need help has anyone ever been a cat foster?

[georgiesmommy]

i just wish so many things...i wish i had my own house so i never had to get rid of any of my cats...i wish i had my own carriers..i wish i had taken more time to get them adopted...i wish i had taken things slower that night...i wish i had taken the time to hug and kiss each of them and whisper word of love and place them each carefully in a carrier...i wish i had kissed Chillon...i wish I hadnt let Georgie's death take over ...i wish i had loved them more...i wish i had been more patient with Leo..I wish Chillon had hid, too....i wish i had my own house so this never would have happened...i wish no one cared how many cats i had...I wish AJkittys beautiful face didnt make me cry...i wish i knew what the truth of what really happened was..i wish i had looked into Chillons carrier like i did Vinny & Leo so I could remember if his was ok and so I wouldnt feel like he was calling to me and thought I ignored him...I wish I could stop my brain form making me feeling like he was calling to me telling me he loved me and he was scared ....i wsh i could hold them again... I wish my family understood me …I wish it weren’t just ricky that felt the way I d...i wish i could find away to let this stop hurting so much....if only i knew the truth the real truth....i love all you so muchI miss and love all of you so much and wish I could have u all back…Vinny, Soxx, Chillon, Scarface, Leo, Mystery, Girlie, Nahlhala, Nahlo, baby kittens esp little kitten that fought so hardt o come back from almost dying

 

[feralvr]

i just wish so many things...i wish i had my own house so i never had to get rid of any of my cats...i wish i had my own carriers..i wish i had taken more time to get them adopted...i wish i had taken things slower that night...i wish i had taken the time to hug and kiss each of them and whisper word of love and place them each carefully in a carrier...i wish i had kissed Chillon...i wish I hadnt let Georgie's death take over ...i wish i had loved them more...i wish i had been more patient with Leo..I wish Chillon had hid, too....i wish i had my own house so this never would have happened...i wish no one cared how many cats i had...I wish AJkittys beautiful face didnt make me cry...i wish i knew what the truth of what really happened was..i wish i had looked into Chillons carrier like i did Vinny & Leo so I could remember if his was ok and so I wouldnt feel like he was calling to me and thought I ignored him...I wish I could stop my brain form making me feeling like he was calling to me telling me he loved me and he was scared ....i wsh i could hold them again... I wish my family understood me …I wish it weren’t just ricky that felt the way I d...i wish i could find away to let this stop hurting so much....if only i knew the truth the real truth....i love all you so muchI miss and love all of you so much and wish I could have u all back…Vinny, Soxx, Chillon, Scarface, Leo, Mystery, Girlie, Nahlhala, Nahlo, baby kittens esp little kitten that fought so hardt o come back from almost dying

I WISH you well, I WISH you could somehow find the strength to forgive yourself. Only then, can you move on, look to the future and allow new wishes to come true. Too much regret going on in your mind and you are trapped and stuck. I can surely understand that and why you feel the way you do. I would be there too.

There are many things most of "wish" we could have changed in our pasts. Decisions that we made, in hind/sight, just seem right at the time but now wrong after the fact. Wishing and regretting things that have gone wrong will only hurt you tremendously emotionally and drain the life right out of you. I truly hope you have a support system outside of TCS - someone, anyone you can talk to and trust to unload and lift some of this heavy, heavy burden you are carrying. That is what I wish for you, Georgiesmommy.

 

[georgiesmommy]

thank you for that...i wish i could stop all this...i searched and searched and there is no support group near me ...i wish there were maybe i should start one....i have one son that really gets how i feel bc he really misses them too he always said if it were up to him he would keep all of them..we were the only ones that knew all of them by sight and knew all of their names i miss them all more than i thought i would

 

[feralvr]

thank you for that...i wish i could stop all this...i searched and searched and there is no support group near me ...i wish there were maybe i should start one....i have one son that really gets how i feel bc he really misses them too he always said if it were up to him he would keep all of them..we were the only ones that knew all of them by sight and knew all of their names i miss them all more than i thought i would

I am actually relieved to hear that you at least have one person, your son, to talk with and share similar feelings.

Someone recently shared something with me and I wonder if it will give you (and your son ) another perspective and might help in some way. It is uplifting and inspiring. Deep thinking and really is so true. See what you think. http://www.lifebuzz.com/9-epiphanies/#!PJvjd

Hang in there and we are ALWAYS going to be here for you. :bigthumb:

 

[jodiethierry64]

i just wish so many things...i wish i had my own house so i never had to get rid of any of my cats...i wish i had my own carriers..i wish i had taken more time to get them adopted...i wish i had taken things slower that night...i wish i had taken the time to hug and kiss each of them and whisper word of love and place them each carefully in a carrier...i wish i had kissed Chillon...i wish I hadnt let Georgie's death take over ...i wish i had loved them more...i wish i had been more patient with Leo..I wish Chillon had hid, too....i wish i had my own house so this never would have happened...i wish no one cared how many cats i had...I wish AJkittys beautiful face didnt make me cry...i wish i knew what the truth of what really happened was..i wish i had looked into Chillons carrier like i did Vinny & Leo so I could remember if his was ok and so I wouldnt feel like he was calling to me and thought I ignored him...I wish I could stop my brain form making me feeling like he was calling to me telling me he loved me and he was scared ....i wsh i could hold them again... I wish my family understood me …I wish it weren’t just ricky that felt the way I d...i wish i could find away to let this stop hurting so much....if only i knew the truth the real truth....i love all you so muchI miss and love all of you so much and wish I could have u all back…Vinny, Soxx, Chillon, Scarface, Leo, Mystery, Girlie, Nahlhala, Nahlo, baby kittens esp little kitten that fought so hardt o come back from almost dying

Georgiesmommy you have me crying right now for I feel your pain!!!
Heavenly father please give this beautiful soul peace. Please Lord see that the furbabies she had to unwillingly surrender find loving homes. Please Lord whisper in their ear that she loved them. That this wasn't her choice. That she would of kept them given different circumstances. Please Lord help her heal this torture in her heart. AMEN

 

[georgiesmommy]

thank you both so much JodieThierry64 and Feralvr...I am trying my very best to move past this, but these cats were MINE...they probably weren't supposed to be, but thats what they ARE. I miss them all the time and ir egret what i did 1000000%....i am going to see if i can find a psychic this weekend maybe i can find out the truth that way LoL

 

[feralvr]

i am going to see if i can find a psychic this weekend maybe i can find out the truth that way LoL

I am glad that you are trying other outlets and I hope that this may help you in some way to get answers and peace. I hope you checked out the link of the 9 Epiphanies I posted above. May add more for you to ponder. I don't think life is full of rights and wrongs - I think there is a lot in between and a lot confusion. Life is not easy at times.

 

[georgiesmommy]

im looking through the link you sent me now...i know how living in the past does nothing to help me but when i go home i dont see those faces ehar those voices..i know i have others at home and i should be focusing on them but they just serve as reminders of what idid...im working on it

 

[georgiesmommy]

everyone keeps telling me time will help me but its not i still cry all the time i still miss my cats so very very much i cant even bring myself to look at pics of them ;( its been over 2 months now...

 

[tulosai]

So sorry to hear you are still struggling with this 

Is there anyone you can reach out to in real life?

 

[georgiesmommy]

no not really i work a tremendous amount of hours and dont have many friends and the ones i do have are sick of hearing it

 

[mservant]

I am so sorry you are still feel struggling so much with what has happened.  StephenQ gave support number (in post 11) which looks like a really useful source for help esp. if you do not have any local support organizations.   We all have situations where our friends and other usual supports around us are not enough and we need more specialist help (I know I have).  If, as you have said earlier here, you do not have access to specialist support locally the numbers given by StephenQ might be the best way for you to find some help and move forward with this situation.  Sometimes as people we can resist help that can move us forward because something inside our brain tells us we deserve to suffer and remain in pain:   you do not deserve this pain, and your other cats and your human family need you to feel better so that you can be there for them.  

Everyone here at TCS can feel the level of pain you are experiencing, and offer support in kindness, but the help we can give to enable you to move forward out of the pain that you feel is limited.    Have you tried calling the support number people here have mentioned, or have you not felt able to do this? 

 

[stephenq]

I'll just re-post the info here:

Stephanie who works the hotline full time knows how to talk to people who are missing their cats.  She speaks to a lot of people who's cats are still alive, so she will be able to help you.

ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline at (877) GRIEF-10. (877-474-3310).

I have spoken with Stefanie on many occasions and she is a kind and caring person with vast experience and while she cannot solve every problem, she can help give you perspective and hep you to feel better.

 

[georgiesmommy]

I wish i could stop feeling this way..I did reach out to the support person StephenQ was kind enough to give me the number for and have left a few messages but she has never called me back.I called some here close to me with the same result. I dont even have any insurance to see if i can see a counselor...its far too late for me to feel this way but the guilt of letting them all down is just crushing

 

[mservant]

 I am sorry you have not managed to get hold of anyone.  It is hard when you do not get replies to messages left, particularly when looking for help.

Please keep trying to make contact with these people, and also remember that you are not alone in continuing to feel pain and grief, and other complicated emotions following the loss of your cats, even after a long period of time has passed.

 

[stephenq]

 
I wish i could stop feeling this way..I did reach out to the support person StephenQ was kind enough to give me the number for and have left a few messages but she has never called me back.I called some here close to me with the same result. I dont even have any insurance to see if i can see a counselor...its far too late for me to feel this way but the guilt of letting them all down is just crushing

This is surprising and disturbing.....i'll be back in touch with more info soon if i can get it.

 

[catsallaround]

Nothing to really offer just hugs to you and your son.

 

[feralvr]

everyone keeps telling me time will help me but its not i still cry all the time i still miss my cats so very very much i cant even bring myself to look at pics of them ;( its been over 2 months now...

Aw sweetie..... Can I tell you that I still bawl my eyes out at times when I look at Wilbur's picture. It is almost 11 months later. I can't bear to look at all of his videos either. I am not telling you this to say that you will never get over this but to let you know that you are not alone. I honestly don't think we ever get over losing the ones we love and I think a big part of your heart is missing right now. Like a big hole that cannot be filled. It is the most awful, torturous feeling in the world, I think.

Please know that we are not tired of hearing from you, not at all. I can't talk to people about Wilbur either because they just don't get WHY I am still grieving. So I know how you feel when you say that people are tired of hearing it. For your situation though, this was and IS a HUGE GIANT loss and two months is not long at all. Especially since you cannot get any resolution to exactly what happened to your cats. I am truly, truly sorry for what you are going through and wish that you could find a pet loss group in your area. They are FREE. It won't be easy opening up to complete strangers and you don't have to in the beginning. I just think that if you just go, you will understand that what you are feeling, so emotionally burdened, is very, very common. It won't take the pain/loss away but getting outside support will help you take those steps to move forward with your life. Somehow.

I think you have to find a way to forgive yourself, Georgiesmommy. Your kitties already have and since they live in the moment, there really was nothing to forgive you for. Life has taken a different path for those dear kitties, the ones you loved so, and we can just imagine that wherever they are, they are loved and are happy. Letting go of your guilt and forgiving yourself is the only way you can move on. Your cats want that - the ones you no longer have physically and the ones that you still have. They need you and want you to feel good again. I wish that for you. You deserve that.

 

[georgiesmommy]

thank you so much for making me feel less alone...I am so so sorry about Wilbur :'( I hope that you too feel better as time travels on...I miss Georgie all the time but it's a bit easier in a way, I know exactly where he is, body and soul I will think all good healing thoughts for you and Wilbur maybe that will chase away the what if & if only demons in my head

 

[feralvr]

thank you so much for making me feel less alone...I am so so sorry about Wilbur :'( I hope that you too feel better as time travels on...I miss Georgie all the time but it's a bit easier in a way, I know exactly where he is, body and soul I will think all good healing thoughts for you and Wilbur maybe that will chase away the what if & if only demons in my head

Thank you. I do understand that my situation with lowing Wilbur is completely different than what you are going through, by far. Still it is a loss either way. Believe me, I DO understand how you can get in way over your head with cats and having to part with some. Years back, I had to do so. A very long time ago. Life circumstances gave me no other choice and to this day, I still wonder about the ones I had to part with. So you see, there are others like you out there. I am certain of this. It happens and it hurts, the decisions we must make when there are lives on the line. Hang in there, though. It will get better and you will get stronger for it.