Need some advice about an ex

[catnurse22]

Alrighty. I dated a guy named Kyle for about a year and a half. We broke up in May of last year on not the best of terms. It's a very very complicated situation because he is my older brother's best friend and there was just an insane amount of drama going on with his family and me. I left him to be with my current boyfriend Josh. Now I admit I didn't handle the situation as best I could, but the past is the past. Anyway, it was very obvious he was still in love with me and he tried very hard to convince me to get back together with him. He shipped off for basic training and AIT in November of last year, so I obviously haven't talked to him since then.

Well apparently he is back, at least for a little bit, because he just called me. I didn't pick up. He left me a voicemail saying he wasn't trying to bug me he just wanted to talk for a bit and see how I was doing. Before he left I really did want to remain friends with him because he is a good guy, but it just wouldn't work. He would always try to turn it into romance and it wasn't fair to him. I couldn't talk to him or see him without him bringing the subject of "us" up, even though I was very clear that our romantic relationship was not working and would not work.

He is shipping to Iraq (with my brother) in February of this coming year. Obviously I would like to spend sometime with him before he leaves. But I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to create anymore tension, especially with his family.

So, what do you guys think? Any advice?

 

[carolina]

He is shipping to Iraq with your Brother, so, IMO not only he is not a threat, at least physically, but it might be the right thing to do... Sometimes we need to resolve issues that we did not in the past to be able to put it behind us and move on - at least I am like this... I need to have closure... Especially in a a situation when one of the parties (in this case him) is shipping to a war an or course that can always end badly...

Anyways - you can talk to him and stand your grounds - it might be very good for you

 

[capt_jordi]

I agree it might be a good idea to talk to him. Maybe basic has matured him and he just wants to settle things and get over the bad and just go on with being friends. Him leaving for war has probably gotten him thinking about those he has hurt and he wants to right as many as he can. Just make sure to meet somewhere like for coffee or dinner. And if things start going badly you can always leave.

 

[carolina]

Originally Posted by capt_jordi

Just make sure to meet somewhere like for coffee or dinner. And if things start going badly you can always leave.

and make sure that you have the right motive at heart... Remember you have a current boyfriend, and that he is shipping to Iraq. Remember all the reasons why you broke up. Do not fantasize - I say this because we are women, and well... we do it

. So if we go, which IMHO I do think it might be a good thing to do, DO NOT loose track of what you are going for. Focus. Focus

 

[catnurse22]

Thanks you two for the wise words. I think you're probably right. I would much rather have the meeting go badly then not see him at all and have something happen to him.... I couldn't stand it.

 

[jcat]

If it's been a year since you last saw him, the "edge" is probably off any remaining raw feelings he might have, so as long as you didn't have any problems with him stalking you, I'd say see him.

Should anything happen to him in Iraq, you'd probably never forgive yourself for not "settling" things with him. Is your current boyfriend going to be upset if you see him? You could make the first meeting a group thing, with your brother and/or boyfriend present.

 

[catnurse22]

Originally Posted by jcat

If it's been a year since you last saw him, the "edge" is probably off any remaining raw feelings he might have, so as long as you didn't have any problems with him stalking you, I'd say see him.

Should anything happen to him in Iraq, you'd probably never forgive yourself for not "settling" things with him. Is your current boyfriend going to be upset if you see him? You could make the first meeting a group thing, with your brother and/or boyfriend present.

He isn't excited about the idea, but if it's what I want to do then he'll be okay with it. He just has a few conditions (we have to meet there, not ride together, I must keep my cellphone with me, etc.). The group meeting might not be a bad idea. At least with my brother. Definitely not with Josh though. I could see that ending very very badly.