Terrified Of Being Picked Up, And Strangers

[FlawlessImperfection]

Hi all! Buttercup is doing so well and we knew she was a feral kitten and would be shy with new situations. She’s so wonderful with us, especially me she sleeps under the covers and reaches out with one claw and hooks my t shirt and pulls it close. Aww! My room is her “safe” zone, and I’ve been slowly blocking “unders” and providing cat furniture instead. Two problems are one: she loves to cuddle but HATES being picked up, she’s terrified of it. She will cry and claw and immediately try to leap off, sometimes I’m terrified she will hurt herself doing this. It makes it extremely hard if I need to crate her, move her etc. Any tips? I’ve tried acting like I’m going to pick her up but not, but when I get her her awful leaps and landings must co firm her fear. Also, she’s TERRIFIED of visitors, she will not come out from under my bed, and held it for hours the other day when we had a guest. She ran to the litter box the moment he left. She never even sees them, and both visitors have been people who understand and would ignore her to make her feel safe anyway. Should I close my bedroom door? I’ve considered felliway and zylkene, I’m trying to watch my budget though. Thanks for ideas!!

 

[orange&white]

I socialized two ferals last year who I can pick up and carry around now. The first one was easiest, because she was only 4 months old and her personality is extremely fearful, but extremely sweet and non-aggressive.

With picking up, I started by squatting down so that my thighs were parallel to the floor. The cat was socialized to trust rubbing up against my legs before we started working on lifting. When I started lifting, she would be rubbing against my thigh, and I would very quickly lift her and plop her on my lap, then take my hands off her immediately. Of course, she jumped down immediately (at first), but my thighs were only a foot off the ground so she easily jumped down without any "big fall" and she didn't feel constrained after being picked up...she was given her freedom immediately. After a while, she started hanging around on my lap longer. The next "phase" was picking her up while I was standing, and immediately setting her back down. Important point: she was always facing away when I lifted her so that she didn't see my hands coming. Seeing my hands coming toward her still scares her most of the time.

The second cat was wild and aggressive, so I was worried about being injured/attacked from picking her up and putting her on my lap. Still, after she started volunteering to be petted and would take treats out of my hand, I worked on lifting her. Again, I picked her up when she was facing away so she didn't see my hands coming. The first few times I lifted her, she was rubbing against my ankles and I was positioned next to a table. I quickly lifted her and plopped her on the table and let go. She knew I "did something", but it didn't hurt her. She did turn and acted like she would swat me, but she got over that with "practice". When she was ok of being moved from the ground to the table, I started walking a step with her, then a couple of steps, and so on, until I could carry her several feet without her squirming or panicking.

It's a long process, but today both kitties let me pick them up and carry them wherever I want without them being fearful (or harming me).

Sorry for the long description.

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

Oh thank you!!! I really appreciate your time in the long answer, that makes complete sense. She is like the first, not aggressive, and she’s about 13 weeks. She was terrified of it when she came, something must have happened. She’s got to at least let me pick her up when I need to, and I won’t bother her the rest of time. I will start with low to the ground and slowly move up! Thanks again!

 

[duckpond]

My White cat hates to be picked up as well. scared to death, and would run to hide. she still hides from strangers at 4. I make sure she has safe places to hide. I just let her be and for a long time she didnt want any physical attention. she would sit in the room with us, but not touching.

Then she decided to cuddle when we are in bed, she is a big love bug in bed And she is slowly starting to come up to us for pets around the house, and will let my husband pick her up occasionally.

Previously when we had to catch her for the vet i would go in the bathroom.... lol if i almost close the door but not quite she would push her way in. It was much easier to catch her in the small bathroom. The other 3 if i offer a treat they are there, they are no problem to catch, they don't like it, but i can without much problem.

Many cats just dont like as much physical attention as we want to give them, especially being picked up, or held, i think they feel trapped and the fight or flight reflex kicks in. But i have had cats that want to be on me all the time, guess it depends on the cat, and maybe their first few weeks of life. Out of my 4 now, all rescues, only one wants to sit on our lap. a different one likes me to pick him up and walk around, but dont sit down, or he is gone They all 4 love to cuddle up in bed for some reason.. lol i have to hang on to the edge a lot, cats can take up a lot of bed space

 

[sabrinah]

My cat is 14 and I've had her for her entire life (I was given an adult cat when I was 7 and we didn't know she wasn't spayed, so she immediately got pregnant. The kittens were born under my bed. The kitty I have now was the runt of the litter), yet I still can't pick her up without getting shredded. She also hides the second an unfamiliar person sets foot in the house. She's never had any bad experiences with people, so I think sometimes it just really depends on the personality of the cat. Some cats are social and love all kinds of cuddles, others despise new people and bring out all the claws if you even think about picking them up. Hopefully, with some time she'll be the former type of kitty, but I wouldn't worry if she doesn't quite turn out that way. Best of luck!

 

[caitini]

Some cats just never get accustomed to being picked up. My two were both shy when I got them from the rescue approximately three years ago; both hid from strangers for a long time, and one wouldn't sit on my lap for about ten weeks. Now they're on my lap all the time, and they get over their stranger fright very quickly (they still hide when the doorbell rings, but come out after a few minutes and get affectionate with visitors after only a short delay). But I still can't pick them up.

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

My White cat hates to be picked up as well. scared to death, and would run to hide. she still hides from strangers at 4. I make sure she has safe places to hide. I just let her be and for a long time she didnt want any physical attention. she would sit in the room with us, but not touching.

Then she decided to cuddle when we are in bed, she is a big love bug in bed And she is slowly starting to come up to us for pets around the house, and will let my husband pick her up occasionally.

Previously when we had to catch her for the vet i would go in the bathroom.... lol if i almost close the door but not quite she would push her way in. It was much easier to catch her in the small bathroom. The other 3 if i offer a treat they are there, they are no problem to catch, they don't like it, but i can without much problem.

Many cats just dont like as much physical attention as we want to give them, especially being picked up, or held, i think they feel trapped and the fight or flight reflex kicks in. But i have had cats that want to be on me all the time, guess it depends on the cat, and maybe their first few weeks of life. Out of my 4 now, all rescues, only one wants to sit on our lap. a different one likes me to pick him up and walk around, but dont sit down, or he is gone They all 4 love to cuddle up in bed for some reason.. lol i have to hang on to the edge a lot, cats can take up a lot of bed space

Aww! I’m glad they have a patient loving family, it’s so cute to hear she loves bedtime too! I think they know they are safe and won’t fall in the bed, also we are probably soft and slower moving when we are tired? She has picked a favorite to pick her up? I didn’t think to try that! I thought I had a good plan to pick her up for the crate/vets, but nonononono. She very careful now if I give her a dish of treat in the spot I picked her up- she remembers! I will try the bathroom, but make sure she gets lots of treats and “good pick ups”, so she won’t associate every pick up to going to the vet! Haha! It’s always the small ones that are the worst bed hogs!

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

My cat is 14 and I've had her for her entire life (I was given an adult cat when I was 7 and we didn't know she wasn't spayed, so she immediately got pregnant. The kittens were born under my bed. The kitty I have now was the runt of the litter), yet I still can't pick her up without getting shredded. She also hides the second an unfamiliar person sets foot in the house. She's never had any bad experiences with people, so I think sometimes it just really depends on the personality of the cat. Some cats are social and love all kinds of cuddles, others despise new people and bring out all the claws if you even think about picking them up. Hopefully, with some time she'll be the former type of kitty, but I wouldn't worry if she doesn't quite turn out that way. Best of luck!

Thanks so much! Oh my goodness you made laugh, I realized my amazon account searches one day were for cat toys, treats, trees etc, the following week it was for bandaids and antihistamines!! Here’s to us keeping our fuzzy Loves- and our skin too!!!

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

Some cats just never get accustomed to being picked up. My two were both shy when I got them from the rescue approximately three years ago; both hid from strangers for a long time, and one wouldn't sit on my lap for about ten weeks. Now they're on my lap all the time, and they get over their stranger fright very quickly (they still hide when the doorbell rings, but come out after a few minutes and get affectionate with visitors after only a short delay). But I still can't pick them up.

Thanks for sharing your experience, I’m glad you had improvement. It’s not just for us, but I want her to be happy and not scared too! Hopefully she will see guest as people who give pets and treats! Maybe I will try waiting to feed her until company arrives, and let them offer her treats, or at least start by putting their hands and smell on her dish if she won’t get that close. Hopefully that may help? Tonight I knew no one would be coming, so I shut the bedroom door, and anytime she was startled over a silly thing she would use her cat tree instead! I wouldn’t do that if I knew she would be really scared, (like company coming etc) I think it was a good step because it was a quiet evening. Here’s hoping!!

 

[danteshuman]

I have heard of people working on feral cats by lifting the cat under the chest .... but only enough to lift the front paws off the ground a bit, release after a second or two, give treat.... repeat daily. Slowly extend the time. Then later try a full lift for a second, release, treat. Think of it in steps, take it slow and reward. Good luck.

Lately I have just been happy our semiferal lets me pick him up and carry him around the house to his food. Given that I'm not his main human it is a feat though it did take years to be so comfortable and he still gets twitchy sometimes.

 

[Ladysnuggable]

We've socialized several ferals and we had a few who didn't want to be picked up EVER. But most young kitties can be trained into tolerating or liking. Boots is getting use to the idea of picking up. we started small. get on their level. get low and pet them. Get small heights to place kitty on, like a box. If kitty is small enough scruff as you pick up to reduce likelihood of scratching and when petting pet more of the areas your hands will touch when picking up.
As for the crates train kitty to go into the crate. You can clicker train your cat to use the carrier/ crate it makes it a lot easier and less scary for kitty
with visitors its all about time and patients. you need to have the same person around several times so they know they aren't a threat. Also bribing is a great tool. All ours react to food. Treats are a must for socialization.

 

[Timmer]

@ Duckpond, my female cat only likes to snuggle in bed too. It's like she hasn't figured out she can also snuggle with me on the couch.

I've had her probably 13 years now and she doesn't like being held. Drives me crazy because she's so CUTE!

 

[duckpond]

@ Duckpond, my female cat only likes to snuggle in bed too. It's like she hasn't figured out she can also snuggle with me on the couch.

I've had her probably 13 years now and she doesn't like being held. Drives me crazy because she's so CUTE!

i know, right...lol. sometimes i want to pick mine up and squeeze on them. but i only have one that it doesnt stress out, so i don't. my one that likes it gets extra squeezes...

 

[duncanmac]

I socialized two ferals last year who I can pick up and carry around now. The first one was easiest, because she was only 4 months old and her personality is extremely fearful, but extremely sweet and non-aggressive.

With picking up, I started by squatting down so that my thighs were parallel to the floor. The cat was socialized to trust rubbing up against my legs before we started working on lifting. When I started lifting, she would be rubbing against my thigh, and I would very quickly lift her and plop her on my lap, then take my hands off her immediately. Of course, she jumped down immediately (at first), but my thighs were only a foot off the ground so she easily jumped down without any "big fall" and she didn't feel constrained after being picked up...she was given her freedom immediately. After a while, she started hanging around on my lap longer. The next "phase" was picking her up while I was standing, and immediately setting her back down. Important point: she was always facing away when I lifted her so that she didn't see my hands coming. Seeing my hands coming toward her still scares her most of the time.

<<snip>>

It's a long process, but today both kitties let me pick them up and carry them wherever I want without them being fearful (or harming me).

Sorry for the long description.

It is a process and every cat is different. I have one cat that I can pick up and carry around the house and he's happy as a clam (but as soon as he is not, I set him down.)

My other cat I have done almost the opposite of Orange & White. I waited until he was comfortable being touched and then, from standing and typically from behind would slide a hand under his armpit, pick him up and put him down. Just enough that his feet would leave the ground. Once he stopped running away upon being released, it was time for phase II - put him on the bed. I would wait until he was in the bedroom (duh) and just pick him up and put him down. Baby talk the whole time and then pet and praise him (and let him run away if he wanted.) He now stays on the bed after I let him go - sometimes he moves away a little bit, sometimes he comes back for pets. Sometime now I pick him up and put him on his chair (admit it - your cat has one too) just for a change of scenery.

One thing I try to keep the pick up motion as similar as possible - one hand under armpits the other on the opposite flank. This kind of supports his back/belly so he's not hanging in the air by his armpits. It is definitely not like picking up a 4 year old.

 

[Lucifigus]

I have a cat from the shelter that is very similar. She was seized from a house with 20 cats, and did not know how to relate to people. Once home, I found out she had been physically abused. She loves to cuddle and receive pets, but she hates being picked up or being "handled" in any way. In the first year, I tried a few times and she really didn't like it, so I don't do it. The only time I pick her up is to put her in a carrier to take her to the vet (every 4 months for nail clipping). Sometimes she is so put out that once we're back home, she avoids me for three days.

I feed her small amounts with some frequency. Early in our relationship we established the bed as her sanctuary, and after most every feeding, we go to the bed and she lies down and I rub her chin and pet her, and sometimes brush her - she purrs and loves it. I have two window seats for her and she sometimes lies on the couch. I can approach her and pet her, but again, never pick her up or move her. I never move too quickly near her as she is somewhat skittish and startles ever so easy. She never sits on my lap.

There are only four people regularly in her life: me (I live alone), my girlfriend, the person who comes in to clean every two weeks, and the person who comes to cat sit when I am away. She gets along with all, but is cautious with them. Any other guests I have will cause Lucy to hide, either behind a chair in the living room, or in a closet (she uses the closet enough that I have prepared a place for her). At night, she will sometimes come and curl up next to me in the bed and I will pet her and rub her belly.

I have had other cats that did not like to be handled, so I accept this as "her" normal behavior. She is affectionate and will alway rub my leg as she walks by, she gives me cheek rubs against my cheek when I get home from work (she's on the bed and I kneel on the floor next to her), but it's always on her terms. It's like we have a roommate agreement, and if I pick her up or handle her, it's a violation of our agreement.

 

[happilyretired]

I'm glad I found this thread! I have a 4-year-old 'rescue' (she was thrown from a car at about age 3). She's been with me just 4 months, and for the first two weeks, she hid. But when she emerged, she became a 'lap cat,' who loves to be cuddled, and when she's on my lap, my arms are often around her. So I was shocked the first time I moved to pick her
up, and she 'reacted' very dramatically. I tried again a few days later, with the same result.

As with the OP, my concern was if I needed to pick her up in some emergency. I have a mobile vet who comes to the house, and when she came to check her nails, I lured my cat into the bathroom with a few treats (vet's advice), so I didn't have to put her into the carrier. I talked to the vet about her incredible reaction to my trying to pick her up, and we both think it may be due to past abuse. So I decided to take it very slowly--and I plan to use some of the techniques mentioned in this thread. I also know that in an emergency, I could probably use the 'towel method' that I've used in the past when I need to pill my cats.

In any case, I'm glad my girl is not so unusual. She, too, hides if anyone else comes into the house, but my first cat was like that, too.

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

My cat is 14 and I've had her for her entire life (I was given an adult cat when I was 7 and we didn't know she wasn't spayed, so she immediately got pregnant. The kittens were born under my bed. The kitty I have now was the runt of the litter), yet I still can't pick her up without getting shredded. She also hides the second an unfamiliar person sets foot in the house. She's never had any bad experiences with people, so I think sometimes it just really depends on the personality of the cat. Some cats are social and love all kinds of cuddles, others despise new people and bring out all the claws if you even think about picking them up. Hopefully, with some time she'll be the former type of kitty, but I wouldn't worry if she doesn't quite turn out that way. Best of luck!

Thanks so much, I think you’re right about personality and cats for sure! I’m also finding that a “horrid life changing experience” for her, could be that a breeze blew through the room and then she’s scarred for life. She’s gotten so much better this week about so much, just the picking up we aren’t making much headway with, but I’m sure we will!!

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

I have heard of people working on feral cats by lifting the cat under the chest .... but only enough to lift the front paws off the ground a bit, release after a second or two, give treat.... repeat daily. Slowly extend the time. Then later try a full lift for a second, release, treat. Think of it in steps, take it slow and reward. Good luck.

Lately I have just been happy our semiferal lets me pick him up and carry him around the house to his food. Given that I'm not his main human it is a feat though it did take years to be so comfortable and he still gets twitchy sometimes.

Thanks so much, I think you’re so right! I think that’s really the best way to do it, small steps and repetition- and lots of treats!

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

We've socialized several ferals and we had a few who didn't want to be picked up EVER. But most young kitties can be trained into tolerating or liking. Boots is getting use to the idea of picking up. we started small. get on their level. get low and pet them. Get small heights to place kitty on, like a box. If kitty is small enough scruff as you pick up to reduce likelihood of scratching and when petting pet more of the areas your hands will touch when picking up.
As for the crates train kitty to go into the crate. You can clicker train your cat to use the carrier/ crate it makes it a lot easier and less scary for kitty
with visitors its all about time and patients. you need to have the same person around several times so they know they aren't a threat. Also bribing is a great tool. All ours react to food. Treats are a must for socialization.

That’s a great point I think, to also pick her up to put her on something instead of just picking her up! Thanks so much, and yes- the carrier is SO important. It’s the biggest thing for me to know I can get her to the vets quickly in case of an emergency. And yes, bribing!! What brats they are, lol!!!

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

It is a process and every cat is different. I have one cat that I can pick up and carry around the house and he's happy as a clam (but as soon as he is not, I set him down.)

My other cat I have done almost the opposite of Orange & White. I waited until he was comfortable being touched and then, from standing and typically from behind would slide a hand under his armpit, pick him up and put him down. Just enough that his feet would leave the ground. Once he stopped running away upon being released, it was time for phase II - put him on the bed. I would wait until he was in the bedroom (duh) and just pick him up and put him down. Baby talk the whole time and then pet and praise him (and let him run away if he wanted.) He now stays on the bed after I let him go - sometimes he moves away a little bit, sometimes he comes back for pets. Sometime now I pick him up and put him on his chair (admit it - your cat has one too) just for a change of scenery.

One thing I try to keep the pick up motion as similar as possible - one hand under armpits the other on the opposite flank. This kind of supports his back/belly so he's not hanging in the air by his armpits. It is definitely not like picking up a 4 year old.

Small steps, repetition, and gentle movements seems to be the best way to go. It sounds like you’ve made some great progress, I hope I will too! Thanks