My cat Vs. Girlfriend

[ranger7489]

Originally Posted by laureen227

have you asked her why she doesn't care for animals? do they frighten her, bad past experience - or is she just unfamiliar w/them?
to help your kitty grow more tolerant, you can have Jen give you a sweaty t-shirt of hers [one she DOESN'T want back!] & place it under your cat's food dishes. that way, your cat will start to associate her scent w/good stuff.
but yes - they can definitely sense when someone dislikes them. they're pretty intelligent animals!

Thats a good idea, thanks Lauren. I asked her if she ever had a cat or dog while she was younger (before she met me 9 years ago) an she said no. So probably she is just unfamilair. I hope she grows to like my cat so we can still live together..

 

[mews2much]

My Husband dosent like my Cats and Sasha hates him.

 

[kittybernard]

I agree with everyone else. The problem isn't with your cat, but with your girlfriend. If she hates cats so much, why does she bother trying to pick yours up and pet it? Especially one she so easily advertises such disdain for. Your very smart kitty realizes that her attempts are totally fake.

Animals don't dislike people for no reason, but people can dislike animals for no reason. Do you think your girlfriend is understanding? Compassionate? Caring? Has a generous heart? I don't want to be overly judgemental, but honestly, someone who can hate animals.. cats, dogs, whatever - "the least of these" in a sense - I'd have a hard time believing they could possess any of those qualities in their truth.

If your girlfriend were to want to genuinely work to change her outlook, in time your kitty would come to tolerate her, maybe even like her - not eventually make you get rid of her or talk badly about her to you. It's just sad that the human in the picture won't go as far for you as your lovely cat would.

Hoping everyone works together towards happiness &/or you honor your commitment to your kitty!

 

[forensic]

I wouldn't doubt the cat knows the gf doesn't like her... and think, when someone who doesn't like a cat goes to pick it up it's usually in a very tense, quick, almost 'attack' like posture... I wouldn't doubt the cat feels threatened...

 

[missymotus]

She may come to like the cat, I was raised to dislike them but once my ex-husband insisted we get one I fell in love with them.

My sister, obviously raised the same, has gotten used to my cats and has her little favourite one too. She brings her baby (human) over when I'm at work just to play with the cats.

Get some Rescue Remedy and put it in your cats water, plus an extra dose in the mouth before you girlfriend comes over, this will help calm your kitty.

 

[larke]

The cat is jealous of your girlfriend (apart from whatever feelings she senses about your GF's dislike of her). If it was a male friend, she might not feel as threatened, but as things are, she does. It's classic behaviour, and your cat (who SO reminds me of my cat, who wouldn't tolerate any other males (human, animal or whatever) around me, is very sensitive and will make herself sick, not to mention how she'll take out her aggression on your GF (and eventually you and your apt). I realize it seems ridiculous not to have your GF move in, and what about future GFs, but something has to be done, rather than just hoping the situation will improve.

 

[zane's pal]

If she dislikes cats that badly, once she moves in she might arrange for some 'accident' to happen to the cat.

Again, people who don't like animals are generally not nice people. If animals don't like a person, there is generally a good reason.

There was a reason they kept canaries in coal mines; the birds could detect noxious gasses before the humans could.

The cat is the emotional canary in your relationship's coal mine.

 

[abbycats]

My husband was not a cat person when we got together but my cats were a part of the package. He has always loved dogs and was a animal person he just never lived with cats.. He is now a cat man! The abyssinians sinched that one up for me!!!! My cats loved him from the beginning!They never were fond of my exhusbands and now I know why!!!

Your cat is part of the package deal and your girlfriend has to accept that. I would seriously reconsider moving her in because she will harp on you till you get rid of the cat! Not a good start to a relationship. To many red flags.

 

[abbycats]

Originally Posted by Larke

The cat is jealous of your girlfriend (apart from whatever feelings she senses about your GF's dislike of her). If it was a male friend, she might not feel as threatened, but as things are, she does. It's classic behaviour, and your cat (who SO reminds me of my cat, who wouldn't tolerate any other males (human, animal or whatever) around me, is very sensitive and will make herself sick, not to mention how she'll take out her aggression on your GF (and eventually you and your apt). I realize it seems ridiculous not to have your GF move in, and what about future GFs, but something has to be done, rather than just hoping the situation will improve.

What do you suggest he does? get rid of the cat for future GF's?(NOT)

Maybe I am not understanding what your posting.

In all the years I have had cats I have never had a jealous cat over a relationship. I have had my cats not like a man(exhusband) but that is because he turned out to be an abuser. They sensed he was no good!

The very same cats LOVE my current husband so much!

 

[yosemite]

Originally Posted by Larke

The cat is jealous of your girlfriend (apart from whatever feelings she senses about your GF's dislike of her). If it was a male friend, she might not feel as threatened, but as things are, she does. It's classic behaviour, and your cat (who SO reminds me of my cat, who wouldn't tolerate any other males (human, animal or whatever) around me, is very sensitive and will make herself sick, not to mention how she'll take out her aggression on your GF (and eventually you and your apt). I realize it seems ridiculous not to have your GF move in, and what about future GFs, but something has to be done, rather than just hoping the situation will improve.

I'm not sure I understand what you are trying to say here. I had a very clingy Siamese but never had an issue with her and my husband when we got together.

I think it's a little overboard for the folks that suggest you ditch your girlfriend considering you've been together for awhile. And, as some folks have said, animals have good instincts about people but you can't always assume the cat's reaction to your girlfriend is because she's a bad person. Heavens! Since you obviously love your cat and also your girlfriend, I imagine they both must have some redeeming qualities.

My suggestion would be to make an effort to find out why she doesn't like (or is nervous of) your cat (something in her background perhaps), have her leave the cat alone, i.e., do not push herself onto the cat. Once she relaxes and stops trying so hard to get the cat to like her, you may find their relationship will evolve and change to a better one. The cat will figure out that your gf means no harm and even if the cat is not overly affectionate with your gf, at least a harmonious living together can be accomplished.

 

[mom of 4]

Whether you like it or not, the girlfriend not liking your pets is a dealbreaker.

Some people do learn to love cats, some don't.
If you move your girlfriend in with you and she doesn't learn to like your cat, what are you going to do? You need to figure it now because it is a real possibility. If you give in and get rid of your cat ( a horrible choice, IMO), you will always resent her for forcing you to make that decision. If you end up getting rid of the girlfriend, it will be harder later than now.

My son rescued a cat several years ago, a wonderful Calico. His girlfriend loved her. A year ago, he rescued a puppy. The girlfriend hated the puppy and moved out. And his friends began telling him things about her that he didn't like - things they didnt want to say about her when they were still a couple. He has a new girlfriend who loves the pets, gets along with his friends and siblings, has more in common with him and he thinks they might have a permanent future together. There will be life after this girlfriend.

 

[meow meow]

Just because I person doesn't like or want pets does not make them evil! When I met my husband he had a large, very hairy dog. The dog was very sweet but I just didn't care for dogs. There was hair EVERYWHERE! The furniture, my clothes, in the refrigerator! She also had poop accidents on the carpet and we were very tied down when it came to traveling and going anywhere after work. I guess it wasn't that I didn't like the dog, I just preferred not have one.
.
My sister was single for a long time with a very sassy tortie who only liked my sister. The cat would especially hiss at men since she saw so few of them. When she married my BIL the cat adjusted just fine -- they basically ignored eachother.

My concern would be that your GF will move in and then start to complain about the cat in an effort to get you to get rid of it (ie: fur everywhere, litterbox tracking, etc...).

Make it clear the cat is staying -- you took on the responsibility for the life of the cat. Ask her to ignore the cat and chances are, the cat will ignore her!

 

[x-vegancandy-x]

Originally Posted by Zane's Pal

If she dislikes cats that badly, once she moves in she might arrange for some 'accident' to happen to the cat.

Again, people who don't like animals are generally not nice people. If animals don't like a person, there is generally a good reason.

There was a reason they kept canaries in coal mines; the birds could detect noxious gasses before the humans could.

The cat is the emotional canary in your relationship's coal mine.

I kinda agree there...if someone don't like animals,well,basically they wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship with me...because me having 18+ pets...i'm guessing the other person would eventually snap

 

[katgoddess]

Originally Posted by Zane's Pal

If she dislikes cats that badly, once she moves in she might arrange for some 'accident' to happen to the cat.

Heard too many stories of those "accidents" happening.

 

[cc12]

I used to not be a cat person and although I grew up with dogs I was not a pet person in adulthood. I traveled a lot and did not want to be tied down. I had preconceived notions about cats that was not helped by an allergy. I loved animals in a broad sense but not in a personal sense. I didn't want a dog eating my shoes. I didn't want to deal with pet poo or pee. I didn't want to deal with the smells and all.
I don't think I was really not a pet person I just believed I was. I fell in love with a cat in the neighborhood and it changed everything.
If she continues to dislike the cat then perhaps you do have to form a plan to make it a little more tolerable.

 

[luvmy2cats]

Wow what a conundrum you're in. I really hope things will work out. Lucky for me DH loves my cat because I've had Popsie before DH and I ever met. Popsie and I grew up together so I can't see me getting rid of him for anyone. On the other had when me, DH, and Popsie first moved in together, Popsie decided to pee every where. After seeing the mess one cat can make DH says he doesn't ever want any more animals. I told him I don't know if I could be with him if that ever was the case because I won't go the rest of my life without the joy of having a pet. I really don't think he meant what he said though.

 

[momofmany]

You have to work out the cat issue before your GF moves in. If she moves in and then starts to push you on getting rid of the cat, you won't have a good relationship. When I married my first husband, we didn't work out his cat dislike issue and things went really bad (divorced in under 3 years). When I met my current husband, we settled the issue of cats on the first date (accept my cats or leave now). He admitted much later that he hated cats when he first met me, but learned to love them. There is clearly hope that your GF will bond with your cat, but make sure you understand her intentions and demands before she moves in.

 

[gailuvscats]

Originally Posted by Ranger7489

I love her, We have known eachother for sense we were in middle school (we are both in our mid 20's now)


Can cats really sense if someone doesnt like them?

How do you know she is not torturing the cat when you are not in the room? Perhaps teasing it? Just saying.
Personally, I think there is something emotionally wrong with a person who hates all animals or pets. That would be a deal breaker for me. How do you think she is going to treat your children if you have some? Unless a person has a good reason to dislike or fear animals ie: allergy, bit as a kid, I think they have a problem. I would hold off moving forward with this. Do you really want to live your life without another cat, after this one passes. Cause she is not going to let you get another.

 

[karmasmom]

Originally Posted by Larke

The cat is jealous of your girlfriend (apart from whatever feelings she senses about your GF's dislike of her). If it was a male friend, she might not feel as threatened, but as things are, she does. It's classic behaviour, and your cat (who SO reminds me of my cat, who wouldn't tolerate any other males (human, animal or whatever) around me, is very sensitive and will make herself sick, not to mention how she'll take out her aggression on your GF (and eventually you and your apt). I realize it seems ridiculous not to have your GF move in, and what about future GFs, but something has to be done, rather than just hoping the situation will improve.

This is entirely possible. It does happen. It happened to me. I love cats and all animals, I am a member here remember. When my DH and I first met he had a beautiful calico named TieDye for about 6 years before me. She tolerated me in the beginning but when I started to stay the night with him regularly, ie: almost every night of the week she finally had enough. It came to a blow out. She cornered me at the top of the stairs, he lived ina basement, and would not let me come down. She was hissing and fighting me. He had to come and get her and show that he still loved her but he loved me too. A few weeks later she calmed down and started to sit on my lap and cuddle. We had 7 more years of love together. It did help that I was already a cat lover but yes jealousy does happen. I feel that female cats if belonged to a male consider them their partners and vise versa. They will tolerate the other sex but may not always like it.

Now for your situation this is not the case. The cat, from what I have read, has never shown any form of tolerating your GF. She knows how your GF feels and is trying to tell you to send her packing. I agree with the others on this point. It may be hard to read but if you weren't thinking the same thing on some level you never would have joined here.

I vote for fining someone who loves animals and can get along with you and the cat.

 

[rianna]

You shouldn't pick your cat over your girlfriend if you really love her.
... just like you shouldn't pick your girlfriend over your cat.

It might not be the easiest transition, but it's possible. My cat Jazz HATED all my boyfriends. If I were to sit down next to my boyfriend, Jazz would sit in the middle and glare at him. If he slept over, Jazz (who always slept on my pillow) would walk on him and hit him with his tail as he passed. They eventually leaned to deal with each other. When I had to put Jazz down 6 months ago, my boyfriend cried pretty hard.

Solution? Accept it might not ever be 100% perfect. Your girlfriend may never be crazy about your cat... and your cat may never be crazy about your girlfriend.... but as long as they both have you to love them, then they'll be okay.