The "What's on your mind?" Thread -2017

[Mamanyt1953]

Quiet today.  I'm enjoying it.  Spent some time processing new books into my library.  Um...I think I'm gonna need more than six bookcases...I may have to give up the king bed, go to a day bed, and give myself enough room for 4-5 more bookcases in the bedroom.  Yeah, I know...E-READER...but I just love holding them in my hands, turning the pages, napping with one opened on my chest.  SO old-fashioned!

Editing to add this:

I was just searching for some information for a newer member, and would you believe that there is not ONE article here on how to select a good vet?  What to watch for, what questions to ask, that sort of thing.  Now, I have lucked out with Hekitty's vet.  He's wonderful, so I don't really know what to put in such an article.  Would SOME KIND SOUL who has experience in vet-hunting and a little time on their hands think about writing one for our members who either need a change or who are looking for a vet for a new pet?  Pretty please?

 

[margd]

 

Quiet today.  I'm enjoying it.  Spent some time processing new books into my library.  Um...I think I'm gonna need more than six bookcases...I may have to give up the king bed, go to a day bed, and give myself enough room for 4-5 more bookcases in the bedroom.  Yeah, I know...E-READER...but I just love holding them in my hands, turning the pages, napping with one opened on my chest.  SO old-fashioned!

Editing to add this:

I was just searching for some information for a newer member, and would you believe that there is not ONE article here on how to select a good vet?  What to watch for, what questions to ask, that sort of thing.  Now, I have lucked out with Hekitty's vet.  He's wonderful, so I don't really know what to put in such an article.  Would SOME KIND SOUL who has experience in vet-hunting and a little time on their hands think about writing one for our members who either need a change or who are looking for a vet for a new pet?  Pretty please?

Uh, @Mamanyt1953   Please see:  http://www.thecatsite.com/a/how-to-choose-the-best-veterinarian-for-my-cat    

  It's easy to miss, but it's here!  

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Thanks!  I see it now, but I really did look before!  I'm headed off to post the link for our new member.

 

[Margret]

Originally Posted by Tallyollyopia  
 

---SNIP---
I'm a little concerned about our local environment. One of the natural gas companies got an official, public (it was even in the newspapers which, as I'm sure people have noticed, don't really report news  anymore) order to cease and desist on the frakking by order of the South Carolina's Environmental Pledge Office, or EPO. Anyway, we're still getting shakes, like we did when the frakking was going on, and the ambient temperature of one of the little towns around here (we've got mostly farming and horsing communities, so the county is more a group of small towns than a city surrounded by small towns) has risen five degrees in the last two years. (No, I'm serious; the temperature there is five degrees higher than it's supposed to be, and it's a really  small town--there's only one stoplight, one gas station, and no grocery store.)

 
We went to see Hidden Figures on Tuesday.  Excellent movie, I can't recommend it highly enough.  (Not really a spoiler -- John Glenn got down safely.

)

Before we went, I went to Target and bought a couple of hand towels on the cheap, then folded one in half, sewed around the edges, and added dried rice to make a big heating pad.  It took a half gallon to fill it properly -- takes 4 minutes in the microwave!  (Fortunately, we had a big bag of dried rice already, and Roger is fully in favor of using it this way.)  I wrapped it up so it wouldn't lose too much heat on the way to the theater, then kept it on my lap through the movie.  Much more comfortable this time.

Margret

Target has something cheap?! Where do you live?

 (Here they have prices that rival my store's!)
---BIG SNIP---

I'm not sure how long after the fracking ends before the quakes die down.  This isn't a totally new phenomenon -- it happened in the Denver area when I was a girl, due to wastewater being injected deep underground at the Rocky Mountain Arsenal (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocky_Mountain_Arsenal http://www.westword.com/news/denver...caused-by-uncle-sam-not-mother-nature-5833488   https://oldcoloradonews.wordpress.com/2011/04/09/the-denver-earthquake-series-of-the-1960s/) -- but I believe that was just one well, and they quit using it as soon as the earthquake link was identified, so I don't think anyone knows how long it will take for things to quiet down again after the fracking quits.  Also, faults can be long, and even if it's not the same fault, action by nearby faults can strain things.  It could be that the quakes won't stop until after fracking is discontinued in adjacent states.

Target's groceries are incredibly expensive.  But for household items, they're fairly good.  I got a pair of hand towels for, um, $3.49.  I've also been able to find my face cleanser there when my grocery store doesn't have it, I got some replacement shower curtain hooks there, and I found a whole package of 0.5 mm. pencils with decent erasers -- the only ones my grocery store carries are 0.7 and 0.9 mm..  And when I ran out of coffee filters on Christmas Eve and the grocery store was closed, Target was open and I was able to buy a small box to get me through until after the holiday.

My 3 years old cat only eats his dry food after he scoops is out and put in in the water bowl. After he makes a horrible mess it's the water everyday

Maybe he's trying to tell you he wants more wet (i.e. canned) food?

Margret

 

[tallyollyopia]

 

Quiet today.  I'm enjoying it.  Spent some time processing new books into my library.  Um...I think I'm gonna need more than six bookcases...I may have to give up the king bed, go to a day bed, and give myself enough room for 4-5 more bookcases in the bedroom.  Yeah, I know...E-READER...but I just love holding them in my hands, turning the pages, napping with one opened on my chest.  SO old-fashioned!

Editing to add this:

I was just searching for some information for a newer member, and would you believe that there is not ONE article here on how to select a good vet?  What to watch for, what questions to ask, that sort of thing.  Now, I have lucked out with Hekitty's vet.  He's wonderful, so I don't really know what to put in such an article.  Would SOME KIND SOUL who has experience in vet-hunting and a little time on their hands think about writing one for our members who either need a change or who are looking for a vet for a new pet?  Pretty please?

 
Uh, @Mamanyt1953   Please see:  http://www.thecatsite.com/a/how-to-choose-the-best-veterinarian-for-my-cat    

  It's easy to miss, but it's here!  

 
I'm not sure how long after the fracking ends before the quakes die down.  This isn't a totally new phenomenon -- it happened in the Denver area when I was a girl, due to wastewater being injected deep underground at the Rocky Mountain Arsenal (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocky_Mountain_Arsenal http://www.westword.com/news/denver...caused-by-uncle-sam-not-mother-nature-5833488   https://oldcoloradonews.wordpress.com/2011/04/09/the-denver-earthquake-series-of-the-1960s/) -- but I believe that was just one well, and they quit using it as soon as the earthquake link was identified, so I don't think anyone knows how long it will take for things to quiet down again after the fracking quits.  Also, faults can be long, and even if it's not the same fault, action by nearby faults can strain things.  It could be that the quakes won't stop until after fracking is discontinued in adjacent states.

Target's groceries are incredibly expensive.  But for household items, they're fairly good.  I got a pair of hand towels for, um, $3.49.  I've also been able to find my face cleanser there when my grocery store doesn't have it, I got some replacement shower curtain hooks there, and I found a whole package of 0.5 mm. pencils with decent erasers -- the only ones my grocery store carries are 0.7 and 0.9 mm..  And when I ran out of coffee filters on Christmas Eve and the grocery store was closed, Target was open and I was able to buy a small box to get me through until after the holiday.

Maybe he's trying to tell you he wants more wet (i.e. canned) food?

Margret

The only thing that worries me about it is that we're not  on a fault line. 

Sorry, all I can think of is how SD got a sixty-dollar coffee pot at Target when AWM got a twenty-dollar coffee pot somewhere else.

 

[Margret]

 

 
I'm not sure how long after the fracking ends before the quakes die down.  This isn't a totally new phenomenon -- it happened in the Denver area when I was a girl, due to wastewater being injected deep underground at the Rocky Mountain Arsenal (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocky_Mountain_Arsenal http://www.westword.com/news/denver...caused-by-uncle-sam-not-mother-nature-5833488   https://oldcoloradonews.wordpress.com/2011/04/09/the-denver-earthquake-series-of-the-1960s/) -- but I believe that was just one well, and they quit using it as soon as the earthquake link was identified, so I don't think anyone knows how long it will take for things to quiet down again after the fracking quits.  Also, faults can be long, and even if it's not the same fault, action by nearby faults can strain things.  It could be that the quakes won't stop until after fracking is discontinued in adjacent states.

Target's groceries are incredibly expensive.  But for household items, they're fairly good.  I got a pair of hand towels for, um, $3.49.  I've also been able to find my face cleanser there when my grocery store doesn't have it, I got some replacement shower curtain hooks there, and I found a whole package of 0.5 mm. pencils with decent erasers -- the only ones my grocery store carries are 0.7 and 0.9 mm..  And when I ran out of coffee filters on Christmas Eve and the grocery store was closed, Target was open and I was able to buy a small box to get me through until after the holiday.

Maybe he's trying to tell you he wants more wet (i.e. canned) food?

Margret

The only thing that worries me about it is that we're not  on a fault line. 

Sorry, all I can think of is how SD got a sixty-dollar coffee pot at Target when AWM got a twenty-dollar coffee pot somewhere else.

Neither is Denver (on a fault line).

There are all sorts of itty bitty faults that we don't know about, because nothing has happened to trigger them.  The waste water that's being injected by the frackers is changing the entire balance under ground.  Layers of rock that haven't been disturbed for thousands of years (at least) are being nudged from beneath.  And they're nudging the rocks next to them, which nudge the rocks next to them.

Because I grew up in Denver, and have personal memories of the Rocky Mountain Arsenal fiasco, that was my first question when I heard how fracking is done -- does it cause earthquakes? -- so I did some research and it most certainly does cause earthquakes, a problem which has been largely absent from the public debate about fracking, and I don't know why.  It's the elephant in the room that is being ignored.

The science simply isn't there yet.  We don't know enough about how even the upper layers of earth's crust are put together to fully understand what happens when we mess with them.  The frackers talk about disposing of the waste "safely," so that it doesn't make it into our food chain or cause a new Love Canal, and say nothing about earthquakes.  There seems to me to be an odd misunderstanding about the constitution -- if a new technology is something that's good for business, it's presumed innocent, regardless of the evidence, until science has absolute proof that it's guilty.  And the standard of what counts as "proof" is continually raised higher, until people start dying, and the survivors begin to get angry.  But the constitution actually says nothing about technologies.  It says that people are innocent until proven guilty.

Re. Target, yes, they also have plenty of expensive items.  But if you're there looking for a bargain, you can generally find it (except, as I said, in the grocery department).  And this especially applies to things that you would otherwise be buying at department stores.  I got my $20 coffee maker at Lowes, by the way, and I got my coffee grinder (which I use for nuts) at a thrift store.

Margret

 

[Alicia88]

My mother still hasn't admitted to me that she left him.  And she told DD earlier that they're going back on Sunday.  She's been begging DD to text him and tell him that mom isn't out fracking (not the word that was used) someone else and DD won't do it.  I don't know why she's going back.  To be honest, I kind of expected it.  I wish I could stop it.  I'm gonna sit here and cry for a while.

 

[Margret]

 
My mother still hasn't admitted to me that she left him.  And she told DD earlier that they're going back on Sunday.  She's been begging DD to text him and tell him that mom isn't out fracking (not the word that was used) someone else and DD won't do it.  I don't know why she's going back.  To be honest, I kind of expected it.  I wish I could stop it.  I'm gonna sit here and cry for a while.

Margret

 

[foxxycat]

 
My mother still hasn't admitted to me that she left him.  And she told DD earlier that they're going back on Sunday.  She's been begging DD to text him and tell him that mom isn't out fracking (not the word that was used) someone else and DD won't do it.  I don't know why she's going back.  To be honest, I kind of expected it.  I wish I could stop it.  I'm gonna sit here and cry for a while.

No words..So very sorry.

  I am sure you are beyond frustrated...with the legal system..cops..all such a joke. I always think the cops and child services are run by people who have the art of bull----ing down to an art. That's the only thing I can think of. So many people go into these jobs then turn their head because so and so has dirt on so and so and it's embedded so deep that us civilians pay the price.

Maybe call your state attorney general or something..maybe there's an online form to submit complaints..but if it's anything like my company they just bury it and pass the buck until it's so far buried no one knows who's responsible then the typical answer we get-"we are working on it" but we never see results or a resolution. It's a joke really..basically in big corporate companies it seems easier to bury bad employees by hiring employees above and below so they never know who the real culprit is. and I wonder if police stations have the same problems.

The biggest problem I am having with your situation is how frustrated you must be to not get your mother to see she doesn't need that sob and obviously she has a job and freedom to move to wherever the hell she wants but she won't cut the apron strings off of him. So very frustrating I am sure and tossed into it your sister stuck in the middle...I have no words but you got my full support. As someone who grew up in an angry dysfunctional family I do understand the feelings of helplessness and rage. I do. Sending you hugs and shedding a few tears for the whole crappy situation.

On a different note- we got some snow overnight..and they say we are in for another noreaster storm tomorrow night..I really hate using vacation time for storms but maybe it will blow out of here early enough to not cause trouble..

 

[artiemom]

 
My mother still hasn't admitted to me that she left him.  And she told DD earlier that they're going back on Sunday.  She's been begging DD to text him and tell him that mom isn't out fracking (not the word that was used) someone else and DD won't do it.  I don't know why she's going back.  To be honest, I kind of expected it.  I wish I could stop it.  I'm gonna sit here and cry for a while.

Unfortunately, it is called a "Victim Mentality"  it is a form of torture.. of making the victim feel helpless and dependent on their captor/abuser..... That is why there are cults...it is a shame.. They eventually believe they are 'unworthy' of living without their abuser.

Your mom, even though she is an intelligent woman, is still under the influence of her 'captor".. her husband... 

occasionally she has a break where the 'normal' part of her brain takes over and she runs... and then when she sees how hard it is, and starts to think.. the brainwashing takes over..    

She feels she cannot make it on her own, she feels that her husband was not that bad, she feels as if she owes it to her husband to stand by him.. she is in denial at this point.. 

It takes professional help to intervene at this point... 

It is mind control--- aka brainwashing...

Are there any domestic abuse shelters around you? Could you contact them for some help/advice???   even a few towns over.. or just call a large one and see if they can advise you?

And what is the legal age in your sisters state? is it 18?  she is 16 ??  still under child protective services... still under state governship.. and the fact that she is pregnant is very important.. she needs help to get away from that abuse.. even if it is verbal..

Wonder if the state house would offer any help?   or suggest a place to go.. or is there some kind of advocate in the city they live in? or the next one over? or the largest city near them???  

sorry, I am certain you have exhausted these possibilities.. sigh... what about her doctor??  she must be seeing an ob/gyn... although with HIPPA laws, I am uncertain how you could proceed... 

Could she just run away??? and live with her boyfriends parents?? or with you???   

 

[Margret]

At least they did clean up this mess before leaving

013017 008.JPG

• segelkatt
• Feb 8, 2017

you can see the film that is on the right-side window which is half open, from dirt and calcium in the water from when the building was washed and they hit the windows too

013017 009.JPG

• segelkatt
• Feb 8, 2017

I cleaned the window as well as I could but on the left window on the left part I could not reach and it's still not clean, at least I can see through it

I still have not been able to pry that right side window out of its track, I think the track is distorted, possible due to earthquakes. What's a person to do?

This was one of the first things I noticed when I first came to this country: how do you clean the windows on the outside when you live above the first floor? I was used to French windows that opened to the inside so you could clean both sides even if you lived in a hi-rise. I read of someone in NYC saying that the windows in his place had not been cleaned since the building was built about 75 years ago, that he could barely see through them and there was no way to get to the outside of the window, it was a crank type that opened to the outside. Whoever dreamt up windows like that? When you live in a rental you can't change them, otherwise those windows of mine would come off and I would put in what I call "proper windows".

So much for my rant.

Regarding window replacement, you might want to check with the owners of the house.  Replacing them would increase the value of the house considerably; I doubt that they would object to your doing that.  They may not agree to help with the cost, and it would mean paying for something that would then belong to someone else, so I guess it depends on how long you plan to stay there.

 
You did all that in just two hours?  I'm impressed! The nacho bin warmer is actually sparkling.  

I don't blame you for being annoyed.   Those are pretty basic cleaning jobs.  It's not like you're asking for anything unusual when you expect staff to pick up items that have fallen on the floor.  

Your parents are lucky to have you looking after the restaurant the way you do.  And I hope you get to rest today.  

Margret

 

[margd]

 
My mother still hasn't admitted to me that she left him.  And she told DD earlier that they're going back on Sunday.  She's been begging DD to text him and tell him that mom isn't out fracking (not the word that was used) someone else and DD won't do it.  I don't know why she's going back.  To be honest, I kind of expected it.  I wish I could stop it.  I'm gonna sit here and cry for a while.

I'm really very sorry to hear this.  Your mother obviously needs a lot of help and support but at some point, she needs to take a good hard look at herself and her priorities.  Her daughter needs her right now and a child in need is always a priority over an abusive SO.  Quite frankly, she is falling down in the mothering department in a very big way.   It is one thing to return to the abuse herself, quite another to condemn her desperately unhappy child to it as well.  This is wrong and there is no excuse for it.  You and your older sister should not have to be dealing with CPS and the law.  It is your mother's job and someone needs to tell her so, quite bluntly.  I'm sorry to word this so strongly but as a mother myself, I am appalled by the way yours is failing all three of you.  She has put you and your older sister in an impossible spot while endangering your younger sister and her unborn child.  This needs to STOP.   My heart goes out to all three of you - you and your two sisters for the agony you are going through.   And I am not without sympathy for your mother as well, knowing that as a battered woman, her psyche has been damaged and that she is in pain as well.  

 And another thing:  I can not tell you how appalling I find it that a mother would ask her daughter  to convey a message about her sex life to a father figure.  Does she really have no idea how inappropriate that is?  I could write for another ten minutes on how selfish and inappropriate this is but she is your mother.  I may already have gone too far in my criticism.  I know you love her, and I'm sure she loves you three as well.  I just wish she would wake up to her responsibilities as a parent.

 

[Alicia88]

 
Unfortunately, it is called a "Victim Mentality"  it is a form of torture.. of making the victim feel helpless and dependent on their captor/abuser..... That is why there are cults...it is a shame.. They eventually believe they are 'unworthy' of living without their abuser.

Your mom, even though she is an intelligent woman, is still under the influence of her 'captor".. her husband... 

occasionally she has a break where the 'normal' part of her brain takes over and she runs... and then when she sees how hard it is, and starts to think.. the brainwashing takes over..    

She feels she cannot make it on her own, she feels that her husband was not that bad, she feels as if she owes it to her husband to stand by him.. she is in denial at this point.. 

It takes professional help to intervene at this point... 

It is mind control--- aka brainwashing...

Are there any domestic abuse shelters around you? Could you contact them for some help/advice???   even a few towns over.. or just call a large one and see if they can advise you?

And what is the legal age in your sisters state? is it 18?  she is 16 ??  still under child protective services... still under state governship.. and the fact that she is pregnant is very important.. she needs help to get away from that abuse.. even if it is verbal..

Wonder if the state house would offer any help?   or suggest a place to go.. or is there some kind of advocate in the city they live in? or the next one over? or the largest city near them???  

sorry, I am certain you have exhausted these possibilities.. sigh... what about her doctor??  she must be seeing an ob/gyn... although with HIPPA laws, I am uncertain how you could proceed... 

Could she just run away??? and live with her boyfriends parents?? or with you???   

I called the DV shelter.  If mom chooses to leave, they can go.  DD can't.  If she did, they would be forced to give her back because she's underage.

If DD ran away, she would be arrested and kept in Juvie til she turned 18 and her baby would go into the system and probably be adopted out.

 
I'm really very sorry to hear this.  Your mother obviously needs a lot of help and support but at some point, she needs to take a good hard look at herself and her priorities.  Her daughter needs her right now and a child in need is always a priority over an abusive SO.  Quite frankly, she is falling down in the mothering department in a very big way.   It is one thing to return to the abuse herself, quite another to condemn her desperately unhappy child to it as well.  This is wrong and there is no excuse for it.  You and your older sister should not have to be dealing with CPS and the law.  It is your mother's job and someone needs to tell her so, quite bluntly.  I'm sorry to word this so strongly but as a mother myself, I am appalled by the way yours is failing all three of you.  She has put you and your older sister in an impossible spot while endangering your younger sister and her unborn child.  This needs to STOP.   My heart goes out to all three of you - you and your two sisters for the agony you are going through.   And I am not without sympathy for your mother as well, knowing that as a battered woman, her psyche has been damaged and that she is in pain as well.  

 And another thing:  I can not tell you how appalling I find it that a mother would ask her daughter  to convey a message about her sex life to a father figure.  Does she really have no idea how inappropriate that is?  I could write for another ten minutes on how selfish and inappropriate this is but she is your mother.  I may already have gone too far in my criticism.  I know you love her, and I'm sure she loves you three as well.  I just wish she would wake up to her responsibilities as a parent.

Anything you've said or thought isn't half as bad as what I've said and thought.  It's worse than you even know.  She protected me the first few times he tried to hit me.  Then she stopped.  She'll look me in the eye and tell me he never hit me and I think she believes it but I don't know understand how she can believe it because she SAW him hit me.  Many times.  The whole thing makes my head spin.  He pushed Christi down the stairs when she was pregnant and she went into labor 6 weeks early.  They stopped it, but she went into labor again a week later and they couldn't stop it.  Fortunately, Shane was fine.  He was on oxygen for hal an hour and he got jaundice but other than that, he was just small.  Since then, all her kids have been preemies.  So I wonder if he did more damage than anyone knows.  Or it could be unrelated.  No clue.  Anyway, he called mom and begged her not to let Christi press charges.  Christi wrote out her statement but apparently there was something else she was supposed to sign.  When she called a few months later - remember, she was busy with a newborn - to ask why nothing had happened to him, they told her about this thing she was supposed to sign and then said, "but it's too late now."  No one told her anything about it prior to her calling.

I simply can't understand putting anyone before your child.  We were talking about it last night and John said she should at least be thinking about the safety of her grandchild and commented that his mother would put his daughter before him in a heartbeat and that's how it should be.  And he said he'd always put Aislyn before me.  And I said, "If you ever do anything to put me before Aislyn, I'll leave you."  I wouldn't even be with him if I thought he was the kind of person who would put a woman before his own child.

I have so many conflicted feelings regarding my mother.  In a lot of ways, she was always a great mom.  She always worked her butt off and made sure we had everything we needed and as many of the things we wanted as she could manage - even if she had to go without herself.  She traded shifts and did whatever she had to so she could always come to our band concerts, sport events (she even came to every football game when I was a cheerleader in 5th and 6th grade), field trips, class parties, etc.  But it's like there's just this blind spot when it comes to him.

I used to have to change my clothes in my closet because he would stand in the doorway and watch.  I was afraid he would rape me - and he might have if I hadn't run to my grandma's when I was 16.  And I was able to do that.  Because I was a Missouri resident and Missouri allowed me to leave home at 16 as long as I was being supported.  And I was.  It actually caused a lot of friction between my mom and my grandma and it only got worse when Christi did the same thing.  Mom says Grandma "stole" us from her.  Grandma says she wasn't about to turn us out.  And my mom still holds a grudge against my grandma.  But DD doesn't have that option.  Because they moved to Iowa and Iowa laws SUCK.  DD can't run to anyone in Missouri.  To get emancipated in Iowa, she would have to have her driver's license - she doesn't even have her permit yet - and a job and be capable of financially supporting herself.  There's no way they'll let her get a job.  And she wouldn't be able to do it without permission anyway.  If there's a bright side, it's that he hasn't done anything sexual to DD.  He never did to me, either - just looked and creeped me out.  But as far as he knows, DD is his blood.  I'm pretty sure she isn't, but that's neither here nor there.  And him believing that might be the only thing protecting her from that sort of thing.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

 
My mother still hasn't admitted to me that she left him.  And she told DD earlier that they're going back on Sunday.  She's been begging DD to text him and tell him that mom isn't out fracking (not the word that was used) someone else and DD won't do it.  I don't know why she's going back.  To be honest, I kind of expected it.  I wish I could stop it.  I'm gonna sit here and cry for a while.

OH, Darlin, I'll sit and cry with you.  It's such a hard thing to break free of.  It really is.  By the time you realize how bad it really is, you can't bear to face how bad it really is, and you're so demoralized that you think you somehow deserve it, anyway.  Been there.  Barely made it out.  You and your family are in my heart.

 

[Alicia88]

Murphy Hugs.jpg

• Alicia88
• Feb 11, 2017

Murphy's reaction to mama being sad.  Notice the front leg around my neck - he gives good hugs.  And he hugs tight, too.

 

[margd]

Murphy's reaction to mama being sad.  Notice the front leg around my neck - he gives good hugs.  And he hugs tight, too.

Aww, that's so sweet.  My Milo, also a ginger tabby, used to do the same thing.   They have so much love to give.   My heart would just overflow when Milo did that.  

I'm glad you weren't offended by what I wrote.  I can't tell you how much I wish things were different for you and your two sisters.  Your mom sounds like she's been a terrific mom in so many ways - it boggles the mind that she can't see how much you three are being hurt.  To actually deny you were hit, after seeing it happen, requires a level of cognitive dissonance that is deeply troubling.    As for standing by while yet another daughter's pregnancy is risked at this person's hands....well, I just don't have the words.   

 

[Alicia88]

 
Aww, that's so sweet.  My Milo, also a ginger tabby, used to do the same thing.   They have so much love to give.   My heart would just overflow when Milo did that.  

I'm glad you weren't offended by what I wrote.  I can't tell you how much I wish things were different for you and your two sisters.  Your mom sounds like she's been a terrific mom in so many ways - it boggles the mind that she can't see how much you three are being hurt.  To actually deny you were hit, after seeing it happen, requires a level of cognitive dissonance that is deeply troubling.    As for standing by while yet another daughter's pregnancy is risked at this person's hands....well, I just don't have the words.   

I can't understand it, either.  I've been in an abusive relationship.  I almost died.  He lacerated my spleen and kidney and I was bleeding internally.  He waited so long to take me to the hospital, they told me I wouldn't have survived if I'd gotten there even 10 minutes.  I still have a scar from the transfusion.  I left him.  Then, he played the sweet card and said all the right things and I went back.  Dumbest thing I ever did.  But the next time I left, I stayed gone.  I thought I was pregnant.  And he was beating the crap out of me and all I could think about was the baby I might be carrying.  As it turned out, I wasn't pregnant - my body was just being weird; probably because of the stress.  But the possibility was enough to snap me out of whatever fog I was in and not go back because I would never raise a child in that kind of environment.

 

[margd]

 
I can't understand it, either.  I've been in an abusive relationship.  I almost died.  He lacerated my spleen and kidney and I was bleeding internally.  He waited so long to take me to the hospital, they told me I wouldn't have survived if I'd gotten there even 10 minutes.  I still have a scar from the transfusion.  I left him.  Then, he played the sweet card and said all the right things and I went back.  Dumbest thing I ever did.  But the next time I left, I stayed gone.  I thought I was pregnant.  And he was beating the crap out of me and all I could think about was the baby I might be carrying.  As it turned out, I wasn't pregnant - my body was just being weird; probably because of the stress.  But the possibility was enough to snap me out of whatever fog I was in and not go back because I would never raise a child in that kind of environment.

Fear for their children is often what finally gets abused women to leave an abuser.   Thank heavens you took those fears seriously.    It really is a testament to your strength that you got out when you did - my hat is off to you!  I just wish your mother would take a page from your book.  

 

[tallyollyopia]

 
Neither is Denver (on a fault line).

There are all sorts of itty bitty faults that we don't know about, because nothing has happened to trigger them.  The waste water that's being injected by the frackers is changing the entire balance under ground.  Layers of rock that haven't been disturbed for thousands of years (at least) are being nudged from beneath.  And they're nudging the rocks next to them, which nudge the rocks next to them.

Because I grew up in Denver, and have personal memories of the Rocky Mountain Arsenal fiasco, that was my first question when I heard how fracking is done -- does it cause earthquakes? -- so I did some research and it most certainly does cause earthquakes, a problem which has been largely absent from the public debate about fracking, and I don't know why.  It's the elephant in the room that is being ignored.

The science simply isn't there yet.  We don't know enough about how even the upper layers of earth's crust are put together to fully understand what happens when we mess with them.  The frackers talk about disposing of the waste "safely," so that it doesn't make it into our food chain or cause a new Love Canal, and say nothing about earthquakes.  There seems to me to be an odd misunderstanding about the constitution -- if a new technology is something that's good for business, it's presumed innocent, regardless of the evidence, until science has absolute proof that it's guilty.  And the standard of what counts as "proof" is continually raised higher, until people start dying, and the survivors begin to get angry.  But the constitution actually says nothing about technologies.  It says that people are innocent until proven guilty.

Re. Target, yes, they also have plenty of expensive items.  But if you're there looking for a bargain, you can generally find it (except, as I said, in the grocery department).  And this especially applies to things that you would otherwise be buying at department stores.  I got my $20 coffee maker at Lowes, by the way, and I got my coffee grinder (which I use for nuts) at a thrift store.

Margret

I asked. I asked at a public comittee meeting. Everyone, both sides, laughed as if I was asking something stupid.

I got out of the habit of shopping at Target because of a thirteen year-old personal boycott of the store. (Long story. Maybe later.)

 
My mother still hasn't admitted to me that she left him.  And she told DD earlier that they're going back on Sunday.  She's been begging DD to text him and tell him that mom isn't out fracking (not the word that was used) someone else and DD won't do it.  I don't know why she's going back.  To be honest, I kind of expected it.  I wish I could stop it.  I'm gonna sit here and cry for a while.

I think it says a lot that she went to you when she needed help.

 

[artiemom]

 
I called the DV shelter.  If mom chooses to leave, they can go.  DD can't.  If she did, they would be forced to give her back because she's underage.

If DD ran away, she would be arrested and kept in Juvie til she turned 18 and her baby would go into the system and probably be adopted out.

Anything you've said or thought isn't half as bad as what I've said and thought.  It's worse than you even know.  She protected me the first few times he tried to hit me.  Then she stopped.  She'll look me in the eye and tell me he never hit me and I think she believes it but I don't know understand how she can believe it because she SAW him hit me.  Many times.  The whole thing makes my head spin.  He pushed Christi down the stairs when she was pregnant and she went into labor 6 weeks early.  They stopped it, but she went into labor again a week later and they couldn't stop it.  Fortunately, Shane was fine.  He was on oxygen for hal an hour and he got jaundice but other than that, he was just small.  Since then, all her kids have been preemies.  So I wonder if he did more damage than anyone knows.  Or it could be unrelated.  No clue.  Anyway, he called mom and begged her not to let Christi press charges.  Christi wrote out her statement but apparently there was something else she was supposed to sign.  When she called a few months later - remember, she was busy with a newborn - to ask why nothing had happened to him, they told her about this thing she was supposed to sign and then said, "but it's too late now."  No one told her anything about it prior to her calling.

I simply can't understand putting anyone before your child.  We were talking about it last night and John said she should at least be thinking about the safety of her grandchild and commented that his mother would put his daughter before him in a heartbeat and that's how it should be.  And he said he'd always put Aislyn before me.  And I said, "If you ever do anything to put me before Aislyn, I'll leave you."  I wouldn't even be with him if I thought he was the kind of person who would put a woman before his own child.

I have so many conflicted feelings regarding my mother.  In a lot of ways, she was always a great mom.  She always worked her butt off and made sure we had everything we needed and as many of the things we wanted as she could manage - even if she had to go without herself.  She traded shifts and did whatever she had to so she could always come to our band concerts, sport events (she even came to every football game when I was a cheerleader in 5th and 6th grade), field trips, class parties, etc.  But it's like there's just this blind spot when it comes to him.

I used to have to change my clothes in my closet because he would stand in the doorway and watch.  I was afraid he would rape me - and he might have if I hadn't run to my grandma's when I was 16.  And I was able to do that.  Because I was a Missouri resident and Missouri allowed me to leave home at 16 as long as I was being supported.  And I was.  It actually caused a lot of friction between my mom and my grandma and it only got worse when Christi did the same thing.  Mom says Grandma "stole" us from her.  Grandma says she wasn't about to turn us out.  And my mom still holds a grudge against my grandma.  But DD doesn't have that option.  Because they moved to Iowa and Iowa laws SUCK.  DD can't run to anyone in Missouri.  To get emancipated in Iowa, she would have to have her driver's license - she doesn't even have her permit yet - and a job and be capable of financially supporting herself.  There's no way they'll let her get a job.  And she wouldn't be able to do it without permission anyway.  If there's a bright side, it's that he hasn't done anything sexual to DD.  He never did to me, either - just looked and creeped me out.  But as far as he knows, DD is his blood.  I'm pretty sure she isn't, but that's neither here nor there.  And him believing that might be the only thing protecting her from that sort of thing.

I am so sorry... especially if I said anything to upset you, even more than you are.. such a horrible situation. I have no words...((hugs))