My gf won't move in, cause I don't like her cats :-(

[fwan]

Originally Posted by Vmax71

well... this little dog I have is a bit of a wonder dog actually. I rescued him about 3 years ago, he was very sick, had to have a hip transplant, so you can only imagine the vet bills were in the thousands.... no but wait... he was also neurotic, so he went to see a dog psychologist for about a year, and sent me doing overtime at work!.

Any dog or animal that comes out of a shelter is very "different" and let me tell you, he appreciates what he has now. It wasn't easy at first, I will admit, the dog didn't want to eat, didn't play, and was very traumatized at everything and yes, he pooped in the house... but now, he is wondeful...well, he was always wonderful from day 1 :-)

well.. i spent over $10,000 US importing my cats from Germany to Australia. it took nearly a year of work running around between vets and department offices plus i worked 16 hours a day to make ends meet with the kitties, i wouldn't leave them anywhere!

I find my cats to be very clean, if they pee outside the litter box its normally a problem (they are either sick or they don't like the food or even the litter), they do climb everywhere but i have all of my fragile things in a beautiful cabinet so the cats cant get into it.

You have to think of it like you are going to have children, childproof everything. You can still have a beautiful house with two kitties and a dog. Cats aren't so destructive as you think they are.
Judging by your "neatfreakness" you seem so in love with this woman, what if you get married and decide to have children? How will you cope then?


Keeping the cats in the basement isn't an option unless you plan to put your dog there too.

 

[babywukong]

Originally Posted by carolinalima

Let me get this straight: You would go to the point of building a house with a basement for the kitties, but you wouldn't let your girlfriend move it with the cats... That sounds just a little off for me...
You claim your girlfriend buys $5.00 cans of food for her cat... Hum... funny - I have never seen a little can of cat food cost $5.00... She must really love her kitties to go to some pricey exclusive store to get their food.
You have a dog, but you claim that the cats are dirty, and run around all day... quite frankly, cats are known for sleeping around 15-16 hours a day... Are these cats on steroids? Also, I have yet to see a dog cleaner then a cat!
I have lots of things in my house - my cat never dropped/damaged anything... Cats are pretty good on balance - way better than a dog.
Yeah, what would you do if instead of the cats she had children? Tell her to put them up for adoption?
Well, if you are a real person and this issue is also real, and you do love this girl, you will know better than tell her to give up on her cats.

I think what he has in mind is to have a house where he and his gf can live in, with the cats having a space of their own. The gf can spend time with the cats in the basement, and he doesn't have to glue down his vases and put up with cat hair.

I do know of a dog who loves being clean

He'll actually prefer to walk on pavements rather than on grass.. yeah he's a bit of a poof sometimes. Small breeds of dogs can be clean, definitely.

Maybe the gf does have some extremely active, young cats for them to be getting into every single thing and shredding every single piece of furniture... But I think its more likely that Vmax71 has some wrong perceptions about cats because he hasn't lived with cats and has somehow pictured a worst-case scenario.

Vmax71, I suggest you really really try to live in the same space as the cats. Try to be open-minded and really interact with them. If your gf loves her cats so much, I don't think she would appreciate them being in a basement when they now are with her 24/7 in her apartment. Have you spoken to her about this basement idea?

 

[trouts mom]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

[tab]

my husband joined our household just over 2 years ago. before that he was a single man, no kids or pets and no desire to have either. then he met me

he now lives with me, 2 kids, 4 cats, 1 dog and assorted fish, shrimps and frogs.

out of all of us i think i manage to irritate him the most.

but seriously, he has his moments of frustration when dylan (manic border collie) is so hyper and seems to want nothing more than being under your feet. also the huge amount of fur that is shed from dylan due to him being on steriods for his leukemia. for the times, again due to the steriods, dylan drinks copious amounts of water and has an accident indoors.

the cats who all seem to think our sofa would look much better with strands of cotton hanging off it. after all, it is just a huge scratching post right?

oh and lets not forget the angst and hormones that a 15 year old daughter and a 17 year old son bring to the mix!

you my dear, seem like you have it easy compared to him!

ok well joking aside, the real reason my long suffering husband tolerates these things so well, is that he loves me. he knew what he was entering into, although it was still a huge transition for him.

if you truly love this girl, you won't be looking for excuses as to why it won't work.

 

[baloneysmom]

Originally Posted by tab

if you truly love this girl, you won't be looking for excuses as to why it won't work.

Sounds like your girlfriend is wonderful! Her loyalty to her cats is a good sign for you. Anyway to the point. Just put up with it. LOL I havenâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t yet read the other posts so Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m not sure what was recommended but I really see no solution to this problem other then you just giving in.

One of the things I love about my boyfriend is he never liked cats, never liked dogs, thought they were smelly, furry, annoying. Now we have three cats and a dog that he spoils and loves just like they were his babies. He did that for me…because he loves me.

Does he get annoyed with the animals? He sure does. Our dog has totally scratched up his hard wood floor, our cat ripped his leather chair, people look at him weird for having too many animals, our house has smelled of total cat pee when he rescued an unfixed male TomCat. I can go on and on about the abuse my boyfriend has endured because of my love for animals. BUT all of that is fixable, the chair is mendable, the floor can be sanded, the house cleaned so itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s not the end of the world.

Your girlfriend comes with the cats. Cats love to be spoiled, for your girlfriend try and love and spoil them, maybe they will come around. I have to say that I love my boyfriend dearly but if he did not accept my animals I would never move in with him. There is no give and take when it comes to my babies, not even an inch.

Good luck!

 

[zoeysmom]

I bet if you love living with the girl enough, you will quickly learn to accept her cats and all the things that go with them.

You will need be sure you cat-proof the apartment...but over time - once the cats have settled in and calmed down a bit, you should be able to add things that you have once take away. For example, my cats always climbed the shower curtain, putting giant holes in the liner. So, I had to hang the curtain over the rail so that they couldn't get to it. However, now, the novelty has worn off and they don't bother with it when I leave it down. Like most dogs (it sounds like you have an exceptional dog), everything is a toy to cats...and like all toys...they get bored with it eventually and leave it alone. Pets are much like kids. Do you want kids someday? Haha...say goodbye to your neatfreak ways now!

In any case, like I said, I bet it will all be worth it if you really enjoy the extra time you get to spend with your girlfriend once she moves in. However, I think once she moves in, you have to stop thinking about it as "your" apartment and start thinking about it as "our" apartment. If you aren't able to do that in your current place (understandable...you pay rent, you set the place up and have been living there on your own for quite some time), then perhaps you should wait to live with her until she can "chip in" with rent...and at that point, find a new place that suits the needs of both of you and all of the animals in your life.

 

[momofmany]

I'm a cat person and my husband is a dog person. Like Hissy's husband, mine did not admit that he hated cats when he first met me, and also like Hissy's husband, has since been found bottle feeding orphaned kittens day and night.

My first marriage failed, largely in part because he would not compromise when it came to my cats. When you love the woman, you love the entire package. My bet is that one of her big attractions is her love and compassion, which extends a great deal to her cats. Asking her to compromise about the cats takes away a part of her that you love so dearly.

When I met my second husband, I told him up front that if he couldn't accept my cats, that our relationship wouldn't work. We're celebrating our 19th wedding anniversary today, and our relationship survived because we respect that which is important to the other. We now have 11 cats and 3 dogs. Is he happy with all these cats? No. Does he accept them because I love them? Yes. And he has learned to scoop the poop from the litter boxes.

 

[littleraven7726]

Like the others, I think that if you want to make it work you will have to learn to accept the cats.

My husband wasn't a "cat person" when I met him, but liked cats on a case-by-case basis. And he actually had a trial period that one of my cats put him through. When I met him I had Raven

(who passed on last year) and his litter mate Nabu (who we still have). Well, Nabu worshiped him from day 1. While Raven

decided Mike was going to have to earn his respect.

When we were first dating, Raven wouldn't let us sit next to each other. He would get between us if there was a millimeter of space. Then when we moved in together Raven pretended to be stepped on for a couple months!

I thought Mike was the clumsiest man around, and didn't believe Raven was faking. Until I caught him.

That cat was very smart.

Anyway, Mike put up with all that and loved Raven just as much as I did by the end. Raven would even sleep on him.

Another note: the only time Mike cleans the litter box is if I don't feel good. I don't ask him to do that unless I'm really ill. But usually he volunteers if I'm that sick. I do use clumping litter which makes a difference and scoop 2-3 times a day.

I think your idea about different food for the kitties is a good one. Just because whatever she buys is $5 a can, doesn't mean it agrees with them. Giving her kitties treats and playing with them (wand type toys) will help you bond. And a lint roller. Believe me, I always have one in our junk drawer.

 

[arlyn]

What if your gf had small children instead of cats that you had an aversion to?
Think about it, most everyone who has pets thinks of them as their kids.

Would you seriously ask her to put her kids in a cage, or in the basement?

Work with her using this analogy.
Child (cat) proof your home, ask her to start now with training her cats while you start cat proofing.
Cats can be clicker trained if that is an option for her, there are also, many products available that discourage cats from certain behaviors.
There are soft paws if scratching is an issue.
Automated litterboxes that can keep the litter as immaculate as possible.
And if a cat has a tall cat tree/condo or two, there are so much less likely to climb things they shouldn't.
Get a window perch or two and leave the blinds up enough for the cats to see out.
Most cats I know would rather spend their day snoozing on a cat tree or in a sunbeam than running around destroying things.

 

[krazycatlover]

Originally Posted by carolinalima

Let me get this straight: You would go to the point of building a house with a basement for the kitties, but you wouldn't let your girlfriend move it with the cats... That sounds just a little off for me...
You claim your girlfriend buys $5.00 cans of food for her cat... Hum... funny - I have never seen a little can of cat food cost $5.00... She must really love her kitties to go to some pricey exclusive store to get their food.
You have a dog, but you claim that the cats are dirty, and run around all day... quite frankly, cats are known for sleeping around 15-16 hours a day... Are these cats on steroids? Also, I have yet to see a dog cleaner then a cat!
I have lots of things in my house - my cat never dropped/damaged anything... Cats are pretty good on balance - way better than a dog.
Yeah, what would you do if instead of the cats she had children? Tell her to put them up for adoption?
Well, if you are a real person and this issue is also real, and you do love this girl, you will know better than tell her to give up on her cats.

Ok I think this person is trying to find a way to accept them and get over this. He is not trying to ask her to get rid of her cats. He is asking for a solution and throwing out Ideas and asking if it is a good idea.

 

[krazycatlover]

Originally Posted by Vmax71

Hello.

I am on this forum/site for some serious help with some issues that I have about cats.

I use to have a similar problem only the opposite. I didn't like dogs.
They are not self sufficient they always want attention and follow you every where. You can't leave for a couple days and just have the neighbor stop by for a few min to check on them and feed them. THere breath smells or can start to smell. They shed a lot as well. You have to spend lots of time and energy training them and walking them.

Anyway I am now actually more of a dog person and what I did well I lived with them. I grew to love them. It took a little while but I now have 2 dogs and 2 cats and my dogs are my babys. I think if you live with them you will get use to them and learn to enjoy them. Believe it or not cats can be trained to. If they move in don't allow them to get on the table. The couch may be a little hard I don't know though I have never tried that. Give them their own space. A cat tree or a bed to sleep on. If you don't want them on the bed kick them off. Im sure they will learn eventually. Besides I think it is kinda nice to have animals in the bed. Especially in the winter. It keeps me warm.

 

[natalie_ca]

Sounds to me like you are very mismatched as a couple. It also sounds like you are both young.

You like dogs, she likes cats. Nothing wrong with that. However, there is when you pair up and have to blend families. Your girlfriend and her cats are a package deal. You have to more than tolerate them, and by the sounds of it that's exactly what you are doing because you are worried about her cats moving into your home.

My advice would be to cut your losses now and end the relationship and find partners that are more compatible and actually likes the animals that we have as pets, not simply tolerates them.

 

[kitytize]

I am a neat freak myself and I will say my 4 cats make way less of a mess than my dog or husband, or daughter. I think the only way to get over your aversion is to own a cat.

I grew up hating dogs even though my mother always had 1 or 2. I swore I would never ever own a dog. But when I finally bought my own home and lived without a dog I changed my mind. I picked out my own puppy and raised it. Today I love my dog but I still do not like other peoples dogs. Same with kids lol. I love my kid but I can't stand other peoples kids. Maybe you will find you love those cats if you give them a chance.

If you love her and she loves you, you both should be willing to make sacrifices and for you it is learning to love those cats. Those cats are more important than any piece of furniture.

 

[calico2222]

I think it's great that came here asking for advice on this! To me, that says a lot about how much you care about your girlfriend.

You CAN live with cats and still have a nice home. Especially if the cats are older and over the "kitten" stage (I've found that lasts about 2 years). Be warned when you first bring them home, everything will be new so you may want to put some things in storage temporarily. I also don't think there is anything wrong with keeping the cats in a basement or even a decent sized room (such as a spare bedroom) as long as they have food, water, toys and a litter box...but ONLY while you're gone. While you're home they should have free run under your supervision. That is how they learn what they can and can't do, and explore. The more they explore while you're home, the more the "newness" will wear off. And, honestly cats sleep most of the day so you probably don't have to worry to much about them getting into something.

I'm guessing you crate your dog while you're gone? I do too, and dogs don't seem to mind. But the only time I crate a cat is if he or she is sick and needs time to recover and not be bothered. But, I personally think confining them in one room while gone is fine.

There are ways to keep cats off the counters. One of the easiest (and cheapest) ways is spreading tin foil on the counters. Supposedly cats don't like the feeling of tin foil on their claws. It's kind of like nails on a chalkboard for them. But, it depends on the cat. I've had some that absolutely hated it, and I've had some that thought it was a new toy and went to town.

But, it's worth a try to start. There are also things you can buy to deter them, and I swear by Boundary spray around the Christmas tree. I warn you it doesn't smell pleasant but humans can only smell it for a few minutes, however the scent lasts to deter cats for up to 24 hours. Again, this is a temporary thing until the cats just don't care about it anymore. I actually could stop using Boundary after a week. The cat's were fascinated by the Christmas tree when we first put it up, but now it's just another piece of furniture that they really don't care about.

Initially, you're going to have to make changes in your house because everything will be new and exciting for them, but they will calm down after a while. Lots of toys and a cat tree and they will settle in just fine. And I think the crying thing will stop too. I agree, you're gf has to stop getting up in the middle of the night because that sounds to me like they're jealous and want attention. Once you are together in the same house constantly they will start to realize they don't have to beg for attention.

I was never a cat person growing up, but once I got to know my first kitty I was hooked! A lot of people don't realize that each cat has it's own personality and sometimes it takes a while to get to know them. They are DEFINITELY not like dogs. Dogs love us, cats humble us!

I have 7 cats and 4 dogs so I got the best of both worlds!

 

[carolpetunia]

It sounds to me like this gentleman is sincerely trying to find his way through this issue, and I respect him for it! Many of us would be just as clueless about dogs as he is about cats.

Sir, you've gotten some excellent counsel here. Let me just add this:

I grew up in a family where cats lived outdoors and were very rarely let into the house. My parents both came from rural backgrounds, and that was just their way. As a result, I always felt cats were dirty, and I never thought they had it in them to develop much of a personal relationship with a human.

Long story short, I learned different about seven years ago, and now I can't even sleep without at least one cat curled up beside me. (Or on top of me.

) Each of our six cats is a very distinct individual, and I cherish the unique relationships I have with all of them. They are joy and laughter and peace and comfort to me. (Especially comfort... they're very good at that.)

But I would never have discovered this, would never have developed these deep relationships with our cats, if I had tried to maintain all the limitations that seemed necessary to me in the beginning. I just had to overcome my phobias, accept the all-pervasive cat hair, give up having houseplants, buy a fabulous $300 automated litterbox (litter-robot.com), share everything in my life with the cats...

In short, I had to surrender.

And once I did, I was rewarded with these six funny, fascinating feline friends that I thank goodness for every day. My life is so much richer with them!

So if you're willing to surrender, then you and your girlfriend may have a wonderful future together. The fact that you've put so much thought into this issue suggests that you're willing to work on your relationships, and that's half the battle.

And the fact that she isn't willing to move in with someone who doesn't like her cats suggests that she is a very loyal person -- which also bodes well.

So I think you can make this work if you can accept that the cats are going to be an integral part of your homelife, not separated from you in any way.

You'll have to sincerely shed your misgivings and approach the cats with a pure heart, so to speak -- because they know the difference! But once you truly accept the cats, they will come to accept you... and you know from your dog how good it can be to love a small furry creature.

Good luck! And welcome to the site!

 

[baloneysmom]

I hate to say this but it is possible in a few months you’re going to be on here posting pics of the cats and talking about how cute they are when they purr snuggled up to you at night. Like most people who decide to love an animal lover, you will see that there is no other way. You must love the cats… and trust me, it gets real easy.

My boyfriend, the great big animal disliker, tucks Bugsy into bed every night, every time a cat/dog coughs or sneezes he grabs the water dish and bring it to them in case their throat is scratchy, he actually has a bed for the bathroom he fluffs up everytime hes getting ready so Bugsy can hang out with him in comfort…. The list goes on…Trust me, he was probably on a cat site just like you before I moved in asking for advice.

So… on that note….who wants to take bets in about 2 months we will see a post on how cute his girlfriends cats are complete with a pic of him cuddling them LOL.

 

[calico2222]

Originally Posted by silvionc

I hate to say this but it is possible in a few months youâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re going to be on here posting pics of the cats and talking about how cute they are when they purr snuggled up to you at night. Like most people who decide to love an animal lover, you will see that there is no other way. You must love the cats… and trust me, it gets real easy.

My boyfriend, the great big animal disliker, tucks Bugsy into bed every night, every time a cat/dog coughs or sneezes he grabs the water dish and bring it to them in case their throat is scratchy, he actually has a bed for the bathroom he fluffs up everytime hes getting ready so Bugsy can hang out with him in comfort…. The list goes on…Trust me, he was probably on a cat site just like you before I moved in asking for advice.

So… on that note….who wants to take bets in about 2 months we will see a post on how cute his girlfriends cats are complete with a pic of him cuddling them LOL.

LOL, your post just cracked me up!

And, yes I can totally see it happening! So, just to warn you Vmax71, we're keeping our eyes out for your and want to see pics of those kitties once they get settled in.

And, honestly, you couldn't have found a better website for advice for a first time cat owner. If you haven't wandered around yet, check out the nutrition thread and the behavior thread. Ask anything you want, everyone here is very helpful.

 

[catsknowme]

Welcome to TCS and kudos for joining this site in a quest to support your relationship. I admire such a caring, courageous gesture

Actually, I think that the problem is workable. My cats are proof that cats can be trained - in fact, I've had 2 houseguests in the last 2 months, both confirmed cat-dislikers, dog-only guys, who are amazed at the socialization of my cats

Here're some suggestions:
1. Regarding the midnight yowls for attention - that is less a cry for attention (that's a human baby-thing) than it is a sign of frustrated nocturnal hunters. A good evening romp with toys such as feather teasers, "Da Bird", followed by a large dinner, simulating the hunt followed by the feast, should help - by the way, pay attention and see if the cats "take turns" at having a go at the teaser.
2. Excessive Shedding - investigate the cat food being served. Products containing fish & seafood can contribute to this, according to my vet, who also says that fish can also upset the urinary tracts of some neutered males.
3. Disrespecting territory - yes, cats are territorial, and they do understand the "no-zones". Cats do accept rules, not out of submission like dogs, but rather out of respect. Our Behavior sections have some great hints. In my house, my DH and I don't mind counter/table jumping so my cats have free run at home but when they stay at my mom's, they totally respect her rules - no one did anything but verbal warnings -"Hey, stay out of my kitchen!" and "no jumping on tables"
3. litter box smells - there needs to be enough boxes. Trust me, the smells bother the cats more than you. For starters, make sure the litter is UNSCENTED or grain-based, such as SweetScoop, chicken feed/scoopable blend, WBCL, etc. Typically, a cat likes one box for pee & one for poop. Even my ferals are this way, with their outside boxes. The ammonia of their pee enhances the smell of the poo, and cats don't like this because in the wild, that attracts predators such as coyotes

I recently read briefly, in a link that I had followed, regarding emotions, that cats' brains are wired the closest to humans, even closer than apes/humans. Dogs are wired differently, but they do attach to their cats, and vice-versa.
Another interesting fact about cats is that their purrs are in the same decibel range as ultrasound. So a warm, purring cat on those sore spots is as healing as ultrasound at the physical therapists

If a cat does this and it pleases you, tell the cat that & quite often it will continue the behavior. It goes along with the fact that dogs can be bribed but cats must be persuaded. A dog will do a trick for a treat - the cat's attitude is that you can do the trick, keep the treat for yourself & the cat will watch

Anyway, sending mega prayers and vibes that you two work it out, because if all goes well, and you two are meant for each other, this gives you two an excellent opportunity to cooperate on pet ownership-theories which closely correspond to parenting theories

Please keep us posted

 

[butzie]

Well, everyone has given you great advice. I believe that you are seriously trying to figure out how to live with gf and her cats. I also know that you found the best site.

This being said, Butzie is a domestic medium hair (which is really quite long) and honestly, she hardly sheds and she has become more and more of an indoor kitty so I have noticed a little more. I just have Butzie, though, and judging from the number of Dysons people have I feel pretty lucky.

Honestly, there is hardly any odor from her litter box. I use the cat attract one which clumps and is easy to clean.

Lastly, dh was not a pet person when we got married. I told him that we were going to get a budgie which we did. He said no mammalian pets. Well, about 15 years ago Brownie walked on our deck outside the sliding glass door and I fed him. A cat had us but was always much more of an outdoor kitty. That was a good way to break DH in.

Two years ago we got Butzie who was about 2 and she moved right in. DH, if he wasn't one before, he is a cat lover now.

 

[emrldsky]

Ok, you've received some great advice. I just wanted to throw this out there...

It might help you deal with the cats if you started thinking of it as "our home" rather than "my home." I only say this because once she's moved in, it is a home for BOTH of you and once you let go of it being just your home, you'll find that it's easier to deal with the cats.

Why? Because you share responsibility of that home with another.

And you'll want to get used to the word share...because it's going to be something you'll need to accept...and it's something you truly don't understand until you're living with another person.