The "What's on your mind?" Thread -2017

[segelkatt]

I had been wondering also about why the state had not done something about the child abuse. Here in Calif one does not even dare to slap a child or smack it on the behind no matter how old for fear of CPS stepping in and the abuser being charged with assault on a minor and child abuse. The child would then either be put in a group home or put up with a foster family. And bringing a child back into an abusive home just because the child's home had been in another state is really disgusting. This needs to be brought to the attention of the general public and the news is the best place to start since the state troopers will not do anything to keep this child (although she is 16) from being abused again.  

 

[Alicia88]

The state trooper tried.  They have to follow the law and she's "out of their jurisdiction."  Iowa's children services is to blame here.  Mom went to them and they demanded that DD be returned.  The state trooper bent over backwards and as John and I were leaving grandma's that night he said, "I really don't blame her for leaving.  I would have done the same thing."

I tried contacting the news.  I didn't get a response.  I've been googling like mad and I can't even find a phone number for child services.  If anyone has a better relationship with google than I do, I need the number for Decatur County.  The town is Garden Grove.  I've talked to the cops many times.  They can't do anything until cfs gives the go ahead.  Or that's what I was told.  More than once by more than one deputy.  I asked about her pressing assault charges and I was told that they were going to charge him with child abuse as soon as child services said ok and that would be worse.  I don't understand Iowa's laws.  At all.  

  Apparently in Iowa, 16 is too old to be considered a child and protected from abuse but it's too young to act like an adult and leave an abusive situation.  Laws need to change.  

 

[margd]

Try calling 

 
The state trooper tried.  They have to follow the law and she's "out of their jurisdiction."  Iowa's children services is to blame here.  Mom went to them and they demanded that DD be returned.  The state trooper bent over backwards and as John and I were leaving grandma's that night he said, "I really don't blame her for leaving.  I would have done the same thing."

I tried contacting the news.  I didn't get a response.  I've been googling like mad and I can't even find a phone number for child services.  If anyone has a better relationship with google than I do, I need the number for Decatur County.  The town is Garden Grove.  I've talked to the cops many times.  They can't do anything until cfs gives the go ahead.  Or that's what I was told.  More than once by more than one deputy.  I asked about her pressing assault charges and I was told that they were going to charge him with child abuse as soon as child services said ok and that would be worse.  I don't understand Iowa's laws.  At all.  

  Apparently in Iowa, 16 is too old to be considered a child and protected from abuse but it's too young to act like an adult and leave an abusive situation.  Laws need to change.  

Try calling 211 and asking them for the numbers.  There has to be a number for CFS.  I found a website for Decatur County but I'm sure you found that as well.  I couldn't find a number for CFS either. 

 

[margd]

 Here are the state representatives for Decatur County.  Try calling them and explaining the situation.  They may brush you off because it's out of state but it's worth a try.

Joel Fry

https://www.legis.iowa.gov/legislators/legislator?ga=87&personID=9409

Cecil Dolecheck

https://www.legis.iowa.gov/legislators/legislator?ga=87&personID=88

You can even try their state senator.  In fact, I'd try her first. She sits on the Violence in Iowa study committee.

Amy Sinclair

https://www.legis.iowa.gov/legislators/legislator?ga=87&personID=10729

At the very least, you should get a phone number and the name of a case worker at CFS.   Ideally,  a call from a state legislator's office should bring DD's case to the attention of more people and make it a higher priority.

 

[handsome kitty]

What about the someone at her school or her OB/GYN?  Someone other than family to step up and say this situation needs to change.  Is cfs aware DD is welcome to live with her grandmother?  that could make a difference as well.

Foster kitten Gerry update.  She is no longer kept in protective custody at night

.  Last night we let her stay out and she slept on my bed and was unscathed the next morning.  She is losing her fear of Fluffy little by little.  DH was not unhappy having 2 cats on the bed last night and complained when I rolled over and Gerry left.

 

[Alicia88]

I'll try all that.  I'm off work tomorrow so I'll have time to sit on the phone all day.

Her OBGYN is in Missouri.  She's still going to the one in Scotland County that she was seeing before they moved.  I don't even know the name of the doctor.  I could call but I don't know if he/she would even be able to talk to me because of HIPPA.

I can try calling the school tomorrow, as well.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  And DD doesn't have her phone.  It was taken away.  I gave her mine before she was forced to leave but it doesn't work in Iowa.  It's a really cheap phone and a cheap plan and it quits working as soon as you cross the state line.  At least she has it to call 911 if she needs to.

 

[Alicia88]

Sounds like little Gerry is settling in quite well.  Ya sure you don't wanna adopt her?  She can be a foster failure!!!    That's the best kind of failure.

 

[handsome kitty]

Sadly I can't afford vet bills for a 3rd cat.  Kim will be happy because kitten season is approaching and I think she wants to foster a litter.

I don't think you need to worry about HIPPA when you speak with her doctor.  You are giving info not asking for any. 

 

[Mamanyt1953]

 
I'll try all that.  I'm off work tomorrow so I'll have time to sit on the phone all day.

Her OBGYN is in Missouri.  She's still going to the one in Scotland County that she was seeing before they moved.  I don't even know the name of the doctor.  I could call but I don't know if he/she would even be able to talk to me because of HIPPA.

I can try calling the school tomorrow, as well.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  And DD doesn't have her phone.  It was taken away.  I gave her mine before she was forced to leave but it doesn't work in Iowa.  It's a really cheap phone and a cheap plan and it quits working as soon as you cross the state line.  At least she has it to call 911 if she needs to.

@Handsome Kitty  is right.  HIPPA only prevents doctors from giving OUT information.  AND doctors are Mandated Reporters.  If they are aware of abuse, they must, by law, report it.  And THOSE reports are listened to.  Can you imagine a court case when a doctor said, "But I told them it was going on!" and nothing had been done?

 

[tallyollyopia]

 
The state trooper tried.  They have to follow the law and she's "out of their jurisdiction."  Iowa's children services is to blame here.  Mom went to them and they demanded that DD be returned.  The state trooper bent over backwards and as John and I were leaving grandma's that night he said, "I really don't blame her for leaving.  I would have done the same thing."

I tried contacting the news.  I didn't get a response.  I've been googling like mad and I can't even find a phone number for child services.  If anyone has a better relationship with google than I do, I need the number for Decatur County.  The town is Garden Grove.  I've talked to the cops many times.  They can't do anything until cfs gives the go ahead.  Or that's what I was told.  More than once by more than one deputy.  I asked about her pressing assault charges and I was told that they were going to charge him with child abuse as soon as child services said ok and that would be worse.  I don't understand Iowa's laws.  At all.  

  Apparently in Iowa, 16 is too old to be considered a child and protected from abuse but it's too young to act like an adult and leave an abusive situation.  Laws need to change.  

Region: 15
Regional Manager: Barbara Bowling
Local Office Director: Sandra K. Thurston

Telephone Number: 812 663-6768
Fax Number: 317 232-1565
Office Hours: 8AM-4:30PM

Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline: 1 800 800-5556
Hotline Hours: 24 Hours

Hope that helps.

 
@Handsome Kitty  is right.  HIPPA only prevents doctors from giving OUT information.  AND doctors are Mandated Reporters.  If they are aware of abuse, they must, by law, report it.  And THOSE reports are listened to.  Can you imagine a court case when a doctor said, "But I told them it was going on!" and nothing had been done?

Sadly, it has happened. I hope it doesn't here.

 

[artiemom]

As long as your mom does not go into the exam room with her. As a medical professional, there is a LEGAL responsibility to report any evidence of abuse or to at l ask the question the patient about feeling fearfull at home. That should have been on her original intake form. They always ask if you feel safe at home. I hope your mom did not fill out that form or accompany her to the Ob/gyn visit(s).

Can you get her; or can she get herself one of those disposable phones so you guys can keep in touch?? Or her boyfriend get it for her??? As a safety measure.... 0r her boyfriends mom-- if they are aware of the situation, I am sure they would want to protect their grandchild from harm...

Perhaps it is time to get them involved in this.. as being responsible adults who live in the same state???

 

[Alicia88]

My mother always goes to appointments with her.  DD's boyfriend and his parents live in Missouri.

If I can somehow find out which doctor she's seeing, I'll be sure to call.  Unfortunately, I have no idea.  I just know it's someone in Scotland County.  Doesn't narrow it down much.  Right now I have absolutely no way of talking to my sister.  I'm going to call the sheriff tomorrow and tell them DD has no line of communication and I'm worried about her.  Get someone down there to check on her.

Tomorrow is my first day off after a 6 day stretch - one of those days was a double.  With not being used to being on my feet and working like this, I'm beyond exhausted.  I can barely think straight.  I'll get on the phone tomorrow and try to get something done.  For now, my brain is shutting down.

 

[artiemom]

I am so sorry you are brain-exhausted.. I know how that feels... 

I do not think you can call around to local ob/gyn's to find out if your sister is a patient of theirs..HIPPA is really weird, and some places take ti to extremes...

Your mom should stay OUT of the exam room!! At this point, it is patient-doctor privacy, even though she is a minor.. that is when your sister can speak freely.. also the doctor should be aware, by your sisters body language of her feeling upset...Your sister's doctor should at least ask for some privacy with his patient.. If you can find out who the doctor is, ask to speak to his office manager, if not the doctor himself. and ask for this to be kept confidential, until the issue is resolved. 

Sorry, if I com across wrong, but I have worked in the medical field my entire life. Once I had to report a father because I felt fearful for one of the kids in the room.. The father was verbally threatening the 4 year old, with his belt!! and the girl obviously knew what he meant... I reported it to my attending physician, who had a legal responsibility to report it to social services.. This family was known to them, and the social worker alerted the child's pediatrician to look for signs of abuse...

I realize I live in a different state, which has different laws, but I think this is pretty universal in the medical field..

Yes, call the Police for a "Well- Being"  Check.. I would tell them you are very worried for her physical safety in that environment..... they should take your sister outside and talk to her ALONE... away from her mother and the idiot...

Are there any guidance counselors in the high school? or the principal??  or a cop assigned to the school?  

((Hugs)) to you ---try to get some rest.. you do have to think of yourself .. and get some rest also....

such a shame...

 

[foxxycat]

UGGGGG I am so angry with these morons!! I hope you can get someone to LISTEN!!! I can't believe this!! In my state you breathe the wrong way on your kids cps is coming knocking..

well Honeybee proceeded to puke up her treats this morning..she had just gotten her flovent/albuterol and I fed her a few treats-she jumped out of my arms and upchucked everything and ran off. She has been fussy about her kibble the past few days-we mixed a new type into the old type=umm no. She won't eat it. Tonight I will stop at tractor supply to get her usual food..it's been about 3 weeks since we switched to taste of the wild and some obscure holistic brand and the hills urinary that I mix together-they wont eat it by itself but mixed up yep they will eat it. Crazy!

So Hopefully it's nothing..she rarely pukes..we have had a bit of problem with constipation but miralax and pumpkin keeps things moving. I put out wet food last night..some packet holistic tuna food-pumps licked a few times then proceeded to bury it so I had to move the bowl before she tipped it over (she did this with other wet food before-scooped the bowl right over!)

 

[Alicia88]

One of my boys threw up a couple times.  We never caught them at it so we don't know who it was.  But they're all acting fine and it stopped.  Hope HoneyBee is ok.

I got the name of her doctor.  I'm gonna call and say something like, "I know you can't give me any info and I'm not asking. But Danielle is being abused at home. Next time she comes in, ask her mother to leave the room so she can talk to you." Wish me luck. I'm just now getting going on the calls cuz I just woke up 20 minutes ago. I was dead tired.

 

[DreamerRose]

@Alicia88  - That's great.  Perfect. Hope your sister will open up to her doctor. Can you clue her in that you're going to do this and this is her chance? I know communication with her is difficult, but it would be a good idea to try to let her know.

 

[artiemom]

Originally Posted by Alicia88  

I got the name of her doctor.  I'm gonna call and say something like, "I know you can't give me any info and I'm not asking. But Danielle is being abused at home. Next time she comes in, ask her mother to leave the room so she can talk to you." Wish me luck. I'm just now getting going on the calls cuz I just woke up 20 minutes ago. I was dead tired.

Great!! I would ask to speak with the office manager.. more professional and should get to the bottom of it, confidentially.. you do not want your mom to be suspicious.. she may refuse to leave the room...

Be soft spoken and if you have to relate your own experiences.. this has to be confidential at this time..

Good Luck!!!

 
UGGGGG I am so angry with these morons!! I hope you can get someone to LISTEN!!! I can't believe this!! In my state you breathe the wrong way on your kids cps is coming knocking..

well Honeybee proceeded to puke up her treats this morning..she had just gotten her flovent/albuterol and I fed her a few treats-she jumped out of my arms and upchucked everything and ran off. She has been fussy about her kibble the past few days-we mixed a new type into the old type=umm no. She won't eat it. Tonight I will stop at tractor supply to get her usual food..it's been about 3 weeks since we switched to taste of the wild and some obscure holistic brand and the hills urinary that I mix together-they wont eat it by itself but mixed up yep they will eat it. Crazy!

So Hopefully it's nothing..she rarely pukes..we have had a bit of problem with constipation but miralax and pumpkin keeps things moving. I put out wet food last night..some packet holistic tuna food-pumps licked a few times then proceeded to bury it so I had to move the bowl before she tipped it over (she did this with other wet food before-scooped the bowl right over!)

Hope HoneyBee is feeling better and eating a bit... 

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Good grief, 'tis the season of kitteh puke.  Hekitty just yakked, as well.  Otherwise, she seems to be perfectly normal.  I shall watch her.

@Alicia88   I really don't know what else to say, other than I'm thinking of and praying for ALL of you!  With the exception of that nincompoop who is abusing your mother and sister.  Sorry, I'm just not a big enough person for that.  Maybe someday.  But for you, and for his victims, OH YES!

 

[Alicia88]

Oh, I pray for him all the time.  I pray for him to have a heart attack, to OD, to fall off a building . . . I pray for him every damn night.

I called the hospital and of course they couldn't even confirm whether or not she's a patient (but I know she is, so it doesn't matter) and I was told IF she is a patient, the message will be relayed to her doctor.

The numbers @Tallyollyopia  found where for  Decatur County, Indiana but they still had a database they could use to get me to the right office.  And they said they can't confirm or deny a case and they can't even talk to me unless I know the name of the case worker.  So they transferred me to the hotline and I made a new report.  That's the best I could do with them.  This is so ridiculous.

 

[segelkatt]

I always was under the impression that the mid-western states were a little behind as far as enforcement of civil rights but this ridiculous. Some of these laws or their enforcement are out of the dark ages. As long as the citizenry does not insist that the laws should be changed those who are "in charge" will keep women and girls suppressed and apparently society in those states is ok with that. I hope I am wrong.