Some people! and their kids! (Warning: Rant Ahead)

[blondiecat]

Wow I was shocked when I read how this young man is being treated. I agree with everone else, call and get some help for this young person. Not only is the Step-Father teaching the 4 year old it's okay to hit and hit with objects, but the pre-teen sounds like he is living in L.

 

[wellingtoncats]

People thought my Mother was being like this to me and I was heart broken when I found out some one rung CYPS - my mother treats me like I'm the only person on earth. I would talk to Bubba first. See how he feels.

 

[evnshawn]

Originally Posted by WellingtonCats

People thought my Mother was being like this to me and I was heart broken when I found out some one rung CYPS - my mother treats me like I'm the only person on earth. I would talk to Bubba first. See how he feels.

I'd agree, except for that letter he wrote. I assure you (coming from a background where I was beaten down—physically and mentally—by my father) that it takes great courage, and desperation, for a child to ask for help in that way.

It sounds like in her zeal to control the boy's behavior, his mother has gotten overly strict and is expecting way too much of him. (The stepfather, encouraging the hitting thing, just sounds like an idiot, IMNSHO.) Many parents go too far in the other direction and let their kids get away with murder. Parenting is hard, and frankly, some people are naturally better at it than others. But anyone can learn, I think, to strike that balance where even when you are disciplining your children, they never doubt that you love them. IF they want to learn, that is.

I'm not 100% sure how to go about this, but definitely your friend and her husband need some intervention from an outside agency. But I think you can do more. As I said, when I was a kid, my dad was abusive. What really helped me was being able to escape. Going to visit my older sisters or brothers was great, just because I knew while I was there I'd be treated like a human being. Maybe you could arrange to physically remove him from that situation for short periods of time. It helps, I assure you. Being there for him in a real sense will help more than you know.

 

[ricalynn]

evnshawn, I really appreciate your perspective on this. I totally agree with your assessment of stepdad, btw - he loves his wife, I've no doubt of that, but he's too da*ned immature to communicate that constructively, or to parent either child.
One of my issues w/June for a long time now has been her complete lack of common courtesy toward her son(s) - she barks orders without any regard for "Please" or "thank you," and then wonders why he won't do as he's told.

The 4y/o is very affectionate, but getting progressively more out-of-control due to the complete lack of boundaries. It's nothing for him to wrestle with his brother and resort to biting. He can go from hugging and saying "I love you" to pouting and screaming "I don't LIKE you!!" in less than 60 seconds if you tell him no.

The other big no-no, IMHO, is their "Do as I say, not as I do" lifestyle. EVERY time I go over there, they're barking at Bubba to clean his room. Problem one, he simply has too much STUFF to put away neatly. Problem two, he's never been shown how to clean his room because Problem 3 - his parents' room is a wreck- no less than four loads of dirty laundry at any one time, baskets of unfolded clean laundry not yet put away, the bird's slung seed all over the floor, papers, unused exercise equipment, dozens of dime-store novels covered in dust.

They believe that Bubba was coerced/manipulated into writing that letter, but I'm not sure if any of them (mom, stepdad or grandparents) ever asked him if he wrote it or if he really felt that way. He has trouble expressing his feelings, probably from all these years of trying not to disappoint anyone. I will try to get him out of there and let him open up on his schedule.