My Sweet Flapjack Is Gone Now

[Flapjack's Mom]

I'm not entirely sure where to put this, so forgive me in advance.

I think it's time to let Flapjack go. He's fighting throughout his renal failure and FELV for 4 months. Just recently (last Friday) I took him to the vet because I noticed his chest was having this exaggerated, abdominal movements as he breathed and when I held him up to my ear his chest had a weird whooshing, fluidity sound.
Sure enough my worst fears were confirmed, he had fluid buildup in his chest ,so much to the point that his lungs were pushed up against his spine because he was trying to breathe. The doctor said it's most likely could be tumors caused by the Leukemia and has offered to remove some of the fluid to help him feel better. I took the offer and the doc had removed 5 vials worth of mucousy looking fluid. And he warned me that the fluid build up would be a continous thing and just to make him comfortable and give him meds called 'lasix' to ease the fluid amount.

That's when I was considering letting him go the following Saturday. But when we brought him home he went straight for his wet food and started gobbling it up. Which made me confused because it's like Flapjack doesn't wanna go. He's still eating, drinking, and using the litter box just fine. He even cuddled with me during the A.M. hours. So now I'm thinking "OK, he's not ready yet. He'll let me know when it's time." And I've kept him around for the weekend to see how he faired, and he did.

Sunday, I've noticed him acting off... he was moving slowly and his pupils were huge like he was terrified. My heart sunk as I did a little eye test on him, and he didn't react as he normally would. My boy has gone blind. Basically over the weekend. Took him to the vet yesterday (Monday) and they confirmed that he has gone blind, I wanted them to check his blood pressure since hypertension is common in CRF cats and it can cause blindness. I wanted to see if I could get meds to help the blood pressure and hopefully reverse the blindness, but Flapjack's heartbeat was to erratic for the vet tech to get a proper reading.

It hit me that day that my cat is rapidly deteriorating. Ofc cats can adapt to being blind, but I can sense that he's not happy. He doesn't even wanna play with toys that jingle or rattle anymore. He can't watch the birds, squirrels, and lizards on his kitty sill no longer. He still eats, but he doesn't lick his bowl clean like he used to. He still drinks and use the litter box just fine. He huddles up and lies in his cubby hole. He doesn't want to eat temptations treats anymore...that was his kitty-crack.

Part of me honestly feels that he's hanging on for me. Like he senses that I need him. And I do. But the other part of me knows it's selfish to keep him around in his condition just for my own happiness. He still responds and cuddles with me after all. And I always tell him that if he needs to go, then go. But he doesn't. It's torture on both sides. I want him to be happy and this isn't it. He wants me to be happy it seems by doing minimally what he can to show me he's still have some life in him (if that makes sense)

I'm was planning to let him go Saturday, but idk...

 

[Furballsmom]

To be strong for his sake is the hardest thing, but the most loving thing.

I'm so sorry this has happened. My thoughts and prayers are with you both

 

[Leomc123]

Im sorry that you and flapjack is going through this. Its a difficult place to be in at this moment and there is a difficult decision you will need to make. Its hard to assist your buddy over the bridge when you love him dearly, i think the quality of flapjaks life and if he is suffering from his condition is the question here and only you will know this answer for him. There is no right or wrong answer here, you will just need to be strong enough to make this compasionate decision for him and you will know when it is time.

We are here to support you in the deision that you make. I feel for you because i have been there in your shoes twice this year and it will hurt alot, but you will know that he will be resting peacfully in gods arms and he will have you near him loving him when he passes.

God bless you and flapjack i wish you both all the strength and love to make this easier.

 

[di and bob]

Because he is now blind, he would be 'off' on a lot of his usual routine and habits. It i one of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make, and really, no matter what or when you decide, you will perceive it as wrong afterwards. That is called grief.
The easiest times I have had with this difficult decision is when I actually saw my little one was having gresat difficulty with managing life, was having pain, and there was no cure. Then you grieve because you think you waited too long. The only advise I have for you is to have some kind of liquid pain medication you can put on their gums to help them through, until you can get to the vet. I know from nursing that dying is not an easy process, but to go on for some time is more then the heart can take for the loved one present. With my last one, a feral that had never been held, I gave Benadryl, crushed and mixed with water. It did help with some of his anxiety. He was so bad, unable to walk without falling, etc. it was a easier decision to make.
Flapjack cannot suffer, don't wait until his last days are those of fear and confusion. Then you will know your decision was the right one. God bless you both......
My heart goes out to you. Please keep in touch, it helps to talk with those who understand, who will cry with you. The first few days are hell.Try to make a decision and then stick with it. Your precious little one will tell you when it is time, you will know in your heart. God bless you both......

 

[Maria Bayote]

This is so tough.
I am so sorry you and your precious baby are going through this...

As what others above said, you will KNOW when you will just have to let go. Your heart, though most probably numb with pain, will KNOW. It will be alright. You will be alright.

Hang in there. Kiss your baby boy for me. Here's sending you lots of hugs and prayers.

 

[lavishsqualor]

[D]on't wait until his last days are those of fear and confusion.

I agree with this tenfold. As we're fond of saying around here, letting them go before they begin to suffer is the last act of kindness we can give them as owners.

My heart goes out to you and Flapjack. Please take comfort in the fact that you've given him a life that so many cats can only dream of. I work in property management and see so many cats left behind by owners when they move. You've taken such wonderful care of him for all these years. Refusing to let him suffer, even though you want to hold onto him, is the best thing you can ever do.

 

[danteshuman]

I’m so sorry he is near the end and suffering!

After watching my mom drag out letting our family cat go for a year past the point of when she should have been let go: I side more on the better to let them go to early, then to late. I put my beloved bud down once it was clear his severe asthma (and pancreatitis) wasn’t getting better after a week of treatment. With all my heart, I wanted to fight and have the vet do everything possible. However once I stressed to the vet that I wanted him to be comfortable she agreed with me that it was time. After all I couldn’t explain to him why his tummy was hurting or he was queasy or constantly out of breath or having icky tasting liquid stuff squirted into his mouth! Just like you can’t explain to your dear Flapjack why he can’t see, is out of breath, his insides hurt or why he will need a needle in his chest to drain stuff at the scary vet’s office every ?week? Or ?two weeks?.

I know letting him go is the last thing you want to do. However it is the kindest thing to do.

I personally believe we all have souls and I will see my sweet Dante once again when I pass. I think of my body as the car that my soul is stuck in for a long trip. Perhaps understanding that you are only stopping the engine of Flapjack’s car not ending all of Flapjack’s existence will help you to let him go to other side ahead of you.

*Lastly when you decide it is time (whenever that is) many places have mobile vets. It might be worth the extra cost to let your baby go in the comfort of home.

 

[SweetiePie1]

ohhh...so sorry. You will know when its time. Don't let him suffer and trust yourself.

 

[CatsRit]

I had a dog with fluid around his heart, including restricting his lungs. His mind was great, it was just his body wouldn't allow his normal life of being able to run around, that he loved. He could hardly walk a few steps without gasping for breath. Your cat fluid issue will return and will not be good the second time. You did get an extra time with your pet. You really need to talk to vet including family and make sure he isn't suffering, that is the most important question. I have had to put a few beloved dog pets down, not a cat yet. The most important question is not a suffering proceeding death, as this is a lot different from just dying from old age. This could be very traumatic to witness as well. Again it is your family decision and the vet discussing of any suffering involved at this time with his condition. I am still recovering loosing a beloved cat but have gone thru my past dogs. My heart is with you and your family during this time. It is not easy but important to consult family for support, beside this site as this really helps knowing what to do that is best and helps somewhat knowing it is right. You will still grieve but for the wonderful memories with him, knowing you did the best for him.

 

[catsknowme]

My heart goes out to Flapjack and you! I went through something similar with my adult disabled daughter's 18yo cat Christy. It was especially hard because my daughter is very isolated and she had hand-raised the orphan kitten while recovering from encephalitis; my daughter was losing her will to live but she mustered on in caring for that kitten (Christy was legendary for being the most perfect that most anyone could know - even my highly allergic friends could be around her as could ailurophobes). My daughter wasn't ready to let go of Christy on a Friday so the vet gave her a long-acting pain shot and some oral meds and we spent the weekend devoted to cuddles and visits. I spent the nights up in my daughter's room. We returned to the vet on Monday to let her go. It was peaceful. My father's people believed that the spirits departing for the Sky Trail ("Milky Way" aka "Rainbow Bridge") often give celestial signs that it's okay and they are part of something bigger now - as we left the vet's, a small circular cloud formed in the clear desert sky and gave a fantastic sunset display of colors: Christy is alright and so it will be with Flapjack. It won't be easy on you but rest assured that the angels of the four winds will see Flapjack safely Home and you will have your TCS family to support you during this difficult time (you can reach out via forum or in Private Messages).

 

[Flapjack's Mom]

It's time today. I'm shaky but I'll try my best to type coherently.
I came into my room today at my boyfriend's place, and Flapjack didn't usually greet me. I thought I saw vomit on the floor ,as I continued to look for him, I saw what I thought was more vomit but turns out its blood. My heart sunk become im thinking he hid away to die. But he's still alive, tucked away next to the computer tower, bleeding from his mouth.

I thought my son was starting to stabilize, because yesterday he was begging me to share my Dairy Queen chicken strip dinner with him. And I did. I gave him a little piece of Texas toast and chicken and he ate it. Like normal. He ate his wet food, drank water, used the litter box just fine. He even cuddled with me some more. So today was a shock to me. It feels like he was really fighting not to let me know it was time and his body forced him to tell me, if that makes sense.

I wanted to find out what it was this time, but my mind / brain took over and said it's time to let him go. He's bleeding from somewhere internally and it's coming from his mouth! And that's not a good sign obviously. There's no turning back.
I'm grateful that he continued to be by my side, affectionate as always during his last days. He showed no aggression like you would expect a sick, dying cat to show.
I wish I can keep working on him, but I know it'll be no good. :'(

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[danteshuman]

 

[catsknowme]

Please tell Flapjack to cross in peace - you will be safe with us.

 

[CatsRit]

I can't imagine how shocking to find him in such a horrible situation of bleeding at his end of life. Not sure why he is bleeding but I think he had more issues going on. Give him lots of love and my prayers are with you during this time. Not easy. This could be a hard passing for him, be strong, you are his love and will need you to comfort him. If he goes into a coma and breathing heavy than it should go soon. If he is still alive tomorrow you may think easing his suffering with a vet assistant.

 

[Flapjack's Mom]

It's done. Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts.

In the vet's office, I read to him one last time as he was being put to sleep. I held him in my arms and rested his head on my shoulder as I stroked it. And I held his paw as the euthanasia went in.
As morbid as this sounds I wish I could take his body with me and hold him forever.
I feel empty inside. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

 

[Furballsmom]

You have all my thoughts and prayers as support.
RIP darling flapjack

 

[danteshuman]

I wish there were words that could comfort you. Later when you have stopped crying (weeks from now?) perhaps you can tell us Flapjack’s story? It must have been a special story to have made such a big place in your heart.

Hearing how you held him in the end, painted such a picture of absolute love!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Flapjack, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

And now you have done the most unselfish thing a human can ever do. You have put the needs of Flapjack before your own. You have helped him shrug off that heavy coat of flesh and fur that could no longer support his sweet spirit and loving heart. Now he dances on sunlight in a Place where time has no meaning, and there is only Love. One day, in the fullness of time, you, too, will shrug off your coat of flesh and dance with him in joyous reunion. Until that day comes, dance on, Flapjack, dance on!

 

[Leomc123]

Rest in peace flapjack you are with god and his angels and he will keep you safe and warm, and you will be free from pain and suffering.

Flapjacks mom, i feel for you , my condolences to you, and its not morbid to want to take his body withyou forever, i felt that way as well, when i put mc down , i couldnt leave the vet office because i didnt want to leave her laying on the table alone, i wanted to take her with me. When leo was put down,i didnt go, cause i was in a hysterical state of mind, i jumped in the car and drove to the vet as i wanted to rush to the vet to stop the euthanasia , but at the last second i knew i was too late before i got there so i drove to the shop and cried. We all act differently when this decision is made, because once it is done there is no turning back, and the guilt of stopping your best friends heart is the worst of all, because you want flapjack to be withyou forever, but you know he is suffering and to stop him for endless pain is to stop his little heart.

It is the worst decision and feeling in the world for us, but it is the kindest for your best friend to not suffer anymore

I wish on this earth that there was no suffering, pain and sadness, but i guess earth is hell, but there is the joy of having buddies like flapjack around and its sad they do not stay with us forever.