Transitioning from being a non-dominant cat in a 2-cat household to being the only cat

[mina]

Four years ago in August, I adopted two 5 year old brother kitties, Leo and Tigger.  Leo tragically passed away several weeks ago at the young age of 9 (kidney failure).  (I took Tigger to the vet last week for a senior wellness exam, and his bloodwork came back normal, thank goodness.)

When Leo was around, he ruled the household.  He was a one-person kitty, and I was his special person on whom he showered lots of affection (I still miss him terribly and all the parts of my daily routine that he inserted himself into).  Tigger was more of a laidback cat who was affectionate with me and regular visitors alike, but he would always defer to Leo for the most comfortable beds, prime vantage points in a room, etc.  Leo would occasionally initiate fights with Tigger, chasing him around the house and occasionally getting physical.

Since Leo's been gone, Tigger's personality has shifted.  He's taken on new habits (sleeping on my bed - which Leo used to do, and being more vocal and demanding) and follows me around the house.  He seems to enjoy being held in my lap more than before, and he also purrs a lot and looks at me with lovey-dovey content squinted eyes.  When I come home from work, he waits for me and starts meowing and seeking affection.

I'm happy that Tiggy seems to be happy, and I'm thrilled that I'm seeing a new, more outgoing side of him that was probably masked when Leo was bossing him around, but I worry a lot about if he's going to be too lonely as an only kitty.  As far as I know, Leo and Tigger were together all 9 years of their lives.  The reason I got two kitties to begin with is that I work long hours (60 hours/week away from home now, and 80+ hours/week away from home in the next few years when I am doing clerkships and medical residency), and I didn't want a single cat to get neglected and lonely. 

Part of me is tempted to look for a companion for Tigger.  I talked to my vet about this extensively, and he recommends getting a kitten or young adult cat (no older than ~8 months) so that Tigger can be the dominant cat (or at least not feel threatened).   If Tigger would eventually grow to accept a new cat, and if this would make him less lonely, I'm all for this idea. 

However, my worst fear is that the relationship wouldn't work after several months of trying, and that it would make Tigger a very unhappy kitty who doesn't feel comfortable in his own home, and, if all else fails, that I'd have to rehome the new cat (which I would feel absolutely terrible about). 

My other main reservation about getting a new cat would be that it would tie me down for ~15 more years.  Having Leo and Tigger has made a tremendous positive impact in my life, but at the same time, it limits my ability to travel, especially impromptu trips.  I also worry a lot with my schedule of not being able to be there for my kitties if they get sick and need urgent  or regular medical care (thankfully I was able to be there for Leo during his last few days).  Given the emotional upheaval I went through with Leo's sudden passing, and my fear of having a kitty with a chronic disease to manage, I have half a mind to take a break from kitties after Tigger passes on (hopefully not for a long time!) until I'm 100% done with my medical training in another 10 years or so.

If any of you have experiences with how your non-dominant cats behaved after a dominant kitty passed on, or if you successfully or unsuccessfully added a new kitty to the household following the loss of your dominant kitty, please let me know.

 

[catspaw66]

The thing to do is get your brain and heart to agree and stick with that decision. I am disabled and have lots of time, so I have 5 ladies. I know that Sugar and Spice will probably outlive me. I am almost 60 and they are 1 1/2.  I will do my best to keep them happy, healthy and safe until either they or I shuffle off this mortal coil. My

  Fuzzy Bear and Psy the Psycho Siamese

were both 17 when they died. I hope to have the ladies at least that long.

 

[mina]

Thank you, catspaw, for your thoughtful words.  I guess I'm trying to figure out what the best decision would be for Tigger.  I made the commitment to both Leo and Tigger when I adopted them that I would do everything I could to give them the best quality of life possible for as long as they lived.   I just want to do what's best for Tigger now, but I am not sure what that would be.  I feel so bad looking at animals desperately needing homes, and being euthanized because of overcrowding in shelters - I wish I could take them all.  But I don't want to take on the responsibility of a new cat if it makes Tigger's life unpleasant in the long-run.  My commitment is to Tigger first.
 

 

[catwoman707]

I would agree he is certainly feeling the absence of his lifelong companion, and with the hours you are away, makes for very long days for him.

My suggestion is to become a foster mom, just for 1 at a time, and if there happens to be a particular kitty who Tig seems to take a liking to, maybe the cat can become part of your home.

I understand the idea of starting over with a youngster, as you said at least at this time in your busy life

.

Having a rescue group myself, I am here to tell you that, despite the number of fosters I have, the foster availability for fostering adults is slim, and it's so sad to me.

Sometimes it's the foster preferring small, sweet little spunky babies, but most of the time it is that most of my fosters also have resident cats, and many will act up when adults come in their home.

What's even sadder is, if I had more fosters able to take adults, I could save so many more from being euthanized at the shelter.

I love having kittens too, I have plenty here right now with kitten season, but my heart goes out to the adults, they are the ones who were abandoned, who feel lost, and confused, have suffered, etc. Kittens have not.

At adoptions I have a hard time enjoying working them during kitten season, because after watching all the people coming by, ooing and awing at the kittens, the adults don't even get a second look.

I leave each time afterward with a heavy, aching heart.

This is the brutally honest truth of rescue, I know it's not just mine, but a major problem in all the rescues.

Kittens go over adults.

Or no foster home, we can't take them, knowing they will be killed just for having grown up.

Perhaps this is something you might consider That adult will be very grateful.

Let the group know what type of cat would fit best, maybe even a hard to adopt older cat is good for companionship for your boy.

 

[mservant]

My first cat experience was taking in 2 sisters when they were 9 weeks old. They lived indoors and were never apart. They were both happy for about 4 - 6 years and dominance was not clear. Then one of them became very dominant and the other sister became increasingly shy with visitors and had second place on the chairs/beds etc.  The dominant sister was the fittest but died suddenly at 18. For a few days her sister looked around checking corners for her sister and I worried about her being lonely and if I should find her a new house mate. (Actually I think it's more likely she was still anxious and expecting to get jumped on!) She was quite frail with arthritis and I was concerned she'd quickly end up being dominated again if I brought in another cat. I then watched as she became increasingly relaxed in her home, became friendly and confident with visitors, and her little tail started to perk up again. My friends said she was like a different cat!  I too had made the decision that the cat's happiness was my priority as I had adopted them and felt very responsible for that decision. In the end I decided she was a happier pensioner cat controlling her own space and was not likely to cope well with a new companion. She went on to live another 4 years and I have a strange suspicion that despite her increasing frailty they were the happiest years she had other than those early kitten times when the sisters played, groomed and slept together like furry twins. If you do think your Tigger needs another cat friend the idea of fostering to test the chemistry before committing sounds good. Also think about how fit Tig is and, like Catwoman707 suggests, not necessarily go for a younger, fitter cat that might quickly take over.  Good luck to you, we all remember the heartache of loosing our fur friends so vividly and decisions on what to do next are so personal.