

As far as precious is doing, she seems to be doing alright. I noticed she ate a little less yesterday, not anything that would give me cause for concern, but still
she made a bit of a funny noise during the night, like a cough or a sneeze but not like any I’ve heard her make before. I got up and sat with her for half an hour and it was a one off she hasn’t done it since. And we haven’t had any more accidents outside the litter box.
Her fur is really beginning to grow back around the lump which isn’t going to be very helpful in monitoring it.
I’ll see how she gets on today, I’ve got her some treats and things arriving later on, I do have to switch her food up from time to time as she gets a bit bored so I’ll be doing that too.

 

[iPappy]

That photo you described F Furrywurrypurry brought a tear to my eye, I am so happy you have that.
If the fur is growing back, could you clip the area? Have you measured the tumor (sorry if you mentioned this before, I haven't had enough coffee yet!) That might be a good way of monitoring it, too. It sounds like she's a happy little girl otherwise. My cats will occasionally let out a cough or a hack this time of year, it's been really damp and rainy and I don't think anything of it unless it gets repetitive. (It's been so damp, so rainy, and so cloudy for so long I feel like when the sun finally makes an appearance everyone is going to be calling 911 reporting a bright, yellow UFO in the sky !)
It's actually great IMO that she likes her food switched up. My Mom had a cat who absolutely refused anything except for one specific brand and flavor of dry food and getting her to eat when she got old was very hard to do. Since she likes different brands and treats, if she should decide she doesn't want one type more than likely she'll eat another.
Yesterday marked one year since the vet called me to tell me my Tag had cancer, and I wasn't exactly on my A game. I was lucky though, I was done at work way early and took the liberty of watching something very educational on TV (aka falling asleep on the couch for 2 hours.) Even my non-cuddly cats and my dog made sure they were around me for at least part of that nap, it's like they understood I was upset.