- Joined
- Mar 1, 2017
- Messages
- 152
- Purraise
- 113
I found this site after Tigers death in February and again thank you everyone. I find posting here and speaking with others who are or went through this grieving process has been very helpful.
But I journal and I don't want to write these thoughts down on paper for me to find years later. SO this will be my little post to write random things that pop in my head about TIger.
My extremely small apartment feels huge without TIger. It's so quiet in the house and a sense of loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so noticeable that a presence is missing. I don't smell her stinky litter box or see any of her milk rings (her favorite toys) on the floor. Actually to any outsider, there is no evidence that I ever had a cat. Which I find more disturbing. But in my haste to grieve quickly. I threw away most of the items that belonged to her.
Sunday I had a very bad bout of grief. I cried for hours. It's worse when you are grieving alone. No one else misses Tiger although everyone who knew me knew her, after all she was with me for almost 12 years. Sad.
I spend my evenings watching TV, with a small expectation that Tiger would get bored sleeping in my bed and come over to the sofa and watch tv with me.
My God, the pain is so surreal. I know she wouldnt want me to grieve, etc. But that thought does nothing for the pain I feel. The guilt I feel. I literally take it one day at a time. Sometimes its literally one second at a time.
Although i wouldnt do it, but I understand why people immediately go out and get another fur-baby to love.
I had Tiger for almost 12 years and hardly notice her cat hair all of the place. Comes with having a pet, right?! Now, I'm noticing cat hair all over the place. I pick it up and smile and release it in the wind.
I know I made a poor decision putting Tiger asleep before I gave her a chance to fight. All the signs were there to give her a chance. No matter what I tell myself, and what others have told me. Part of me regret rushing to the decision to euthanize her. I was not in the right mental space to make any decisions about Tiger. I'm not as distraught as I once were about it. But it still brings me to tears.
I miss being responsible for someone more than myself. Tiger got me out of bed and out the door. Had to keep my house clean, because she would try to taste random things on the floor. She had a love affair with hiding behind my bathroom door. Such a weird thing! But she loved it and would take off running when I catch her.
I miss her so much and I dont think I appreciated her in life as much as I should have. We had a strain relationship. But we were coming to a place of being at peace with each other. I wished I had another 12 years with her.
I asked God why would he put such a resonponsibility on me to decide if she should live or die. More so, why couldnt he give me the presence of mind to understand the situation. I thought it was liver cancer to discover it wasnt and maybe something milder and controllable. But it's irrelevant now, because I made that decision and Tiger is gone. Although, I know I made a mistake, I released her too soon and without a fight. I wont make that mistake again.
But I journal and I don't want to write these thoughts down on paper for me to find years later. SO this will be my little post to write random things that pop in my head about TIger.
My extremely small apartment feels huge without TIger. It's so quiet in the house and a sense of loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so noticeable that a presence is missing. I don't smell her stinky litter box or see any of her milk rings (her favorite toys) on the floor. Actually to any outsider, there is no evidence that I ever had a cat. Which I find more disturbing. But in my haste to grieve quickly. I threw away most of the items that belonged to her.
Sunday I had a very bad bout of grief. I cried for hours. It's worse when you are grieving alone. No one else misses Tiger although everyone who knew me knew her, after all she was with me for almost 12 years. Sad.
I spend my evenings watching TV, with a small expectation that Tiger would get bored sleeping in my bed and come over to the sofa and watch tv with me.
My God, the pain is so surreal. I know she wouldnt want me to grieve, etc. But that thought does nothing for the pain I feel. The guilt I feel. I literally take it one day at a time. Sometimes its literally one second at a time.
Although i wouldnt do it, but I understand why people immediately go out and get another fur-baby to love.
I had Tiger for almost 12 years and hardly notice her cat hair all of the place. Comes with having a pet, right?! Now, I'm noticing cat hair all over the place. I pick it up and smile and release it in the wind.
I know I made a poor decision putting Tiger asleep before I gave her a chance to fight. All the signs were there to give her a chance. No matter what I tell myself, and what others have told me. Part of me regret rushing to the decision to euthanize her. I was not in the right mental space to make any decisions about Tiger. I'm not as distraught as I once were about it. But it still brings me to tears.
I miss being responsible for someone more than myself. Tiger got me out of bed and out the door. Had to keep my house clean, because she would try to taste random things on the floor. She had a love affair with hiding behind my bathroom door. Such a weird thing! But she loved it and would take off running when I catch her.
I miss her so much and I dont think I appreciated her in life as much as I should have. We had a strain relationship. But we were coming to a place of being at peace with each other. I wished I had another 12 years with her.
I asked God why would he put such a resonponsibility on me to decide if she should live or die. More so, why couldnt he give me the presence of mind to understand the situation. I thought it was liver cancer to discover it wasnt and maybe something milder and controllable. But it's irrelevant now, because I made that decision and Tiger is gone. Although, I know I made a mistake, I released her too soon and without a fight. I wont make that mistake again.