- Joined
- Apr 11, 2024
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A week ago I found 5 kittens, that looked to be about a day old, in an abandoned house in Virginia. Momma cat was nowhere in sight but I thought she may have gotten spooked and ran off. Surely she will be back. So I left them there. The weather dropped to freezing overnight, so the next morning I quietly went to check on them to be sure Mom came back but she had not and they were frozen. I felt so horrible! I scooped them up and brought them home, placed in front of a heater and to my surprise 2 of them woke up. I put them in a baby crib with an electric blanket and a regular blanket. Gave them eye droppers of water to hydrate and bought kitten formula and a bottle. I nursed and cared for them day and night. Sadly one of them passed after 2 days but the other was really pulling through. Eating well, moving well and going to the bathroom with my help.
I had to go back to Florida a few days later and took her with me. All the way home I kept her in my sweater, feeding her along the way, she was really thriving. When I arrived home, the weather was significantly warmer. I put her in a pet carrier with a blanket. I considered using the electric blanket but was concerned it was too warm here for that. (First mistake.) She was fine all day, crawling and energetic. I decided to leave her in the carrier but covered the carrier with another blanket overnight. She woke up at 2am for feeding, and I noticed her fur felt cool. I went to find the electric blanket but could not find the cord anywhere. However, she sucked down her bottle and I put her on my chest for a while still thinking it may be too warm for an electric blanket anyway. I put her back in the crate wrapped in the blanket. (Big time 2nd mistake.) I woke up to her squeaking around 7am and noticed she was very lethargic and cool again. I went into panic mode trying to warm her, both on me and in front of a heater. I then went to look for the cord for the blanket and, of course, I found it in 2 seconds. (UGH!) I put her in the blanket, massaging her but she kept fading out and she passed away. I noticed a pink color on her toes and around her mouth and I think I may have warmed her too fast. I also think I stressed her out with all the movement around.
Either way, I am beside myself with grief. I killed her while trying to save her. I should have just let her warm up on her own like the first time. I feel so stupid and ashamed and I should have known better. I used poor judgment not using the electric blanket from the start or at the very least, at the 2am feeding. Why didn't I take the 2 seconds to find the cord? Why didn't I just set her up here the way she was in Virginia??? I just can't believe my recklessness. I worked on her so diligently for almost a week and she was doing great, so obviously I knew better and knew what to do. So why did I change things? Did I take for granted that she was doing ok? She depended on me and I let her down. She had such a fighting chance and I KNOW she would have made it if I would have just thought things through. What is wrong with me? I had already dealt with the guilt of not checking on the kittens before they froze. And the guilt of the first one that passed because I thought I overfed him and he may have asphyxiated since it looked like he couldn't breathe. But this one really hurts because she didn't have to die. But she did die at my hands. This is going to haunt me forever and I can't forgive myself for this. I can't stop crying.
I had to go back to Florida a few days later and took her with me. All the way home I kept her in my sweater, feeding her along the way, she was really thriving. When I arrived home, the weather was significantly warmer. I put her in a pet carrier with a blanket. I considered using the electric blanket but was concerned it was too warm here for that. (First mistake.) She was fine all day, crawling and energetic. I decided to leave her in the carrier but covered the carrier with another blanket overnight. She woke up at 2am for feeding, and I noticed her fur felt cool. I went to find the electric blanket but could not find the cord anywhere. However, she sucked down her bottle and I put her on my chest for a while still thinking it may be too warm for an electric blanket anyway. I put her back in the crate wrapped in the blanket. (Big time 2nd mistake.) I woke up to her squeaking around 7am and noticed she was very lethargic and cool again. I went into panic mode trying to warm her, both on me and in front of a heater. I then went to look for the cord for the blanket and, of course, I found it in 2 seconds. (UGH!) I put her in the blanket, massaging her but she kept fading out and she passed away. I noticed a pink color on her toes and around her mouth and I think I may have warmed her too fast. I also think I stressed her out with all the movement around.
Either way, I am beside myself with grief. I killed her while trying to save her. I should have just let her warm up on her own like the first time. I feel so stupid and ashamed and I should have known better. I used poor judgment not using the electric blanket from the start or at the very least, at the 2am feeding. Why didn't I take the 2 seconds to find the cord? Why didn't I just set her up here the way she was in Virginia??? I just can't believe my recklessness. I worked on her so diligently for almost a week and she was doing great, so obviously I knew better and knew what to do. So why did I change things? Did I take for granted that she was doing ok? She depended on me and I let her down. She had such a fighting chance and I KNOW she would have made it if I would have just thought things through. What is wrong with me? I had already dealt with the guilt of not checking on the kittens before they froze. And the guilt of the first one that passed because I thought I overfed him and he may have asphyxiated since it looked like he couldn't breathe. But this one really hurts because she didn't have to die. But she did die at my hands. This is going to haunt me forever and I can't forgive myself for this. I can't stop crying.