Three Cats, Two Humans & Territory Issues

[puddertatten]

I had to put down my fifteen year old due to stomach cancer in November. She had a pal she'd known almost her whole life. They were very close and also both extremely attached to me.

I live with my mom who has a five year old she adopted two years ago.

I've been Ashley's human for her entire life. Honey is bonded to my mom.

I adopted a ten week old feral kitten in late December. She was going to have me as her human, and we were hoping she'd also accept Ashley.

Things are confusing for all of them now, especially for the little one (Holly).

Holly sees the relationship between me and Ashley, and my mom & her cat. She's struggling to fit in. She's been fighting the other two cats for territory since we adopted her. She's a very sweet cat and was fostered extremely well; she just is having trouble figuring out the household.

We have three Feliway diffusers going, and we aren't pushing her to choose anyone, but the older kitties are obviously concerned about losing their respective human.

Can anyone give me advice as to how to smooth things over here? Re-homing is not going to happen, and I know maybe I should have waited until Ashley had crossed over, but the decision was made & here we are.

Thank you!

 

[krazykatjenn]

It wasn't clear in your post whether you did the introduction by keeping Holly in her own room for a while to get acclimated. If you skipped that step, you might want to go back to it. If they're fighting, a bit of separation might do them good.

You also didn't specify what the territory is like. Are there plenty of high spaces for all the cats to hang out or get away from each other? Multiple floors they could divide up while they get used to each other, like by having Holly on the first floor and Ashley and your mom's cat on the second floor, then switch off floors so they can smell each other?

 

[puddertatten]

I tried to separate them for awhile; I think it was only a day or two because both Holly and Ashley are very vocal (Ashley seems to be part Siamese) & both have separation anxiety.

Holly is very comfortable in my mom's room; the only problem there is that we like to give Honey alone time with my mom, otherwise she starts getting aggressive toward Holly, so I'm not sure how to go about re-introducing them properly. It's unfortunately a small house, we've considered a cat tree but before we make such an expenditure, we need to have a good place to put it. I've considered window shelves (those resting spots for windows), but idk if they'll fit right.

I do appreciate the idea of starting over; it's just a matter of logistics at this point.

Btw it's the big cats upset at Holly, with Holly sort of egging them on by barely touching the tip of a tail. Then the big cat whirls around and Holly throws herself at their mercy by laying down, exposing her belly and throat. I'm confused by that behavior.

Thank you for your ideas; I think a re-working of introductions may help.

 

[krazykatjenn]

Sounds like Holly wants to mess with the big cats but knows she won't win the fight! That falling over is her way of surrendering so she doesn't have to fight.

I used to live with a roommate who had a maine coon. Huge cat. Alice would get jealous when he was napping in a bed she wanted, so she would run really quickly by him and smack him with her paw. She knew she couldn't really fight him, but she bothered him until he gave up the bed.

Try out feeding them on opposite sides of the door so they can build positive associations! I've had decent luck with that trick.

And if the cat tree is just a matter of expense, make your own cat shelves! I made mine and it's really simple and cheap. First measure your cats so you know how big the shelves should be. I made mine about 9" wide, 12" long, and 0.5" thick for my 8 pound cat. My roommate made his about 12" wide and 24" long for his maine coon, I think.

Go to Home Depot or Lowe's and find the section where they have all the individual boards. Find one that's the width and thickness you want, then ask them to cut it to the length you want for you. If I remember right the board cost me a couple bucks and made multiple 12" shelves! Then get brackets, you can spend more and get fancy ones, but I bought the cheap dollar ones. Screw the brackets into the boards (you'll need a drill for this part) and either use drywall anchors or find the studs when you put them in the walls.

I also cut up a rug and used a staple gun to staple it to the shelves. If you want to do that as well make sure you staple it to the BOTTOM of the shelf to make sure your kitty won't accidentally get a claw stuck in a staple!

Cat shelf pictures! (In the second picture you can see I also stapled toys that I tied to sisal string onto the bottom of some of the shelves!)

 

[puddertatten]

Oh wow! Your cat shelves are amazing! Unfortunately I can barely operate a hammer. Lol!

Holly definitely wants to pick fights she knows she can't win. *eyeroll*

They all eat together and have treats together. I had an idea just now. My mom had a 22 year old who was very shy around my cats when they were younger. I tried playing with that toy, "Da Bird", with all of them together and he came out of his shell. I wonder if that would help Holly work off some extra energy and help the cats bond over positive play.

I think I'm going to try this.

Part of my issue is that I think I was trying to replace Emily (RIP) with Holly, and it just can't be done. Holly is who she is, and I need to just let go who belongs to what human.

Thank you so much for your help!

 

[krazykatjenn]

Getting them to play together is a great idea! That would totally build positive associations and help them all feel more confident around each other!

It's tough to lose a cat, and no matter what non-cat people say, those individual lives aren't interchangeable. *hugs* Take the time you need to grieve for Emily and accept that Holly is her own little kitty self. Have you read the poem "The Love I Left Behind"? It's a beautiful poem about losing a pet and I cry every time I read it.

I'm not remotely good with tools, the workers at Home Depot talked me through most of the shelf building and helped me out. My dad had to tell me to use drywall anchors since when I first put them up I didn't even think about making them secure. It's easier than you think, and I'm sure you could find people to help you out if you ask!