Pre-adoption anxiety

[heatherwillard0614]

I have seen kittens together in a cat room, with various sorts of interactive toys/trees, etc, but not adults. Local Humane Society is where I am looking for cat. The adults are in cages or separate rooms, not sure how that's determined, or foster homes. There may be some kind of interactive things that they're doing with the adults but I have never seen them together in a room.

Yea here it's is the local humane society as well. I really don't know the difference in a humane society and an animal shelter..

Here the cats that are there the longest go to the cat room.. I think there's between 20 to 30 cats in there.

I've never seen a kitten in the cat room because for one there aren't a lot of kittens there and two when they are they get adopted pretty much as soon as they are available.

They keep cats in the cages for about a month or a little longer then if they are still there they go to the cat room. This let's their personality come out some if they were scared and shy in the cages causing people not to pick them. Then when they get in the cat room playing and showing their true personality they get adopted

I asked the humane society how they chose who was in the cat room and who wasn't because I was curious on how they chose. I think their method works pretty well honestly.

 

[denice]

The shelter where I adopted Charlotte is a mostly cage free shelter. They only have the new arrivals and cats that don't do well with other cats in cages. I think it is easier to know a cat's personality in that environment. Charlotte definitely picked me. They had the cats wandering around in three different rooms and a sun porch. I went through and played with different cats and every time I turned around Charlotte was right there like a Velcro cat. She is FIV positive which to be honest I didn't want. Both of the cats I had before had chronic issues, one IBD the other was 5 years with CKD before I had her euthanized. She picked me though and I brought her home. I will have her 3 years this coming December and she is still healthy.

 

[heatherwillard0614]

The shelter where I adopted Charlotte is a mostly cage free shelter. They only have the new arrivals and cats that don't do well with other cats in cages. I think it is easier to know a cat's personality in that environment. Charlotte definitely picked me. They had the cats wandering around in three different rooms and a sun porch. I went through and played with different cats and every time I turned around Charlotte was right there like a Velcro cat. She is FIV positive which to be honest I didn't want. Both of the cats I had before had chronic issues, one IBD the other was 5 years with CKD before I had her euthanized. She picked me though and I brought her home. I will have her 3 years this coming December and she is still healthy.

Awwww. That's amazing that you adopted Charlotte even though she is FIV positive, knowing you didn't want another cat with chronic health issues. This just goes to show you may have some expectations of what you want in a kitty, but the kitty that you actually get may not meet any of the expectations you may have had.

I truly believe that the cat meant for you is there you just have to open your heart. You call him your boy and he seems to like you.. just remember don't rush into it if you are not 100% sure. If you do rush it and are unhappy for whatever reason then it will make you not like him that much more..

I think you will get the cat that is for you.. Just stay positive and patient and look with your heart. Weather it is him or a different one I truly believe that the right one is right in front of you

 

[ChiarinaL]

Thank you so much, I don't know what kind of a sign I'm looking for but it would help to get it. With my cats in the past, long long time ago, I also wanted a sign. We were adopting from someone whose cat got accidentally pregnant. I was set on the grey tabby boy, and of course his beautiful tortie sister came as well because they were so close. But he - the boy - came up and sat on my husband's (now ex-husband's) feet! That was a great sign! Now I'm meeting these rescues in different conditions, sometimes they are recovering from surgery, sometimes they're asleep. I find it is difficult if not impossible, for the cat to pick anyone through the cage or glass room. But with my anxiety, which got worse some time after my divorce- I'm overthinking every single decision and see the worst case scenarios, and it is other things that are interfering with the adoption decision. For example, the fact that I can't seem to finish my cosmetic house renovations (which I'm doing myself) and I've been living in dust and surrounded by tools for so long, and didn't get a chance to declutter the basement, etc. And this sweet boy is available now when my house is messy and I feel overwhelmed. And my friend told me that I should first get the house under control and then look for a cat. But of course I did things backwards. Life, does not quite happen according to plans.

 

[heatherwillard0614]

For example, the fact that I can't seem to finish my cosmetic house renovations (which I'm doing myself) and I've been living in dust and surrounded by tools for so long, and didn't get a chance to declutter the basement, etc. And this sweet boy is available now when my house is messy and I feel overwhelmed.

Believe it or not I can relate to this 100% a few months before we rescued Gabby my husband's father passed away. He inherited his father's house. We had moved in and there was stuff everywhere and some stuff in the house had needed repaired so he had either done the repairs himself or a friend did.. nothing was done the right way so we had and still have a lot of issues with the house. We still have 1 room that has some stuff that we still need to go through. We moved a bunch of stuff out to the garage after (thats right, you read that right after) we rescued Gabby... there was just so much stuff everywhere. We felt the same way so when we were looking we weren't planning on actually adopting as quick as we did... We wanted to go and see the cats and then decide on a temperament that we would want to have in a cat in a few months. As we still had so much to do at the house. We had to declutter everything moving in with our stuff and going through his dad's stuff to donate or keep, and renovations that needed done.. we still have a few things that need done. So I completely understand that stress.
Life happens in such an unexpected way. I truly don't think life goes according to plan most of the time.. that's the beauty of it all though. No matter how you plan things life throws curve balls all the time.

Just try to keep an open mind and heart. Don't stress the small stuff (I know easier said than done) I stress the small stuff too often lol... Just try to follow your heart. Even though it seems like it's an impossible task fixing and cleaning the house it isn't, and it will take time. Getting a kitty won't really bother that aspect at all. If you are worried about dangerous things kitty can get into then the first couple days keep him in your room and just take care of the tools and such to make sure it is safe. Dusting and vacuuming won't take too much time either. If you could try to start tonight and make sure you have a room for him then everything will work out. Even though it seems impossible.
Like I said follow your heart. You will make the right decision. Whatever that may be it will be right for you. I think you will wind up with a kitty when the time is right. If that is tomorrow or a month from now.. you will do the right thing if you can try to shake the stress and anxiety and just follow your heart. If you can try to write a pro/con list about this specific kitty.. see what outweighs the other if pros are more then get him if cons are more then maybe now isn't the right time.

 

[ChiarinaL]

Oh wow, that's so helpful and on some logical level I do know that stuff around me doesn't matter (as long as it is safe of course). In fact cats have fun going over obstacles! All these issues and fears I'm experiencing now are related to a difficult period in my life. I mentioned I had amazing cats before and loved them dearly. I raised them since they were 8 weeks old and did so much with them! I was really good. I keep watching the videos and pictures now and it helps me to see that they had a good life, a fun life, they were loved, taken care of, and spoiled. And they were really good cats, very special. But then, for some reason, a few years after my divorce, I got in a bad place. I still don't know why I fell apart 4 years after the fact, but I did and it wasn't pretty. Long story short, I got so overwhelmed that I gave them away (to really good people, but nonetheless). I didn't have any support back then; I got very sick and it was my boss who offered to bring me soup, not any of my so called friends. Shortly after, I also sold my house and left a good job for "better". 3 major life changes, all bad decisions. For a few years later I was just existing and feeling nothing. Bad decisions led to bad consequences, the house and job mistake I was able to fix in time, but the pain and regret over my kitties cannot be fixed. Today, I have lots of love to give, I'm not trying to replace them (though I'd take them back in a second if I even had a chance), I'm older now, on one hand much more stable and strong, but on another hand, so afraid of what overwhelm did to me. I don't know what the right decision is, so I'm desperately looking for a sign, any hint, but life does not work that way.

 

[heatherwillard0614]

Oh wow, that's so helpful and on some logical level I do know that stuff around me doesn't matter (as long as it is safe of course). In fact cats have fun going over obstacles! All these issues and fears I'm experiencing now are related to a difficult period in my life. I mentioned I had amazing cats before and loved them dearly. I raised them since they were 8 weeks old and did so much with them! I was really good. I keep watching the videos and pictures now and it helps me to see that they had a good life, a fun life, they were loved, taken care of, and spoiled. And they were really good cats, very special. But then, for some reason, a few years after my divorce, I got in a bad place. I still don't know why I fell apart 4 years after the fact, but I did and it wasn't pretty. Long story short, I got so overwhelmed that I gave them away (to really good people, but nonetheless). I didn't have any support back then; I got very sick and it was my boss who offered to bring me soup, not any of my so called friends. Shortly after, I also sold my house and left a good job for "better". 3 major life changes, all bad decisions. For a few years later I was just existing and feeling nothing. Bad decisions led to bad consequences, the house and job mistake I was able to fix in time, but the pain and regret over my kitties cannot be fixed. Today, I have lots of love to give, I'm not trying to replace them (though I'd take them back in a second if I even had a chance), I'm older now, on one hand much more stable and strong, but on another hand, so afraid of what overwhelm did to me. I don't know what the right decision is, so I'm desperately looking for a sign, any hint, but life does not work that way.

Whatever you decide we are here to support you and your decision. Keep your head up.

 

[ChiarinaL]

The pain over giving them away is still very strong, very very strong.

 

[neely]

The pain over giving them away is still very strong, very very strong.

Let me ask you this, do you think you will ever be able to get over the pain of giving them away? It's okay if your answer is no but the reason I asked is because if it is you may not be ready for a new cat at this time. On the other hand. you said you're desperately looking for a sign. That sign might come after you adopt this boy. He might even help you get over the loss of giving your other cats away. Try not to overthink it, I know that's easier said than done. I wouldn't want you to have any regrets either way nor would I want you to be overwhelmed. You know yourself best and what's best for you.

 

[ChiarinaL]

I've cried so many times and thought I got over it, but on days like today, I see that I'm not over it. Today for some reason I am living in the past, remembering them, missing them. I know they are in good hands, but I just miss them, the way they were. They were so special. So yes, I am still grieving, I still can't forgive myself, and there is some guilt over wanting to love a cat again, even though it would be so different. Every cat is so special, I was always crazy about my boy because he was in my face (which I loved), had to be a pat of everything, but my skittish girl was the sweetest, gentlest kitty ever, I think she was anxious because I was anxious. It's ben 5 years, they would have been 10 this November. And, yes it is possible that adopting and loving the new boy would fill an empty space in my heart. Today I am so emotionally confused, did not expect it. But I suppose grief is life-long process. Have a look at my beauties back in the day.

 

[neely]

Have a look at my beauties back in the day.

Oh my, they're gorgeous. I can see why you fell in love with them and had such a difficult time giving them away even though it was a good home.

 

[ChiarinaL]

Thank you neely . I played with them a lot, interacted with them, tried to expose them to different things - flowers, snow, etc. They were so smart! I am no trainer, but accidentally managed to train the boy to show his belly on command (for treats, but nonetheless). His sister learned it too just by observing him, except she'd never want to do it when he was around, so...I never really saw it because he was always around (which I loved!). He also learned to open the patio door to escape and I was going crazy, installed a lock on that door. They were just so smart and sweet, the best cats ever. Hence my fears - what are the chances that I'll get a purrrfect cat again...

 

[neely]

Hence my fears - what are the chances that I'll get a purrrfect cat again...

We've had many cats over the years but getting a purrfect cat was not one of the things I worried about. Rather I worried about health problems since we had lost various cats to terminal illnesses. However, no one can predict what will happen whether health or purrsonality. We just have to love them for who they are, take good care of them and hope for the best. Your previous cats flourished because of you. They were purrfect cats because you showed them TLC and in return they showed you unconditional love. I'm sure you would do the same with any cat you adopt. The boy in the shelter has already given you a glimpse of his personality and he sounds like a winner but once again only you can make the decision.

TCS is a wonderful site with knowledgeable and caring members. They have excellent resources to give you guidance on any feline subject and as you've probably guessed by now very supportive cat enthusiasts. We are here for you. Basically what I'm trying to say is trust your gut, we would never judge you whether you adopt now or down the road. You can always lurk or ask questions. My very best to you.