Mitten.

[myu]

I'm not used to posting on forums, this is honestly my first time. I just.. would like a place to vent; a place to collect my thoughts.

Two days ago, a childhood friend of mine passed away in my arms. It was sudden, traumatic, and far too soon.

Her name was Mitten, and she was a beloved cat of mine.

A best friend of 14 years, she walked beside me through the peaks and valleys of my life. Whenever I was at my lowest, she was there with her comfort and warmth to inspirit me once again.

Mitten was a bright, but calm friend. Not very energetic, but always ready to lay on your lap and talk with you for hours. I swear, her favorite pass-time was just meowing with you, hehe.. She had a sweet and dainty voice, and it was incredibly soothing. Her fur was a beautiful tortoiseshell pattern. It was mostly black and gold, with two little patches of white- A streak down her stomach, and a little patch that encompassed her front right paw; it looked like a mitten.

Along with her I have 4 other cats, two of which are Mittens blood relatives. Her mother, Speckles, and twin brother, Purr-bot. (Yes, the names are quite childish. I was young, and my mother let me name them, hehe. Please don't mind them~) Her mother gave birth to them, along with two other kittens, back in 2004. I was 7 at the time and had just gotten back from visiting my grandparents. I came home to my mother telling me and my brother that Speckles had kittens under a bed while we were gone. The other two kittens we had to find homes for, as we couldn't take care of them all at the time, but Mitten and Purr stayed.

I'm not sure what caused Mitten to go, but it was far too sudden. I've had animals die on me in the past, but it was never before my eyes like this. I loved Mitten, and watching her pass away the way she did was.. devastating.. scarring. I've been crying pools of tears since..

We took her to the vet yesterday, they gave us their sincere condolences and took Mitten away to be cremated. They told us that if you give them a photo of your pet, they will etch/ engrave it onto the Urn. I thought that was an endearing idea, and when I got home I immediately started going through the albums on my computer find the right picture. However, I noticed something that made my heart twist.. I.. never really took many photos of Mitten.

I love taking pictures my pets. I'm not a photographer, but it's always fun capturing your pets in their cutest moments. I have tons of photos of all my other pets, I don't really know why I don't have as many of Mitten. I've thought about it a lot, and maybe it was because whenever I was with her, I was so relaxed that it never crossed my mind..
Either way, I know it doesn't affect her. I know she didn't care for pictures, she just enjoyed the company. It just, it affects me.. I feel like not having as many pictures.. means I'll lose memories of her quicker... I guess. I'm not entirely sure actually.. I just feel melancholic. I feel defeated. I feel like I could have taken more pictures of her, but now that's impossible.. I've felt empty and regretful ever since I realized this.

Having said that, a recent idea came to mind to help me cope with my regrets.

I have a resolution to learn how to illustrate realism art, in hopes to draw Mitten as accurately as possible, using the few photos I have of her as reference.
I know it will take a while, and I know it will be difficult. I just, I feel as though I need to do this. It feels right, and I feel as though it will help me carry on.

Mitten, I love you. I hope you're resting well.

Sorry, this is pretty long and quite messy, but I just needed to get my thoughts written down, and this seemed like a good place to do it. I hope to be more active on this forum in the future. If you read all of this, then thank you for taking the time to do so.

 

[myu]

adding to this because some thoughts of mine were left out. As I said, it's messy aha.

I don't know how long it will take me to come to terms with this. every time I pass by her favorite spots to sleep my stomach tightens and my eyes start to water..
When I said that it was too soon and unexpected, it really was. Honestly, a couple weeks ago I started preparing for my oldest cat, Jingle, to pass on soon. And I still can't wrap my brain around Mittens death. It hurts because it was so out of the blue.

 

[Furballsmom]

For you to find direction out of her passing is a realky large thing, what a gift. It suits her and your relationship with her, how lovely.
RIP, darling sweet Mitten. You are leaving behind a legacy of love, and a charming future.

 

[tinydestroyer]

I'm so sorry to hear about Mitten's passing. She sounds like a true and loyal friend. Grief is such a torturous thing, and it manifests itself in weird ways. Just let the feelings come and go, and try not to beat yourself up for having them.
You're right that Mitten doesn't care about being in photos. In fact, she probably preferred being able to sit in your lap, (uninterrupted by you getting up to get the camera,) and chattering away with her sweet meows. What is important is the impression she leaves on your heart, which will no doubt be the inspiration you'll need to capture her essence in your artwork when you're ready to do so. One of my favorite photos of my cat, (also a sweet tortie,) is this really blurry one from when she was a kitten. You can't even tell it's a cat in the picture, but I love this photo because it was the first time she came and jumped up on my lap. She jumped as I was trying to take a pic of her lying down. Every time I go through my photos, I can't bring myself to delete that one, because it isn't the image that's important. It's the memory. In my case, it just so happens that the special memory is triggered by the photo, and I have lots more photos which are cute, but don't elicit the same response for me as that one (or other special ones,) do.
Even though you might not have as many photos, I'm sure you have countless more important memories in the 14 years you spent with Mitten. That's why it's so hard to pass by her favorite spots in your home. That's also why whatever artistic rendering of Mitten you make will be more precious, as you'll draw not only on the photos you do have, but on the memory of her mannerisms, her voice, her calm demeanor and sweet temperament. You have those renderings of Mitten already, and they're in the place where they can never be erased or forgotten.
Here is a really good post about grief by another TCS member, which may be helpful for you.
Grieving
Please feel free to come to us and grieve if you need to let it out. I'm sure we would all love to see your illustration of Mitten when you're finished with it.

 

[di and bob]

I believe Mittens has guided you to a path to continue her legacy, a glorious tribute to your sweet girl, a wonderful way to honor her life and to mourn her death. We would be honored to share your joy in your art. Please feel free to come back and share when you are feeling better. If it is private, we will understand too.
When someone we love so very much passes away so quickly and in our arms, it is traumatic and hard fro our brains and hearts to accept. It brings us closer to the reality of our own finite lives, that no one is guaranteed a tomorrow. Fourteen years is a long time to share your life journey with someone who brought so much to that life,so much joy and comfort and happiness. It is difficult to process that the beloved face we cherished so much will no longer be a part of our life anymore, that the physical presence will no longer be there. But the bond you have with that precious girl will be tied to your very soul forever. "Death cannot take that which never dies", love is spiritual, so eternal. It rises above the physical, it resides forever in the heart of those who share it, who return it and hold it securely in that private, hidden place. Although she now follows a new path, her love will always be near, as near as your thoughts and prayers. Her love will radiate from your art, it will inspire you and let you immortalize her forever.
Try not to dwell on her end, I know how hard this can be. It is not as she would want for the one she loves above all else, as you would want for her if you were the first to go.Just as you would want for her, she wants no different. So go into the future with thankfulness in your heart for having known her, for having known a love that will reside there forever. Send her thoughts of joy and happiness with life to allow her love to grow and bloom, not tears and grief that keep it in the darkness.
My heart goes out to you. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you peace, and success with your art. I know she does the same.....RIP dear Mitten. May your journey to the Rainbow Bridge be a swift one, may teh good Lord greet and bless you. Until you meet again!

 

[les26]

I am so sorry that you lost Mittens, she was a true friend and companion. The grief has ahold of you right now and will make you think and act in strange ways, that is normal, but with time it will lose a lot of it's sting. You have nothing to regret, you don't need any pictures because you carry the best one of her in your heart and memory, and that will never fade and will be more special than any photo, she will always be with you.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Mitten, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

What a beautiful tribute to a Dear Friend. It can't help but feel as if we have been kicked in our very heart, to lose someone we love so dearly, and to do it so suddenly. My heart with yours, my heart with yours. I only want to remind you that love does not die. It only changes form, and continues on, still Love. Love abides, and in so many ways, Mitten is with you still.