Should I tell her?

[catloverin_ks]

Her hubby is just that way. I know for a fact he would of tried something if I would of went over there, even if it was just to talk....its how he is. He just got in trouble for this crap about a week ago. I think she would probly believe me but I just dunno how to bring it up.

I do like her hubby as a FRIEND and a friend only!! I would never in my life(even if I was single or he was) want anything romantic with him..........

 

[sarahp]

Euchhhh - well tell her!!!! She's obviously wayyyy too good for the scumbag! Even if he is a nice person, you shouldn't have to worry about what your husband's doing when you're away!

If he's inviting female friends over for company, imagine what he's doing with people he may meet in a bar???!?!

 

[jenje!]

I wouldn't waste a lot of words on telling her... I would just show her the text messages.

No room for misplaced blame there.

Just say, "Hey, look what your husband text messaged to me..." and hand her your phone. Don't go into it as if you're telling her her mom just died or make light of it... just let her read them and decide for herself what they mean and how serious he was.

I would want to know, too. But I would want the clean facts with no speculation from anyone -- no "I think he would have tried something" or anything like that, just the facts, ma'am, please. Situations like this are so hard.

Good luck!

 

[catloverin_ks]

Originally Posted by Jenje!

I wouldn't waste a lot of words on telling her... I would just show her the text messages.

No room for misplaced blame there.

Just say, "Hey, look what your husband text messaged to me..." and hand her your phone. Don't go into it as if you're telling her her mom just died or make light of it... just let her read them and decide for herself what they mean and how serious he was.

I would want to know, too. But I would want the clean facts with no speculation from anyone -- no "I think he would have tried something" or anything like that, just the facts, ma'am, please. Situations like this are so hard.

Good luck!

I didnt save the text!! I didnt want DH to see them either........DH probly would of wanted to kick this guys butt

1q2

 

[sarahp]

Originally Posted by catloverin_ks

I didnt save the text!! I didnt want DH to see them either........DH probly would of wanted to kick this guys butt

1q2

Well if you have no proof, I wouldn't say anything. I would pull him aside, or email him and say that was not appropriate and if he ever did it again you would tell both Anne and your husband!

 

[theimp98]

Originally Posted by maddensmom

For me, it would depend on the context of the conversations and the text messages. If it was pretty bad, I'd tell her, if you could pass it off as really bad flirting, I.

yep that, howver dont expect her to thank you. or to be happy with the news

 

[swampwitch]

I know I'm in the minority, but I wouldn't tell her... not yet. Give him ONE mistake. Make it clear to him you are only giving him one. If it happens again save the evidence, tell her, you don't have to say it's the second time.

One of these scenarios is what will happen if you tell her:

1) She will take his side and you lose her as a friend. She may know about him already, and is ignoring it for whatever reason, maybe can't face up to it yet. Or she will refuse to believe what you tell her, and be mad at you for saying what you did.

2) She will blame you, partially or entirely, because she's seen you "flirt with him" (or whatever). You have no proof of what he did. It is your word against his... her husband's word against her friend's.

3) She will believe you and not be friends with you any more because of embarassment, or because you are competition.

4) She will believe you and blame you anyway.

5) She will be horrified, break up with her husband, and put you partially to blame for the end of her marriage.

Remember about "killing the messenger" of bad news? Telling her will ruin your friendship in the short or long run. If he's fooling around, she will find out soon enough, and THEN you can be there for her as a friend. If she already knows about him, she doesn't want to hear he is attracted to you. If she has no clue about him, she will want to believe him, not you. You will be the bad guy.

Please don't throw away your friendship because of a stupid mistake of a stupid guy. I have been there, done that, told and not told; telling NEVER ends up well.

 

[catloverin_ks]

I have decided for now, to leave it alone. I know shes the type of girl/friend that would probly get mad, but not stay mad. I am just going to pass it off for time being.......thanks to everyone for the advice/help!!

 

[clairebear]

I would save the text messages and tell her what's going on. Friends shouldn't keep things from each other. It was wrong of him to do that and she has a right to know what he's trying to do behind her back. Let her know what's going on and she can decide from there what she wants to do about it.

 

[sadie's mom]

Anne has a right to know. I would tell her.

 

[sweets]

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

I know I'm in the minority, but I wouldn't tell her... not yet. Give him ONE mistake. Make it clear to him you are only giving him one. If it happens again save the evidence, tell her, you don't have to say it's the second time.

One of these scenarios is what will happen if you tell her:

1) She will take his side and you lose her as a friend. She may know about him already, and is ignoring it for whatever reason, maybe can't face up to it yet. Or she will refuse to believe what you tell her, and be mad at you for saying what you did.

2) She will blame you, partially or entirely, because she's seen you "flirt with him" (or whatever). You have no proof of what he did. It is your word against his... her husband's word against her friend's.

3) She will believe you and not be friends with you any more because of embarassment, or because you are competition.

4) She will believe you and blame you anyway.

5) She will be horrified, break up with her husband, and put you partially to blame for the end of her marriage.

Remember about "killing the messenger" of bad news? Telling her will ruin your friendship in the short or long run. If he's fooling around, she will find out soon enough, and THEN you can be there for her as a friend. If she already knows about him, she doesn't want to hear he is attracted to you. If she has no clue about him, she will want to believe him, not you. You will be the bad guy.

Please don't throw away your friendship because of a stupid mistake of a stupid guy. I have been there, done that, told and not told; telling NEVER ends up well.

You're not in the minority...I'm standing beside you. I've been there, done that and lost the friend over it too.

Don't tell her, but tell him he's being watched and if you do see anything to suggest he's cheating, you will get evidence and go straight to her!

 

[gardenandcats]

I also would not tell her. I have been in your shoes and lost a good friend from telling. Sounds like she knows he is a player and is so far putting up with it. He will get caught again guys like this always do..

 

[lokismum]

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

I know I'm in the minority, but I wouldn't tell her... not yet. Give him ONE mistake. Make it clear to him you are only giving him one. If it happens again save the evidence, tell her, you don't have to say it's the second time.

One of these scenarios is what will happen if you tell her:

1) She will take his side and you lose her as a friend. She may know about him already, and is ignoring it for whatever reason, maybe can't face up to it yet. Or she will refuse to believe what you tell her, and be mad at you for saying what you did.

2) She will blame you, partially or entirely, because she's seen you "flirt with him" (or whatever). You have no proof of what he did. It is your word against his... her husband's word against her friend's.

3) She will believe you and not be friends with you any more because of embarassment, or because you are competition.

4) She will believe you and blame you anyway.

5) She will be horrified, break up with her husband, and put you partially to blame for the end of her marriage.

Remember about "killing the messenger" of bad news? Telling her will ruin your friendship in the short or long run. If he's fooling around, she will find out soon enough, and THEN you can be there for her as a friend. If she already knows about him, she doesn't want to hear he is attracted to you. If she has no clue about him, she will want to believe him, not you. You will be the bad guy.

Please don't throw away your friendship because of a stupid mistake of a stupid guy. I have been there, done that, told and not told; telling NEVER ends up well.

I agree with this. What a rotten position he's put you in! And you can't win no matter what.

 

[4badcats]

Personally I would give him one chance to sort himself out - if your instincts tell you that she wouldn't take this new well, you're probably right, and may well be best not telling her just yet.

I would make it clear to him that you completely disagree with the way he has behaved and that you're not afraid to tell her if this happens again - you also need to be prepared to carrry out the threat if it happens again.

So hard though, as if she does find out from elsewhere she's bound to want to know why you didn't tell her in the first place. Give him one chance, but no more
And best of luck and

to you

 

[miagi's_mommy]

Originally Posted by Duchess15

This is a tough situation to be in, but like others have already responded above me, I would tell her. Better to hear it from you than to have him deny it, etc, or worse say that you were the one that initiated it! I would also keep the text if you could to show her. Who knows who else he might be sending these to, especially if they are inappropriate or graphic.
I know this must be tough, but friends will always be there for you if they are truly your friends. You do have her best interest at heart and you don't want her to get hurt in the future.

I would want to know if it happened to me. Good Luck!

good luck!!