The Bad Kitty List -- this is so funny!

[charmed654321]

In my surfings I came across this website called "The Bad Kitty List." It is a list of statements, a la Bart Simpson, that you would insist your cat write a hundred times on the blackboard for their endearing (?) naughtinesses (is that a word? LOL).

The site has some really funny ones under all subjects (other critters, christmas, hygiene, bathroom, food, etc, etc, etc, and is really funny reading. It's http://www.badpets.net/BadPets/BadKitty.html.

I thought it would also be fun to come up with blackboard punishments for our own little kitties to write 100 times (complete with their names, of course, so they will not be mistaken as to who we are talking about

)




THE CAT SITE'S "BAD KITTY LIST"

Rocky-Rockette: If Mommy forgets to close the closet door, I will not jump on her best and most expensive clothes and use them to play "Tarzan of the Apes."

Deja Vu: When Mommy is eating, if after I stand up to pull on her hand, pat her on the nose, stick my face in her face and sniff sadly in the air to beg for food, if after all that she is kind enough to offer me some of her dinner, and I decide I don't want any, I will not sneeze on it before walking away (this goes especially for egg rolls).

Little Big Man: I will not stick my ice-cold wet nose into Mommy's eye while she is sleeping to wake her up.

 

[commonoddity042]

Originally Posted by Charmed654321

Little Big Man: I will not stick my ice-cold wet nose into Mommy's eye while she is sleeping to wake her up.

But the Nose and Whiskers of Doom are a time-tested waking technique! Pudge swears by it.

 

[charmed654321]

Originally Posted by CommonOddity042

But the Nose and Whiskers of Doom are a time-tested waking technique! Pudge swears by it.

LOL It's better than what my Fuzz used to do when he was alive. First he'd pat me on the nose. If that didn't work, he'd lick my nose.

If that didn't work, he'd stick one claw into a nostril and PULL.

That always worked. LOL

 

[firefly*21]

Boomer: I will not jab sissy's eye with my paw when she is sleeping to wake her up.

Boomer: I will not eat mouthfuls of grass and then throw up all over the rug.

Nuby: I will not kneed my sissy's stomach with my claws all the way out.

Lucky: I will not ask to be picked up and then attack my sissy's face.

Simba: I will not stand at the door for five minutes deciding whether I want in or not.

 

[sanctie]

All for Conner:
*I will not pull all of mommy's accessible tupperware out of the cabinets when she's away.
*I will not drag mommy's socks, underwear, pens, lip gloss, etc. under the bed to hide from her.
*I will not chew up the corners of Mommy's important papers just to make them more aesthetically pleasing.
*I will not act like a maniac and frantically claw and meow at the door when Mommy's in the restroom.

**Sigh**, I could go on and on...

 

[coolcat]

soo funnie!!!

...

 

[kaleetha]

Toulouse: I will not dig and dig and dig in the litter box, causing a huge mess that Mommy must first walk in and then clean up.

Kanoe: I will not rub up against Mommy, and then sneeze all over her nice clothes when she is going out.

Captain: I will not scratch on the bed when I wish to be fed. Nor will I tear up the door in an effort to convince my humans that I must go out.

 

[trouts mom]

For Trout of course:

I will not lose my toys 5 minutes after mom brings them home.
I will not play with moms lipgloss and lose it under the couch EVERY day.
I will not pretend I want to cuddle and then start attacking whoevers cuddling me.
I will not hide my toys in the bathroom closet, and then meow when I forget where I put them.

 

[valanhb]

Ophelia: I will not shred the bag that Meowmy keeps that pretty, white satin dress in so that I can sleep on the soft satin. I will also not use my claws to climb to the best spot on that pretty, white satin dress.

Trent: I do not have to have Meowmy touching me all day every Sunday. She will love on me all week long, too, even though she isn't home during the day.

Both: We do not have to wake up Meowmy and Daddy in the middle of the night to make sure that they still love us. They love us, we know that, and we can snuggle with them without their hands moving.

 

[commonoddity042]

Pudge: I will stop waking The Walking Tree at 9-10:30 am every morning to play with me, although I am bored because I am the only cat for the first time in a long while.

I must remember that The Tree has trouble getting to sleep, and 4 hours or less of sleep means that she has headaches and is practically blinded by lights for an hour or more after getting up.

Time her for 7 or 8 instead, and slap around your fuzzy mice. She never forgets to play with you, and you know it.

P.S. There's a reason that The Tree has been looking at other cats your age on the shiny attention-hogging cat that beeps when you stand on its tail.

 

[wellingtoncats]

Elmo: I will NOT pee on the floor while my Mummy Sam is making her lunch!

 

[krazy kat2]

Scooter-I will not chase sissy Pearl from the litter box in the middle of the night, causing her to pee on meowmy's bathroom floor.

Fluffy-I will desist from rooting around in the trash for discarded food. I always have food readily available, and will eat from the feeders.

Pepper-I will remember that every time meowmy walks through the front door, it is not dinner time. I will not roll in the middle of the floor and cry like I am starving, then turn my nose up at what goes in the bowl.

 

[lil_axl_gurl]

Jack Daniels:

I will not hiss and grandpa when he tries to pet me.
I will not beg for milk until they finally give it to me.
I will not meow at the refridgerator for hours until they finally open it.
I wiill not steal grandma's hair ties.
I will not play with mommy's CD player.
I will not drink out of mommy's cereal bowl.

 

[starryeyedtiger]

Isabella- i will not steal all the good seats in mommy's house. I will not stand in mommy's way while she's walking and trip her while screaming at her for treats. I will not steal my mommy's yogurt when she is not looking. I will not provoke my sister abby to fits of kitty rage. I will not climb on the fish tank and attempt to go "fishing". I will not lock my doggy sister Ginger in her kennel when mommy is not looking.

Velvet- I will not barf all over mommy's bed. I will not play in the kitchen sink which mommy says is "DEFINITELY OFF LIMITS TO KITTIES".
I will not be a snob when company is over. I will not splash water out of my dish and onto humans. I will not decapitate small animals.

Jasmine- I will not sit in the floor and meow incessantly at my sparkly pom balls while waking my mommy up at 4 in the morning. I will not loose ALL of my sparkly pom balls under heavy appliances...refridgerator...washing machine... I will not bite my "baby" isabella after grooming her for 1/2 an hour. I will not beg 24/7 for any small morsal of food i may smell...curse kitty diets!!! I will not sucker mommy's boyfriend into giving me kitty treats.

Abilene- I will not attack my mommy. I will not attack my sisters...including the dogs tail. I will not beg for cheese. I will not steal maccaroni and cheese off my humans plates. I will not let mommy love on me one minute then visciously attempt to attack her the next. I will not scratch the new rugs. I will not bite my mommy. I will not be a kamakazzi kitty by jumping out of mommy's bedroom window onto her nightstand and destroying the nightstand and all of it's objects. I will not swat Q-tips down the bathroom sink drain and make mommy have to call a plumer----yes, mommy actually cought me in the act! I will not sneak a peak at mommy while she takes her showers. I will not attempt to eat the fishes in mommy's fish tank. I will not taunt Sophie the bunny and try to "give her kisses".

 

[catsknowme]

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

Isabella- I will not lock my doggy sister Ginger in her kennel when mommy is not looking

That would be so funny to see on "Funniest Animal Videos"!!!!

 

[sanctie]

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

I will not stand in mommy's way while she's walking and trip her while screaming at her for treats.

Yeah, this sounds bizarrely familiar.

 

[kittylover4ever]

Trixie: I will not jump up on my perch for treats every 10 minutes

Petals: I will not hiss and swat at my brothers when being chased, and then 15 minutes later, turn around, sneak up on them, bite one in the butt, and then take off running!

Tiggy: I will not harrass my sister Trixie anymore just to be annoying!

Bailey: I will not bite mommy's fingers anymore everytime she goes to pet me.

 

[babyharley]

Oohhh Harley fits in perfectly here!

Harley:

I will not attack mommy and daddy's legs and feet when they are getting into bed at night, only because I think its a fun game.

I will not claw at the bathroom door when someone is in there.

I will not lose my new fancy toy balls 2 seconds after mommy brings them home for me.

I will not turn my nose up at my food just because its not in the "normal" dish it usually is!
(I know it tastes the same, I just LOVE to be difficult!)

I will not jump on the screen door everytime a bird flies by, I will realize that I cannot fly like birds.

I will not hiss at any stranger who comes close to pet me, only because I'm not "in the mood" to be petted or loved.

I will not scratch in my litter box at 2AM just to see how fast mommy and daddy can wake up, and then run away into the living room like a psycho kitty, laughing to myself cuz I woke them up once again, only cuz I think its fun.

I will not hate my new buddy that will be coming home to live with us in a month!

I will be a GOOD BIG BROTHER!

 

[renny]

these are good.

For Rambo:

i will not hide in the basement and then start crying like i'm mortally wounded until meowmy comes to find me.

i will not knead meowmy's bladder in the middle of the night, leaning all 12lbs of my weight on to it and then tripping her when she gets up to run to the bathroom.

I will not steal the bag of temptations, rip it open and gorge myself on the contents and then beg for food when meowmy gets home

i will not steal all of Lucky's food by acting like a hoover vaccuum cleaner

I will not ambush Lucky in the litter box while she's pooping, scaring her and making her sit back on her poop and get her fur covered....

For Lucky:

I will not push meowmy's head off her pillow so that i can stretch out properly to sleep on it.

I will not cry plaintively at every outside door begging to be let out (especially since i'm an indoor cat!)

I will not be a total diva and princess, i will instead try and be friendly to visitors

I will not bop rambo over the head randomly and kick him off the window sill and then not sit on the window sill myself.

 

[lunasmom]

this IS funnier then I thought!

Beauty: "Rubbing my dirty butt on my owners does not make them love me more"
"I will begin to clean my dirty butt on my own"

Patches: "I will not bite at others when they're playing with me"

Luna: "Not everything is a toy"
"I cannot take out Beauty no matter how much I try. She's 3 times the size of me."

Whitey: "Pouncing on the other cats doesn't make friends."
"I am to small to be a horse. Therefore I will not eat like one"
"I do not own all the toys."