My cat hates my husband :( (a very aggressive kitty)

[gem00987]

This past year my husband and I got married and moved in together. Previously, my cats were living at my parents house. When we would go over there, we would always sit with the cats and pet them and visit them, neither cat had any issues with my hubby (Tye), however, when we moved them into our new apartment, for no apparent reason, my male cat (Taz - 6 years old) became extremely aggressive towards him. At first I thought he was just nervous in the new place and would calm down after some time to adjust but he has not (he has been living with us now for over a month with no change in his behavior). When my husband is not home, he is the sweetest, snuggliest cat - he lays in my lap and purrs and purrs, but as soon as Tye gets home he completely changes, runs into his house in the corner and hisses and howls - he will not come out for anything, and if Tye speaks, or moves he will immediately begin hissing and growling (even if Tye is nowhere near him). If Tye gets anywhere near his house - his growls get more intense and it almost sounds like he is screaming - like he is being injured but no one is anywhere near touching him - and Tye has never once done anything to hurt him. (you all know that sound a cat makes when you accidentally step on his tail or something, it sounds like that, but prolonged, until Tye walks away)

We have tried so many things to get him to stop acting like this and we are getting to the end of our rope - If we can't get him to stop he will not be able to live with us. We have tried everything from completely ignoring him, to Tye trying to feed him treats and his favorite food (ham - which he will poke his head out to take, and eat while still growling) - and also having Tye pet him while I hold him (which he will sometimes allow for a moment, but will always end up just hissing and running away) He just cannot seem to get used to Tye's presence.

He has not yet been physically aggressive towards Tye - meaning that he has not actually scratched or bit him. He has taken a few swipes, but has not ever connected them with skin, and Tye mentioned that when he does swipe, his claws do not appear to be out (I don't know what the reason for that is)

If ANYONE has experienced something like this before please - any advice would be appreciated. All of the tips out there seem to be specific only to certain types of aggression, and nothing is ever mentioned that seems to fit our situation. We are willing to try literally anything to keep this cat, he is my baby and it kills me that he is unhappy and it's also making my husband very uncomfortable, he feels like he has to tiptoe around his own house. He has been extremely patient, but I can tell it is wearing him down, and at some point I know he is going to ask me to get rid of this cat (and I wouldn't really blame him if he did) I don't want it to come to this, but right now we are all so miserable with this situation, something has to change.

(sorry I know it's a lot to read, all replies are appreciated)

 

[speakhandsforme]

Hi there! Welcome to TCS and I'm so sorry you're having these issues.

A few questions.

1. Has Taz been to the vet since you got married?

If not, this would be the first thing I would do. An animal that is in pain or feels sick from something as simple as a painful tooth can lash out at anyone.

2. Does Tye come into contact with any other animals during the day?

If he does, Taz could be smelling the other animals on him. Hand washing and changing clothes are recommended for this.

3. Is Taz neutered? Does he go outside? Does he have a place where he can see the outside?

If he is not neutered, this could be the source of the problem. Male cats can be extremely territorial, and they're often arbitrary about who they'll let in it. If he goes outside, he could be getting into fights with other cats or animals, also causing pain and misdirected aggression. Ditto if he can see the outside; if he sees a stray cat in your yard, he could be getting aggressive and misdirecting that onto Tye.

4. I know this is hard to hear, but do you suspect at all that Tye could be mistreating Taz while you're not around?


My guess is that he's either in pain from a medical condition, or that he simply sees Tye as a stranger. If Tye does anything during the day that might make him smell foreign -- other animals, sweating a lot, working around cars or chemicals -- Taz could be picking up on that and registering him as a stranger. Cats are extremely sensitive to even the slightest smells, and smell is primarily how they recognize members of their household. So if Tye doesn't smell like a human, Taz might seem him as an enemy intruder.

Lastly, try the Feliway plug in (just Google it). It's sort of like an electric air freshener, except it sends out "happy cat" pheromones that are odorless to us, but help to calm a lot of cats. Some say it works on even the weirdest behavior problems their cat has, including aggression. Other say it has no effect. I think it's worth a try here. :nod:

Good luck and keep us updated!!

 

[gem00987]

Oh! I didn't think about the fact that Tye comes home smelling like chemicals. He does work with a lot of paints and chemicals at his job - it doesn't seem to make a difference with the cat after he's had a shower and it doesn't bother our other cat at all, but Taz could be extra sensitive to it.. If that is the problem though, I'm not sure how we are supposed to fix it. The only other animal Tye comes into contact with is our other cat Chloe and her and Taz are buddies.

He is fixed, and is able to go outside on the balcony if he wants to - we leave the door open sometimes so they can go out and smell the fresh air. I haven't gotten him to the vet yet either but I have been thinking about it - maybe I should make that a priority. One thing I am absolutely 100% certain of is that Tye has not hurt him - not only because he is a total animal lover and has the sweetest relationship with our other cat Chloe, but also this started from day 1 in the new place - he had never had a moment alone with the cat before.

Going to try taking him to the vet - others have suggested this as well, and think he might have some kind of kitty anxiety and he just doesn't act that way towards me because he knows I am his mama... I am interested in trying that wall plug in as well - I have tried putting some herbs in the water bowl that was supposed to promote relaxation and reduce stress but that did not work - I'm not 100% sure it was meant for cats though either - or that I put the right amount.

Will keep trying with him - hopefully the vet will have a suggestion as to what is wrong with him - he has always been an aggressive cat but never towards people before - only other cats, and never this severe. Some people have suggested that this is because we took him in off the street as a kitten - and that he was already wild by that point and was never meant to be a house pet - but usually he is the sweetest cat so I just can't believe that this is just "how he is".

 

[speakhandsforme]

Hey there!!

It could definitely be the chemicals thing. :nod: If it is this, leaving Tye's unwashed work clothes around in Taz's familiar spots should help some. It's kinda gross :lol3:, but it could help.

As for the herbs in water thing, what you probably got was Rescue Remedy, which is homeopathic, and not something science considers to be effective. It works no better than a placebo, since it's basically water that had the flower "essences" added to it and was then diluted to be plain water again. The wall plug in is more than a placebo though, since it has actual synthetic pheromones in it.

But since you say this started from day one in the new house, that made me think. Cats are creatures of serious habit, and they hate change and new things, especially a bunch of new things all at once. It could be that Taz is not okay with the new house (yet), and since the new house came at the same time as Tye moving in, maybe he associates Tye with the new house and thus scary bad things happening to him. I don't know, this is getting into cat psychology :lol3: but it makes sense, to me anyway. I think the only thing that will help with that, though, is time.

Routines are good for helping a cat adjust to a new place. Do you and Tye work regular hours and come home at the same time every day? Are they fed and watered at the same time, have their box scooped at the same time, etc? If not, try to start a schedule for that stuff. Cats love to know exactly how and when their day is going to go; it helps them be calm and happy.

At the vet, you could ask about kitty Prozac or Elavil, but this tends to make cats "zombies" and unlike their former quirky selves, although it does help them be calm... sometimes too calm.

Oh, and those people who said he's not "meant" to be a house cat are just silly. Plenty of us here on TCS have ex-ferals or are taming ferals to be pets, even adults! And especially if you got him as a kitten, I'm sure he's fine. My cat Boots is just about the sweetest thing on earth, and he was a feral kitten. Hissed at me for a month until he realized he was a pet. :lol3:

 

[luvzmykatz]

This past year my husband and I got married and moved in together. Previously, my cats were living at my parents house. When we would go over there, we would always sit with the cats and pet them and visit them, neither cat had any issues with my hubby (Tye), however, when we moved them into our new apartment, for no apparent reason, my male cat (Taz - 6 years old) became extremely aggressive towards him. At first I thought he was just nervous in the new place and would calm down after some time to adjust but he has not (he has been living with us now for over a month with no change in his behavior). When my husband is not home, he is the sweetest, snuggliest cat - he lays in my lap and purrs and purrs, but as soon as Tye gets home he completely changes, runs into his house in the corner and hisses and howls - he will not come out for anything, and if Tye speaks, or moves he will immediately begin hissing and growling (even if Tye is nowhere near him). If Tye gets anywhere near his house - his growls get more intense and it almost sounds like he is screaming - like he is being injured but no one is anywhere near touching him - and Tye has never once done anything to hurt him. (you all know that sound a cat makes when you accidentally step on his tail or something, it sounds like that, but prolonged, until Tye walks away)

We have tried so many things to get him to stop acting like this and we are getting to the end of our rope - If we can't get him to stop he will not be able to live with us. We have tried everything from completely ignoring him, to Tye trying to feed him treats and his favorite food (ham - which he will poke his head out to take, and eat while still growling) - and also having Tye pet him while I hold him (which he will sometimes allow for a moment, but will always end up just hissing and running away) He just cannot seem to get used to Tye's presence.

He has not yet been physically aggressive towards Tye - meaning that he has not actually scratched or bit him. He has taken a few swipes, but has not ever connected them with skin, and Tye mentioned that when he does swipe, his claws do not appear to be out (I don't know what the reason for that is)

If ANYONE has experienced something like this before please - any advice would be appreciated. All of the tips out there seem to be specific only to certain types of aggression, and nothing is ever mentioned that seems to fit our situation. We are willing to try literally anything to keep this cat, he is my baby and it kills me that he is unhappy and it's also making my husband very uncomfortable, he feels like he has to tiptoe around his own house. He has been extremely patient, but I can tell it is wearing him down, and at some point I know he is going to ask me to get rid of this cat (and I wouldn't really blame him if he did) I don't want it to come to this, but right now we are all so miserable with this situation, something has to change.

(sorry I know it's a lot to read, all replies are appreciated)

Not sure what you can do here sometimes cats just take a dislike to certain folks or a major move or change in their household or routine can change their personality.   My Ricky lived with my dad and my sister for a time when I moved into to help nurse my mom.  He lived with people coming and going all the time while not over friendly seemed ok.  Loved my dad and liked my sister.  After I moved on my own again and took him he couldn't stand my dad and would hiss and growl at him.   He would only hiss at my sister and swat at her but he would bit and seriously claw at my dad who liked him and likes animals in general.  After the move he only liked  me and a few other cats I adopted. Why the change who knows maybe ask your vet for some suggestions or advice.

 

[kay1]

My cat is the same way.  My cat loved my husband before we got married but now he hates him. I am not sure what to do about the situation.

 

[meowsonya]

 
My cat is the same way.  My cat loved my husband before we got married but now he hates him. I am not sure what to do about the situation.

Oh how jealous a cat can be! Get your cat a companion or have the cat and your husband spend a weekend with just each other so they're forced to bond?

 

[Kat0121]

 
My cat is the same way.  My cat loved my husband before we got married but now he hates him. I am not sure what to do about the situation.

Hi There and welcome to TCS!! 

This is a very old thread so you might not get any replies from previous posters. 

Has your cat had a recent vet visit? Behavioral problems are often caused by medical problems. I think a vet visit to rule out anything medically related would be your first step. 

If he has been to the vet recently or if he does get a clean bill of health, then try to think about what could have changed in the HH since you got married (other than the obvious 

)

Did he bring any other animals into the house? Children? Did he move in with you or did you move in with him? Change can be stressful for cats and this can cause them to act out. 

How does your hubby feel about your cat? Does he like him? Does he interact with him? Cats are very intuitive, intelligent creatures and they know how people feel about them. I'm not saying your hubby doesn't like him but if he's apprehensive, your cat will pick up on that.

There are things that your hubby can do to try to get things back to normal. He can feed him. This will help your cat associate him with good things. Tell you hubby that to avoid direct eye contact with your cat as this is considered by them to be a threatening move. He can look above his head or to the side and when he does this, he should close his eyes for a few seconds and then open them again. It's the slow blink. Cats communicate with each other this way. It's their way of saying, "Hi! I see you and I'm not a threat to you". it works. Over time, he will see that your cat will start to do this back. 

When he wants to interact with your cat, he should do it on his level by sitting or lying on the floor instead of "looming" over him. I'd invest in a wand toy such as Da Bird. Most cats cannot resist this toy and by them playing together, this will associate him with good things too. When your cat behaves in a way that is positive towards your hubby, he should be rewarded (by hubby) with a treat. Again, your cat will see him as a source of good things. 

When he's sitting on the floor with your cat, he should extend his hand in a fist. A human fist is about the same size as a cat's head and cats greet each other with head butts. He should let the cat approach him when he's ready. 

 Once a medical problem has been ruled out (if it hasn't already), if the the cat's current behavior hasn't changed your hubby is going to need to be patient. Building (or rebuilding) a relationship with a cat takes time, patience and love but it's worth every second (as I'm sure you know! 

They make calming treats and collars that can be bought at the big box pet stores as well as online through retailers like Amazon or chewy.com. Feliway diffusers and sprays (which mimic feel good pheremones in cats) can help too. Amazon has the best prices I've found on these.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!