Patience is wavering - introducing new adult cat

[aqualoon]

Adopted a 5 year old male cat on July 23rd renamed him Bailey.  Have two other male adult cats that have been together from the kittenish age (they were both a few months old when introduced), they are both a little over 4 years old.

After reading some articles I followed the advice and setup a place just for Bailey - basically it's a full sized bathroom + a walk in closet.  I have it setup so his litter box is in the bathroom, water in both rooms, food and blankets in the closet (he prefers to sleep up high in the closet).  Both the bathroom and closet open up into my down stairs den area so often in the evenings I could close the door to the den area and open Bailey's doors so he has more room to come out and so he could get use to me.  I can't keep this closed off all the time because the main litter box is located in the laundry room which is off of this den area for my other two cats.

It took Bailey about 3 weeks to warm up to me - prior he would growl and hiss at seeing me.  Now he head butts me and climbs all over me and likes to lay on the top of my chair when I'm on my PC and headbutt the back of my head while watching the fish in the aquarium (my PC and larger aquarium are in this den area).  During this time I'm doing the scent exchange of blankets and what not but none of the cats want anything to do with the blanket when exchanged.

So lately I have started to put my other two cats in the bathroom + closet and letting Bailey have his run of the house.  This past weekend I had Bailey out on the deck (have a nice large deck high enough that the cats won't try to jump off from) and shut the screen door and put a baby gate as well (for double protection) and let all three see each other.  Bailey and Cooper just hissed and growled at each other while Avery tried to storm the baby gate to get to Bailey.

I should mentioned that weeks prior Avery got into the den area while I had Bailey out accidentally and those two did fight - well kinda fight.  They made a TON of noise and Avery chased Bailey and cornered him and just stood over him.  I managed to separate them and I checked each for any injuries and there were none (seriously sounded like tons of blood shed and that one of them was getting murdered).

Now I am just alternating days on who gets run of the house and who gets put in the bathroom/closet and I'm feeling rather bad about it as they are all sweet cats.  Avery is my dog's boy and when he doesn't sleep with her she starts looking for him at night and Cooper is the one who always sleeps on my head so of course I miss that at night, but at the same time Bailey is now starting to sleep on my bed and inches closer and closer each night so I feel bad when he has to sleep downstairs. 

Is there anything else I should be doing?  Anything I can now do to speed this process up?  Having a divided household isn't much fun and I hate to say this, but I understand now why there are so many adult cats in shelters and such.  This is insanely difficult and I know for myself in the future I won't be doing this again. 

 

[p3 and the king]

I think you are trying to push the process too far too fast.  If it took him 3 weeks to be able to trust you, it means his adjustment period may be significant.  Don't give up on him.  Don't get frustrated with him, either.  You made a commitment.  I hope you realize this.  Many people in your shoes give up and give them back when things don't work out in their time frame they had in mind. 

First of all, I wouldn't let both cats out and able to see him.  This creates a lot of stress and anxiety and could have the reverse affect.  Expect hissing and growling and slapping.  It's normal.  I would try to do this with food.  And have them separated or tempt them with tasty treats while you hold one.  Hold one and offer the other one a treat (and the one you are holding,too) if no growling or aggression is displayed, give them the treat and lots of praise.  Praise is more important than the treat.  Then, separate again.  Do not overwhelm you new kitty Bailey.  It will be mentally and psychologically exhausing for him.  Then maybe a few hours later, try it again with the other cat and Bailey.  If a negative reaction occurs, do not get upset or "punish" just separate and try again tomorrow. 

It is also very important to remain relaxed and calm yourself.  Cats very much feed off your body language.  If you're tense and upset, they will be too.  It can take time.  Months even.  But it will get better and easier.  Just don't give up and don't get frustrated it's not going faster.  It's not your timetable that matters here... It's theirs.  Be calm and keep interactions very short and sweet.  Do not overwhelm.  Any aggression displayed, calmly separate and try again later. 

 

[aqualoon]

I would never get rid of Bailey, he is just such a sweet boy and I have grown very attached to him.  I was actually entertaining ideas of getting a 4th prior to all of this.

Another part of the issue (which I did forget to mention and I apologize for that) is that when I put the other two boys (Avery and Cooper) into the closet + bathroom they get very destructive - I rent so this is an issue.  For example in the bathroom there is a nice built in wooden shelving with some having wooden doors...they have broken both of these doors off.  There was an antique hanging mirror...well they knocked that down and shattered it (they weren't harmed and I have NO idea how they did this - jumped at it or tried to climb it?), they are scratching both doors to the point where I will have to replace both.

So I cringe every time I swap them of who gets the house and who gets the rooms.  I try to do this every two days and then have them see each other once a week.

 

[riccadawn]

I can't believe no one dropped in to ask if you've tried the Feliway plug in diffusers? They're kind of like those air fresheners you get that plug into an outlet...except instead of air freshener, it puts out pheremones that are very calming to the cats. Depending on how big your house is, you might need a few. I live in a small apartment so one diffuser in a place central to where the cats usually hang out worked well. We had 3 adult cats and recently adopted 2 kittens (brothers). Our adult female was very aggressive towards them. Whenever we did the thing where you swap scents on a blanket, she growled at the blanket. We got the feliway diffuser and 2-3 days later we felt comfortable leaving them all alone together when we went to work. It was really pretty amazing. I have seen postings from other people saying this didn't work for them...but it definitely worked for us. Also it says on the package it can take up to 2 weeks to take full effect, but it was obviously much quicker here.

 

[p3 and the king]

Feliway can be quite expensive, especially if you have to get more than a couple and it can often take about a month to take effect anyway.  Try the calming collar, it works the same way, with pheromones but it is around the cats neck so they are constantly exposed to it.  Plus, it's cheaper.  And it doesn't take a month to take effect.  But the main thing is to take it slow and remember that the introduction phase can be somewhat long for Bailey.  He is just a cat that seems to take his time.  Don't rush him.  Don't rush your others.  Keep interactions short and simple.  If any bad reactions occur, just separate and try again later.  Try not to get discouraged.  I wonder if the keeping in the closet isn't causing more distress than it's worth?  These are your 2 other cats, correct?  Well, when you let Bailey out, why not just keep them in the room you keep Bailey in?  This could help them get to know his scent.  Cats get to know eachother this way better anyway.  And then when Bailey is in there, he can smell them out, too? 

I think you're making it too hard on yourself.  You're stressed and they can sense it so they are stressed too.  Calm down and try the easy approach.  Just bring them out one at a time every day (at first only for a minute or two but a little longer each day) to see their interactions and to try to positive reinforce introduce them with treats.  But, also just letting them get used to eachother.  Expect some hissing and growling.  It's normal.  Just don't overwhelm them.  Only 2 out at a time and for short sessions at first just to see how it goes. 

 

[aqualoon]

I'm going to look into those collars as the Feliway would be rather expensive because I would have to get quite a few.

Just an updated on how things are going.

Bailey can be out with Cooper all day long - there will be some growling and hissing but nothing beyond that which is great.  The issue is with Avery, every session that I have him and Bailey out together Avery will always go after him.  I'll have treats and tuna when I do their get togethers, and it never fails - it could be 1 minute into the session or it could be 10 minutes into the session, Avery out of nowhere just goes after Bailey.

I check out both cats after wards and there is never any scratches or anything even though it sounds like they're killing each other.  I don't need them to be best friends or anything, just need them to tolerate each other.

 

[ak12taco]

Try Whiskers City Calm Down liquid drops and Whiskers City At Ease spray...both came from Pet Smart and cost about 15 bux total...we just lost our 8 yr old Maine Coon (Taco rip buddy!) about 3 weeks ago and we were left with a lonely 9yr old cat...he grew up with Taco from 9-12 mos old until Tacos passing...so we go to the shelter and adopt another cat, shoot my heart now plz lol

so anyhow Socks (soxy) as our 3 yr old calls him is a sweet 7 yr old neutered male...they said he was a stray but he is declawed so I think maybe he got loose and lost ...anyhow Im so freaking excited for a change ...losing Taco broke my spirits for a bit..

and crap things didnt go well...they hissed and growled like crazy...so i immediately separate them and get online....ok for the next few days I do everything my computer tells me to do lol

and we had an accidental escaping which was like WW3...it sounded like your event, tons of bloodshed, yet no injuries, whew....so then I go and spend 45 bux on Feliway at the vet and then I got an idea to check out petsmart and they have the stuff I mentioned above, Soxy LOVES it on his treats, twice a day, and I dab his ears with it, then I spray the areas he 1st passes as he leaves his safe haven...and they have managed to ACTUALLY tolerate one another quite well for 2 full days now!! Im not sure if they are indeed getting more use to one another or if the stuff is really working but I swear i saw results overnight after the whiskers city stuff ...and no, i dont work for them or even get a freaking coupon for promoting them...Im just promoting NO heart attacks in me and fellow furkid owners who want the best for our babies...check out some of my posts and the pic of them thru the gate in the hallway...I feel your pain...

but try the whiskers city stuff, im inclined to believe its the best 15 bux spent so far! aside from my valium of course...lol..

 

 

[aqualoon]

After posting this morning I went online and bought 3 of those collars, eager to give them a try and if they fail will try the stuff you're using.

 

[ak12taco]

i wanted to try the collars too, so let me know how that goes, only reason i didnt get them, had to order online and wait for delivery this week, so thats when i found myself at pet smart...good luck and keep us posted!
 

 

[aqualoon]

I order from Drs. Foster & Smith because they ship outta Wisconsin and living in Minnesota I get everything next day otherwise I would have gone to Petsmart/Petco or something.

 

[aqualoon]

Have had the collars on for about 30 minutes now.

Avery - No change

Bailey - Seems more uptight/aggressive (hissing/growling more at Cooper)

Cooper - Totally calm, didn't even care that he was being hissed and growled at by Bailey

Will watch em over the next few hours, make sure there isn't any allergic reactions or anything.

 

[ak12taco]

well one outta 3 is a start...

doing good here, have let them roam the house together today and am very happy to report NO INCIDENCES at all...knock on wood...

keep us posted!

 

[terestrife]

have you seen "my cat from hell"? on the show jackson (the expert) says to put a screen door between the areas where the cats stay, to separate them. when its feeding time, put each cat on other side of the screen, feed first the original cats so they will feel like they still have the special title of being the elder cats of the house. then once they have eaten a few bites, then feed the new cat. and keep doing this, so they will connect eating a good moment, to the presence of the other cat.

some people even partially cover the screen door so the cats wont need to see each other at first but can smell each other.
 

 

[kumitekat]

It's so great that you are willing to be so patient and put the time in with all the cats!

I kind of think it was a mistake to swap rooms with the kitties. You gave Bailey his own territory and then you shoved the other cats into it. Now he doesn't have anywhere he can call his own.

I guess it has been awhile now since you have done that so it's kind of moot anyway. But that may explain why they were so destructive in there. 

I like the screen door idea from the last post too. Jackson Galaxy has solved this problem for other people for sure with the screen door technique.

It sounds like Bailey needs confidence. Avery is treating him like prey and Bailey just runs away- acting like prey.

He needs an escape route. Do you know if he prefers to be up high, or does he hide under the bed often when afraid?

A new cat tree that he can claim as his own might help too. Pay attention to where he is running to to attempt escape and then provide a sanctuary there for him.

After Bailey has a safe place to sit then try some kind of distraction for Avery, like food, or a toy. It will be best if Bailey is in the room and they can see each other.  Once they get used to be comfortable in the same room together they may start to just accept each others presence. It is my opinion, however, that if you just separate them every time, nothing will change. Separate them if they are being dangerous to each other, but otherwise, give them assistance with how they are trying to work in out themselves.

 

[aqualoon]

I came home to this...

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• aqualoon
• Oct 11, 2012

And the destruction continues.
 

 

[ak12taco]

OMG! Bless your heart!!! I dont even know what to say....was that a CAT that did that?! Im just shocked! Go to petsmart, get the stuff....shoot, after that...pillow? chair? cushion? wth is it, or WAS it should I say? Im so sorry, go get the spray and drops...its gotta work for you...our 2 monsters got along all day no barriers and even BOTH slept with us on our bed last night for the 1st time...my nerves were great, til I jumped on here bright n early and saw your post....dare I say this...---> keep us posted?! good luck hun!
 

 

[luvzmykatz]

If you have cats already then you know patience is what cat ownership is all about.  That said I think your other 2 cats are just frustrated by all the changes...moving their room, not as much access to you,  your stress level at waiting for them all the get along, a newcomer they can smell invading their territory.  Cats are territorial and very status quoe.  When anything changes they can become ill or more destructive.  I've learned to provide my cats with lots of toys and cat towers.   I have 2 cats and 3 good size cat towers which have made them happier and my life easier.   They also have various cat scratching boards around the house.   If you catch them working on something they shouldn't just pick them up and take them to the object they are free to vent their energy on.   They pick up on things and learn quickly.  

As for them all getting along well I adopted a 3 month old kitten last month.   My 5 year old wasn't too happy and hissed and growled for the first two weeks.   I kept them in separate rooms then switched them  and slowly introduced them.   By week three they could be in the same room and play without the older one growling.   At 4 weeks they  are grooming each other and the older one is finally back to her old happy self again.  Like I said it's all about patience.   I'm pretty lucky in most cases I managed to get them to be friend in 3 to 4 weeks.  In some cases I've heard of it taking 6 months.   Sometimes you just have to let them work it out.  They will growl and hiss for awhile but once the see that it's permanent they will relent and at least tolerate each other.   Give the older cats lots of attention so they know you still love them and make sure they know the new cat is important to you just don't pay more attention to him  or they'll get jealous and it make things worse.  Good luck.

 

[aqualoon]

The plan is to just do the house repairs myself and keep at it.  A few friends now (and family members) have told me that I should look for a new home for Bailey but I really don't want to do that.  I have become attached to the guy and the fact that he's getting along with Cooper does give me hope.  By get along I mean they can be in the same room without utter chaos and total destruction.

 

[p3 and the king]

Unfortunately, that is always the non cat lovers (or likers) answer for everything (GET RID OF HIM)  I hear it all the time and it makes me so mad. I tell them "OK, get rid of your kid then.  He's a problem and you can't find a solution, either."  Or "Get rid of your dog.  He barks all the time and has a nervous condition that makes him pee everywhere and destroy your house, too."  They don't like that too much but it shuts them up real fast! Haha!  Good luck!

 

[aqualoon]

So Cooper is a rescue cat, was told when I got him that he was an outside cat.  But at my current living situation I didn't want him to be an outside cat (lived near a really busy 24/7 street).  Well I moved where over the summer to a place that had a nice big deck and over the summer I let both Avery and Cooper have access to the deck whenever - my dog also had access because she loves to just lay out on the deck.

It's now getting cooler and I haven't let them out there all the time because of the temperature.  So now Cooper is howling/meowing non-stop and being an all around butthead - he does this all night because he wants to go out on the deck, he'll eventually stop and come to bed.  But then he'll wake up at 4am and start doing it again because his food dish is empty and he wants more food.  This is also the case after I feed at night and he eats it all and wants more.  I should also mention that ignoring isn't always something I can do because he'll be destructive towards property to get my attention and give in to him - whether that is to fill his food dish or let him out.  He'll claw at furniture (something he doesn't do unless he wants something) or he'll knock over things on shelves or tables (and some of said stuff breaks) just about anything to make a lot of noise.

Avery and Bailey are not overweight in the slightest, very fit and trim and they eat wet twice a day and then I leave dry out during the day.  Cooper could lose some weight, refuses to eat wet and will only eat dry - so I feed a good quality dry food.  It just seems if I let him he'd eat half the bag at one sitting (just like my lab would).

I lent my trap to my grandparents and Bailey is holed up on third floor and won't come down because Avery goes after him.  So at night I put both Avery and Cooper in my room and shut the door and I hear Bailey at night come down to the main floor.  Scent wise Avery HAS to be use to smelling Bailey because Bailey has gone all around the house and isn't limited to one room.  Yet Avery holds Bailey to the third floor like a Coon dog trees a raccoon.

Just as a reference - bottom floor is my PC/Fish/Entertainment room where I spend most of my time when at home, second/main floor - living room/kitchen/dining room and main bath/bedroom and third/top floor - two guest bedrooms.  I only go to the third floor when I need to vacuum or get a bed ready if I'm having company.

The only good point to this is that Bailey is out of the bathroom/walk in closet and is roaming around more.  I just wish Avery was more accepting.