thoughts

[debby]

Kittyfoot.....thank you so much for what you said....you are so right...we just expect too much, I guess, and are let down when it doesn't happen.

Thank you for your inspiring post. I will try to look at things differently. ( but it will be hard)

 

[blue]

i believe there is a person that is perfect for us, individually,
the one we should all be so blessed to find,
and share our lives with;
a soulmate.

and that person will be flawed and imperfect, but, that is
where the beauty lies, in all their imperfections, in all
their graceful flaws.

i am not searching for a perfect person, just the person i
believe i am meant to be with, the one i see myself in,
the one whose heart is written across my heart, bound and
held in the silence of one another.

i think too often we find ourselves in relationships we think
we cannot leave, or they become so routine and comfortable
that we stay out of safety and stability. i know i have done
this, and i see many others who do the same thing.
unhappy in a union where their heart isnt true.

the real bouquet in life comes in staying true to ourselves
and our hearts. that is when the heart blossoms and we are
free to live and be who we are.

 

[debby]

There you go again, Blue....saying such absolutely beautiful things, that you make my heart cry!

I think maybe it is too bad we are not one of us male and one female...

We would make such a perfect couple!!!!!

 

[meowman]

I haven't been keeping up with this thread too much because it has gotten SO long. But, Katie, I have to tell you, I just LOVE your heart felt poetic words. They are so moving and feeling and, as a writer myself, I feel like an amature in reading how you convey what you feel. Simply put, JUST BEAUTIFUL!

 

[alexnell]

About a 2 years ago, I suspected that my depression had become bipolar (manic-depression). I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and asked him if he thought I was right. I explained my symptoms: for a day and a half I felt incredibly energetic and confident, and I was also laghing way to much. He looked at me for a good long moment and then said, "You're not manic. You're happy. Most people feel this way fairly often."
I was stunned.
It had been so long since I'd been actually happy that I forgot what it felt like. Since then, I've tried to use that brief happy spell as kind of a goal to reach for when I am really down. I tell myself that if I was happy once, I can somehow be happy again. One of my main problems when I'm down is that I feel like the despair will last forever--having a shred of hope truly helps.

Right now, my depression seems to be at medium (on my scale)--could be better, could be worse. I'm in several kinds of therapy. I feel for all of you out there. I know what the bottomless pit feels like. Hand holds are there if you just keep reaching out. I hope you find yours soon.

 

[debby]

alexnell...... thank you for your post....I think you just made me realize something....I too had been wondering if possibly I was manic depresssive, because some days I am so alive and laughing to the point of almost being giddy! Then the next day I am so blue. But I think I just realized from your post....that when I feel that way...I am truley happy!!! like you said...sometimes it has been so long since we have felt that way, because of all the problems in our life, and depression, that we actually forget what feeling happy feels like!!! Thank you for your post!!!

 

[sandie]

Sorry guys, I know I dont post much in these types of discussions. I am more of an avoid the bad and scary feelings person. I have to push it all down in order to get through it all latley. Too much going on to process out loud and all the time. I thought though that I would share something I realized just days ago.
I always hear about how people kill themselves because life sucks. Or they wonder why they arent happy all the time and why life is not like it should have been. I am sure most would not agree, but I really think life is a struggle. Happiness is not meant to be with us every minute of every day. I think happiness comes to us in little forms. Like a chocolate chip cookie, someones comments,a kind deed or even just a smile. I havnt met one person yet who can say that their lives are nothing but happy. I really do think it comes to all of us in this way.
Okay, just wanted to share that revelation and I feel better now that I have said it out loud. Thanks for putting up with me..LOL

 

[blue]

first of all, Debby, you're such a cutie! how'd did you get to
be so incredible?

okay, Chuck, ... what can i say? you have been making me cry
a lot lately, i am becoming leary of your posts! ... you are
so very kind.



the way i feel about happiness is the way i have always felt,
and it mirrors your thoughts Sandie.

it comes in the little things, and the harder things, the
things we must work toward, accomplish in ourselves & in our lives, hearts, minds.

i dont take the little things for granted...

that first cup of coffee that is just perfect, the notes my
roomate leaves me before he goes off to work - i look forward
to reading them everynight when i am thinking in bed & smiling,
the middle of a really good book you cant wait to finish but
at the same time, dont ever want to finish,
writing something that i feel is strong and beautiful, and ME,
goodnight hugs and my other best-friend who always brings me
flowers just as the last ones are beginning to die,
that first cigarette, or a really good meal, warm, cool nights...

so many things, so many little, important things make me happy,
give birth to a smile that i can pass on to others throughout
the day. these are the things i lean on, and hold dearest to
my soul for they are the things that bring light into my life
when it seems all the lights are forever burnt out.

i dont wallow in my pain, or depression so much as breathe it
in and try to understand it, and myself.

 

[alexnell]

I feel the same way as you do about finding value in the "small stuff". Sometimes the small things are the most important, because they come at just the right time to get me through. A few of the tiny joys I've experienced recently have been: having my big toe nibbled by one of my foster kittens, seeing the local rabbit eat dandelions in my back yard (instead of my tulips), and seeing a full rainbow for the first time in many years. Maybe we could have a thread about the small, happy things?

 

[debby]

That is a wonderful idea alexnell!!! You should start a thread about the small happy things.....that would be great!!!!

 

[catarina77777]

Dear Allexnell,

Oh Wow...that would be such an inspriration to all of us! I can't wait till you start the thread... great idea Allex

:lovgrin:

Love &

 

[blue]

thoughts right now...

i am so very tired,
tired of explaining myself, tired of misinterpratations,
tired of failure, tired of therapy, i am tired of being so tired,
of it taking so long to wake up every morning.
tired of everything remaining the same.

"afraid of change, afraid of staying the same"

i am afraid of the emptiness i know and hold hands with,
i am afraid of looking in the mirror,
i am afraid of what i might say everytime i open my mouth,
i am afraid of routines,
i am afraid of what i want, and how far away it seems.

 

[logan0103]

I just finished reading every page, I don't know how long it took me but I sit here stuned. I can stare at this screen & try to find the words----it's as if I stand at the edge of an empty valley all alone. Only to realize I'm not alone after all. This is hard for me b/c I'm not one to share my feelings but I know just how each of you feel. Does it make it easier for me to realize I'm not the only one?? I've always felt I was. At times I thought I was loosing my mind. I would sit for hours stairing at nothing, or cry for no reason. Facing the day was hell. You can see I said "was". After some panic attacks that sent me to the hospital I received help.I've been taking welbuttrin for 3 years now. It has helped a lot. I can face the day, do things again. But the battle is far from over. My mother had depression & now I see it in my older son. They say it is hereditary & I guess it's true. But what ever the reason there is no reason to suffer alone as I did for years. I was raised in the old school, (you don't talk about certian things) oh,no. But now it's different. Just the fact that a page like this is going on I find amazing!! It's a help to all of us who live with it everyday. God Bless all of you!

 

[blue]

Logan

thank you for sharing that with us. i see so much of me in you in your
posts, you are a joy to have around, thanks for joining us here, we
are that much more blessed here, for you.

:angel2:

 

[debby]

Blue.... I am going to close this thread and start thoughts part 2 if that is okay with you. It has just gotten so long.