Should I be worried - no proposal after 10 years?

[mrblanche]

Just by the by, here in Texas, it's very easy to fall into "common-law marriage" without even meaning to. If you've ever introduced yourselves as "Mr. and Mrs.," the law considers you married. If you ever sign anything (including the guest register at a hotel) as "Mr. and Mrs.," you're married. If either party thinks you're married (fake priest or justice of the peace), you're married.

And under those circumstances, you have the same rights as a married person, including community property rights in case of a break-up.

 

[tara g]

My husband and I are 21 and 22. We got together at 17 (I was twelve days shy of 18) and 19. He's the only real boyfriend I had, as well. I had previous experiences that didn't fare too well for me, and learned those people had "qualities" I didn't want in life. Six months after we got together, I had moved the 200 miles to be with him. This was almost 3 years ago, now.

I didn't really know when he was going to propose to me. I expected 4 or 5 years into the relationship, even though we talked about it from about the time I moved in until the actual proposal. By 8 months into our relationship, he had put me on his bank account (something he never would have done with any previous gf's he had). I didn't even have a job (I assume he trusted me that much!) On our two year anniversary, he proposed to me. He had already asked what kind of ring I wanted ... for over a year

That was one of the reasons I had no idea when he was going to do it. We got married a year later, on our 3 year anniversary of being together.

His cousin has been engaged for almost 3 years now (they were engaged about 6 months into the relationship). She wanted a long engagement, I believe it was because she wanted to graduate from a 4 year college before marriage. She graduated a short time ago, and their wedding is in August.

I dont think though that there is a certain amount of time one needs to be with someone before the question is popped. If Rob hadn't asked me yet, and we were still just boyfriend/girlfriend, I would still be fine. We would probably still be talking about marriage in the future, and making sure we still have the same goals in life. We signed a contract Thursday to have our house built - 21 & 22 with a mortgage payment - better than anyone we know. We both have great jobs as well. So there is a similarity with you! If you two are still together and you know that you love one another deeply, there doesn't need to be a rush on marriage.

Is there anything in his career that he wants to have accomplished before marriage? Any specific goal he might have? I just think you need to talk about it and be sure you have the same goals in life still. I also advise waiting on moving to another home though until you've figured all this out! You are at a place right now where you are already doing better than most people you know, especially at your age!

 

[davecat]

He saw me crying the other day and I explained a little more deeply in to how I have been feeling lately.

He doesnt really say much back. He tells me he doesnt like upsetting me and that he hates seeing me like this. And then he said that he doesnt know why he thinks of it as such a big scarey thing.

Its strange though. I get such mixed signals from him.
We could be walking past a jewellry shop and he will be looking at all the rings with me asking what I like and pointing out what he likes too. But thats nothing new.

I think I might have also realised another thing that might be causing me to feel this way, which is that we do not have an anniversairy of any kind. Seeing as we knew eachother so young, we went from best friends to girlfriend and boyfriend at a point that neither of us had realised.

My mum says that we should create an anniversairy for us, which was something he had agreed to. But he never has.
And when I have mentioned to him that this never happened, he says he doesnt see the point in a made up date.
Which I also agree with really.

I think that might be why I want a proposal, as that can then be my special day for a while.

Does that make sense?

Maybe I am just mental.

 

[twstychik]

I totally get that. DH and I slipped quickly and easily from flirting to dating and neither of us noted the date. After our second "break" it was significant enough that I wanted to mark the date we got back together... guess what... I don't remember when it was. The closest we had was a month. Now, I remember the exact date he proposed (as does he) and it was cemented into our memories even more by the fact that his grandmother passed away on that date one year later. We weren't engaged long enough to celebrate that date but we are fast approaching our first wedding anniversary and I'm very much looking forward to it (even if I do have a final that night).

Have you let him know that you'r ok with a long engagement? Maybe that will help ease him into this.

 

[goldenkitty45]

I'm still suggesting that the two of you live apart for awhile and see how things change. Too much is being taken for granted on both sides. Maybe some physical time apart will get him to realize if both of you really want a marriage!

 

[rosiemac]

Originally Posted by davecat

My mum says that we should create an anniversairy for us, which was something he had agreed to.

Make your anniversary the day you started going out with each other, that's what Gil and i do.

I know it's upsetting you, but sadly you may have to accept that he doesn't want to get married, because the more it's mentioned it may push him away?