Okay, any Americans reading this... PLEASE enjoy and take with a grain of salt!
Things Canadians are proud of...
- Smarties.
- Crispy Crunch.
- Coffee Crisp.
- The footballs and fields are bigger, and we have one less Down.
- Lacrosse is Canadian.
- Hockey is Canadian.
- Basketball is Canadian.
- The biggest flags ever seen/flown at any Olympics were Canadian... The second time it was smuggled in because they made a rule against it cause of the first time.
- Mr. Dress-up can kick Mr. Rogers ass.
- Much Music kicks MTV's ass.
- Maple syrup kicks Mrs. Butterworths ass (...don't know about Aunt Jemima though).
- Tim Horton's kicks Dunkin Donuts ass.
- Waaaay better beer commercials/contests and beer company give a ways. Example: the Molson Canadian House Party...where you get to keep the house. Trashed or not.
- In the war of 1812, we pushed the Americans so far back... passed their 'White House', burned it...and most of Washington. We got bored because they ran away so we came home and partied. Go figure.
- Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
- The largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war.
- The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
- We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
- The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earths surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.
- The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
- We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
- The Canadian Civil War was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
- We don't marry our kin-folk.
- We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, the long distance and short wave radios that save countless lives each year. Oh yeah...and the handles on beer cases big enough to fit your hands with mitts on.
- We can hum the tune to 'Definition'.
- We all know that a scale that measures boiling water at 212 degrees and freezes at 32 is asinine.
- We've ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
- We can out drink Americans in a heart beat!!
- Our elections take only one day.
Life In Canada:
- Pizza gets to your house faster than an ambulance
- There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
- Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
- People order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.
- Banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counter.
- We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
- We use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
- We buy hot dogs in packages of 12 and buns in packages of 8.
- We use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures".
- We have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Things Canadians are proud of...
- Smarties.
- Crispy Crunch.
- Coffee Crisp.
- The footballs and fields are bigger, and we have one less Down.
- Lacrosse is Canadian.
- Hockey is Canadian.
- Basketball is Canadian.
- The biggest flags ever seen/flown at any Olympics were Canadian... The second time it was smuggled in because they made a rule against it cause of the first time.
- Mr. Dress-up can kick Mr. Rogers ass.
- Much Music kicks MTV's ass.
- Maple syrup kicks Mrs. Butterworths ass (...don't know about Aunt Jemima though).
- Tim Horton's kicks Dunkin Donuts ass.
- Waaaay better beer commercials/contests and beer company give a ways. Example: the Molson Canadian House Party...where you get to keep the house. Trashed or not.
- In the war of 1812, we pushed the Americans so far back... passed their 'White House', burned it...and most of Washington. We got bored because they ran away so we came home and partied. Go figure.
- Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
- The largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war.
- The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
- We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
- The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earths surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.
- The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
- We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
- The Canadian Civil War was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
- We don't marry our kin-folk.
- We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, the long distance and short wave radios that save countless lives each year. Oh yeah...and the handles on beer cases big enough to fit your hands with mitts on.
- We can hum the tune to 'Definition'.
- We all know that a scale that measures boiling water at 212 degrees and freezes at 32 is asinine.
- We've ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
- We can out drink Americans in a heart beat!!
- Our elections take only one day.
Life In Canada:
- Pizza gets to your house faster than an ambulance
- There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
- Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
- People order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.
- Banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counter.
- We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
- We use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
- We buy hot dogs in packages of 12 and buns in packages of 8.
- We use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures".
- We have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
